Guilt-ridden; help me!

I recently went to a uni party at which I got extreeemely drunk. At about 3am I went to lay down, and there was a girl who I know from secondary school.

After about 10 minutes, we were making out (and a bit more, but no sex). Since then (last weekend) I've been ridden with guilt, although I'm terrified of telling my girlfriend...

I spoke to the girl I got with, and she said she wants to forget it and said she will never tell anyone - do I tell my girlfriend anyway and ruin the relationship or do I just put it behind me and make it up to het by being extra nice?

Thanks guys...

p.s. be nice, I feel awful :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Please, I am so confused

Reply 2

generalebriety

16

The important question is this: if she'd cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know?

Reply 3

username47781

20

Well with guilty conscience if you came clean then it will devestate your girlfriend at best and at worst she will dump you.

Then again drink is no excuse for that, you cheated, you should not have got yourself in that situation, then again the girl is equally to blame.

It's up to you whether you tell her, but there's also the risk she could find out anyway.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

The important question is this: if she'd cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know?

I don't know - losing her would be so awful :frown:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Rock Fan

Well with guilty conscience if you came clean then it will devestate your girlfriend at best and at worst she will dump you.

Then again drink is no excuse for that, you cheated, you should not have got yourself in that situation, then again the girl is equally to blame.

It's up to you whether you tell her, but there's also the risk she could find out anyway.

Yeah...I'm 99% sure she'd never find out, and we can go on happily, maybe move in together in our 2nd year - I'm so scared of ruining that.

Reply 6

username47781

20

Anonymous

Yeah...I'm 99% sure she'd never find out, and we can go on happily, maybe move in together in our 2nd year - I'm so scared of ruining that.

Not being horrible but what if she did that to you, how would you feel.

Maybe if you don't want this to happen in future, then maybe you shouldn't drink so much.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Rock Fan

Not being horrible but what if she did that to you, how would you feel.

Maybe if you don't want this to happen in future, then maybe you shouldn't drink so much.

Well I'm never going to drink that much again, I've been scared out of doing it...

It's just i've never cheated before and I sure as hell know I never will again...it was a one-off and I feel like to throw away a relationship with the girl I love would be awful.

Reply 8

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

I don't know - losing her would be so awful :frown:

Not what I asked, mate.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

Not what I asked, mate.

I honestly think she'd hate me more for telling her than kissing another girl.

So no, I don't think she'd want telling, but does that mean I shouldn't?

I need to make it clear that I'm not just saying she wouldn't want to know to save myself, it's the truth.

The guilt is going as the days pass, but I still feel it.

Reply 10

generalebriety

16

Anonymous

I honestly think she'd hate me more for telling her than kissing another girl.

So no, I don't think she'd want telling, but does that mean I shouldn't?

I need to make it clear that I'm not just saying she wouldn't want to know to save myself, it's the truth.

The guilt is going as the days pass, but I still feel it.

It's your decision to make, and on your conscience be it; but if you genuinely think that she would not want to know you'd cheated on her, then I guess it would be excusable not to tell her.

But again, not what I asked.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

generalebriety

It's your decision to make, and on your conscience be it; but if you genuinely think that she would not want to know you'd cheated on her, then I guess it would be excusable not to tell her.

But again, not what I asked.

Thanks.

Sorry mate, to answer your question directly, I would generally want to know, but not with someone I love this much. I'd rather have her with that blemish than not have here.

I didn't answer before because I'm soppy and didn't think it'd help.

Reply 12

emzay

Are you comfortable keeping something like this from your girlfriend?
I wouldn't be able to do it.

Reply 13

PasserBy9

11

I would have thought you loved and respected her enough to allow her to make up her own mind of whether she still wanted to be with you or not.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your help, guys...I'll sort this situation.

Reply 15

socialworkstudent

7

what she doesnt no wont hurt her, i dont think you should tell her for the simple reason that you will not do it again! its good that you feel guilty because it shows how much you love her, just treat her as she should be treated (with lots of love and respect) and i think you will be ok :smile:

Reply 16

perdedora

Anonymous

I'm so scared of ruining that.

Maybe it's just me, but I think if you were that scared of ruining it, you wouldn't have done what you did. Just my two cents, I would tell her and let her make an honest decision about it...
But it is YOUR decision after all.

Reply 17

Megatronix

Tell her, Otherwise your relationship is built on a foundation of lies.

If i were her, I'd rather you told me what happened and you state your case then i give you 1 chance, if you get smashed again, you're dumped, if you cheat again, i'll cut your balls off type of thing. That's just how i'd play it if i were her.

Seriously this will hang over you for ever more. if you value your relationship you'll be thruthful, if she values it she'll see you were stupid and deserve one last chance.

However if she forgives you expect her to be a bit cold for a month or two with you.

If she doesn't you'll probably wish you hadn't told her but in the long run it's better imo.

Reply 18

Megatronix

PasserBy9

I would have thought you loved and respected her enough to allow her to make up her own mind of whether she still wanted to be with you or not.

EXACTLY!!!

You show her know respect if you don't tell her. She has the right to know. And there is no love without respect.

Reply 19

Mikemaria

I suppose if you tell her and she finishes with you it might indicate that the relationship you have isnt strong enough to survive this. I think with all the advice youre getting here , at the end of the day ,its your shout.

Guilt-ridden; help me!

Related discussions

Articles for you