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Is my boyfriend obsessive? Watch

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    At the minute we are both taking very important exams... We have been together coming up two years however in the past year he has changed. His mum is very controlling and manipulating and makes him believe he is very very 'special' which means that he believes and acts like he is. She likes to lower his confidence as he is more creative than smart. At his house he is not allowed any privacy, however I have visited a few times in which someone has burst through the door without knocking or asking to come in. I believe his family doesn't want him to grow up nor become independent although he is coming up 17. I have always hung out with boys since I was younger, I find them more easy to talk to and less judgemental. However my best friend which is a boy, is an ex of mine... Our relationship didn't work out, however we have been friends for five years and didn't want to lose our friendship (and decided to be mature about the situation) and decided to remain best friends. Lately my now boyfriend is over jealous regarding my best friend (which is understandable) however it has become excessive. He has tried dictating to me that I can't be his friend anymore and question me all the time about why am I staying after school with him and another friend (revision). As well as keep not talking to me because I'm not giving him my 100% attention, if I'm a few minutes late he will question as to why I am late. I know his mother has some part in this which deeply saddens me as she has mentioned to my mother that she thinks me and my best friend should not be friends. We have also got into an argument before and his mother has to get involved and decided to personally attack me on Facebook putting a status about me. And then call my mother and tell her that I need to be sorted out, however I explained that it has nothing to do with my mother or his, as we are in a relationship we should be able to sort our own problems out without needed our parents to step in. I just don't know what to do anymore I love him but it's mental torture all the time.

    EDIT:
    Just wanted to state that he is not only like this with male friends, he also doesn't like me talking to girls who I am friends with who are in my class. He accuses me of ignoring him which I do not do, however I have made him aware that I don't like PDA's however he still grabs me and tries to kiss in front of my girlfriends, he has told me that girls in his class who have boyfriends are flirting with him and I replied that I trust him not to do anything back.
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    (Original post by XxM3GxX)
    At the minute we are both taking very important exams... We have been together coming up two years however in the past year he has changed. His mum is very controlling and manipulating and makes him believe he is very very 'special' which means that he believes and acts like he is. She likes to lower his confidence as he is more creative than smart. At his house he is not allowed any privacy, however I have visited a few times in which someone has burst through the door without knocking or asking to come in. I believe his family doesn't want him to grow up nor become independent although he is coming up 17. I have always hung out with boys since I was younger, I find them more easy to talk to and less judgemental. However my best friend which is a boy, is an ex of mine... Our relationship didn't work out, however we have been friends for five years and didn't want to lose our friendship (and decided to be mature about the situation) and decided to remain best friends. Lately my now boyfriend is over jealous regarding my best friend (which is understandable) however it has become excessive. He has tried dictating to me that I can't be his friend anymore and question me all the time about why am I staying after school with him and another friend (revision). As well as keep not talking to me because I'm not giving him my 100% attention, if I'm a few minutes late he will question as to why I am late. I know his mother has some part in this which deeply saddens me as she has mentioned to my mother that she thinks me and my best friend should not be friends. We have also got into an argument before and his mother has to get involved and decided to personally attack me on Facebook putting a status about me. And then call my mother and tell her that I need to be sorted out, however I explained that it has nothing to do with my mother or his, as we are in a relationship we should be able to sort our own problems out without needed our parents to step in. I just don't know what to do anymore I love him but it's mental torture all the time.
    Are you indian/ pakistan/ Muslim or Western European?

    Your BF doesnt sound obsessive, but he does sound insecure, jealous and controlling. You have identified some interesting traits and he feels he has the right to tell you what to do, except relatonships dont really work like that.

    Talk to him and if he starts laying down the law about your friend then decide if you want to comply or tell him its not worth t and to end it. If you are western then you will have several bfs during your lifetime, so theres no need to fight to stay in one if you are that ncompatible.
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    Tbh, I kind of understand his frustration, he feels uncomfortable when you hang around your ex so much because feelings were there.. He is just worried they will spark again. You have to kind of understand it from his point of view, he doesn't want to lose you to him.

    I don't think he means to be controlling but comes out like that because he's just worried?

    EDIT: I find it weird how he asks why you are late whenever you are. That is a bit weird.
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    This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. If you want to be with him you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him and explain exactly how his and his mother's actions are making you feel. He should hopefully stop being so obsessive and speak to his mother about it, but if he doesn't then I suggest you reevaluate whether this relationship is good for you.
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    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Are you indian/ pakistan/ Muslim or Western European?

    Your BF doesnt sound obsessive, but he does sound insecure, jealous and controlling. You have identified some interesting traits and he feels he has the right to tell you what to do, except relatonships dont really work like that.

    Talk to him and if he starts laying down the law about your friend then decide if you want to comply or tell him its not worth t and to end it. If you are western then you will have several bfs during your lifetime, so theres no need to fight to stay in one if you are that ncompatible.
    There's no need to ask such question...

    What ever someone is doesn't mean the person should stay with them, I was not emplying that I did need to stay with him. It is not different whether I'm Muslim,western,Indian or Pakistan they can all have serveral partners.

    Thank you for replying though.
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    (Original post by IfYouCanDreamIt)
    This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all. If you want to be with him you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him and explain exactly how his and his mother's actions are making you feel. He should hopefully stop being so obsessive and speak to his mother about it, but if he doesn't then I suggest you reevaluate whether this relationship is good for you.
    Thank you, I have had lots of serious chats with him about it and he promises he is going to change but doesn't. I feel like I know what's best for me but we are in exam season and I don't want to make him completely give up on his exams by breaking up with him. I don't want to be responsible for his grades, I'd feel guilty.
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    (Original post by XxM3GxX)
    There's no need to ask such question...

    What ever someone is doesn't mean the person should stay with them, I was not emplying that I did need to stay with him. It is not different whether I'm Muslim,western,Indian or Pakistan they can all have serveral partners.

    Thank you for replying though.
    I asked it for a good reason because there are cultural differences. Ifc they can. You sound like you have a good match.
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    yeah it partly is the fact of his low self esteem I'm afraid. Low self esteem does make you do crazy stuff and think crazy stuff. If there's anyone that can help him that is you.
    If you truly care about this and i'm sure you do, you need to talk about this entire situation, communication is key! he is saying how he feels. you say how you feel about this entire situation. Again communication and building trust is the key to healthy relationship. Talk about this entire situation and how you feel about it and what can be done to change the situation.
    Also I think anyone would find it weird how you are best friends with an ex, I understand where he comes from, regardless of gender. I think you need to sort that out most importantly, if you really care about the relationship.
    If you guys are willing to work it out by sorting the issues then good otherwise it really is not worth the stress. Seriously.
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    (Original post by storm95)
    yeah it partly is the fact of his low self esteem I'm afraid. Low self esteem does make you do crazy stuff and think crazy stuff. If there's anyone that can help him that is you.
    If you truly care about this and i'm sure you do, you need to talk about this entire situation, communication is key! he is saying how he feels. you say how you feel about this entire situation. Again communication and building trust is the key to healthy relationship. Talk about this entire situation and how you feel about it and what can be done to change the situation.
    Also I think anyone would find it weird how you are best friends with an ex, I understand where he comes from, regardless of gender. I think you need to sort that out most importantly, if you really care about the relationship.
    If you guys are willing to work it out by sorting the issues then good otherwise it really is not worth the stress. Seriously.
    completely agree with this
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    (Original post by storm95)
    yeah it partly is the fact of his low self esteem I'm afraid. Low self esteem does make you do crazy stuff and think crazy stuff. If there's anyone that can help him that is you.
    If you truly care about this and i'm sure you do, you need to talk about this entire situation, communication is key! he is saying how he feels. you say how you feel about this entire situation. Again communication and building trust is the key to healthy relationship. Talk about this entire situation and how you feel about it and what can be done to change the situation.
    Also I think anyone would find it weird how you are best friends with an ex, I understand where he comes from, regardless of gender. I think you need to sort that out most importantly, if you really care about the relationship.
    If you guys are willing to work it out by sorting the issues then good otherwise it really is not worth the stress. Seriously.
    People may find it weird to be best friends with an ex but what if they only went out for 2 months.
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    (Original post by storm95)
    yeah it partly is the fact of his low self esteem I'm afraid. Low self esteem does make you do crazy stuff and think crazy stuff. If there's anyone that can help him that is you.
    If you truly care about this and i'm sure you do, you need to talk about this entire situation, communication is key! he is saying how he feels. you say how you feel about this entire situation. Again communication and building trust is the key to healthy relationship. Talk about this entire situation and how you feel about it and what can be done to change the situation.
    Also I think anyone would find it weird how you are best friends with an ex, I understand where he comes from, regardless of gender. I think you need to sort that out most importantly, if you really care about the relationship.
    If you guys are willing to work it out by sorting the issues then good otherwise it really is not worth the stress. Seriously.
    I understand that, however I only went out with my friend for a few months and in them months I never even kissed him or held his hand. It was only a label really, this boyfriend is a serious one. People may think it's weird but he is also friendly with my friend too...
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    I'm with him regarding the ex. If you were with me, you need to cool off close personal relationships with boys.You may see that controlling but one man's controlling is another man's reasonable request. It's the nature of a relationship to have new restricted boundaries of behaviour. You can't kiss other lads anymore and, for me, you can't have a close friendship with an ex either. Obviously, it is for you to decide as a couple. If you are not prepared to ditch your friend and he is not okay with him staying around, you may have to go your separate ways.

    Regarding his mother, I would just put up with that. Don't go around his, tell him not to blab to her but beyond that there isn't a lot you can do. If he was in his 20s, I'd expect him to put his foot down with her more but he is only 17 and lives with her.
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    (Original post by XxM3GxX)
    Thank you, I have had lots of serious chats with him about it and he promises he is going to change but doesn't. I feel like I know what's best for me but we are in exam season and I don't want to make him completely give up on his exams by breaking up with him. I don't want to be responsible for his grades, I'd feel guilty.
    I understand your concern, but ultimately you need to think about what's right for you. If you do want to break up with him and want to wait until after exams are finished then that is your choice, but you should also know that if you want to get out the relationship now then you can. It's up to him how he deals with it. If you have decided you want to break up with him but are waiting, chances are he'll be able to tell so I'd guess (from your description) he'll become more clingy and obsessive and try to convince you to stay with him. Unfortunately he might try to emotionally manipulate you into staying with him. However, you should do exactly what you think is right for you, you should put your needs above his right now
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    (Original post by XxM3GxX)
    Muslim,western,Indian or Pakistan they can all have serveral partners.
    Oh yeahhh that's right habibi I get to have four wives I gotta get me some of that asap!
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    (Original post by XxM3GxX)
    I understand that, however I only went out with my friend for a few months and in them months I never even kissed him or held his hand. It was only a label really, this boyfriend is a serious one. People may think it's weird but he is also friendly with my friend too...
    i think all you guys need is a good talk. Talk about everything and be 100% honest with each other. see how you both feel and make changes where necessary. if it is still all at square one then I'm afraid its time to walk away for your own good.
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    (Original post by Sternumator)
    I'm with him regarding the ex. If you were with me, you need to cool off close personal relationships with boys.You may see that controlling but one man's controlling is another man's reasonable request. It's the nature of a relationship to have new restricted boundaries of behaviour. You can't kiss other lads anymore and, for me, you can't have a close friendship with an ex either. Obviously, it is for you to decide as a couple. If you are not prepared to ditch your friend and he is not okay with him staying around, you may have to go your separate ways.

    Regarding his mother, I would just put up with that. Don't go around his, tell him not to blab to her but beyond that there isn't a lot you can do. If he was in his 20s, I'd expect him to put his foot down with her more but he is only 17 and lives with her.
    He doesn't have the right to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. Yes obviously kissing other people is not okay when you're in a relationship, but there needs to be trust. You should trust that whoever you're with is faithful, and you can't be trying to control who they see. I would never be able to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks he should be able to control who my friends are
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    (Original post by IfYouCanDreamIt)
    He doesn't have the right to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. Yes obviously kissing other people is not okay when you're in a relationship, but there needs to be trust. You should trust that whoever you're with is faithful, and you can't be trying to control who they see. I would never be able to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks he should be able to control who my friends are
    Diabeetus?
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    (Original post by Teddy_001)
    Diabeetus?
    What?
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    Leave him, you will find a man to support you and love you unconditionally. Don't Sacrifice your exams for a man who pretends he loves you. Get the results you need and the man who will love you and support you to achieve the highest will come along.
    Male, 19
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    (Original post by IfYouCanDreamIt)
    He doesn't have the right to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. Yes obviously kissing other people is not okay when you're in a relationship, but there needs to be trust. You should trust that whoever you're with is faithful, and you can't be trying to control who they see. I would never be able to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks he should be able to control who my friends are
    Thank you, that is so helpful. I feel like I'm not able to be friends with my best friend, not only that he does not like me talking to girls who are in my class as he says that I ignore him which I don't. However he is really clingy, he tries kissing me when I'm in school and around teachers and out of the respect of others and my teachers I say stop. However he doesn't like the answer no, he hangs off of me even when I explain that I don't like public affection. My girl friends feel uncomfortable and I don't want to lose my friends, I completely trust him but it isn't reciprocated....
 
 
 
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