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Date taking our 'break up' badly after only 4 dates

Okay, so basically I met this guy a few months ago who I've been on 4 dates with. He was 25, still a virgin and had never been in a relationship before. I have had a few casual relationships in the past but never anything long term, so I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships either.

I have to say, I didn't have any strong feelings towards him after our first date, but I thought I'd try and give him a chance because we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person.

As our 4th date, we went and watched a few films at his house. We attempted to have sex, I say attempted because his flimsy bed collapsed mid way through and then he had a mini asthma attack whilst trying to put the bed back together, I had to go and find his inhaler. And to top it off, he then did the most enourmous, smelly fart as he tried to pull one of the slats out of the bed frame..

If I didn't feel anything towards him before, I most definitely didn't at this point.

I ended up getting a taxi home after I'd helped put his bed back together, then when I woke up the following morning, I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc. Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird? It was only 4 dates and the last two, I thought, started to feel a bit forced and after the last one!

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Original post by Anonymous
Okay, so basically I met this guy a few months ago who I've been on 4 dates with. He was 25, still a virgin and had never been in a relationship before. I have had a few casual relationships in the past but never anything long term, so I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships either.

I have to say, I didn't have any strong feelings towards him after our first date, but I thought I'd try and give him a chance because we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person.

As our 4th date, we went and watched a few films at his house. We attempted to have sex, I say attempted because his flimsy bed collapsed mid way through and then he had a mini asthma attack whilst trying to put the bed back together, I had to go and find his inhaler. And to top it off, he then did the most enourmous, smelly fart as he tried to pull one of the slats out of the bed frame..

If I didn't feel anything towards him before, I most definitely didn't at this point.

I ended up getting a taxi home after I'd helped put his bed back together, then when I woke up the following morning, I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc. Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird? It was only 4 dates and the last two, I thought, started to feel a bit forced and after the last one!


You are fine imo, was toying between suggesting you say thanks and leave it at that, but he seems a bit emo and has the potential to take any interaction the wrong way. because of this and not because he contacted you, then its an option to simply ignore him or you could say Good luck or hope you find someone who makes you happy then cease to engage. You dont want to encourage, but you do wnat him to leave you alone and not pester.
I couldn't help but laugh at the awkward scenario you were in, I can just imagine myself in it too. And to top it all he ended the date with a smelly fart, I would have been dying of laughter.

But to get to the point, I don't think you're a horrible person, but I do think you were a little disingenuous. I think you should have been brutally honest. You should have told him that you tried your hardest to make it work and give him a chance, but the chemistry was never really there to begin with. Now you've hit him with the age old 'I'm not ready for a relationship' lie. The guy must have really liked you, I mean yeah it's a little creepy to find your dating profile, but I think both men and women have done such things when they can sense they have lost out. Yeah he would have a bruised ego, but he would get over it.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, so basically I met this guy a few months ago who I've been on 4 dates with. He was 25, still a virgin and had never been in a relationship before. I have had a few casual relationships in the past but never anything long term, so I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships either.

I have to say, I didn't have any strong feelings towards him after our first date, but I thought I'd try and give him a chance because we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person.

As our 4th date, we went and watched a few films at his house. We attempted to have sex, I say attempted because his flimsy bed collapsed mid way through and then he had a mini asthma attack whilst trying to put the bed back together, I had to go and find his inhaler. And to top it off, he then did the most enourmous, smelly fart as he tried to pull one of the slats out of the bed frame..

If I didn't feel anything towards him before, I most definitely didn't at this point.

I ended up getting a taxi home after I'd helped put his bed back together, then when I woke up the following morning, I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc. Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird? It was only 4 dates and the last two, I thought, started to feel a bit forced and after the last one!


Lol that is what happens if you date a guy who is still a virgin in his mid 20's. Awkward, just tell him your not interested, then if he persists just block him. A desperate guy isn't attractive, nor is a girl for that matter. Makes me cringe.
It sounds like if the relationship kept going he would only annoy you, plus he sounds clingy af! Sounds right for you to be moving on with your life, you'll find a new and better man xx
He clearly hasn't been on many dates etc or has rarely gotten past the first date stage so he's clinging to you. Just block him, don't respond anymore - you're not being horrible, and I wouldn't even say he's being weird, just very inexperienced.
I feel sorry for the bloke, probably thought he finally had something and now it's gone, he must feel depressed. That said, you obviously don't like the guy so it ain't gonna work, no getting around that fact and it's best just to not talk to him or he'll hold on to false hope.
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, so basically I met this guy a few months ago who I've been on 4 dates with. He was 25, still a virgin and had never been in a relationship before. I have had a few casual relationships in the past but never anything long term, so I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships either.

I have to say, I didn't have any strong feelings towards him after our first date, but I thought I'd try and give him a chance because we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person.

As our 4th date, we went and watched a few films at his house. We attempted to have sex, I say attempted because his flimsy bed collapsed mid way through and then he had a mini asthma attack whilst trying to put the bed back together, I had to go and find his inhaler. And to top it off, he then did the most enourmous, smelly fart as he tried to pull one of the slats out of the bed frame..

If I didn't feel anything towards him before, I most definitely didn't at this point.

I ended up getting a taxi home after I'd helped put his bed back together, then when I woke up the following morning, I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc. Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird? It was only 4 dates and the last two, I thought, started to feel a bit forced and after the last one!


Your description of the fourth date made coming to this thread hilariously worth it

You aren't horrible, if thats any consolation.
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, so basically I met this guy a few months ago who I've been on 4 dates with. He was 25, still a virgin and had never been in a relationship before. I have had a few casual relationships in the past but never anything long term, so I'm not exactly experienced when it comes to relationships either.

I have to say, I didn't have any strong feelings towards him after our first date, but I thought I'd try and give him a chance because we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person.

As our 4th date, we went and watched a few films at his house. We attempted to have sex, I say attempted because his flimsy bed collapsed mid way through and then he had a mini asthma attack whilst trying to put the bed back together, I had to go and find his inhaler. And to top it off, he then did the most enourmous, smelly fart as he tried to pull one of the slats out of the bed frame..

If I didn't feel anything towards him before, I most definitely didn't at this point.

I ended up getting a taxi home after I'd helped put his bed back together, then when I woke up the following morning, I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc. Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird? It was only 4 dates and the last two, I thought, started to feel a bit forced and after the last one!


Surely that story isn't true. Oh my ****ing god that had me in bits :lol::lol:
He sounds annoying af
Original post by Alright big boi
Surely that story isn't true. Oh my ****ing god that had me in bits :lol::lol:


Every word is true, unfortunately 😂
It's obviously because he didn't get laid.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Don't reply, it will encourage him to message you again. Yeah it might come a cross as ignorant but some people don't know when to quit. You didn't do anything wrong, you're not obliged to like him. I would be more honest next time about not clicking with said person if it happens again though.
Is his name Mr Bean?

Soz, I shouldn't laugh, but this is something you won't easily forget and can milk as an anecdote for ever more. I only hope the poor hapless dude will do the same.

Of course you should not feel guilty for dumping him although it's natural in any situation where the other party may feel disappointed.

[video="youtube;9ttfL7-BB7M"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ttfL7-BB7M[/video]
Reply 14
Original post by Newbie_noob
Lol that is what happens if you date a guy who is still a virgin in his mid 20's. Awkward, just tell him your not interested, then if he persists just block him. A desperate guy isn't attractive, nor is a girl for that matter. Makes me cringe.
Would you rather he play hard to get or be a prude? He was direct and made his intentions clear. He wasn't pussyfooting like a lot of guys do.

Original post by Precious Illusions
He clearly hasn't been on many dates etc or has rarely gotten past the first date stage so he's clinging to you. Just block him, don't respond anymore - you're not being horrible, and I wouldn't even say he's being weird, just very inexperienced.
So you're saying that ideally she should be attracted to guys who can get any elsewhere- easily, but for some reason, they chose her.:rolleyes:

I've read this before, and both my parents said the same thing, "if you want a girl to like you more, act less interested". This thread is proof of that. You know, at one point, I did feel kind of guilty about being a manipulative person and playing head games with people, but then I find out girls like the head games, and even expect them.

Both my father and great grandfather were womanizers, so they know their $h!t.



Original post by Anonymous
I knew I would have to end it. I didn't want to hurt him or make him think it was something he did wrong, so I just said that I wasn't ready for a relationship. He took it really badly and kept on asking me if I was sure, if I could give him a chance, that he'd soon be able to give me 'mind blowing' sex, that he'd be an amazing boyfriend and he wants his first relationship to be with me etc. it all just started getting a bit weird and desperate, so I just stuck with the 'not ready for a relationship' story.
Why was it weird and desperate?

Original post by Anonymous

Fast forward a few days, we haven't spoken to one another since, but he's somehow found my profile on a dating app and started messaging me saying that he knew he was the problem and he hopes I'm having better luck now etc.
Well, you did lie to him. He was very perceptive, and saw right through you.

Original post by Anonymous
Am I a really horrible person or is the whole situation just weird?
What exactly didn't you find attractive about him?? You didn't really give any specific reason other than "I didn't feel anything towards him", but you also said, "we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person." I don't know about you, but if someone was lovely, genuine, and had a lot in common with me, I'd stick with them. How many people in this world can you honestly say that about?

I'd say think long and hard about the reasons you didn't like him, other than "I just had a feeling", and then his positive qualities, and then go from there. Just based on your history, you seem like the serial dater type, the kind of girl who always thinks they can do better- always, no matter who it is. Eventually you'll reach a point where you decide to become a full blown sl*t, or you'll eventually accept that not everyone's perfect.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by tapir
Would you rather he play hard to get or be a prude? He was direct and made his intentions clear. He wasn't pussyfooting like a lot of guys do.

So you're saying that ideally she should be attracted to guys who can get any elsewhere- easily, but for some reason, they chose her.:rolleyes:

I've read this before, and both my parents said the same thing, "if you want a girl to like you more, act less interested". This thread is proof of that. You know, at one point, I did feel kind of guilty about being a manipulative person and playing head games with people, but then I find out girls like the head games, and even expect them.

Both my father and great grandfather were womanizers, so they know their $h!t.



Why was it weird and desperate?

Well, you did lie to him. He was very perceptive, and saw right through you.

What exactly didn't you find attractive about him?? You didn't really give any specific reason other than "I didn't feel anything towards him", but you also said, "we had so much in common and he did seem like a lovely, genuine person." I don't know about you, but if someone was lovely, genuine, and had a lot in common with me, I'd stick with them. How many people in this world can you honestly say that about?

I'd say think about the reasons you stopped dating dating other than "I just had a feeling", and then go from there. Just based on you history, you seem like the serial dater type, the kind of girl who always thinks they can do better- always, no matter who it is. Eventually you'll reach a point where you decide become a full blown sl*t, or you'll eventually accept that not everyone's perfect.


WTF ?

Girl was not comfortable with guy. Girl decides not to pursue.

No further explanation necessary.

You sound like a latent psycho!
Original post by Newbie_noob
Lol that is what happens if you date a guy who is still a virgin in his mid 20's. Awkward, just tell him your not interested, then if he persists just block him. A desperate guy isn't attractive, nor is a girl for that matter. Makes me cringe.


If I meet someone like the idea would forget one thing. We all started somewhere with someone.

I told someone I was a virgin when I was not. To test the other person response, they said not interested. So I married there best friend.
Reply 17
Original post by uberteknik
WTF ?

Girl was not comfortable with guy. Girl decides not to pursue.

No further explanation necessary.
Well, she asked questions, I gave her answers. My opinion is different than yours. My advice was to "think long and hard about the reasons you didn't like him, other than 'I just had a feeling', and then his positive qualities, and then go from there." I also said that eventually she needs to accept that not everyone's perfect and try to avoid going down the serial dater/I can do better path.

She really didn't give any reasons why and even said "he did seem like a lovely, genuine person", so it seems sort of contradictory.

She seems like she's on the fence on the whole issue, so I thought I give her my unique advice. It'd be boring if everyone gave the same answer, so you need to accept that people have different opinions than you.

Original post by uberteknik
You sound like a latent psycho!
You must not think I'm a real psycho, cause then you'd be too scared to insult me. Am I right? I never insulted you, yet you felt compelled to insult me just to boost your own ego. Who's the real psycho here?
(edited 6 years ago)
If I lost a friend every time I let rip near them, I would be living in a forest!
loled at the fart. icing on the cake.

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