crying in uni room

i have just spent the last 30 mins sitting in my univesrity room crying because i feel so lonely here...i have some friends and stuff...but i am not part of any group...everyone here knows each other so well, they all seem to go out and stuff....i have never felt this depressed in my life before...should i just give up and go back home and forget about the whole uni experience...

Reply 1

qubog

12

No! You're just going through one of those rough patches. I'm having a ****ty day too actually because everyone was discussing going out and didn't think to ask me :frown:

it's OK though. Not everyone is in a clique. Some people like me just hang out with a few people they know from halls or whatever but don't have a little group of their own. Give it time and it'll all be grand

Reply 2

rosy123

2

no don't do that! i've felt pretty lonely today aswell, i've seen 1 person from halls, and i've been in my room for most of the day with my door wide open and still not seen anyone, and apparently everyone is going out tonight except me because im snowed under with work. Similarly, i don't belong to one particular group of people, but it's up to you to make the effort to get involved, as hard as that may be, ask around and see if anyone is going out one night and mention that you think you'll go along too, or alternatively, if someone stays in one night offer go along to their room and just have a chat or something, and try to get to know them a little better, this is what i've been doing, and always leave your door open if you're in the mood for a chat because then people will be more likely to stop on their way past and pop in. I wouldnt worry about people seeming to know one another so well, it probably just seems that way to you because you feel you're on the outside, but its likely that no one else sees it that way. Also join lots of societies that interest you and just go up to people to say hi, you might find that easier because you obviously have shared interests and something in common. And get your friends from high school on the phone, that's what they're for! A familiar voice is always a comfort. Don't get down about it, you've not been there long, give it a few more weeks, and feel free to pm me if you want.

Reply 3

justmoi

I know how you feel but dont give up uni you'll only regret it.
Give it time and you will get there.
Maybe you should join a few clubs...the type with plenty of socials :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

i have joined loads of clubs and i have met a few people and stuff...but nobody that i complectly click with....everyone around me seems to be settled in fine, also the way my accom is arranged is in cluster flats so u cant really meet new people that easily....i have never ever felt this down before...the people i have made friends dont really go out much anyway, so that makes it even harder for me to meet new people....its so strange, sometimes there are huge highs and then really bad lows....but i get up everyday with this dread in my stomach...and i just feel like crying all the time...in the morning, or just walking around...today was just the breaking point, i had to turn the tap on in my room and just cry...

Reply 5

strawberrykisses123

Hey hun,

I was in exactly the same position as you when I started Uni.

But it all gets better, honest - PM me yeah? and we'll chat.
xxxxx

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

I am in the same position now and i have finished uni, live with gf and have a cracking job. I am off this week and dont know what to do with myself. Friends are busy, student friends are just getting drunk (not so close friends), closest mates are all with girls. My gf decided to go home cos she cant work here...

argh!! hope you feel better soon.

Reply 7

hannah_dru

2

Do you have a mentoring scheme at your uni? Maybe you'd benefit on joining it if there is, as you could be mentored by someone who was in the same position as you.

Reply 8

Saffie

11

The friends you've made don't go out? They must do, how else would you have met them! Invite them out for coffee & cake or cinema if they don't drink. It'll be fun ;yes;

Uni can definitely be lonely but it doesn't need to be. After or before lectures, try and hang out with people, do lunch or work together. If you've made friends with workaholics then ask if they want to study with you sometime. Make sure you go to the clubs you've joined and the social events they hold, even if you feel depressed and don't want to go, the only way I think you'll feel better is if you go and put on a brave face. & It'll get easier. People might look like they're best of friends, but they're probably not.

chin up :hugs:

Reply 9

onefellswoop

No def don't give up! If you'd like to chat pm me (i'd like to think that i'm a really easy person to chat to =] ) I've just started uni and i'm kinda in the same position xx

Reply 10

sul

14

if u dont mind me asking, which uni r u at? im in nottingham if ur in the same kinda flats then PM me.........

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

i am in london

Reply 12

Friggerpants

1

Aren't there like societies at uni you can join?

I.E if you like cars, there's a car group.

Join up and meet people with similiar interests.

Don't be shy, everyone's in same group son.

Reply 13

naivesincerity

2

You could go on Gumtree.com, that's a good place to advertise and meet friends

Reply 14

white_haired_wizard

16

i felt like quitting 3 weeks into my first year at uni, then i had a very good fourth week and things lifted from then on. It can take time - don't always expect things to happen overnight. Some can build friendships quicker than others, some also build superficial friendships quicker than others...it's often pretty superficial at the start, everyone being seemingly nice to everyone, then it all calms down and you get to know people better, who you like, who you're not so keen on, etc....

to quote take-that :rolleyes:

"...have a little patience"

I think it's worth getting good perspective on this. Universities can be real hotbeds of people with problems, frustrations, consisting of many students who suffer problems, many keeping them hidden away - depression, people suffering from anxiety, some can feel very lonely at uni, they may have a good group of friends back home etc, but they've struggled making friends at uni, they're missing their GF back home, suicides happen, many young people have problems, either at uni or not at uni....

it's mid october so maybe give it some more time, and if you know you haven't put 100% into trying to solve your problems, then do so. At least if you do decide to pack your bags and leave uni, you'll know you gave it a good shot at this place, as such you won't have a regret of this kind.

Reply 15

WeasleyNumber10

awwwwww hope you feel better soon :hugs:

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

white_haired_wizard

i felt like quitting 3 weeks into my first year at uni, then i had a very good fourth week and things lifted from then on. It can take time - don't always expect things to happen overnight. Some can build friendships quicker than others, some also build superficial friendships quicker than others...it's often pretty superficial at the start, everyone being seemingly nice to everyone, then it all calms down and you get to know people better, who you like, who you're not so keen on, etc....

to quote take-that :rolleyes:

"...have a little patience"

I think it's worth getting good perspective on this. Universities can be real hotbeds of people with problems, frustrations, consisting of many students who suffer problems, many keeping them hidden away - depression, people suffering from anxiety, some can feel very lonely at uni, they may have a good group of friends back home etc, but they've struggled making friends at uni, they're missing their GF back home, suicides happen, many young people have problems, either at uni or not at uni....

it's mid october so maybe give it some more time, and if you know you haven't put 100% into trying to solve your problems, then do so. At least if you do decide to pack your bags and leave uni, you'll know you gave it a good shot at this place, as such you won't have a regret of this kind.

thanks a lot...that really does put things in perspective for me...this has been so much harder than i thought...when i was saying i would leave i did not meen quit uni..i meant live at home instead of in halls...do u think that is a possible solution if after 1 term things dont get better...i mean one term should be enough to know if ur going to make friends or not???

thanks for the replys everyone...u have made my day so much better

Reply 17

Jigglypuff

16

Loads of my friends from home were homesick and felt lonely in their first week, and although I didn't noticed much of that in my freshers' week, I'm sure people did feel this way but simply didn't know one another well enough to say it outright.

The key is to keep busy, I think. I was fine during the first term as it was so hectic. Don't worry about not being in 'a group'-- you'll probably make new friends and maybe lose some of the ones you have at the moment by the end of the year anyway. Talk to as many people as you can, be proactive and organise stuff. You'll probably think it sounds really desperate, but if you're finding it that hard maybe you should ask people outright what they're doing that night and ask if you could tag along. Join societies, talk to people in your lectures after, etc.

Reply 18

Dramatic Star

2

Anonymous

i have just spent the last 30 mins sitting in my univesrity room crying because i feel so lonely here...i have some friends and stuff...but i am not part of any group...everyone here knows each other so well, they all seem to go out and stuff....i have never felt this depressed in my life before...should i just give up and go back home and forget about the whole uni experience...

Ah hun, I'm not gonna say how you feel because we're all different & act differently to different situations (said different a few too many times there! :redface:

), however I went through a similar experience when I first went to uni & I chickened out by moving to a closer uni to my family & boyfriend.

I'm not saying that you should pack it in or do what I did. I'm sure if you ask around, you'd find a lot of people are feeling insecure like you. Heck, 2 years later & I still am not part of a group because I went on pretty much keeping to a very small group of friends & you kind of grow out of each other as time goes by. I'm now having to make the effort to make different friends on my course as I'm feeling a bit lonely.

I can almost guarantee you that those groups that have formed now won't go the distance (most of them anyway) as you meet new people & you go separate ways. It's so early on.

Are you missing family & friends? From your post it seems you are upset about not having a close knit group of friends that perhaps you had back home. Just think how long it took you to get into the group you had at school/college for example, & how long it took for you to feel 100% comfortable amongst them.

It is upto you. Just think it out & ask yourself how much you want to be there to get a degree, because afterall thats the main aim of uni.

Check out councelling services at your uni. They will help & a lot of universities have help lines you can ring up. All I can promise you is that there are a lot of people out there who are feeling the same as you.

If you ever need to chat, just PM me. Hope everything gets better.

Reply 19

randdom

20

Moving to a new place can be really hard i am in my fourth year and I still have the occasional moment where i just wish that i could be back at home again. But these feelings will pass and you will feel better. Keep doing what you are doing being active going out and meeting people and as your friendships get stronger you will feel more at home. Crying isn't always a bad thing it can be a good way to vent your feelings so don't feel guilty about crying. You could talk to your friends who may well be feeling the same way.

crying in uni room

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