The Student Room Group

In love with Housemate

Hi,
I have a major problem.
I'm a guy and my housemate (a girl) and i have become the best friends since we started uni. We love each others company and spend most of the day together.
However she used to have a thing with this guy at uni but he friendzoned her but last night when we went out clubbing, one of her coursemates told me that her and the guy had been flirting at their prees. Im not gonna lie, when i got told this, a part of me literally died- i had never had this feeling before in my life and as a result i didnt feel like dancing and stuff at the club anymore.
So i walked home, really upset and on the way figured out why i was so upset - i think im in love with her. So i decided that i should just avoid her and go home the next for a couple of days to clear my head.
However the next day she texted me three times asking how my night was and if i was ok. I didnt reply then she asked me why i was blanking her.
I basically sent her a massive text saying how i care for her too much to see her get her heartbroken and go for the same guy. And told her how i felt when i got told what happened etc. I also said how i dont think we should be as close anymore as my mind cant take it and we should just be as close as she is with the other guys in the house (which isnt that close).
She was sad and said she would leave uni early as i am her closest friend and she couldnt bare the thought of us not being as close. I told her not to leave early and she told me she was crying to her sister on the phone about me.

We said we should take a break for a couple of days but when i come back i dont know what to do. I mean i care for her so much and she knows this but i cant take her going for other guys...

I know this i really long but id appreciate any sort of advice.

Thanks
Reply 1
Load up Tinder and spread the love there, that'll clear your mind champ.
Reply 2
Ahhh, young love.

I'll be frank with you, and as someone who has made similar mistakes in the past and learnt from them, I feel
semi-qualified to give you my 2 cents.

From her point of view, can you see how your behaviour is slightly out of order? You didn't tell her the feelings you have for her until you realised she was seeing this bloke, and you've gone down the route of punishing her for not being aware of your feelings. Although I'm sure you do care about her and don't want her to get hurt again, this isn't about that.

I've had that same punch in the gut when a crush of mine has told me that she's dating someone
else, and I did exactly the same thing. Completely shut them out, as the pain of them being with anyone else
but me was too much to handle. I was wrong for doing this, and there are quite a few situations that I wish I had had a face to face conversation and been honest about my feelings.

If I was you, stop hiding behind text messages, email, whatsapp and arrange to meet her somewhere quiet like a park, and be open with her. But before you do that you need to be open with yourself. This isn't about you caring about her, this is because you are romantically invested in her. There's quite a difference between the two.

Tell her that you like her, it hurt you that she was seeing someone else, and that you'd like to take her out on a date. Do not profess your upmost dying love for her, do not get gushy and refrain from trying to get her to stop seeing this guy. Neediness is an incredibly unattractive quality to have, and most people will run the other direction. The best thing you can do is keep your cool, be honest and ask her out. Then the ball will be in her court, anything that happens afterwards is completely out of your control.

Most importantly, and it will take you some time to realise this, there truly are plenty of fish in the sea. If this doesn't work out, understand that there are 4 billion women on this earth, and while she may seem like the only one for you, that may simply be your emotions getting in the way of your rationale.

I hope this helps you, good luck.
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Ziggy212
Ahhh, young love.

I'll be frank with you, and as someone who has made similar mistakes in the past and learnt from them, I feel
semi-qualified to give you my 2 cents.

From her point of view, can you see how your behaviour is slightly out of order? You didn't tell her the feelings you have for her until you realised she was seeing this bloke, and you've gone down the route of punishing her for not being aware of your feelings. Although I'm sure you do care about her and don't want her to get hurt again, this isn't about that.

I've had that same punch in the gut when a crush of mine has told me that she's dating someone
else, and I did exactly the same thing. Completely shut them out, as the pain of them being with anyone else
but me was too much to handle. I was wrong for doing this, and there are quite a few situations that I wish I had had a face to face conversation and been honest about my feelings.

If I was you, stop hiding behind text messages, email, whatsapp and arrange to meet her somewhere quiet like a park, and be open with her. But before you do that you need to be open with yourself. This isn't about you caring about her, this is because you are romantically invested in her. There's quite a difference between the two.

Tell her that you like her, it hurt you that she was seeing someone else, and that you'd like to take her out on a date. Do not profess your upmost dying love for her, do not get gushy and refrain from trying to get her to stop seeing this guy. Neediness is an incredibly unattractive quality to have, and most people will run the other direction. The best thing you can do is keep your cool, be honest and ask her out. Then the ball will be in her court, anything that happens afterwards is completely out of your control.

Most importantly, and it will take you some time to realise this, there truly are plenty of fish in the sea. If this doesn't work out, understand that there are 4 billion women on this earth, and while she may seem like the only one for you, that may simply be your emotions getting in the way of your rationale.

I hope this helps you, good luck.


Haha thank you for this reply, really appreciate it.

The thing is i know she doesnt like me in that way. During exam season a ad a couple weeks before that, we spent like 10 hours a day together and i guess she just thought we were just hanging out as friends. Like we would go shopping for clothes etc and go library together. Everyone in the house has made little jokes about how long we spend together, i guess she sees nothing buy it.

She texts me everyday without question.

I guess i thought it was just more. I think i might just tell her that i need to be less close with her and see what happens after summer. She is legit the nicest girl i have ever met and it pains me. Like i cant even revise for my last exam knowing the current situation - like she is always on my mind.
Reply 4
Original post by a jones
Haha thank you for this reply, really appreciate it.

The thing is i know she doesnt like me in that way. During exam season a ad a couple weeks before that, we spent like 10 hours a day together and i guess she just thought we were just hanging out as friends. Like we would go shopping for clothes etc and go library together. Everyone in the house has made little jokes about how long we spend together, i guess she sees nothing buy it.

She texts me everyday without question.

I guess i thought it was just more. I think i might just tell her that i need to be less close with her and see what happens after summer. She is legit the nicest girl i have ever met and it pains me. Like i cant even revise for my last exam knowing the current situation - like she is always on my mind.


Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you don't tell her how you feel then you may look back in the future and wish you said something.
Love or infatuation?

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