My last time over there

resolved

Reply 1

(((((hugs))))) What an awful time to be going through.

I don't know if it's much reassurance but I think what you're feeling is absolutely normal and exactly what you'd expect to happen. You're disconnecting from a very important, enjoyable routine and your life is changing - no matter what circumstances that happens in it's a terrible thing to have to come to terms with, but in the context of a death it must be particularly difficult. It's all part of the grieving process - coming to terms with what you've lost and what has to change even though you don't want it to. The only advice I can give is to try and focus on the fact that you've had so many great, happy memories and that your sadness means that you had something really important in your life that you can be very thankful for. It's a really hard thing to let go of, but you will in time and the memories will always be very valuable to you. Lean on others for support, let them help you, and you'll get through it.

Reply 2

PasserBy9

Everything about your post is right, and I would possibly say somewhat more controlled and accepting than some people, if this is the first time you have lost someone close to you.

As you probably know everyone accepts these events differently but if I tell you how I get passed difficult times maybe you will find it useful.

As I see it, when we are born we are pretty much 'nothing' as a person but it is the people around us who make us who we are. Your Grandmother obviously played a big role in this and had a lot of influence on who you are today, she helped you to start finding a place in the world through teaching you (although it never seems like teaching). As long as you remember the times you were with her, remember the things that she told you then you can make sure that no moment was wasted.
I will accept, even at the age of 18, I am a small person in a large world, I have little experience, but thankfully, older people I know have shared some of their experience to make it easier for me. It sounds as if your Grandmother has done much the same for you.
So I say you should go tomorrow, but don't see it as a sad occasion (as difficult as that may be), but instead be thankful for who you have become and show that you can pass the final 'test' where you remember what you have been told and use it without support.

Having said all that, don't expect that to solve all the problems, but in time that feeling can replace the feeling of loss. It takes time, but cycling through those thoughts everytime you feel down, it will slowly make sense and become a part of you.

Reply 3

quintsy

Thanks you two, you put it a lot better than I did. :hugs:

PasserBy- yeah, its the first time I've lost anyone close to me, although I think my best friend thought I was dealing with it (or rather not dealing with it, I think) oddly, because when she lost her grandad she was really openly upset for ages, whereas for me it hasn't really sunk in yet.

I talked to my dad a little today, because he still has some friends over there from when he moved from England to be in the army there, but he said they've all kind of moved on with their lives now, so he probably won't be going back.

The one person who might feel similar to me is my sister, I guess. There are only two years between us, so we have similar experiences of growing up there. It's just she moved away to university only a few weeks ago, and I haven't heard from her much at all really, so I don't know how she feels about all of this. She isn't even coming to the funeral, because she thought it would be too hard to get the time off. She might be feeling similar though, I'm not sure.

Reply 4

Angelil

(((((Suuuuuuuseh)))))

Reply 5

BabyBee

I know how you feel, all the advice above is spot on. My nan lived on the Isle of Man - not so different, but since she died I haven't been back, I'm not sure it'd be the same. But i will go back because i feel a connection with that place as it's where part of me feels like i belong.

Give it time, grief is hard, maybe one day you'll feel able to go back.