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    Hi guys, I'm not expecting a pity party with this one because it's all my own doing.

    I feel like I've developed a fear of failing and incidentally don't put in work because I feel like I'm going to fail so there's no point.. which evidently I obviously will fail because no work is submitted.

    I have 5 overdue essays. 3 of these I have been granted an extension.
    I have missed 3 of my uni exams out of 6 so far.

    I feel like I'm a failure. I'm a second year of uni and don't know what to do. I want to finish my degree because I'm so far in already.

    It's heartbreaking that I've become like this because I was a very driven and smart student in sixth form, always putting in my best. My life revolved around work.

    My parents don't know I'm struggling and I feel too ashamed to talk about it. I feel like I'm a failure.

    I'm going to try and meet with my course director this Monday but I don't know what I can say to justify my behaviour and convince him to give me another chance. I don't want to repeat the year either.

    Is it possible I could sit the 3 exams in January? Has anyone else done this?
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    What is done, is done. I am not going to berate you for not putting in the work because I'm sure no one could possibly criticise you more harshly than you are yourself right now.

    The next step is your options going forward. Do you want to continue with university study at all? What year of study are you in i.e. is there any chance you change degree (I did this at the end of my first year). Do you have the opportunity to resit exams? Do you remember why it is you came to university?

    After answering these, if you are still sure you want to finish your degree, it is a simple case of taking a lot more active responsibility for your life. You can either leave university with a degree (and a load of debt) or just a load of debt. You get to decide.

    P.S. You should probably talk this through with your parents. In my opinion, talking about one's problems to those who care and can help shows much more strength than simply suffering in silence.
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    (Original post by VannR)
    What is done, is done. I am not going to berate you for not putting in the work because I'm sure no one could possibly criticise you more harshly than you are yourself right now.

    The next step is your options going forward. Do you want to continue with university study at all? What year of study are you in i.e. is there any chance you change degree (I did this at the end of my first year). Do you have the opportunity to resit exams? Do you remember why it is you came to university?

    After answering these, if you are still sure you want to finish your degree, it is a simple case of taking a lot more active responsibility for your life. You can either leave university with a degree (and a load of debt) or just a load of debt. You get to decide.

    P.S. You should probably talk this through with your parents. In my opinion, talking about one's problems to those who care and can help shows much more strength than simply suffering in silence.
    Honestly, I can't even tell anyone because I feel so ashamed.

    I definitely want to continue to study. I'm 2nd year. I've wanted to practice Law since I've been 8 and I think changing now rather than completing 1 more year would be a hassle.

    I would but my parents aren't very understanding. I've tried to give up my part time job because I've been struggling to focus on uni because I complete so many hours there and they wouldn't allow it.
    They haven't been to uni so think I'm exaggerating when I say I'm struggling with the work load whilst working.
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    (Original post by NicolaM)
    Honestly, I can't even tell anyone because I feel so ashamed.

    I definitely want to continue to study. I'm 2nd year. I've wanted to practice Law since I've been 8 and I think changing now rather than completing 1 more year would be a hassle.

    I would but my parents aren't very understanding. I've tried to give up my part time job because I've been struggling to focus on uni because I complete so many hours there and they wouldn't allow it.
    They haven't been to uni so think I'm exaggerating when I say I'm struggling with the work load whilst working.
    On top of the obvious "put a lot more consistent work into study in next year" argument, I think that your part-time job may have to go. Personally, I would love to have some extra cash to play with whilst I'm here, but every hour I took out to work would be being taken away from my degree (and so I'm relatively poor for a student). If finances are just too tight for you and you need a job whilst you are studying, then maybe you should look into deferring a year, getting your head and your finances straight, and then repeating 2nd year (and getting a 1.1. in the process xD).
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    (Original post by VannR)
    On top of the obvious "put a lot more consistent work into study in next year" argument, I think that your part-time job may have to go. Personally, I would love to have some extra cash to play with whilst I'm here, but every hour I took out to work would be being taken away from my degree (and so I'm relatively poor for a student). If finances are just too tight for you and you need a job whilst you are studying, then maybe you should look into deferring a year, getting your head and your finances straight, and then repeating 2nd year (and getting a 1.1. in the process xD).
    I definitely think I'm going to have to sacrifice the job.. and deal with my parents lack of approval.
    I work about 24 hrs a week and struggle to keep on top of my work.

    I really don't want to repeat 2nd year. I would rather somehow repeat the exams I missed and complete them in January of 2nd year.

    Also, I would rather be poor short term and reap the rewards with coming out of my degree and *hopefully* obtaining a well paid job or complete a masters.

    Also, luckily in my Law degree, final year is our entire mark.. however, employers still see your transcripts from the 2 years before so I'm truly depending on final year.
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    Just moved this to 'Law' section, you should get better responses here
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    I'm not at University, but I can relate to the failure aspect and wanted to give you my 2 cents.

    All through life I've failed with the education system. Terrible GCSE's, Dropped out of college, dropped out of 3 apprenticeships before finally completing one. I built up a reputation with my friends and family as the person who never sees anything through to the end. This was for exactly the same reason you mention above. I would constantly convince myself, there's no point in trying, because when I do try, I fail, so I might as well save me the effort and not try.

    I'm now on track for achieving several A's in my A-levels next year which I've self-taught myself in my spare time. How did I do this?

    It's the realisation of it all. You need to come to terms with and ask yourself, why am I doing x,y,z? What do you want out of life? Why are you at University? I know as of right now you're probably going through a world of panic and doubt and probably overthinking everything. Take a step back and look at your situation from a third perspective. In reality your situation may seem bad, but I can guarantee there are people going through much worse as I'm even typing this. You're not going to like hearing this, but it's not the end of the world! In terms of deducting a reason to why you're in this situation, I'd need to know more about you. Do you enjoy what you're studying? Are you motivated by it? If not then why are you doing it? Why would you go to university to study something you're not all that bothered about when the purpose of going to University is to graduate with the intention of getting a job later in that field. You'd be stuck doing something you don't really care about for the rest of your life.

    I'm a firm believer in that you should always do what you think is right, not what is socially accepted by society or others. Just because a degree means big bucks upon graduating, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Find what makes you happy, find what motivates you. Then you won't find it hard to complete these essay's/assignments, instead you will find it enjoyable. Overall you'll live a much happier and more successful lifestyle.

    Hope my advice helped you a bit with your worries, stop overthinking! Sorry I can't provide much input on what/what not you need to submit to achieve your grade or whatever. Like I say I'm not clued up on University yet, I'm just a mature student with a lot of experience in self-questioning, overthinking and self-doubt.

    Once you find your place in life, everything else will just slot itself into place.
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    (Original post by zn1)
    I'm not at University, but I can relate to the failure aspect and wanted to give you my 2 cents.

    All through life I've failed with the education system. Terrible GCSE's, Dropped out of college, dropped out of 3 apprenticeships before finally completing one. I built up a reputation with my friends and family as the person who never sees anything through to the end. This was for exactly the same reason you mention above. I would constantly convince myself, there's no point in trying, because when I do try, I fail, so I might as well save me the effort and not try.

    I'm now on track for achieving several A's in my A-levels next year which I've self-taught myself in my spare time. How did I do this?

    It's the realisation of it all. You need to come to terms with and ask yourself, why am I doing x,y,z? What do you want out of life? Why are you at University? I know as of right now you're probably going through a world of panic and doubt and probably overthinking everything. Take a step back and look at your situation from a third perspective. In reality your situation may seem bad, but I can guarantee there are people going through much worse as I'm even typing this. You're not going to like hearing this, but it's not the end of the world! In terms of deducting a reason to why you're in this situation, I'd need to know more about you. Do you enjoy what you're studying? Are you motivated by it? If not then why are you doing it? Why would you go to university to study something you're not all that bothered about when the purpose of going to University is to graduate with the intention of getting a job later in that field. You'd be stuck doing something you don't really care about for the rest of your life.

    I'm a firm believer in that you should always do what you think is right, not what is socially accepted by society or others. Just because a degree means big bucks upon graduating, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Find what makes you happy, find what motivates you. Then you won't find it hard to complete these essay's/assignments, instead you will find it enjoyable. Overall you'll live a much happier and more successful lifestyle.

    Hope my advice helped you a bit with your worries, stop overthinking! Sorry I can't provide much input on what/what not you need to submit to achieve your grade or whatever. Like I say I'm not clued up on University yet, I'm just a mature student with a lot of experience in self-questioning, overthinking and self-doubt.

    Once you find your place in life, everything else will just slot itself into place.
    Can I ask how old you are and what A-level subjects you are self-teaching? I'm a mature person who has been self-teaching A-level Maths and Biology
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    (Original post by NicolaM)
    Hi guys, I'm not expecting a pity party with this one because it's all my own doing.

    I feel like I've developed a fear of failing and incidentally don't put in work because I feel like I'm going to fail so there's no point.. which evidently I obviously will fail because no work is submitted.

    I have 5 overdue essays. 3 of these I have been granted an extension.
    I have missed 3 of my uni exams out of 6 so far.

    I feel like I'm a failure. I'm a second year of uni and don't know what to do. I want to finish my degree because I'm so far in already.

    It's heartbreaking that I've become like this because I was a very driven and smart student in sixth form, always putting in my best. My life revolved around work.

    My parents don't know I'm struggling and I feel too ashamed to talk about it. I feel like I'm a failure.

    I'm going to try and meet with my course director this Monday but I don't know what I can say to justify my behaviour and convince him to give me another chance. I don't want to repeat the year either.

    Is it possible I could sit the 3 exams in January? Has anyone else done this?

    They are going to take 2 views.

    1. You arent putting any effort in, unable, lazy or not up to it. In that case nobody can help you and they have to apply the rules.

    2. There are good reasons for you oing into meltdown, physical illness, family crisis and or mental health. Unidagnosed depression, serious levels of anxiety etc.

    The thing is it seems hidden and you arent giving any indication you have seen anyone or are getting any treatment? That means GP and or welfare services. What's your mental health record been like? Have any issues in year 1? What were your scores like?

    If you proceed as you are then you sound non functioning and the work you submit or the exams you take will fall well below your potential? It will be very poor results for you? It is not good enough and will be of little use going forward in terms of being a usable qualification.

    Advice:

    As you have booked the appointment on Monday, then you might as well see them but you will have to get your story straight. Its coming across that you have kept this all to yourself and have no one to tell. You also havent sought help which makes it more difficult as they have no independent verification.

    When you come to explain why you havent been working then dont say its because you have been lazy, because that is down to you. Point out about the fear and depression that has created a vicious circle and you know its been coming but it makes you feel even more hopeless. Tell them you feel you have had mental health issues and have an appointment to see the GP (book one) as you have been talking to Mind/ samaritans/ student welfare/ mental health and you think you have been depressed for some time.

    [ talk to these people today and then on Monday you can say truthfully you have an appointment with the GP and you have talked to these other people. This shows them you are doing something about it although the issue should have been addressed months ago and ideally you would have a track record of dealing with the issue i.e repeated appointments with GP and a therapist. That makes it a much easier sell than something at the last minute that no one knows about.

    Tell him/her you have a serious problem and arent well and you know you need to get on top of it as its made you unable to do your degree.

    Decide what it is you want. I can see 5 options:

    1. Exams sit now and Essay delayed again.
    probably not going to do you any good as you arent functioning and will damage your degree. I think this is too little and has failed to help you before. If you are going to have a crisis, then have a big one and dont be afraid to ask for what you want i.e something thats effective.

    2. Exams deferred to resit time as well as essays. That is about July or sometime later in the summer.

    That gives you time to revise and do your work although I suspect if you have depression it wont sort the problem. Do you think you can get it together by then? If they gave it you then it would help you continue your studies.

    3. Retake the year and notch this one down to mental health issues. the fewer exams you have actually taken then the easier this option becomes. Student funding will allow for degree length +1 and also you cna probably get this years fees discarded if you use the compelling personal problems procedure with SFE.

    4. Suspend studies, get better and return when agreed,

    5.. Quit uni., make a CPR claim to SFE based on mental health to disregard this year, which will leave you funding to cover 1 full degree, when you are ready. You can study elsewhere, even a different subject if you can get them to agree CPR.

    To do

    - Book appointment with GP- Uni will have a health clinic if you dont have one.
    - Talk to Mind
    https://www.mind.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/
    -Think about what option will work for you and dont be afraid to ask for it. Dont be shy in getting across how paralysing the depression has made you feel and how its affected your work. If you cant discuss it make a written statement, say you find it difficult to talk about but this sums it up, then hand him/her the statement. They need to understand whats happened. Go big and dont hide.

    - When you ask for what you want go big again and dont get less than you need.
    Ina imagine you will be apprehensive, but they have seen it all before. Carry on the way you are and your degree is more or less finished, so nothing to lose. Unless you know a Summer deferral will work then I would go for at least resitting the year. The point is if you ever intend to use your degree then you need the grades and probably the ones you have are going to be mediocre, they wont help.

    Retaking the year would be my suggestion and gives you a fair chance of sorting out the mental health and removes the worry of exams etc till next summer.


    Anyway thats my advice and what I would do if I were in that position. G luck, try not to panic, but you need to apply yourself to the meeting and get what you need.
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    (Original post by Philip-flop)
    Can I ask how old you are and what A-level subjects you are self-teaching? I'm a mature person who has been self-teaching A-level Maths and Biology
    That's great, good on you. I'm 20 and I'm studying Maths, Further Maths, Economics and possibly Physics although I'm not certain I'll be sitting Physics anymore as it's becoming increasingly more difficult and expensive to book my practical for it. It's a shame because I'm getting A's in the Past Papers, ah well, I guess it takes some of the pressure off.

    How are you finding your studies at the moment?
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    (Original post by NicolaM)
    I definitely think I'm going to have to sacrifice the job.. and deal with my parents lack of approval.
    I work about 24 hrs a week and struggle to keep on top of my work.

    I really don't want to repeat 2nd year. I would rather somehow repeat the exams I missed and complete them in January of 2nd year.

    Also, I would rather be poor short term and reap the rewards with coming out of my degree and *hopefully* obtaining a well paid job or complete a masters.

    Also, luckily in my Law degree, final year is our entire mark.. however, employers still see your transcripts from the 2 years before so I'm truly depending on final year.
    -They are going to be less sympathetic about job, unless you show sever financial hardship, otherwise its self inflicted.

    - Its my understanding exams are only held for normal exam period and then resits in july / August time.
    - its very lucky the marks dont count, that makes re-sitting more viable. Depends on your uni. [I wrote my post on the basis it was split between the years and you had under-performed in the exams done]
    - You are correct in most commercial firms they will ask you to write your marks for each year down, so it will make you less competitive.if you score poorly. They might overlook a few marks but the more poor marks there are then the harder they are to hide. It also makes it harder to find vacation scheme places with poor marks. Only you know how poor they might be
    -Go and see a student advisor in the SU today if you can- its better to see someone face to face..
    - JSP and reality check give you decent advice.
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    (Original post by zn1)
    That's great, good on you. I'm 20 and I'm studying Maths, Further Maths, Economics and possibly Physics although I'm not certain I'll be sitting Physics anymore as it's becoming increasingly more difficult and expensive to book my practical for it. It's a shame because I'm getting A's in the Past Papers, ah well, I guess it takes some of the pressure off.

    How are you finding your studies at the moment?
    I'm struggling with Maths quite a bit. Any chance you could help me out with my last comment that I've posted on this thread here. I assume that cos you're also studying Further Maths that this kind of topic must be easy to you!

    So are you doing your exams this summer?
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    (Original post by Philip-flop)
    I'm struggling with Maths quite a bit. Any chance you could help me out with my last comment that I've posted on this thread here. I assume that cos you're also studying Further Maths that this kind of topic must be easy to you!

    So are you doing your exams this summer?

    Sure, I'll have a go, where can I find the question? No, I'm sitting my exams Next Summer. Also, I've only covered C1, D1, D2, S1 and FP1 in maths at the moment, so if it's a mechanics question I'll have a go but can't guarantee I'd be much help.
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    (Original post by zn1)
    I'm not at University, but I can relate to the failure aspect and wanted to give you my 2 cents.

    All through life I've failed with the education system. Terrible GCSE's, Dropped out of college, dropped out of 3 apprenticeships before finally completing one. I built up a reputation with my friends and family as the person who never sees anything through to the end. This was for exactly the same reason you mention above. I would constantly convince myself, there's no point in trying, because when I do try, I fail, so I might as well save me the effort and not try.

    I'm now on track for achieving several A's in my A-levels next year which I've self-taught myself in my spare time. How did I do this?

    It's the realisation of it all. You need to come to terms with and ask yourself, why am I doing x,y,z? What do you want out of life? Why are you at University? I know as of right now you're probably going through a world of panic and doubt and probably overthinking everything. Take a step back and look at your situation from a third perspective. In reality your situation may seem bad, but I can guarantee there are people going through much worse as I'm even typing this. You're not going to like hearing this, but it's not the end of the world! In terms of deducting a reason to why you're in this situation, I'd need to know more about you. Do you enjoy what you're studying? Are you motivated by it? If not then why are you doing it? Why would you go to university to study something you're not all that bothered about when the purpose of going to University is to graduate with the intention of getting a job later in that field. You'd be stuck doing something you don't really care about for the rest of your life.

    I'm a firm believer in that you should always do what you think is right, not what is socially accepted by society or others. Just because a degree means big bucks upon graduating, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. Find what makes you happy, find what motivates you. Then you won't find it hard to complete these essay's/assignments, instead you will find it enjoyable. Overall you'll live a much happier and more successful lifestyle.

    Hope my advice helped you a bit with your worries, stop overthinking! Sorry I can't provide much input on what/what not you need to submit to achieve your grade or whatever. Like I say I'm not clued up on University yet, I'm just a mature student with a lot of experience in self-questioning, overthinking and self-doubt.

    Once you find your place in life, everything else will just slot itself into place.
    I would constantly convince myself, there's no point in trying, because when I do try, I fail, so I might as well save me the effort and not try.
    This is me to a t.

    I definitely want to finish my degree. I enjoy it when I'm on top of my work but once I start to fall behind then that's when it becomes difficult.

    I just don't know what to say to my module co-ordinator.
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    (Original post by zn1)
    Sure, I'll have a go, where can I find the question? No, I'm sitting my exams Next Summer. Also, I've only covered C1, D1, D2, S1 and FP1 in maths at the moment, so if it's a mechanics question I'll have a go but can't guarantee I'd be much help.
    Oh no worries, it's a C3 question which you probably haven't covered yet. Thanks anyway though
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    (Original post by NicolaM)
    I would constantly convince myself, there's no point in trying, because when I do try, I fail, so I might as well save me the effort and not try.
    This is me to a t.

    I definitely want to finish my degree. I enjoy it when I'm on top of my work but once I start to fall behind then that's when it becomes difficult.

    I just don't know what to say to my module co-ordinator.
    I would suggest to work less when you make it to year 3. Yes I have every faith in you that you will pass your second year It may feel like a massive upheaval at the moment but do the very best you can and then rest up well during the summer!
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    I'm not good on the fluffy advice. But at the moment you are still burying your head in the sand even though you recognise the problem.

    1) get medical advice - just be honest with them

    2) get student support advice - just be honest with them

    3) get academic support advice - just be honest with them

    4) speak to your parents - just be honest with them. This is going to become obvious to them at some point when you either have to explain your resit commitments.

    It sounds like are fearing the unknown based on an absolute worst outcome. Reality is all these people can help you, but you are not letting them help you at the moment and this is causing you to drown under the pressure. Being honest with them will allow them to help you.

    There's no point worrying about the future (e.g. Job prospects) right now. You've got to get this sorted first before you can think about that, otherwise you're going to have the same problem this time next year.

    I'd definitely consider retaking the whole year though. If you have 6 forms of assessments outstanding that are all going to be capped, retaking the whole year might be better for you. Especially it might give you the time to focus on not falling behind. Keeping deferring assessments will only keep the pressure on you.


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    I think a lot of the advice already offered is pretty sound advice. Remember that your university and tutors will want you to do well and they can only help you when they know the full story.

    As I think 999tigger said, you may well be dealing with some undiagnosed mental health problems so you really should talk to someone about it. Your GP would be the first stop but I know from personal experience that it can be difficult to get the help you need. Explore your university's student support services to see what help they can offer you with both your mental health and your studying.

    I completely get why you feel the way you do and you feel that it's all self inflicted but unfortunately with the pressures that students are under and the lack of mental health services, it's a common problem. You aren't the first, you won't be the last and it doesn't make you a *****y student.

    It's easier said that done but when I find myself in overwhelming situations, I try to take myself out of the equation and evaluate it objectively as if it was a friend going through it. Would I tell them to get help? Would I tell them to resit the year? Etc.

    I hope you get the support you need - xo
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    The problem is though, I'm already repeating second year because I broke my back at Christmas so repeating again is out of the question because I've already used SF to cover this year.

    Additionally, I've being having home problems and already had a meeting with my module co-ordinator to discuss it. I told him that I think it's been settled now and I'm feeling more focused.. now I've went and messed that all up again.

    I honestly feel like a huge failure.

    I couldn't get a doc app to the mid/end of this week by which time I've already seen him :/

    I feel like he will think I'm messing him about and not taking my degree seriously.

    I'm so sorry for all the trouble I'm giving you guys and I appreciate all the answers given.
 
 
 
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