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Feeling uncomfortable around alcohol
I'm 18 and teetotal. I've had small amounts of alcohol but never been drunk.
My mother died of alcohol-related problems two years ago which is the most prominent reason for my teetotalism. However, I've experienced being shunned by some people, even to the point of them being extremely disrespectful of my reasons for not drinking. Most people, though, aren't bothered by it.
I feel quite uncomfortable in social drinking situations. I can go one of two ways; either (a) not be bothered by it (crops up very rarely), or (b) feel extremely alienated, nauseous and become very quiet and shy. I often feel pressured to drink too.
Even when my boyfriend (who's not even a regular drinker) has a few, I feel sick. He admitted this weekend that he'd try speed and ecstacy if the offer ever arose, and hearing that I just went cold. Now, I grew out of the "drugs are bad, people who use them are baaaaad" mindset years ago. But when told something like that, I can't count on my reaction. Especially when he used to tell me time and time again that he wouldn't do anything harder than weed (which doesn't really affect me).
I'd like to hear responses from anyone in a similar position, and how you cope with it.
My mother died of alcohol-related problems two years ago which is the most prominent reason for my teetotalism. However, I've experienced being shunned by some people, even to the point of them being extremely disrespectful of my reasons for not drinking. Most people, though, aren't bothered by it.
I feel quite uncomfortable in social drinking situations. I can go one of two ways; either (a) not be bothered by it (crops up very rarely), or (b) feel extremely alienated, nauseous and become very quiet and shy. I often feel pressured to drink too.
Even when my boyfriend (who's not even a regular drinker) has a few, I feel sick. He admitted this weekend that he'd try speed and ecstacy if the offer ever arose, and hearing that I just went cold. Now, I grew out of the "drugs are bad, people who use them are baaaaad" mindset years ago. But when told something like that, I can't count on my reaction. Especially when he used to tell me time and time again that he wouldn't do anything harder than weed (which doesn't really affect me).
I'd like to hear responses from anyone in a similar position, and how you cope with it.
I have been teetotal since my 18th Birthday which is coming up to 4 years now. Initially i felt uncomfortable around people who were drinking but in general that has gone now except for cases where people are really drunk. I tend to leave earlier than most people before people get really drunk. To be honest i have kind of got immune to it bothering me. People at uni took a while to get used to the fact that I didn't drink but now seem ok with it.
Just remember whether you drink is your decision and if you feel that you don't want to then people should respect that choice. You aren't doing anything wrong by being teetotal and anyone who is being cruel about it isn't worth bothering with.
Just remember whether you drink is your decision and if you feel that you don't want to then people should respect that choice. You aren't doing anything wrong by being teetotal and anyone who is being cruel about it isn't worth bothering with.
Reply 2
Get some new friends.
I had to stop drinking for a while, and I never told anyone about why.
No one ever asked me why I weren't drinking, they just respected me for who I am.
I had to stop drinking for a while, and I never told anyone about why.
No one ever asked me why I weren't drinking, they just respected me for who I am.
sonicnurse
I'm 18 and teetotal. I've had small amounts of alcohol but never been drunk.
My mother died of alcohol-related problems two years ago which is the most prominent reason for my teetotalism. However, I've experienced being shunned by some people, even to the point of them being extremely disrespectful of my reasons for not drinking. Most people, though, aren't bothered by it.
I feel quite uncomfortable in social drinking situations. I can go one of two ways; either (a) not be bothered by it (crops up very rarely), or (b) feel extremely alienated, nauseous and become very quiet and shy. I often feel pressured to drink too.
Even when my boyfriend (who's not even a regular drinker) has a few, I feel sick. He admitted this weekend that he'd try speed and ecstacy if the offer ever arose, and hearing that I just went cold. Now, I grew out of the "drugs are bad, people who use them are baaaaad" mindset years ago. But when told something like that, I can't count on my reaction. Especially when he used to tell me time and time again that he wouldn't do anything harder than weed (which doesn't really affect me).
I'd like to hear responses from anyone in a similar position, and how you cope with it.
My mother died of alcohol-related problems two years ago which is the most prominent reason for my teetotalism. However, I've experienced being shunned by some people, even to the point of them being extremely disrespectful of my reasons for not drinking. Most people, though, aren't bothered by it.
I feel quite uncomfortable in social drinking situations. I can go one of two ways; either (a) not be bothered by it (crops up very rarely), or (b) feel extremely alienated, nauseous and become very quiet and shy. I often feel pressured to drink too.
Even when my boyfriend (who's not even a regular drinker) has a few, I feel sick. He admitted this weekend that he'd try speed and ecstacy if the offer ever arose, and hearing that I just went cold. Now, I grew out of the "drugs are bad, people who use them are baaaaad" mindset years ago. But when told something like that, I can't count on my reaction. Especially when he used to tell me time and time again that he wouldn't do anything harder than weed (which doesn't really affect me).
I'd like to hear responses from anyone in a similar position, and how you cope with it.
Clearly you didnt grow out of that mindset to be honest.
Well, I know a few girls who dont drink, smoke or do drugs. No one really cares either, but they arent uncomfortable around people drinking, I think its going to be one of those things where you just have to get over it, nothing you can do or anyone can do otherwise.
Reply 5
LOL at the post that used to be here...
Anyway - I don't quite understand. If they are shunning you, then either a) tell them that you feel they are (it may be unintentional) or b) just find new friends.
But are they? I'm not sure - you say you feel pressured to drink - are they actually pressuring you? I get the impression that you're saying that this is your problem - most people you know are fine with your teetotalism.
In this case - I'd first want to ask about What actually bothers you. Not why - we get that - but, for example, is it when they're drunk that you feel awkward, or even when they're just drinking sober? etc.
You may just need to talk to other people about it, and tell them how you feel - you may need to stick it out, and you may need to avoid going out in situations where people will be drinking. Or, perhaps - a doctor? Honestly - it sounds to me like your mother's death has given you a slightly irrational fear (I understand myself the problems and effects of alcoholism because of my own mother - but you must admit that most students' drinking habits aren't bad enough to do any damage.)
Anyway - I really think you need to work through it, and if you decide that you can't do it yourself, a therapist might be able to help.
Anyway - I don't quite understand. If they are shunning you, then either a) tell them that you feel they are (it may be unintentional) or b) just find new friends.
But are they? I'm not sure - you say you feel pressured to drink - are they actually pressuring you? I get the impression that you're saying that this is your problem - most people you know are fine with your teetotalism.
In this case - I'd first want to ask about What actually bothers you. Not why - we get that - but, for example, is it when they're drunk that you feel awkward, or even when they're just drinking sober? etc.
You may just need to talk to other people about it, and tell them how you feel - you may need to stick it out, and you may need to avoid going out in situations where people will be drinking. Or, perhaps - a doctor? Honestly - it sounds to me like your mother's death has given you a slightly irrational fear (I understand myself the problems and effects of alcoholism because of my own mother - but you must admit that most students' drinking habits aren't bad enough to do any damage.)
Anyway - I really think you need to work through it, and if you decide that you can't do it yourself, a therapist might be able to help.
Reply 6
I've always been pretty much teetotal. I will have the occasional glass of wine for special occasions and such, but other than that I just choose not to drink because I just don't like it all that much.
None of my friends have ever really had a problem with it, and still include me in things.. even if it involves drinking.
I don't have any problem with other people drinking but I do hate having drunk people around me, and it makes me very nervous at times, but I make a concious decision to leave any situation like that that makes me feel uncomfortable.
You should never feel under pressure from anyone to drink if you don't want to, and if they try to force you then you need to seriously consider if they are the kind of people that you want to have around you.
None of my friends have ever really had a problem with it, and still include me in things.. even if it involves drinking.
I don't have any problem with other people drinking but I do hate having drunk people around me, and it makes me very nervous at times, but I make a concious decision to leave any situation like that that makes me feel uncomfortable.
You should never feel under pressure from anyone to drink if you don't want to, and if they try to force you then you need to seriously consider if they are the kind of people that you want to have around you.
Reply 7
I don't really drink and I found myself uncomfortable at others drinking purely because i hated the effects alcohol has on people. BUT over time i stopped worrying, my main friends don't drink too much or too often, it's something you learn to deal with!
Reply 8
Well you've got a fundamental problem here - namely that being around drunk people when you're sober is absolutely crap, whether you're a drinker or not. So you really only have three options: 1) live with that fact, and prepare to be very bored around drunk people, 2) stop hanging around with people when they're drinking, or 3) ...drink!
I do understand what it's like having a family history full of drink-related problems, however, I don't think it's necessarily reason not to enjoy a drink yourself. A lot of people do become teetotal because "they saw what it did to [insert loved one here], but to be honest I think it's a cop out. It's blaming someone's personal problems completely on alcohol, because you don't want to admit that just maybe, a large part of it was down to the person.
I do understand what it's like having a family history full of drink-related problems, however, I don't think it's necessarily reason not to enjoy a drink yourself. A lot of people do become teetotal because "they saw what it did to [insert loved one here], but to be honest I think it's a cop out. It's blaming someone's personal problems completely on alcohol, because you don't want to admit that just maybe, a large part of it was down to the person.
Reply 10
Socrates
I think its quite funny actually!
To sit back and watch randoms yeah it can be hilarious... for about 10 minutes. But having to converse with a group of drunk friends when you're not drunk... terrible! They find things hilarious that aren't, and yet, you know that if you were drunk too you'd be on the floor in hysterics.
Reply 11
You know I've had that same situation and sometimes it is the group of friends you are around. People do act drunk in different ways.. which is quite obvious but you know..
First things first.. Don't ever feel pressured into a situation to drink, one if you're not used to it, it can be quite dangerous in terms of your actions and the aftermath, be sure someone is there to look after you.. Never know who is looking to take advantage (sorry if that's harsh but its the truth)
Also secondly, be comfortable with who you are, you DON'T NEED to drink to have a good time, there are people everywhere who act like fools and don't drink at all, they look like they're wasted but they're completely 100% sober, You can always have a great time with the right people in any situation, and alcohol doesn't need to facilitate that!!
Thirdly, I am sorry to hear about your mother and its obvious why you don't drink and in my personal opinion good on you!! You know that people should be a bit more sympathetic to your situation not in the way to give you pity, but not to pressure you into that type of situation so maybe reconsider your friends circle?
Fourthly, if you are not comfortable with hard drugs, be honest with your boyfriend, be frank and straight with him about how you feel about it. He may just think its for a laugh and may not be aware of the consequences until he may actually be on a hospital A & E intensive care unit table.. Make sure he understands the risks, but to be honest it's his choice.. and well not to be offensive.. do you really want to be with someone who is experimenting with higher class drugs than weed?
That's just a personal opinion but just remember esp with drinking, be yourself, smile, don't feel pressured and you can definately have a great time without being completely smashed or drinking at all!!
Sober all my life.. Having the time of my life!!
:-)
N89
First things first.. Don't ever feel pressured into a situation to drink, one if you're not used to it, it can be quite dangerous in terms of your actions and the aftermath, be sure someone is there to look after you.. Never know who is looking to take advantage (sorry if that's harsh but its the truth)
Also secondly, be comfortable with who you are, you DON'T NEED to drink to have a good time, there are people everywhere who act like fools and don't drink at all, they look like they're wasted but they're completely 100% sober, You can always have a great time with the right people in any situation, and alcohol doesn't need to facilitate that!!
Thirdly, I am sorry to hear about your mother and its obvious why you don't drink and in my personal opinion good on you!! You know that people should be a bit more sympathetic to your situation not in the way to give you pity, but not to pressure you into that type of situation so maybe reconsider your friends circle?
Fourthly, if you are not comfortable with hard drugs, be honest with your boyfriend, be frank and straight with him about how you feel about it. He may just think its for a laugh and may not be aware of the consequences until he may actually be on a hospital A & E intensive care unit table.. Make sure he understands the risks, but to be honest it's his choice.. and well not to be offensive.. do you really want to be with someone who is experimenting with higher class drugs than weed?
That's just a personal opinion but just remember esp with drinking, be yourself, smile, don't feel pressured and you can definately have a great time without being completely smashed or drinking at all!!
Sober all my life.. Having the time of my life!!
:-)
N89
Toy Soldier
To sit back and watch randoms yeah it can be hilarious... for about 10 minutes. But having to converse with a group of drunk friends when you're not drunk... terrible! They find things hilarious that aren't, and yet, you know that if you were drunk too you'd be on the floor in hysterics.
Maybe I have just developed a natural high that makes me find things funny without being drunk?
Do you not drink because you don't want to or because of your family history? I know exactly what it's like to lose someone to alcohol, I'm in a very similar position myself, yet I've certainly never felt uncomfortable around alcohol. I drink quite a lot of it, in fact. It is possible to drink safely. It's certainly never going to be healthy, but it can be done in moderation. If you really don't want to drink, then don't, and don't let anyone pressure you into it, but I'm afraid it is inevitable that you'll feel left out in social environments, since you don't have alcohol to loosen you up a bit. I think your options are to either cope with feeling left out, to drink, or to socialise in non-drinking environments.
Reply 14
I'm similar in a way, although not tee-total. I went on holiday to Zante this year (no comments on this please lol) and after seeing how how drink affected everyone it completely put me off. I'd also got to the stage where it would take me upto 4 glasses of wine, 3 sambuca shots and 2 vodka shots to get me tipsy, so I called it a day. Now I drink once or twice a month, usually only takes me a glass or two of wine to get tipsy and I don't wake up with a dry mouth and achy feeling that I used to get after drinking. Funnily enough I used to always wonder how my friend (who is hindu) could enjoy her night without drinking, now I find it doesn't make a difference!
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