am i being groomed?

Watch
uberteknik
  • Study Helper
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#21
Report 3 years ago
#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
hi, this is sort of urgent and im scared.
i'm a 16 y/o girl and a week ago I got this app called Yellow (basically like tinder for under 18s - I got it for the bants and I didn't expect anything to come out of it). Anyway, there was a 16 yo guy on there who displayed similar interests, so I messaged him saying i liked his guitar and it escalated from there.
I gave him my snapchat when he asked, bc he seemed genuine.
now, here's why i'm starting to get worried.

we've been talking for a mere 5 days but it's been intense. he snapchats me all the time and seems to be really intrigued about me, and i've never recieved so much attention from a guy so I was flattered. Anyway, comments quickly got sexual (first in a jokey way, but somehow they escalated in a way i cannot even comprehend when I look back on it). somehow i ended up telling him sexual curiosities of mine which i would never usually dream of telling a stranger, especially not in such an intimate way when i barely know them. I guess i was excited idk? we skyped for hours and he DID seem like a genuine guy, but thing is, some of his behaviour I find weird. Like he keeps telling me how he'll take me to london and buy me expensive **** and all the places we'll go, he's saying he can't stop thinking about me and that im lovely and amazing and I make his life better, i stop him from committing suicide etc etc and it's freaking me out a bit. he asked for pics in my underwear as well (kinda casually but in a way that for once in my life i agreed???? i never do that sorta stuff??I don't want to come to conclusions because what if he's just simply an innocent emotional guy, but i've got this weird gut feeling. if anyone's taken the time to read this, what do you think?

he has my number/insta/snapchat and know what town i live in - i think he may know my school too. He also knows my full name, has found out my parent's car types and stuff and I look back on it and think HOW DID I EVER GiVE THIS INFO TO A STRANGER????????? im scared
Jesus H Christ, everything you have said in this post is screaming alarm bells.

There is no way in hell you can know if this guy is genuine.

Grooming is all about gaining your confidence and trust by playing to anything you connect with - including the excitement of doing something risky and secretive.

The line was crossed as soon as he asked for photographs and you sent them with you semi-naked. Never do this. Once the pictures are sent you have lost control and they can end up anywhere, from being used to blackmail you, revenge, or posted on some paedophile website.

You are very right in being concerned. The information you have given him is worrying as he now knows how to find you.

He may well be genuine, but you have potentially placed yourself in danger if he is not.

Call the child line 0800 1111 for confidential advice on how best to proceed.
3
reply
jkls92
Badges: 20
#22
Report 3 years ago
#22
(Original post by Madlow)

Anyway yeah, what 16 yr old boy can afford to bring someone shopping in London? I'd guess if he did show himself on skype it was a clean shaven short haired boy in dim light?
Why not?

@OP the main point is if you are sure (from Skype) of his age. Even if you are, it doesn't mean you are totally safe. He might stalk you, manipulate you and blackmail you for sex. You shouldn't send any kind of sexual photo. In case you decide to keep it up, I would advise not to share other personal and/or sensitive information and, instead, to find out more about him.
0
reply
Ladymusiclover
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#23
Report 3 years ago
#23
Block him. Does he look 16 btw?
0
reply
Madlow
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#24
Report 3 years ago
#24
(Original post by usualsuspects)
Why not?

@OP the main point is if you are sure (from Skype) of his age. Even if you are, it doesn't mean you are totally safe. He might stalk you, manipulate you and blackmail you for sex. You shouldn't send any kind of sexual photo. In case you decide to keep it up, I would advise not to share other personal and/or sensitive information and, instead, to find out more about him.
Expense
0
reply
jkls92
Badges: 20
#25
Report 3 years ago
#25
(Original post by Madlow)
Expense
What if his family is well-off?
Regardless, I agree that it's suspect to offer to buy expensive things to a stranger after chatting for two days. However, it's Glassapple's modus operandi. Unless he is a paedo too...
1
reply
Madlow
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#26
Report 3 years ago
#26
(Original post by usualsuspects)
What if his family is well-off?
Regardless, I agree that it's suspect to offer to buy expensive things to a stranger after chatting for two days. However, it's Glassapple's modus operandi. Unless he is a paedo too...
haha fair enough.

I guess plenty of 16 year old boys think offering to buy stuff is the best way to get a girl.

But I agree with uberteknik and as I originally said, this is so characteristic of grooming cases I wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of troll/test of the forum's response to a vulnerable girl. Some people failed; "oh no of course it's not grooming, you're the same age durrr"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2711...nage-girl.html

https://www.theguardian.com/world/20...annegoldenberg
0
reply
username2911200
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#27
Report 3 years ago
#27
(Original post by usualsuspects)
What if his family is well-off?
Regardless, I agree that it's suspect to offer to buy expensive things to a stranger after chatting for two days. However, it's Glassapple's modus operandi. Unless he is a paedo too...
Considering I'm 16 and I only have sex with guys 16 and above, I'm not a paedophile. My modus operandi does not change that.
0
reply
jkls92
Badges: 20
#28
Report 3 years ago
#28
(Original post by Glassapple)
Considering I'm 16 and I only have sex with guys 16 and above, I'm not a paedophile. My modus operandi does not change that.
You say so, that's the point.
0
reply
username2911200
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#29
Report 3 years ago
#29
(Original post by usualsuspects)
You say so, that's the point.
We all say we're whatever we say we are on here, why are you singling me out? Just because I'm not afraid to say what I want and I'm not scared of people's reactions, you target me. You could be a 45 year old man but I'm not quoting you to accuse you of that (with an intention of accumulating rep for doing so, like you seem to be doing).
1
reply
slade p
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#30
Report 3 years ago
#30
Stop contacting him, he sounds creepy and you mentioned you stop him from committing suicide so he's mentally disturbed and just wants you for sex.
0
reply
jkls92
Badges: 20
#31
Report 3 years ago
#31
(Original post by Glassapple)
We all say we're whatever we say we are on here, why are you singling me out? Just because I'm not afraid to say what I want and I'm not scared of people's reactions, you target me. You could be a 45 year old man but I'm not quoting you to accuse you of that (with an intention of accumulating rep for doing so, like you seem to be doing).
It's not me who makes sexual proposals on this forum, that's why there aren't concrete reasons to suspect that I'm not a 19 years old.

Anyway, I'm sorry you perceived I was targeting you. On the contrary, I "follow" you because I actually enjoy both your posts and the outraged reactions you provoke.

I don't care about rep on a forum, I have higher concerns in life .
0
reply
username2911200
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#32
Report 3 years ago
#32
(Original post by usualsuspects)
It's not me who makes sexual proposals on this forum, that's why there aren't concrete reasons to suspect that I'm not a 19 years old.

Anyway, I'm sorry you perceived I was targeting you. On the contrary, I "follow" you because I actually enjoy both your posts and the outraged reactions you provoke.

I don't care about rep on a forum, I have higher concerns in life .
There aren't concrete reasons to believe I'm not 16 years old. I have been 100% consistent with everything I have ever posted on here, being that I'm 16, in year 12 and am studying A-levels. I have posted about my family and school life and I have not changed any of these details. You are accusing me openly of not being who I say I am, with no evidence. Think what you like but don't target me on unrelated threads.
0
reply
jkls92
Badges: 20
#33
Report 3 years ago
#33
(Original post by Glassapple)
There aren't concrete reasons to believe I'm not 16 years old. I have been 100% consistent with everything I have ever posted on here, being that I'm 16, in year 12 and am studying A-levels. I have posted about my family and school life and I have not changed any of these details. You are accusing me openly of not being who I say I am, with no evidence. Think what you like but don't target me on unrelated threads.
Let's leave it at that. I don't want to pretend I know your age and I don't accuse people without elements. A user said 16 years old don't take people shopping for expensive stuff in London, and I said that it's not impossible and that you were an example (age, place, cost all made me recall your stories). I added that maybe I was wrong and both the OP's 16yo and you were using this same modus operandi because older. I didn't mean to formulate it as an accusation, so please forgive me if, having taken it too far, it appeared as such. You shouldn't bother with it that much, you know your age and who cares about what anonymous users write online.
0
reply
mashbbk
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#34
Report 3 years ago
#34
Could be an old guy grooming you pretending to be 16 - especially since he says how he wants to buy you expensive stuff in London, how many 16 year old guys are able to do that?
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#35
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#35
hey update - thank you all so much for your advice. - after giving it some thought, I feel a little more secure that he's not a paedo but regardless, the whole thing made me uncomfortable so I blocked him on everything. i was stupid to send the pictures, ngl I felt inclined to for some reason, even though I'm usually really smart with this stuff. anyway, thank you again everyone.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#36
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#36
(Original post by Madlow)
haha fair enough.

I guess plenty of 16 year old boys think offering to buy stuff is the best way to get a girl.

But I agree with uberteknik and as I originally said, this is so characteristic of grooming cases I wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of troll/test of the forum's response to a vulnerable girl. Some people failed; "oh no of course it's not grooming, you're the same age durrr"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2711...nage-girl.html

https://www.theguardian.com/world/20...annegoldenberg

no it wasn't a test or anythning. I would post this without being anoymous but idk it's embarrassing. but yeah those articles are so scary man
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#37
Report Thread starter 3 years ago
#37
after I blocked him on snapchat and stuff he sent me so many texts begging me to add him back, saying I made his life better and I gave him a reason to be happy and that he loves me etc etc - how could that be possible if we've been talking for a week?????? i still feel so guilty though. bgusavjjacvszdfgref
0
reply
_princessxox
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#38
Report 3 years ago
#38
(Original post by Anonymous)
after I blocked him on snapchat and stuff he sent me so many texts begging me to add him back, saying I made his life better and I gave him a reason to be happy and that he loves me etc etc - how could that be possible if we've been talking for a week?????? i still feel so guilty though. bgusavjjacvszdfgref
Block him. He's emotionally blackmailing you, I wouldn't go as far as saying you're being groomed but he's definitely not a genuine guy. Just block him and delete him and forget him honestly don't trust him at all
3
reply
Madlow
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#39
Report 3 years ago
#39
QUOTE=Anonymous;71532560]no it wasn't a test or anythning. I would post this without being anoymous but idk it's embarrassing. but yeah those articles are so scary man[/QUOTE]

It wasn't the anonymous part that made me say that, it's just ALL the red flags. It's a fairly common formula- Low self-esteem, making you feel like the only person in their life, threatening self-harm, promising expensive gifts, making you feel you need to send pics...

It's a tough one, because a lot of horned up 16 yr old boys might sound similar, one thing I'll say tho is what you've already picked up on- it's a very short period of time to go through all those stages if it is a genuine, non-manipulative (at least intentionally) infatuated teen.

Just be careful I guess, but yeah the instant txts begging to add him back is another sign, next it will be threats of self-harm, then possibly threats to post your pictures everywhere.

I don't envy you, not an easy situation. But if the texts continue and get nasty talk to a trusted older person in your life if you haven't already. You don't even have to tell them every detail!

Anyway you've done the right thing being wary, don't let those stories scare you too much, they are the extreme end. Was only pointing out that there's no entirely safe way to conclude something like "oh he's the same age" etc.

Keep safe, good luck
1
reply
username2769500
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#40
Report 3 years ago
#40
If they are in the same location then it means they fancy you. The usuall strategy is turn up at the same place (town) take similar interest, touch follow and laugh at jokes. Abuse can be a sign of absolute love like the jokers love for Batman but that can go two ways and is more scary than nice.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What are you most likely to do if you don't get the grades you were expecting?

Go through Clearing (86)
38.39%
Take autumn exams (73)
32.59%
Look for a job (6)
2.68%
Consider an apprenticeship (8)
3.57%
Take a year out (37)
16.52%
Something else (let us know in the thread!) (14)
6.25%

Watched Threads

View All