Broken up - what?

Posting as anon as some close people (possibly one involved) view this forum.

I've just been in a long distance relationship. Been with her for a year and i set off for uni 230miles away. Things were ok, she planned to come see me end of this month (half term) and stay for 3 nights.

Up until today. She text me saying we needed to talk at 10am, i knew something was up and couldnt take my mind off it. But finally after she finished work (5pm) she called me.

Apparently it's been too hard, she doesn't find this long distance relationship easy and it's not working. She was crying and i was emotionless and just couldn't process what happened. She went off on one calling me a jerk for not being upset. So she broke up with me and now having a go because i'm not upset? I don't understand...

She said she still wanted to visit me, but just for 1 night. Bad or good idea? Who knows.

I just don't understand how someone so close to you can tell you it's not ok and break things off, then get angry for no reaction. There has to be an explanation for this i'm missing??

Reply 1

username47781

20

I can see it two ways, I can understand her being upset that you wasn't yet I can also understand you not being upset. It affects people different ways, I mean when I broke up with my ex, I showed little emotion, it was all numb.

I think though it's a bad idea if she comes down to visit you, it could cause more problems. Maybe she's stressed or everything has come to a head for her at University.

Reply 2

Dionysus

15

I frankly can't believe the number of people who break up over the move to Uni. If the relationship is serious and you love each other, you should be able to get through one, maybe three years of only seeing each other occassionally. You have to decide whether she's worth the effort of trying to sort it out. If not, leave it.

Reply 3

Ang|ophi|e

12

Look at your relationship with her. Is it worth it? Do you care about her enough to make it work? Can you stay with her despite the distance? If it's yes, then you need to talk to her and try to make it work. LDRs can be very stressful and I can see why she says its not working. However, because you didn't show any emotions it might have made it obvious to her that you dont think the relationship is worthwhile.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

to me it sounds like she was looking for the reaction out of her, as a method of reassurance. It's a very odd way of going about things, but i've seen that before. In a nutshell, you're in a lose-lose situation. Indeed I'm sure you have good feelings for her, and vice-versa, but if you play into her hands it won't be a win for you. You've got to keep cool and reassure her, that of course you love her etc and she needn't worry about anything. In a way make sure you are in command of the situation, be a very little bit authoratative.

If she doesn't calm down and realise you're in it together, then there's noway she's coming to visit you... and making you both upset. Say she's being silly.

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

the reaction out of YOU

Reply 6

Notepadmed

Dionysus

I frankly can't believe the number of people who break up over the move to Uni. If the relationship is serious and you love each other, you should be able to get through one, maybe three years of only seeing each other occassionally. You have to decide whether she's worth the effort of trying to sort it out. If not, leave it.

does surprise me aswell difficulty to imagine why though!

Reply 7

JC.

19

Yes, let her visit.
That 1 night will turn into the planned 3.

Why not make a bit of effort on your part? If I was with someone I genuinely cared about 230miles would be nothing. Its only 3 hours in the car. Less if you absolubtly cane it.

LDR's are hard. They only work if you put the effort in.

The question you have to ask yourselves is do you want to?

Reply 8

Sitbh

Update: sent me an email saying she thinks she made a mistake, she loves me and always will, but ended the message with 'I look forward to seeing you sometime'. Just saying the 'i love you' crap to try and make it easier but still feeling the same because of the 'see you sometime' line or what? i'd usually interpret this, but my heads a mess.

Reply 9

dreambrook

LDRs are the most awful *****, I hate them I really do.

Encourage her to come and see you, so you can either get back together or break up properly and get closure etc. I recently visited my ex and we couldn't even touch on relationship talk because it was just too hard but do and try to talk.

Give her some space for now, I'd say she'd be eager to see you because this thing seems to have ended a bit abruptly. Right now all you can do is try and work it out.

Broken up - what?

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