Head Girl application letter!! Watch

ltansley8
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Below is my application letter! Im not sure about it as it is my first draft but i a not sure how to improve! I am particularly dubious of the ending! Please help!

Dear
This is my, Lily Tansley's, application letter for Head Girl. Head girl is without question, a role of vital importance within many schools and it would be a privilege to be elected into this role within our school. As well as the privilege it would be, I know I would be a good Head Girl for (School), I have had many positions within the school and would be delighted to go as far as becoming Head Girl. I came into Our school with high hopes for my future, and now, almost at my last year, I have high hopes for the school and the students around me as well as myself. As a school we have been through many things in the last four years that I have been a student, we have seen many changes and this has been hard to face head on, however I believe now that we are going nowhere but up. I know that I can help this school do just that.

As mentioned I have been through the school with many labels, listed among the badges I wear on my blazer. In year eight I was elected, by my form, as form representative. This involved going to meetings with the representatives from the other forms and discussing different queries that our own form had brought forward. Ever since I have continued in this role, and although now we are not acknowledged as we were, I developed skills to be able to talk and listen to a group, and put together issues as well as being able to share them with others in my position. This also brought the people who were good at responsibility within my year to my attention and so I could develop an understanding of a good leader.
In year eight I continued this role of form rep, and year nine I became year representative. This was a bigger challenge than being elected by my form as it involved making a speech in front of my year with only two others running. I was not elected, however, but I still stood confidently, I had been competing against two of the more popular students and I knew my chances had been slim and yet I accepted the challenge. However I was moved up into the position when the other student had shown themself not responsible enough for the role.
In the last year I have leaped forward a massive amount in my confidence, even though I have never been shy this year really built me up. For half a year I had a 400 paper paper round, this often involved talking to strangers and this quickly made me confident to talk to people. The round also put responsibility onto me, having to organise when I would do it around the other events in my life.
The biggest confidence builder I have had, however, was running for school president. This involved making a speech in front of every year, that is every student and most of the teachers in school. I have never backed down from a challenge and I took this on head first, and I would do it again. I almost enjoyed the nervous butterflies of standing in front of a crowd and talking while all eyes are on you!
Although I was not elected into the position I would welcome the experience again. I was put into the cabinet within the school however and this has continued to build my knowledge of meetings and how to address problems that are shared among the school as well as in individual areas.

So these are the experiences I have had that have shaped me for the role, but what would Head Girl mean to me? I am exited by the challenge the role presents and cannot think of a more rewarding way to conclude my final year at (school) . I am not one to back away from a challenge and even if I am not selected into this role I will still be confident that I tried my best to show you that I can, and if chosen, will embrace this role and put forward the best of myself. I want to be able to leave this school knowing that I have given something back and made a difference.
What difference could I make? I will put responsibility, passion and determination into helping our school in any way I can, by extending my time to attend outside of school events and working within the school to show those outside of our gates how much of an OUTSTANDING school we really can be. I will work to motivate each and every student. We are all different and each will put forward our own into the school, this is what I want to put forward.

I understand that many things involve responsibility, hard work, commitment and confidence. Head Girl is the role in the school which shows these qualities in every moment of work and I know that I will put in the best of myself into achieving these things. High School is not easy, for anyone, everyone faces challenges and I have had my own. However, these four years have taught me resilience and shear determination, both of these factors will allow me to be the best Head Girl this school has seen. I have been told I am an intelligent girl, and I like to think my grades are backing that up, targeted 8's and 9's. I have not, however, got to where I am easily. I work hard in each of my lessons and put the best work I can into classes. This is the same commitment I will show as Head Girl, putting only the best of myself into the responsibilities the role involves.

Being head girl is more than just wearing a badge. I want to influence this school in the best ways possible. I hope to heard from you soon.

Yours sincerely
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Black Water
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(Original post by ltansley8)
Below is my application letter! Im not sure about it as it is my first draft but i a not sure how to improve! I am particularly dubious of the ending! Please help!

Dear
This is my, Lily Tansley's, application letter for Head Girl. Head girl is without question, a role of vital importance within many schools and it would be a privilege to be elected into this role within our school. As well as the privilege it would be, I know I would be a good Head Girl for (School), I have had many positions within the school and would be delighted to go as far as becoming Head Girl. I came into Our school with high hopes for my future, and now, almost at my last year, I have high hopes for the school and the students around me as well as myself. As a school we have been through many things in the last four years that I have been a student, we have seen many changes and this has been hard to face head on, however I believe now that we are going nowhere but up. I know that I can help this school do just that.

As mentioned I have been through the school with many labels, listed among the badges I wear on my blazer. In year eight I was elected, by my form, as form representative. This involved going to meetings with the representatives from the other forms and discussing different queries that our own form had brought forward. Ever since I have continued in this role, and although now we are not acknowledged as we were, I developed skills to be able to talk and listen to a group, and put together issues as well as being able to share them with others in my position. This also brought the people who were good at responsibility within my year to my attention and so I could develop an understanding of a good leader.
In year eight I continued this role of form rep, and year nine I became year representative. This was a bigger challenge than being elected by my form as it involved making a speech in front of my year with only two others running. I was not elected, however, but I still stood confidently, I had been competing against two of the more popular students and I knew my chances had been slim and yet I accepted the challenge. However I was moved up into the position when the other student had shown themself not responsible enough for the role.
In the last year I have leaped forward a massive amount in my confidence, even though I have never been shy this year really built me up. For half a year I had a 400 paper paper round, this often involved talking to strangers and this quickly made me confident to talk to people. The round also put responsibility onto me, having to organise when I would do it around the other events in my life.
The biggest confidence builder I have had, however, was running for school president. This involved making a speech in front of every year, that is every student and most of the teachers in school. I have never backed down from a challenge and I took this on head first, and I would do it again. I almost enjoyed the nervous butterflies of standing in front of a crowd and talking while all eyes are on you!
Although I was not elected into the position I would welcome the experience again. I was put into the cabinet within the school however and this has continued to build my knowledge of meetings and how to address problems that are shared among the school as well as in individual areas.

So these are the experiences I have had that have shaped me for the role, but what would Head Girl mean to me? I am exited by the challenge the role presents and cannot think of a more rewarding way to conclude my final year at (school) . I am not one to back away from a challenge and even if I am not selected into this role I will still be confident that I tried my best to show you that I can, and if chosen, will embrace this role and put forward the best of myself. I want to be able to leave this school knowing that I have given something back and made a difference.
What difference could I make? I will put responsibility, passion and determination into helping our school in any way I can, by extending my time to attend outside of school events and working within the school to show those outside of our gates how much of an OUTSTANDING school we really can be. I will work to motivate each and every student. We are all different and each will put forward our own into the school, this is what I want to put forward.

I understand that many things involve responsibility, hard work, commitment and confidence. Head Girl is the role in the school which shows these qualities in every moment of work and I know that I will put in the best of myself into achieving these things. High School is not easy, for anyone, everyone faces challenges and I have had my own. However, these four years have taught me resilience and shear determination, both of these factors will allow me to be the best Head Girl this school has seen. I have been told I am an intelligent girl, and I like to think my grades are backing that up, targeted 8's and 9's. I have not, however, got to where I am easily. I work hard in each of my lessons and put the best work I can into classes. This is the same commitment I will show as Head Girl, putting only the best of myself into the responsibilities the role involves.

Being head girl is more than just wearing a badge. I want to influence this school in the best ways possible. I hope to heard from you soon.

Yours sincerely
Isn't it a little long?
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ltansley8
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(Original post by S2M)
Isn't it a little long?
It is supposed to be. It is the main role within our school and this letter determines if i get into the interviews.
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Black Water
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(Original post by ltansley8)
It is supposed to be. It is the main role within our school and this letter determines if i get into the interviews.
Then it's good. The school that I used to go to they never used to be that long.
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RoyalSheepy
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I do like the last sentence! Certain you'll probably get the Head Girl role using that letter!
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CandidateZero
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It's a good first draft, but like all first drafts, requires improvement. From my own experiences as Head Boy at my school, your application will be dragged down by:

Blatantly obvious spelling mistakes. If you claim to be a high achieving student, you must ensure that you correct any spelling mistakes (chiefly 'shear', and misplacement of apostrophes). Think: although Head Girl has absolutely no requisite of intelligence or accuracy, your school wants a representative of excellence.

Cliched phrasing. I must say, I particularly admire your closing statement, and your work is generally original. Clear up some clunky, unoriginal phrasing and you should be commended for originality.

Actively participate in school. I'm sure this is already the case, but particularly around the time the senior staff are choosing an applicant. Any helpful or considerate action at this time can be pivotal.

I wish you the best of luck, and my recommendations are given with best intentions
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ltansley8
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(Original post by CandidateZero)
It's a good first draft, but like all first drafts, requires improvement. From my own experiences as Head Boy at my school, your application will be dragged down by:

Blatantly obvious spelling mistakes. If you claim to be a high achieving student, you must ensure that you correct any spelling mistakes (chiefly 'shear', and misplacement of apostrophes). Think: although Head Girl has absolutely no requisite of intelligence or accuracy, your school wants a representative of excellence.

Cliched phrasing. I must say, I particularly admire your closing statement, and your work is generally original. Clear up some clunky, unoriginal phrasing and you should be commended for originality.

Actively participate in school. I'm sure this is already the case, but particularly around the time the senior staff are choosing an applicant. Any helpful or considerate action at this time can be pivotal.

I wish you the best of luck, and my recommendations are given with best intentions
Thank you! Spelling is always something that i have struggled with but i will make sure to get it checked through when I've finished! i struggled with what to say in a few bits but i will try make sure its more original although 90% of it is. Thank you again!
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ltansley8
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(Original post by RoyalSheepy)
I do like the last sentence! Certain you'll probably get the Head Girl role using that letter!
Thank you!
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sowmiyaaravin
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Did you get the position?
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