This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

Should I break up with my boyfriend??

Ok, this is gonna be really long, but I'll try make it as short as possible.

I've been going out with my bf for a year now, like a year 2 days ago to be exact. Ive started feeling that things just aren't right now, it's like when people say that you love someone but youre not in love with them? Our relationship just feels boring now, its like I want something new and exciting? And i feel like he doesnt make much effort any more. I felt this way a few weeks ago, but it seemed to pass and everything felt ok again. I feel like evrythin I can get out of it Ive already got, and really small things are beginning to annoy me about him.. Without sounding arrogant or anythin, I feel like I could do better than him? But i didnt thinkt this at all at the start of our realtionship. Its been my first serious realtionship and I dunno if its maybe just been something that had to happen? And it was kinda like, a phase or stage in my life?

Ive been thinking all this for a few days, and so i thought that id wait til next time i saw him n see how i felt. I was out with him last night, and it wasnt what i thought itd be at all. Its like I didnt really feel comfortable? But then I couldve just been making myself feel like that with all the thoughts i had in my head..

And, to add to all that, theres a guy at work who i get on really well with, he makes me laugh and I really enjoy speding time with him, to be honest I
think Id be happy just being friends with him. But spending time with him has made me realise what Im missing out on? If that makes sense.. Hes not my type so I dont really know if I like him in that way anyways.

I feel like its the right thing to do to finish woth him? But everything about it feels so difficult, I feel like hes such a big part of my life, and dunno how easily id get over it. Im starting to think that just carrying on would hurt less then breaking up. I dont wanna NEVER see him again, and we live far enough away that theres no chance we're just gonna bump into each other on the street. And my timig seems pretty crap too, we've been goin out a year exactly, and he seems to be really keen to see me more etc and talking about the future as if we'll be together for ages and ages, Id feel like I was REALLY hurting him.

Think thats everything!? Thanks to anyone who reads this, I just really dont know what to do :confused:

x

Reply 1

dh00001

16

ultimatly only you will know whats right. if you feel you should break up with him you should. staying together just for the sake of it will hurt you both more and make it harder to end.
breaking up always hurts, being strung along hurts more

Reply 2

stardust144000

heya

i think that if you're really not feeling it then you shouldn't stick with it.. i know it sounds horrible, but if he's not everything u want and u dont really wana be with him 4ever, then i think u should go with ur gut feelings on it.. it's weird coz i just clicked on this post as my ex rang, and we had the same situation. just before i called it off, i had suddenly realised that i actually didn't want 2 marry him n have his kids etc..and it was really strange coz i started to feel repulsed by him as well - vry weird, as he's gorgeous! he's really hot n is really loving towards women. and i didn't think that i had to make an effort either which was annoying me, it was like he gave me trust n love without me working for it - which got boring..dont mean this to sound as horrible as it does. i just think, kinda agreeing with dh00001 that u know what u want, or what u dont want. and yeh not gonna lie to u, it's soooo hard breaking up with someone u've been with for ages, but if u have a goal for urself that's just for u for when u are single, u will be so happy afterwards. I thought for about a week after i'd split up with my guy that i'd made the biggest mistake of my life, and i'd missed out on probably one of the most decent guys alive, but then i remembered all the things i wasn't happy with in our relationship (well not unhappy, just tired of) and i got on with all the things that i couldnt do before - like socialising with my guy friends - kinda like ur situation.. tbh sometimes it's just nice to have the choice, it's ur life. hopefully u'll still be friends, like me n my ex, we talk all the time and it makes me appreciate him more, but at the same time, realise that it was the best thing to do.. anyway bbz, hope everything goes well for u, and if he is right for u and u are meant to be together, it will happen, so don't worry! gud luck with whatever u decide on hun XxXxXxX

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

I was just about to post a virtually identical thread to this. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years but I'm no longer sexually attracted to him anymore. But I'm hoping this is something that can be resolved without us breaking up as I love him in every other possible way. I also often feel like he's my only real friend so I don't think I could cope without him. I'm thinking I'd rather stay in a relationship with a man I no longer fancy rather than lose my only true friend.
Anyway, I'll be very interested to see how people respond to this thread.

Reply 4

ForeverIsMyName

15

The fact you haven't mentioned one positive thing about him in your post tells me the answer.

Reply 5

randdom

20

Unfortunately something this happens in relationships. The spark disappears and you don't see them the way that you used to. I have been through this and in my experiance you aren't usually the only one to have noticed the change so there is a good chance that he has noticed this too. If you honestly don't want to be in a relationship with him and you aren't happy then the best thing that you can do is to tell him.

One thing that you should make sure is that you aren't doing this just because of the other guy. If this other guy wasn't in the picture would you be feeling this way about your boyfriend and also would you be happy if you were single.

Good luck with what you decide.

Reply 6

emzay

I think everyone has bits of your post that they can identify with! I've felt like this before with my current boyfriend. It's hard to keep things new and exciting all of the time, especially when you've been together a year. I think you should break up any routine you have, and do something different. For example, if he always comes round your house on a Saturday, instead do something completely different, like get on a train and go somewhere and spend the day together. As you've only been thinking about this for a few days, I wouldn't do anything drastic, as a year is a long time. Give yourself a bit of time, and then see how you feel. I've found that when I've been feeling like this, I act all different with my boyfriend for a couple of days, like quite annoyed with him, but then it all calms down again. I have these thoughts, but then when I properly think about things, and what it would be like without him, I find that I don't feel so annoyed and I appreciate him a lot more. I also find that when I've been spending a lot of time with a guy I get on well with, even if there's no chemistry or anything, I tend to think about other guys more, which is natural. I know what you mean about missing out on things, but in all honesty do you think you are? A lot of guys out there are not that nice, but you might just not know what you have. However, on the other hand he might not be the one for you, but you just have to think how do you see yourself in a year's time. Do you want to be by yourself, or having more casual relationships, or do you see yourself with him? When you feel like this, talking about the future can be scary so try not to think about that. There's no need to plan for the long term, especially when you are having doubts. Just try and concentrate on what is happening now, and don't think too far ahead.
At the end of the day, it's up to you what you do. I just wanted to say that I understand how you feel. However, as you have been together a year, don't just throw it all away as you may regret it, make sure you've thought it through properly and are 100% sure of what you want to do.

Reply 7

starshine

Wow, you sound like i was a few months ago.

I had been feeling unhappy and bored in my relationship for a long time, it wasn't until the last 2 months i realised how little we had in common anymore and there was just no spark left (after a year and a half together)

I would say if you don't think you can get the spark back etc, to end it.

You'll only end up making yourself stupidly unhappy, and the relationship will probabally end on a bad note as it gets worse..

xxxxxxxxx

Reply 8

Philbill

Can I ask a question? My sister still loves me not because I'm interesting but because I am just a good person. Why cant girls continue to love people like a sister loves a brother. If you break up can't you still be friends like brother and sister?

This is what scares me about having a girlfriend in the first place :frown:

Reply 9

starshine

Philbill

Can I ask a question? My sister still loves me not because I'm interesting but because I am just a good person. Why cant girls continue to love people like a sister loves a brother. If you break up can't you still be friends like brother and sister?

This is what scares me about having a girlfriend in the first place :frown:

I'd like to think you can.

Some people say you can only continue to be friends with an ex if you never loved them or if you are still in love :confused:

Me and one of my ex'es are great friends..but we didn't last long and wasn't serious..never got to love.

My last ex we were in love, together for a year and a half.
I'm quite happy being friends..but he wants nothing to do with me and says it would be too weird having me as anything other than a gf. (and he now hates me as i have a new bf but ahh well thats another story)

I'm a believer u can stay friends with ex'es deffo :smile:

xxxxxxx

Reply 10

Bubblebee

15

Philbill

Can I ask a question? My sister still loves me not because I'm interesting but because I am just a good person. Why cant girls continue to love people like a sister loves a brother. If you break up can't you still be friends like brother and sister?

This is what scares me about having a girlfriend in the first place :frown:

You can still stay friends, I count my ex among my best friends. It took us nine months to be able to speak properly (what he did hurt me very much, no, he didn't cheat) and another few months before we were back to being friends.

Reply 11

Notepadmed

Anonymous

Ok, this is gonna be really long, but I'll try make it as short as possible.

I've been going out with my bf for a year now, like a year 2 days ago to be exact. Ive started feeling that things just aren't right now, it's like when people say that you love someone but youre not in love with them? Our relationship just feels boring now, its like I want something new and exciting? And i feel like he doesnt make much effort any more. I felt this way a few weeks ago, but it seemed to pass and everything felt ok again. I feel like evrythin I can get out of it Ive already got, and really small things are beginning to annoy me about him.. Without sounding arrogant or anythin, I feel like I could do better than him? But i didnt thinkt this at all at the start of our realtionship. Its been my first serious realtionship and I dunno if its maybe just been something that had to happen? And it was kinda like, a phase or stage in my life?

Ive been thinking all this for a few days, and so i thought that id wait til next time i saw him n see how i felt. I was out with him last night, and it wasnt what i thought itd be at all. Its like I didnt really feel comfortable? But then I couldve just been making myself feel like that with all the thoughts i had in my head..

And, to add to all that, theres a guy at work who i get on really well with, he makes me laugh and I really enjoy speding time with him, to be honest I
think Id be happy just being friends with him. But spending time with him has made me realise what Im missing out on? If that makes sense.. Hes not my type so I dont really know if I like him in that way anyways.

I feel like its the right thing to do to finish woth him? But everything about it feels so difficult, I feel like hes such a big part of my life, and dunno how easily id get over it. Im starting to think that just carrying on would hurt less then breaking up. I dont wanna NEVER see him again, and we live far enough away that theres no chance we're just gonna bump into each other on the street. And my timig seems pretty crap too, we've been goin out a year exactly, and he seems to be really keen to see me more etc and talking about the future as if we'll be together for ages and ages, Id feel like I was REALLY hurting him.

Think thats everything!? Thanks to anyone who reads this, I just really dont know what to do :confused:

x

*inneed class water* logon : Gulp reads some essay OP let him down slowely i guess!

Reply 12

Riim

randdom

Unfortunately something this happens in relationships. The spark disappears and you don't see them the way that you used to. I have been through this and in my experiance you aren't usually the only one to have noticed the change so there is a good chance that he has noticed this too. If you honestly don't want to be in a relationship with him and you aren't happy then the best thing that you can do is to tell him.

One thing that you should make sure is that you aren't doing this just because of the other guy. If this other guy wasn't in the picture would you be feeling this way about your boyfriend and also would you be happy if you were single.

Good luck with what you decide.

It has been scientifically proved that the spark does not last more than 3 years in a relationship. I forgot the details.

Reply 13

Poica

14

Philbill

Can I ask a question? My sister still loves me not because I'm interesting but because I am just a good person. Why cant girls continue to love people like a sister loves a brother. If you break up can't you still be friends like brother and sister?

This is what scares me about having a girlfriend in the first place :frown:

You can. But when a relationship ends at least one person is usually upset - the one who's been dumped. It takes a while for them to get over it, and in the mean time the one who has been dumped gets bitter and angry at the dumpee. If the two people keep being in close contact then it can mean the person who dumped the other ends up really disliking the person they dumped.

I know that's confusing, so I'll give you a couple of examples. I dumped my first ex after a few months at Uni (he was at a different Uni) as I didn't think it was working out as a couple - no real problems, just like the OP, we seemed to have lost any spark. He was angry and upset with me, but because we were at different Unis he couldn't take it out on me, so he just took some time and got over it. Now we're really good friends.
I dumped my second ex after living with him in our house at Uni - pretty much the same thing, I just wasn't interested any more. He was angry and upset and bitter. However, because we were living together, he took it all out on me, blamed me for his drinking problem and made me feel constantly uncomfortable. I now can't stand him, as it showed up all his faults and ugliness of personality.

OP - only you know if you want to end it or not. If you do, give him space but make sure you keep hold of his MSN/facebook details so that 6 months down the line when he's feeling better about the whole thing and has moved on, you can send him a message and meet up. If you want it to work, then talk to him about it, say you feel that the spark has gone and you want more excitement and romance or whatever. Good luck either way.

Reply 14

Philbill

starshine

I'd like to think you can.

Some people say you can only continue to be friends with an ex if you never loved them or if you are still in love :confused:

Me and one of my ex'es are great friends..but we didn't last long and wasn't serious..never got to love.

My last ex we were in love, together for a year and a half.
I'm quite happy being friends..but he wants nothing to do with me and says it would be too weird having me as anything other than a gf. (and he now hates me as i have a new bf but ahh well thats another story)

I'm a believer u can stay friends with ex'es deffo :smile:

xxxxxxx

Thanks Startshine, I'm just scared of living alone, Friends make things better but I want someone to be around me forever and to the point that Im in hospital dying I would want someone who loves me to be there even if I became boring but nice and kind. :smile:

Reply 15

Philbill

Poica

You can. But when a relationship ends at least one person is usually upset - the one who's been dumped. It takes a while for them to get over it, and in the mean time the one who has been dumped gets bitter and angry at the dumpee. If the two people keep being in close contact then it can mean the person who dumped the other ends up really disliking the person they dumped.

I know that's confusing, so I'll give you a couple of examples. I dumped my first ex after a few months at Uni (he was at a different Uni) as I didn't think it was working out as a couple - no real problems, just like the OP, we seemed to have lost any spark. He was angry and upset with me, but because we were at different Unis he couldn't take it out on me, so he just took some time and got over it. Now we're really good friends.
I dumped my second ex after living with him in our house at Uni - pretty much the same thing, I just wasn't interested any more. He was angry and upset and bitter. However, because we were living together, he took it all out on me, blamed me for his drinking problem and made me feel constantly uncomfortable. I now can't stand him, as it showed up all his faults and ugliness of personality.

OP - only you know if you want to end it or not. If you do, give him space but make sure you keep hold of his MSN/facebook details so that 6 months down the line when he's feeling better about the whole thing and has moved on, you can send him a message and meet up. If you want it to work, then talk to him about it, say you feel that the spark has gone and you want more excitement and romance or whatever. Good luck either way.

Thanks Poica, The ideal girl for me would be someone who helps you when you're feeling down so I'm guessing that's a friend to begin with, who would be there for you. :smile:

Reply 16

Philbill

Abeille

You can still stay friends, I count my ex among my best friends. It took us nine months to be able to speak properly (what he did hurt me very much, no, he didn't cheat) and another few months before we were back to being friends.

Thanks Abeille, It's nice to see that not all girls see men as objects and find them as being friends too :smile:

Reply 17

nanananabatman

10

You can but it's very hard to adjust from partners to friends, these things take time.

Reply 18

Cushti

10

I find these kind of threads really annoying... how are WE meant to know what YOU want to do? You have to make your own mind up, not get other people to make decisions for you.

Reply 19

yeahyeahyeahs

16

Everyone feels like this at one point in their long term relationship. Its perfectly normal.

You are in a routine and everything is all samey. You're too comfortable with him and you think you got everything you needed out of the relationship.

You probably find you have very little in common with your bf, find him less attractive and have times where you have nothing to say to each other as well
I feel like this with my boyfriend sometimes, just like any other women/man in the world. WELCOME TO LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES.

You have two clear options:
1. If your relationship is worth saving. You can work at your relationship.
2. Or take the easy route. Dump him.

As for the other guy. Its natural to fancy other guys when you are in a relationship.

Should I break up with my boyfriend??

Related discussions

Articles for you