im losing it again- ed. potential trigger.

dont de anon ppl from my college use this site

i just dont know what to do. ive been here before.
i thought id cracked this, got over it.
basically i noticed today that ive not been eating again.
ive suffered with eating disorders and had anorexia when i was younger (now nearly 18) ive been really stressed recently and i really dislike myself.
i dont want to slip back into old habbits but ive already had. i keep making myself food, and no matter what i cant eat it. I dont deserve it.

I have alot on my mind at the moment ive just got a my first boyfriend which i thought was great, ive never really connected with everyone. but it turns out hes got a really bad OCD and is always straightening and neatening things up. touching my things, rearrangning my folders at college, and tidying my room. im a really messy creative person and its really annoying me. i used to like him but at the moment i feel so agressive towards him, i just want to scream at him and tell him to go away.
i always feel like that with guys. i like to fix things not be fixed.

another big problem is my mum. its just me and her, and my sister when shes around. shes so awful and keeps telling me about all the weight ive put on recently. she was the reason i first developed eds but i never told the psychologists that. but the psychologists helped i felt soo much better.
and thats why i then decided to do psychology. help others get over eds and things too. but whats the point im not over it.

i applied to one of the oxbridge unis recently aswell although i dont want to say which one. i dont know why. i think its becuase mum told me how proud shed be to have a daughter applying.

i even logged onto my old ed myspace tonight.
spoke to some amazing girls.
one of my friends on theres critical.
2 days left.
but im atually happy for her.
and it felt good to talk to these girls again.

to loose weight.
to be soo amazingly beautifully light.
so perfect.
and i dont care if it kills me anymore.

Reply 1

Tootles

21

Does anyone except your mum tell you you're fat? If so, but you're not eating any more than you should be, then your problem is glandular.

If your mum's the only one who's saying this, then it's her who's got the wrong idea, not you.

How tall are you, and what gender? PM me if you don't want to say on here.

Reply 2

Saffie

11

Anonymous

i even logged onto my old ed myspace tonight.
spoke to some amazing girls.
one of my friends on theres critical.
2 days left.
but im atually happy for her.
and it felt good to talk to these girls again.

to loose weight.
to be soo amazingly beautifully light.
so perfect.
and i dont care if it kills me anymore.

how are you happy your friend's about to die?

Being anorexic isn't attractive, infact it looks disgusting.

You really need to fight your ed, if you don't feel you can do it alone, get in touch with your psychologist again. Good luck.

Reply 3

Jolae

Saffie

how are you happy your friend's about to die?

Being anorexic isn't attractive, infact it looks disgusting.

You really need to fight your ed, if you don't feel you can do it alone, get in touch with your psychologist again. Good luck.

happy about your friend dying? Boy you must really have hated them! :s-smilie:

Reply 4

blanche89

3

hey message me! i know exactly how you feel, and I have had the same problems in the past and same problems presently regarding mothers. stay strong butterfly XX

Reply 5

emma2804

Hi. I'm trying to recover from anorexia, I completely understand how hard it is. Could you get back in touch with your psychologist, tell them you're struggling? I'm sure they wouldn't let you suffer like this.
Feel free to message me if you want, keep fighting it though, you're worth much more than ED's :smile:

im losing it again- ed. potential trigger.

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