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becoming anti-social?

please don't de-anon - all my mates use this.

Basically, I think I'm developing some kind of weird problem - I have no desire to go out with friends etc! I'd rather just stay home and read or something.

I don't have any communication or social phobia problems or anything and I love chatting etc to people at college, but I just don't want to meet up outside of college for some reason!

I think I'm getting more and more anti-social - do you think I should just bite the bullet and force myself to go out more? I don't want to turn into a complete hermit freak!

thanks for any help :frown:

Reply 1

James

It depends on what you enjoy. Some people tend to spend a lot of time alone and like to keep it that way, which is fine, whereas others feel the need to socialise all the time. If you fall into the latter category and already have a few friends at college then it's usually as simple as asking "What are you up to tonight/this weekend?" and joining in. :smile:

Reply 2

Saffie

you mean unsociable.

i wouldn't say there's anything wrong with it.

Reply 3

coldplasma

You can get exhausted socially too :P
Most of the time it's because you are friends with people you get along with, but don't necessarily click with. It takes effort to seem interesting around people who aren't the type you are compatible with.

Reply 4

Sundous

You don't neccesarily have to be around people all the time. If you feel like you have no interest for meeting up with people after school, then simply don't. I'm thinking it's just a fase you're going through..you'll be fine :smile:

Reply 5

naivesincerity

It just means you get enough social time in college and enjoy reclusive, peaceful time. Nothing wrong with that, don't let people tell you you're weird. Some people go out all the time just to be cool or for what others think. Just trya nd do what suits you and makes you happy, **** what anyone thinks.

Reply 6

Saffie

coldplasma

Most of the time it's because you are friends with people you get along with, but don't necessarily click with. It takes effort to seem interesting around people who aren't the type you are compatible with.

I agree. With some people it doesn't take any effort to chat to them, you can do it when you're ill and tired and in any mood. Not everyone though.

Reply 7

99p And A Flake

If you don't want to go, rather than feel that you can't, then I'd say it isn't a problem. Nothing wrong with some 'me time'!

Reply 8

Toy Soldier

Hmm, I have a similar "problem" these days, though it's more of a dilemma. I love getting absolutely rat-arsed... but these days I all too often weigh it up against the inevitable hangover and just think "Nah, not worth it". Think I'm getting old, or something.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

thanks for your help!

Reply 10

Carl

I'm going to say the opposite...get out more!

Last year I felt depressed, and spent a lot of time in my room on TSR. Then in the summer I had a friend stay with me, and we went out and did loads of stuff and I had the most fun ever. We'd keep up with the listings in the local and student press, spend the evenings in cafés, bars and concerts, find open mic nights, go to the cinema, go out to places for the day. In the evening we'd gatecrash houseparties and meet people, and I made a lot of new friends, so I'm much more inclined to head out with them now rather than stay in. I'm even selling my TV, as I never use it any more.

Now my friend has gone home, but I'm still trying not to waste my evenings at home. I go out with my new mates, we've joined uni societies together, so I'm still getting out. Seriously, I don't know if you're at uni or not, but find the local what's on listings, grab a friend, and go out and join a society or attend an open mic night or something. Being stuck at home is no fun (I should know; I'm stuck at home til Weds as I have no money, and even then on tomorrow I'm volunteering and on Tuesday I'm playing poker in a freeroll and then going drinking after on my (hopeful) winnings!).

Seriously, get out and revitalise your social life, you don't know what you are missing!

Reply 11

username93972

"Get out more" is one of the worst phrases of all time, on par with "get a life". Both are total BS and shouldn't be used by anyone at any time. If you don't want to go out anywhere, good on you; finally more people are thinking for themselves and not following crowds.

Reply 12

Carl

Get out more as in "physically leave the house". I thought I was happy stuck in the house until I realised I was there so that I wouldn't have to discuss my problems with my friends. Since I've started getting out more I've made new friends and overall I'm happier. It's not about being popular or following a crowd, but rather finding people like you with whom you can share your feelings, for wont of a better word.

Sure, the OP may find they want a little "me time", but it could also be the case that they are perhaps hiding from something. As long as they end up doing what makes them happy, but to accuse my advice as being no more than a "get a life" message is both unhelpful and unfair.

Reply 13

noisette1

AsphyxiateD

I agree so much. I just hate it when people think they're being helpful by firing "get a life!" at you. I know Carl means well though, and I see what he's saying but he seems quite lucky in that he has people who he clicks with so much that going out with them is a genuine pleasure. People you can build good, proper friendships with are quite hard to come by.

Reply 14

jrt87

This sort of ties in with that topic I started yesterday.

Some (or seemingly the majority due to their very ubiquitous nature) people draw their motivation from being around others. They find an inherent boredom with being alone for lengths of time. They like to have lots of associates, get out a lot and establish a quantitative (yet not necessarily qualitative) social network. These are those sociable types - extroverts.

Other people (or seemingly to each other a minority due to their rather covert nature) draw motivation from time alone. Using such time to gather and ruminate upon their thoughts. They find something uneasy about large social situations for whatever reason, and take quite satisfaction from reading, writing, being artistic - whatever. They prefer to have a much smaller quality group of friends. Introverts aren't loners, nor are they "anti-social" but they do spend a lot less time out than extroverts. People always mistake the word "introvert" for someone that doesn't leave their residence.

Both personality types have their function and place in society. However, the problem is that the social norm reflects generally that of the majority grouping. Therefore if your introverted, you can be made to feel weird, or odd, or indeed "anti-social". Imagine how the extroverts would feel if harsh curfews were enforced and they all their "social" times vastly reduced. That's what I can feel like sometimes in this society. That I'm being pushed into something that I don't fit into.

Then there's going to be various degrees in-between, as well as manic extremes.

Do whatever makes you feel worthwhile. If your not bored when you spend time alone, then I can't see a problem. However, it goes without saying that becoming a complete recluse it something different and unhealthy.

PS. I also agree with that incessant "get out" or "get a life" thing. The worst is people who tell you to cheer up when your in the midst of deep depression. Subjectivity seems to be a lost art.