What should I say?

I think you should meet up with her. You've still got some anger there so you may as well meet up and sort it out, you may find that when you do meet her you wont feel angry and it was so long ago.. you dont have to be best friends with her again, but its always better to be friends than enemies

I suppose part of what I'm worried about is that I tend be a terrible sucker for friends - I forgive people far too easily and tend to let them walk all over me. I let her do it for far too long and I'm afraid we'll get back into that situation because I find it hard to stand up to her in particular. I'm really torn about this.

I suppose part of what I'm worried about is that I tend be a terrible sucker for friends - I forgive people far too easily and tend to let them walk all over me. I let her do it for far too long and I'm afraid we'll get back into that situation because I find it hard to stand up to her in particular. I'm really torn about this.

This is OT, but I had a friend insist I read this thread because he feels that I irrationally dislike his girlfriend. He has told me a great deal about his girlfriend's personal history with substance abuse, self-mutilation, and other self-destructive behavior, which is why I think she is bad news (not suggesting this is why your friend hates your fiance, I'm just stealing your thread a bit). Now he is convinced that we will not be able to remain friends if I continue to not approve of his girlfriend. So he is essentially holding our friendship hostage over my opinion. I don't think it's very fair that he suggests that I must change my opinion of her in order to continue being friends. I have had many friends who sometimes disapproved of a boyfriend or girlfriend of someone in our group, but it was never personally, nor did it create nearly this much tension.

I realize I hijacked your thread, apologies. Am I being unreasonable in saying that I won't change my opinion just to make my friend happy? Firstly, I don't think it's possible to truly do that, I'd just be lying to placate. Secondly, is it even fair to ask someone to flat out change their mind on a person just to make another happy?

I think she is jealous of him. She's a lesbian and likes the OP.

Even though I think you probably intended your post as a joke, I have often considered this possibility. The way she reacted when I started seeing my fiance was as though I was cheating on her - she became ridiculously possessive and jealous and irrational. She's never come out as a lesbian, but I have wondered.

I think you're completely entitled to your opinion and that there's no reason for you to change it. The main thing is that you don't make life difficult for your friend as a result of your opinion. For example with the friend I'm talking about here, she refused to be in the same room as my fiance and even went so far as to suggest that I couldn't invite him to my birthday party because she would be there! That's just ridiculous in my view. I never wanted or expected her to like my fiance (even though that would have been great) I just wanted her to have consideration for that fact that he was part of my life. I think the fact that your friend is so insistent on you liking his gf indicates that he has some insecurity about her - that he to some extent agrees with your reservations and feels that by changing your mind he'll somehow combat his own uneasiness.

We live in different cities now, so i can't really do anything to make him feel awkward or uncomfortable about her, nor would I. About the only thing that I do is try to avoid her as a topic of conversation, because I know my opinion, and I know he dislikes it, and it has created conflict between us in the past (an present, I suppose). The fact that I don't want to hear about her really bothers him, but I only do that because I know that he hates my opinion of her.

I suppose the most unsettling thing for me is that he is trying to boss me into liking her. He knows that I don't have a lot of friends at my uni, and he basically said "Well, you either like her, or you start looking for someone new to talk to."

I think you should meet up and try to sort things out. Maybe she's got a hold of herself now, and wants to make amends for not being quite a brilliant as she could have been before.

I do know what I'm talking about to a degree, one of my best friends hates my boyfriend of 3 years. It just came out of the blue suddenly, when she hardly even knows him. But she has also had a lot of problems and leant on me a lot during that time.

Maybe it just feels to them as though their pillar of strength is being taken away from them and that they're gonna fall over. I dunno, but whenever I asked my friend about it she avoided it too. Eventually I got her to say that she hated him, didn't know why but just did. I still don't know why.

In the end, you obviously love your fiance, and your friend will have to learn to be happy for you regardless as to her feelings about him. If she truly is your friend she'll do that much at least. But meet up anyway - you can never have too many friends, and the chance to get one back shouldn't be passed up.

I suppose part of what I'm worried about is that I tend be a terrible sucker for friends - I forgive people far too easily and tend to let them walk all over me. I let her do it for far too long and I'm afraid we'll get back into that situation because I find it hard to stand up to her in particular. I'm really torn about this.