sparkle_fairy
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#1
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It's been 2 months since I was last admitted to the general hospital because of my mental health. I have a long history of overdoses, self-harm and eating disorders and was frequently in hospital because of this.

I should be feeling proud that I've managed to stay out this long, because I don't think anyone expected it really. But I don't. I feel like it shows I'm not ill, and that people don't care any more because I'm keeping to a degree of safety if that makes sense?

But I don't feel better in the slightest, if anything I feel worse, I'm just getting better and better at hiding it all from people, which means it's just going to come as a massive shock if something happens.

The mental health team told me they thought it was only a matter of time before I eneded up in hospital again and that it wouldn't surprise them if I was admitted to a psychiatric ward eventually.

So I feel that they are setting me up for failure in a way :/
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Kindred
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(Original post by sparkle_fairy)
It's been 2 months since I was last admitted to the general hospital because of my mental health. I have a long history of overdoses, self-harm and eating disorders and was frequently in hospital because of this.

I should be feeling proud that I've managed to stay out this long, because I don't think anyone expected it really. But I don't. I feel like it shows I'm not ill, and that people don't care any more because I'm keeping to a degree of safety if that makes sense?

But I don't feel better in the slightest, if anything I feel worse, I'm just getting better and better at hiding it all from people, which means it's just going to come as a massive shock if something happens.

The mental health team told me they thought it was only a matter of time before I eneded up in hospital again and that it wouldn't surprise them if I was admitted to a psychiatric ward eventually.

So I feel that they are setting me up for failure in a way :/

Be proud of yourself for staying out this long. It doesn't mean that you aren't ill or anything. It just shows that you are being strong. It's fine if you need to go back at some point. Being better at hiding it shows you are becoming more aware of it. That may not help you much right now, but it should help you in eventually recovering. Just try not to hide how you are feeling from your team- they can't help you if they don't know what's going on. It's a process and there will be stages you are doing kinda well by yourself and stages where you need support. It's all part of it so be proud of whatever you achieve and don't let anything diminish those accomplishments.
What sort of care do you get atm while you're out of hospital? It may be worth mentioning this to whoever you see to keep them updated on how you're doing.
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bones-mccoy
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Sounds like your psychiatric team are just being realistic. I get where you're coming from though, it always seems like unless someone's so ill they're admitted to hospital, they're not seen as "unwell enough" to warrant treatment and it's this treatment outside of hospital, that mentally ill people require sometimes on a daily basis, that makes all the difference.
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Moonstruck16
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(Original post by sparkle_fairy)
I should be feeling proud that I've managed to stay out this long, because I don't think anyone expected it really. But I don't. I feel like it shows I'm not ill, and that people don't care any more because I'm keeping to a degree of safety if that makes sense?

But I don't feel better in the slightest, if anything I feel worse, I'm just getting better and better at hiding it all from people, which means it's just going to come as a massive shock if something happens.

So I feel that they are setting me up for failure in a way :/
I relate to these bits especially. The first time I ever sought help for my mental health, the psychiatrist I saw basically put me down because I wasn't self-harming. He sent me on my way and unsuprisingly I got in the mindset that my mental health problems were 'fake', and ended up starting to self-harm.

I've become so good at hiding when things are getting bad again but this usually is also associated with me not feeling valid about myself which then leads to further meltdowns. Then I get better, think I'm being fake again and this leads to another meltdown. It's a horrible circle
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sparkle_fairy
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Report Thread starter 3 years ago
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(Original post by Kindred)
Be proud of yourself for staying out this long. It doesn't mean that you aren't ill or anything. It just shows that you are being strong. It's fine if you need to go back at some point. Being better at hiding it shows you are becoming more aware of it. That may not help you much right now, but it should help you in eventually recovering. Just try not to hide how you are feeling from your team- they can't help you if they don't know what's going on. It's a process and there will be stages you are doing kinda well by yourself and stages where you need support. It's all part of it so be proud of whatever you achieve and don't let anything diminish those accomplishments.
What sort of care do you get atm while you're out of hospital? It may be worth mentioning this to whoever you see to keep them updated on how you're doing.
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
Sounds like your psychiatric team are just being realistic. I get where you're coming from though, it always seems like unless someone's so ill they're admitted to hospital, they're not seen as "unwell enough" to warrant treatment and it's this treatment outside of hospital, that mentally ill people require sometimes on a daily basis, that makes all the difference.
(Original post by Moonstruck16)
I relate to these bits especially. The first time I ever sought help for my mental health, the psychiatrist I saw basically put me down because I wasn't self-harming. He sent me on my way and unsuprisingly I got in the mindset that my mental health problems were 'fake', and ended up starting to self-harm.

I've become so good at hiding when things are getting bad again but this usually is also associated with me not feeling valid about myself which then leads to further meltdowns. Then I get better, think I'm being fake again and this leads to another meltdown. It's a horrible circle
Thank you all At the moment I'm not seeing anyone (it's now been 2 months since my last appointment) but I fianlly have got one through for next week so I'm hoping something comes of it all!

Moonstruck, I'm so sorry that you relate to it - it really is horrible and it's so unfair and bad that they made you feel like you weren't struggling enough because you weren't self harming - I know I personally was struggling just as much, if not more in a way, before I started to self harm! I'm sorry as well that you get stuck in that cycle - if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm only a DM away
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