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Girl I like depressed...

So there's this girl I really really like...
I've only known her for a bit over a month now, and she's in the grade above me, but I still think about her a hell of a lot...
The thing is, she's gone through a hell of a lot and she's quite depressed...even suicidal at times...and also cuts herself...
I started talking to her...and about a week back she told me that she likes me too, but things aren't that simple...
I'm not quite sure what's running through her mind, but she told me that she'd love to be with me if things we're so complicated, but whats complicated I don't understand...
She's been through a hell of a lot in terms of family troubles and boyfriend problems...she's a great artist and feels bad because of her not so top academic grades, even in art because apparently the exam board lost some of her paintings and messed up everything giving her a D in the end...
Yesterday and today she's been extraordinarily upset I think because she's having a really hard time finding a university which will accept her - another problem is her finance - she doesn't have much, and she's afraid of borrowing...
There are also a lot of other small things which have been bugging her but I won't go into details...
What I think makes things worse is that I'm pretty much the opposite of her, top of the grade and prefect...and she told me that I'll probably never understand her 100% because 'I've got life easy off', which I guess in a way is true, but I think I'm different because that superficial stuff doesn't really mean a lot to me...
I think emotion is the key to life...but I just don't know what to do...
Also we both live in a country where professional psychological help is not readily available, and costs too much for her to afford as well apparently...worse is that her mother is a psychologist, but apparently hasn't noticed all the scars on her arms from self-mutilation...
What do I do :frown:

its killing me...I think she's just trying to push me away, but I just want to show her that I care...
Help!

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

*weren't
"Im not quite sure what's running through her mind, but she told me that she'd love to be with me if things we're so complicated, but whats complicated I don't understand..."

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Speaking from personal experience, I can say that my situation was anything but simple, rather like it seems to be for this girl. I knew that to get involved with another guy while I was so ill would be both unfair on them and myself. I wouldn't have been able to be the girlfriend I would want to be and treat them how they deserved. I would advise you to stick around as a friend, but until she sorts some of her issues out and starts getting some help and getting better, don't get involved in a relationship.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Thanks for the advice...
It just hurts seeing her so upset in school everyday and not being able to do anything about it...
She said she just needs time, and I accept that...but she's just really ignoring me until then...and even though I'm learning to live with that, it just makes my life that much harder...Oh well

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

What if she never makes an effort to get better?

Reply 5

chidona

I think you're doing all you can do, I'm afraid. It's ultimately up to her to make her own decisions and fight her own battles - if you're showing that you'll be right there behind her, then she'll ask for help when she needs it. Being in a relationship will only really complicate things for her, surely? I'd be tempted to suggest that she would then have more pressure on her in a relationship than she does now.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OK no relationship I get that...but she's in year 13, im in year 12, she'll be leaving to uni next september...is it worth me sticking around? i dont think she'll heal instantly...
sounds selfish of me, and even if its not worth it for me, i will still stick around because i care for her...but im just wondering...

Reply 7

fleur de lis

Definitely stick around if you feel you can.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

yeah, thats what I'm doing...we'll just see how things go I guess...
but what if I suddenly feel that its all just getting a bit too much/too hard for me?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

yeah, thats what I'm doing...we'll just see how things go I guess...
but what if I suddenly feel that its all just getting a bit too much/too hard for me?

Reply 10

herbal bug

if you can do it, stand by her. it's great that you're helping her and in no way let yourself get pushed away if you care. erm hope this helps, cant say much. if you need anything mind PM me.

Reply 11

randomgirl

I say make sure she knows you are there for her, as a friend, and don't push for a relationship.

:smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

Similar situation to what i'm in atm.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Aiite guys thanks for your advice, appreciate it...
I'll stick by her and just not talk about 'us' then?
The other day I asked what plans she had for the night and she said lie on bed and think...and I asked about what and she said 'primarily us', then family etc...although after that she didn't mention much about it...she said it was driving her crazy, so hmm should I just not talk about 'us' at all then?

Reply 14

Somewhat Damaged

Don't try and get involved with her in the - relationship way.

Do your best to support her, show her things arn't as cmpliacted between you two as she's making them out to be.

You can't understand the complications. But just from reading that I understand why she's claiming it's complicated, there could be a million other reasons why.

Just give her time to adjust to you being there for her permenently and not leaving her - which she'll probably expect you to do tbh.

Be there for her, show her you care, don't be afraid to say nice things to her, just try and help her get out of this trouble time she's in, and see what can come from that. I'm sorry to say, but with everything going on, a boyfriend isn't something she's going to be so amazingly concerned with atm, especially if she's had bad experiances with them - doesn't mean she doesn't like you. (since she said she does) it's just. Complicated. :s-smilie:

Reply 15

*little miss lazy*

more than anything right now, i think she just needs a friend... someone to talk to... so i'd suggest you be a friend for now and hold off the relationship for a while. Once she gets better, i'm sure she'll remember that you were there when she needed someone and for most girls, that matters a lot!

Good luck with the whole thing!

Reply 16

Saffie

I agree, she needs a friend not a relationship.

She can't do a relationship right now. A relationship's meant to make you both happy, and it won't make her happy, maybe happier but not happy. She'd feel like she was letting you down.

She probably thinks she needs to sort things out on her own, and might think she's doing the right thing for you as well, in terms of protecting you from her.

Reply 17

username47781

Best thing you can do is be there for her and support her.

Reply 18

generalebriety

Agreed with herbal bug, *little miss lazy* and Saffie.

Stick by her. Don't make it obvious that you're sticking by her on purpose, but get her to realise that you're there for her. And if she doesn't want a relationship, don't push her!

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