I feel like my mother thinks I'm a failure.

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WorldOfRED
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#1
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#1
I don't know what I'm looking for with this post because I doubt it'll make me less depressed. What have I got to lose.

A bit of backstory: My family is pretty well of, not just my family but my cousins and uncles throughout. Now, due to this I am expected to do well and live up to my cousins and uncles who all are extremely successful. But I don't, I don't come close and for this I feel like a complete failure and it's eating me up.
Back when I left primary school and was moving towards High School, my mother insisted she put me in the top private schools where my uncles went in my city for me to get the best education in order to go to the best universities but me being who I am, I didn't do any preparation for the entry exams for these schools as I didn't want to go and as a result denied entry for every single one of them. I now go to a state school and although I got average GCSE grades; mainly due to me not studying enough I feel like a complete failure in comparison to my relatives who went to the likes of Eton college (the most prestigious school in England) I now am in sixth form which is just on the edge of University and as a result of me getting average grades, my mother tried to once again enter me for the private schools again; denied entry. I now have to resort to staying at my school doing subjects I have no interest in doing as I didn't make the grade requirements for the more academic subjects. Due to my poor grades, me getting into a top university seems highly unlikely which is just another reason for my mum to be disappointed in me.
Look, the point is I've done nothing but fail my entire ****ing life. I feel like a complete failure and disappointment whenever I am around my mother. I know she constantly judges me for it, why can't you be more like him or her? Why can't you just be smart? Why couldn't you just ****ing try when you were younger then you wouldn't be so damn dumb? Why didn't you take the opportunities I gave to you? She sees me as a **** up. All I want to do is make her proud and happy but I am incapable. Always holding the fact that my life could of been a lot better had I tried when I was younger, I am only now holding accountability for my actions but how can she hold it so badly against me. I was only 12! I didn't know about private schools and good grades and studying. I know private school isn't an automatic route into success but it's the denial of these schools that's giving me a hard time; making me feel like I'm not good enough and inferior as well as my average grades.
I just wish I was better. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything. This is just one of many reasons for me to be depressed. I'll say this again, I have depression so even if I did get amazing grades and whatnot I will still be unhappy however this just worsens it by a large extent. I cry everyday about my past failures and although it is in the past, my mothers disappointment in me makes it hard for me to move on and I doubt I would anyway.
I hate myself so much.
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Analyst89
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#2
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#2
You are you and it's your life.

If you don't want to go to a private school, you don't have to.

You have qualities that other people don't have, you are your own person.

You don't have to go to a top university, a 2.1 with work experience will suffice and you can always do a masters at a top uni.

Don't judge or compare yourself, they are not you and you have qualities which no one else have.

Just focus on what you want to do, where you need to go and there are lots of other options. Getting into a top uni is not the be all and end all and it isn't a measure of your self worth.

Your self worth and value is yourself, you are a person of value and will always have value. If a £20 note was scrambled up into a ball, it still has value despite the creases.
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Anonymous #1
#3
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#3
(Original post by WorldOfRED)
I don't know what I'm looking for with this post because I doubt it'll make me less depressed. What have I got to lose.

A bit of backstory: My family is pretty well of, not just my family but my cousins and uncles throughout. Now, due to this I am expected to do well and live up to my cousins and uncles who all are extremely successful. But I don't, I don't come close and for this I feel like a complete failure and it's eating me up.
Back when I left primary school and was moving towards High School, my mother insisted she put me in the top private schools where my uncles went in my city for me to get the best education in order to go to the best universities but me being who I am, I didn't do any preparation for the entry exams for these schools as I didn't want to go and as a result denied entry for every single one of them. I now go to a state school and although I got average GCSE grades; mainly due to me not studying enough I feel like a complete failure in comparison to my relatives who went to the likes of Eton college (the most prestigious school in England) I now am in sixth form which is just on the edge of University and as a result of me getting average grades, my mother tried to once again enter me for the private schools again; denied entry. I now have to resort to staying at my school doing subjects I have no interest in doing as I didn't make the grade requirements for the more academic subjects. Due to my poor grades, me getting into a top university seems highly unlikely which is just another reason for my mum to be disappointed in me.
Look, the point is I've done nothing but fail my entire ****ing life. I feel like a complete failure and disappointment whenever I am around my mother. I know she constantly judges me for it, why can't you be more like him or her? Why can't you just be smart? Why couldn't you just ****ing try when you were younger then you wouldn't be so damn dumb? Why didn't you take the opportunities I gave to you? She sees me as a **** up. All I want to do is make her proud and happy but I am incapable. Always holding the fact that my life could of been a lot better had I tried when I was younger, I am only now holding accountability for my actions but how can she hold it so badly against me. I was only 12! I didn't know about private schools and good grades and studying. I know private school isn't an automatic route into success but it's the denial of these schools that's giving me a hard time; making me feel like I'm not good enough and inferior as well as my average grades.
I just wish I was better. I feel like I'm not good enough for anything. This is just one of many reasons for me to be depressed. I'll say this again, I have depression so even if I did get amazing grades and whatnot I will still be unhappy however this just worsens it by a large extent. I cry everyday about my past failures and although it is in the past, my mothers disappointment in me makes it hard for me to move on and I doubt I would anyway.
I hate myself so much.
I feel the exact same way and I don't know how to escape .

Everything you said was relatable :cry:
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Anonymous #2
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Story of my life ...
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Sammylou40
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You are you. And that's a wonderful thing to be!
It sounds like a self fulfilling prophecy tbh
Almost as if you set yourself up deliberately to fail
Rebellion
You've been told that success is expected almost
And you've deliberately prevented yourself from following your family's traditional path.
You said yourself you've not worked very hard.
Despite this you've reasonable grades and will get to uni
If you'd worked hard think where you could have been!
I'm sure your parents are a bit disappointed.
I would be. And there are so many who would have loved your opportunities
I'm certain they don't love you any less
What you really need to do now is sit back and assess what it is you really want to do
Work hard at achieving that wether it be bin man or doctor!
Once you've found your own path, bust a gut to get there. Your parents will appreciate your maturity and determination
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Integer
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Do what's best for you and take the route that you want to take. You don't always have to be "smart" to get ahead in life. Don't be so critical of yourself x
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Analyst89
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You are your own person and you follow your own path.

And getting good A-levels and into a top uni is not the be all end all. There's many ways to be successful, you can still be successful getting into any other uni and getting a 2.1.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
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ASG_66
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I feel the exact same way...Due to this reason I always search the web to see if anyone else feels the way I do. It makes me less depressed to know there’s someone out there who understands me. We seem to have the same background although my story is a bit different..so yes I studied my bachelor degree, even received a scholarship. And last year was my third year, with COVID-19 cases and all the other stress I was in - I failed 😔 my third year of bachelors. Me already living in a judgements society and family, my mother has been constantly making me feel like a failure. She blames me for ruining our family reputation and image. She blames me for embarrassing them in front of our relatives..., I just wish I could stop feeling like this. When I failed I wasn’t depressed because I know I can always redo third year and pass, with ease this time since I already know what we’ll be learning.But due to her influence of making me feel depressed and a failure, I feel like I really am a useless failure and will forever be one. I just want to feel stress free and happy! Like is this too much to ask! I really don’t care what other people say about me failing! It’s my life and only I should have the right to decide how I feel and whether I’m a failure or not!
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Anonymous #3
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I am a failure and my parents wish I was dead. My grades are so bad. I failed A levels I got CDE and rejected from university. I am 18 and doing a BTEC right now. I am a failure. I am going to either have to get Distinction/Merit in BTEC or do Access course. FML.
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BohemianPhysics
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To all 'failures'.

It's not over! You have options, even if they're not the best and not what you originally wanted.

You need to make something of what you have. You may not have made much of what you had up to now, or you may have started at a disadvantage, but what comes out finally at the end can still be amazing. There's still time. Get clear on what you want and how to get there.

You need to realise it's your life and you can do this still. Don't let anyone stop you. Realise your worth. Think what you'd say to a friend in this situation. Family and friends may not like your choices but they'll still love you. IMHO they're not great parents if they're actually disappointed in you as a person. You don't need that in your life.
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