The Student Room Group

Pathological Relationships

I'm 23, i'm still a student and I can't keep a relationship for longer than two years. I realise that i'm "still young", "still at uni" and "still growing up" however a pattern is emerging and I don't want it to define me.

I have been in 4 relationships each lasting 1 year or more over the past 5 years. I am constantly in a relationship because I enjoy the intimacy and the connection to one person. Towards the end of the relationship I find my eye wandering (I only ever actively act on this when drunk) and eventually it leads to some form of cheating and then I end the relationship as I can't cheat and keep it going because as soon as I am sober I know i'm wrong. I don't know why I am doing this. I feel like it might be a low self esteem thing or the fact i'm a "milennial" with the attention span of a spoon or perhaps that I am just naturally a selfish/self serving person. Whatever it is, it's so wrong and it's ruining my relationships. I am most worried it is because i'm a pretty good manipulator and when i'm drunk I think i'm being subtle/clever with manipulation but instead i'm actually just a ****.

I have tried to look for similarities in the women I go for to see if I am selecting women that are completely wrong for me. However, to be honest they have all be very variable and the only trait I seem to constantly go for is the "one who wants to be treated a princess and looked after/protected". I think, at times, it's like a very old fashioned replacement father figure (psych 101) but this really doesn't tell me much about solving my problem. Perhaps I need to engage more women with strong opinions and views to give me balance?

Mostly I wonder why aren't I able to stay focused and committed to one relationship? Surely i'm far too old to be wanting to play the field. Is it low self confidence? Am I too self-centred/have no self control? The people I have been with have all been wonderful and i've just been the ultimate dirtbag to them. I know it's wrong and in the long term I know every affair has been a mistake so why do I do it?

I want to change that part of me that at some point thinks it is reasonable to do these things...I can't go on hurting people like I am right now. I wake up and hate the person i've been the night before. But how did I make the change I need to?
Original post by Anonymous
I'm 23, i'm still a student and I can't keep a relationship for longer than two years. I realise that i'm "still young", "still at uni" and "still growing up" however a pattern is emerging and I don't want it to define me.

I have been in 4 relationships each lasting 1 year or more over the past 5 years. I am constantly in a relationship because I enjoy the intimacy and the connection to one person. Towards the end of the relationship I find my eye wandering (I only ever actively act on this when drunk) and eventually it leads to some form of cheating and then I end the relationship as I can't cheat and keep it going because as soon as I am sober I know i'm wrong. I don't know why I am doing this. I feel like it might be a low self esteem thing or the fact i'm a "milennial" with the attention span of a spoon or perhaps that I am just naturally a selfish/self serving person. Whatever it is, it's so wrong and it's ruining my relationships. I am most worried it is because i'm a pretty good manipulator and when i'm drunk I think i'm being subtle/clever with manipulation but instead i'm actually just a ****.

I have tried to look for similarities in the women I go for to see if I am selecting women that are completely wrong for me. However, to be honest they have all be very variable and the only trait I seem to constantly go for is the "one who wants to be treated a princess and looked after/protected". I think, at times, it's like a very old fashioned replacement father figure (psych 101) but this really doesn't tell me much about solving my problem. Perhaps I need to engage more women with strong opinions and views to give me balance?

Mostly I wonder why aren't I able to stay focused and committed to one relationship? Surely i'm far too old to be wanting to play the field. Is it low self confidence? Am I too self-centred/have no self control? The people I have been with have all been wonderful and i've just been the ultimate dirtbag to them. I know it's wrong and in the long term I know every affair has been a mistake so why do I do it?

I want to change that part of me that at some point thinks it is reasonable to do these things...I can't go on hurting people like I am right now. I wake up and hate the person i've been the night before. But how did I make the change I need to?

you sound like a **** but at least you know that. try not being in a relationship for a change.

Quick Reply

Latest