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girl not wanting kids?

please don't de-anon as people here know who I am and it could be quite embarassing, thanks.

basically, i don't know whether i'm being a bit odd. there's a girl i've been out on a few dates with, and when i was reading her facebook the other day, i noticed she made a comment about the fact she doesnt want any kids. now i definitely do, but then i think "im only 19, its not likely ill be with her forever", but then that makes me think "if not, then whats the point dating her?". shes the first girl i've ever been on a date with and im not really one to play the field as it were.

should i just enjoy myself and see how it goes? i do like her a lot, but a decade down the line, kids will be an important prerequesite for me.

thanks.

Reply 1

dh00001

16

just enjoy yourself. theres plenty of time to worry about that kind of thing

Reply 2

Sorani

16

You should see how it goes for a while, if in the future the situation is still the same then you can go your own ways.

I'm a girl who doesn't want children either but I suppose I'm lucky in that my boyfriend doesn't want them either. You're young, just have fun for now, having a family is a future thing and really shouldn't be troubling you now.

Reply 3

punktopia

3

Don't panic! The human race won't die out just yet.

Reply 4

ChemistBoy

16

People's opinions change over time, I wouldn't worry about it at the age of 19.

Reply 5

rosetinted

2

I certainly would worry yourself over something like that. As you said, it's not likely you'll be with her forever (in fact very unlikely). If she's 19 as well then it's no great shock she doesn't want kids and it's perfectly possible she'll change her mind later on in life. When you're young and single it's impossible to imagine a situation where you'll be likely to want kids and marriage and all that stuff.

I'm 22 and don't want kids, never have wanted kids and can't see myself changing my mind any time soon. However I don't know how I'll feel about things next week, let alone years in the future.

If you enter into every relationship thinking "well we differ on this, so there's no point", you'll be single a long time.

Reply 6

Jillie Boe

14

I don't want children. Tbh I think I only have 2 female friends who do. I've never really been a child person and have vowed not to have children ever since I was about 14. I just don't see myself having them, I'd rather have a fulltime career.

But who knows if I meet someone they might change my mind (although no-one ever has yet) I wouldn't worry about it. Who knows what will happen in the future.

Reply 7

Zoecb

11

Well I was in that position I would mention casually at some point that I definitely did. Then the other person would keep it in mind and not delude themselves that they could ever be with you in the long term.

If I went out with a guy who definitely did not want kids I would always be aware that he was in no way a keeper, and not to get so attached to the point of wanting to marry the guy or something.

Reply 8

sunshine butterfly

I am 21 and do not want children but i know that my boyfriend wants a child someday so for now we are enjoying our relationship as other people have said you do not know what you are going to be thinking 10 years away.

Do not worry and just enjoy your relationship as it is at the moment.

Reply 9

Fluent in Lies

2

Impregnate her anyway. Then offer to look after the child. Chicks dig single fathers.

Reply 10

username47781

20

She could change her mind next year or in several years time, at the end of the day you are both young and you should both just be enjoying the time you spend together.

Reply 11

dobbs

17

I think the number of girls/women our age who say "I am certainly not ever going to have children, I want a full time career" is quite laughable. Seriously, are any of them actually listening to themselves??

What's the point in having a full time career then retiring and dying - I know that maybe right now you think "Oh yeah I don't want kids" but to say "I'm definitely not ever going to have kids" is just a ridiculous thing to say!! :rolleyes:

I would be willing to put bets on saying that at least 60-70% of the females in this thread who've said they don't want kids end up having some!

Anyone who decides to go into full time employment for something like 35-40 (if not more) years of their life without anything 'extra' in their lives is just crazy. In my opinion.

Reply 12

jointhedots

16

dobbs

I think the number of girls/women our age who say "I am certainly not ever going to have children, I want a full time career" is quite laughable. Seriously, are any of them actually listening to themselves??

I love the assumption that as a woman you'll obviously want to reproduce at some point. I know plenty of guys who say they never want kids and no one bats an eyelid or questions it. But say it as a women (and incidentally, it's nothing to do with having a career)? 'Oh, but you'll change your mind in a few years'. I'm not debating that a lot of people do change their minds but nonetheless...Nice bit of what I'm sure is entirely unintentional sexism right there.

Anyway...Give a few years, there's no point bringing it up so early in the relationship. She may change her mind, you may change your mind, you might break up in a year or never really properly get together at all...Wait until things are a bit more established before you start worrying.

Reply 13

dobbs

17

misslibby

I love the assumption that as a woman you'll obviously want to reproduce at some point. I know plenty of guys who say they never want kids and no one bats an eyelid or questions it. But say it as a women (and incidentally, it's nothing to do with having a career)? 'Oh, but you'll change your mind in a few years'. I'm not debating that a lot of people do change their minds but nonetheless...Nice bit of what I'm sure is entirely unintentional sexism right there.

Actually I never mentioned anything about guys - I feel exactly the same way about guys saying it, it's just that from personal experience you never really hear guys talk about it because it's not something that is usually on our minds. Whereas as soon as a group of girls (yes generalising lol) hear that someone they know has had a baby it's suddenly "Oh my god I am never having kids" "Oh no neither am I!" "Yeah I might adopt, but not having one of my own" :rolleyes:

But I agree with you - if any guys were to say "I'm never ever having kids" then I would gladly put bets on that they would have kids. But as I say, guys tend to keep quiet about it, because what if his girlfriend didn't want kids and he's like "Oh yeah I want kids" - well that's gonna be an interesting one. I certainly want kids in the future, and I think a lot of people look past the enjoyment of having their own offspring and only think about them "being a hassle" :frown:

Oh and nice bit of unintentional (or intentional?) sexism from you - assuming that I, as a male, would be siding with the traditional sexist male thinking of "women as reproducing machines", when in fact I didn't even mention or imply that in my post :p:

Reply 14

prettygreeneyes99

9

Yea just enjoy yourself, chances are you wont be with her when it comes to the point of deciding whether or not you both want children.
Ive always found anyone slightly odd who's under 25 and is just insistent that they never want kids, you dont know how you'll feel in 10/15 years time! Im not particularly broody at the moment but Id like to think that when Im 60/70 I'll have children and grandchildren around me.

Reply 15

Nally

10

My best friend was ADAMANT she didn't want children, she had made her mind up, was resolute and wasn't going to be swayed.

4 years down the line in a long term relationship with a partner she sees herself marrying she has been swayed and was recently heard discussing baby names. Things change, people change, opinions change. I wouldn't stop myself getting in to a relationship at your age because of something like that.

Reply 16

prettygreeneyes99

9

Plus, of course women arent baby making machines blah blah etc, but having children is the most natural thing in the world, and probably our main purpose for being here, just seems weird that some people are so adamant that they never want any :s-smilie:

Reply 17

Sorani

16

prettygreeneyes99

Plus, of course women arent baby making machines blah blah etc, but having children is the most natural thing in the world, and probably our main purpose for being here, just seems weird that some people are so adamant that they never want any :s-smilie:

Maybe it was our main purpose for being here when we were half-wit apes but I like to think that we've evolved to make our own decisions and not rely on pure instinct anymore. If anything, with the world being full to bursting, maybe people should be more considerate about just having children without thinking.

Reply 18

prettygreeneyes99

9

Sorani

Maybe it was our main purpose for being here when we were half-wit apes but I like to think that we've evolved to make our own decisions and not rely on pure instinct anymore. If anything, with the world being full to bursting, maybe people should be more considerate about just having children without thinking.

Id hardly say the worlds full to bursting. But anyway, who says you cant have children without being considerate and thinking about it? We're not all 14 year old school children popping out babies so we can get our benefits you know! What would you say is the main purpose for humans then? Surely reproducing is the main goal for any species, doesnt mean we're stupid and only have 3 brain cells. But as I said before, having children is one of the most natural, and probably one of the, if not the biggest event in someone's life... I just cant understand how someone could be so set on not wanting children ever..

Reply 19

dobbs

17

Sorani

Maybe it was our main purpose for being here when we were half-wit apes but I like to think that we've evolved to make our own decisions and not rely on pure instinct anymore. If anything, with the world being full to bursting, maybe people should be more considerate about just having children without thinking.

It's all about responsible reproduction - as prettygreeneyes says, we're not 14 year old chavs popping out 20 kids a minute (what a sight that would be!). I would like to have 2 kids if possible, and from the off I'd be teaching them about the responsibilities they have in terms of recycling, saving electricity, eating healthily, and all that kinda stuff.

The world is not "bursting", it's just too full of people who don't care/don't realise what they're doing to the world. There are easily enough resources to take on probably twice as many humans as we already have, as long as people were a lot more resourceful. But that's another argument lol :wink:

girl not wanting kids?

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