How do I get through this?

Please keep as anon because people know me on here.

My boyfriend of four months broke up with me yesterday. I had my suspicions as soon as he said he was coming to see me at uni, as opposed to me going to his uni like we had previously arranged.

Everyone said I was being irrational and I can't believe I was right.

He told me that he didn't love me, nor would he ever love me. He didn't have those sorts of feelings for me and he would only ever love me as a friend.

His reasoning was such a shock and it hurts so bad. I've been messed around by so many guys and I really thought he was different. I don't think I will ever trust a guy again.

I told him to get back on the train and go home because I didn't want to properly break down in front of him. He on the other hand cried a lot and was hugging me, telling me how sorry he was etc.

When I said goodbye to him he said he would miss me and that I was a beautiful person. I mean way to make me feel better.

I lost my virginity to him and now I feel as if it was such a waste.

He said he couldn't cope with the distance either, but we were an hour away and were seeing each other once a week. I was really prepared to make it work.

I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. :frown:

Reply 1

sparkly_woo

2

I know it sucks right now, and this is probably the most clichéd thing I could say to you.. but it will get better, you just have to give it time.

I could tell you to do all the normal things, try and take your mind off everything; carry on going to lectures, going out with friends.. anything to keep you occupied. But tbh I don’t think this always works.. you need to accept the fact that it is over before you just get up and carry on.
So do all the normal things.. like I mentioned – but just don't shut yourself away and cry to your friends.. that helps too.

I hope you feel better soon.

Reply 2

malaikah

8

Oh hunni that's terrible *hugs*

The only thing I can say is that it's not your fault, or unfortunately his. The simple truth is that some people just aren't attracted to each other. It would be so much better if we could blame this all on him... the only thing is, if he felt that way, he shouldn't have agreed to be your boyfriend. Even if it sounds like empty words, I'll tell you that everything you do is experience, and you'll learn from it. I'm sure he didn't mean to mess you around, and it really does seem that he was upset, just not upset enough to try and make it work. Trust will come eventually- I would suggest getting to know a guy as a friend before you consider having a relationship with him... if only there was more I could say :frown:

If you do want a shoulder to cry on, or some advice, feel free to PM me xxx

Reply 3

h82think

14

He sounds like the world's biggest jerk- but at least he was honest in the end.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks.

And yeah he said that he had to be honest now, and I would hate for it to have carried on. I'm in my third year whereas he is only in his first (he started uni later) so it could have had a bad effect on me. Luckily it's only the beginning of the year.

He really is a nice guy as well, just obviously not for me.

I feel terrible though.

Reply 5

sparkly_woo

2

Anonymous

Thanks.

And yeah he said that he had to be honest now, and I would hate for it to have carried on. I'm in my third year whereas he is only in his first (he started uni later) so it could have had a bad effect on me. Luckily it's only the beginning of the year.

He really is a nice guy as well, just obviously not for me.

I feel terrible though.

I know. And you will do for a while. But you seem very mature about the situation, and it seems like you realise that this is probably for the best.
It's better that he tells you all this now, than for him to just carry on pretending.. in the end that would make you both feel worse.

I really do hope you start to feel better soon. :smile:

Reply 6

Mikemaria

I spare a thought for you. Hope you get over it soon.

Reply 7

redef1ne

I was in a relationship where I knew that I could never be anything more than the guy's friend, so I had to be honest and end it even though i knew he loved me & I'd be hurting him. But I know I did the right thing. I know it probably seems hard right now, but be grateful that he was respectful enough to be upfront with you rather than string you along. You say he cried, so it clearly wasn't easy for him. He probably felt like he was doing what was best for both of you.

Just think...you're now free to meet someone who will love you and want to be with you, and you'll be happier than you ever were or could have been with this guy. Stay strong :smile:

Reply 8

Carl

14

Sounds like chocolate and ice cream time. There'll be other guys, and I think it is commendable that he was honest with you, and tried to soften the blow at the same time.

That, and he didn't dump you by text or email...

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks.

I hope I feel better soon cos right now I feel terrible and I keep crying.

Reply 10

devilsthorn

1

Sounds like he just wanted the sex. You gave him it. You are of no more use to him so he dumped you.

Next time you meet a guy don't go having sex with him so soon. If he's not willing to wait then he's just wanting sex.

Reply 11

qubog

12

That sucks but hey, you are now free to enjoy uni/cute student guys without some guy who didn't even love you holding you back!

To get over it - the old ones are the best. Get hair cut, have a long bath, get your mates round, eat buckets of ice cream. Plan revenge - possibly in the form of showing him what hes missing at some point in the future.

P.S. Remember all those annoying little things he did? E.G. breathing really loudly in the cinema or leaving his toenails on the floor. Not anymore! :smile:

Reply 12

Francophobia

1

I'm so sorry :hugs:

Getting over this will take time, but the length of time required varies not just from person to person but from relationship to relationship. Keep seeing friends, keep up with your work, try to get enough sleep, and take care of yourself. And try to avoid thinking too much about your ex, if you can. It helps.

Reply 13

Profesh

20

The sort of person that can't cope with being an hour's journey from their partner is not one with whom a relationship will have any kind of discernible future.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

devilsthorn

Sounds like he just wanted the sex. You gave him it. You are of no more use to him so he dumped you.

Next time you meet a guy don't go having sex with him so soon. If he's not willing to wait then he's just wanting sex.

You are an idiot because it was not like that at all.

Reply 15

devilsthorn

1

Anonymous

Please keep as anon because people know me on here.

My boyfriend of four months broke up with me yesterday. I had my suspicions as soon as he said he was coming to see me at uni, as opposed to me going to his uni like we had previously arranged.

Everyone said I was being irrational and I can't believe I was right.

He told me that he didn't love me, nor would he ever love me. He didn't have those sorts of feelings for me and he would only ever love me as a friend.

His reasoning was such a shock and it hurts so bad. I've been messed around by so many guys and I really thought he was different. I don't think I will ever trust a guy again.

I told him to get back on the train and go home because I didn't want to properly break down in front of him. He on the other hand cried a lot and was hugging me, telling me how sorry he was etc.

When I said goodbye to him he said he would miss me and that I was a beautiful person. I mean way to make me feel better.

I lost my virginity to him and now I feel as if it was such a waste.

He said he couldn't cope with the distance either, but we were an hour away and were seeing each other once a week. I was really prepared to make it work.

I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. :frown:

Look who's talking. You're saying he had sex with you then told you he doesn't love you later on. If that's not using you for sex then what is it? He didn't say he doesn't love you anymore. He said he never loved you.

All he wanted was sex. Face reality, woman.

Reply 16

The Bishman

8

devilsthorn

Look who's talking. You're saying he had sex with you then told you he doesn't love you later on. If that's not using you for sex then what is it? He didn't say he doesn't love you anymore. He said he never loved you.

All he wanted was sex. Face reality, woman.

You are speaking complete crap.

Just because she said she lost her virginity to the guy does not make him a user. It means the relationship has simply run its course and thats it. Stop looking into things when there is nothing to be found.

OP, you have my sympathy and *hugs*, I can only tell you that life will get better, and everything will be OK in the end. Cliche I know, but its true.

Reply 17

username47781

20

Well was a bit mean of him to say that, it does beg the question why was he with you if he never loved you.

Reply 18

The Bishman

8

Rock Fan

Well was a bit mean of him to say that, it does beg the question why was he with you if he never loved you.

From what the OP said, it says that he wont love in the FUTURE, not previously.

Reply 19

Unregistered

devilsthorn

Look who's talking. You're saying he had sex with you then told you he doesn't love you later on. If that's not using you for sex then what is it? He didn't say he doesn't love you anymore. He said he never loved you.

All he wanted was sex. Face reality, woman.

How about you shut the **** up? Demented little turd.

He may not have loved her, but you don't have to love somebody to like them and think a lot of them - enough to want to have sex with them. The relationship may well have meant something, and by the sounds of him i'd say it did.

I didn't love my first boyfriend, to whom I lost my virginity. We were together for over a year and I had a great time and think a lot of him. I was not using him for sex, I just realised that as time went by I wasn't interested in building a future with him.

Don't listen to this idiot, OP. He's blatantly not a clue what he's talking about.

How do I get through this?

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