Cutting my parents out of my life when I start Uni?

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Tigerbites82
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#1
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hJust a little background first - My mother has been emotionally, physically and verbally abusive me whole life. She hit and smacked me often as a child, she even still does now. She's always called me fat, ugly, lazy, a ***** etc. She's also always told me that I will always be what she calls a 'second tier friend', meaning that no one will every truly want to be my friend and that I will never had a meaningful friendship. She also uses the fact that I have mental heath issues against me, gaslighting me and telling me that it's all delusions in my head. Shes got all out family friends convinced that she's oh so considerate so there's no one I can really turn to. Just earlier today she hit me and was grabbing onto my feet and legs as I tried to get up the stairs and then locked me and her in a room so I couldn't get out. I managed to push her out the way after I while and I ran onto the street and stayed with a neighbour for a few mins - they wanted to call the police but I went back home and she just acted like nothing had happened.

I've suffered from depression since I was 10 years old and I've always taken medication for it and I've even had to take 2 years out of formal education due to my mental health. I haven't spoken to my dad for over a year and haven't seen him in person for 2. He went to prison about a year ago for cheating his tennants and fraud. He got out a while ago but we haven't had any contact and we have never been close.

My mum doesn't talk about her childhood much but she and my grandma and uncle and aunt are not close. My uncle won't even add her on facebook. She came from a very abusive home as my (now dead) Grandfather physically and sexually abused his children and attempted to kill my Grandma.

Basically what I'm asking is has anyone else cut their family out of their life/ stopped talking to them when they started uni? I'm worried about the financials as I have very little money and the only financial support I will be getting from my family is the paying of my phone bill. I'm scared I wont be able to afford my phone.

Thank you so much
xxxx

O
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Queenie123
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(Original post by Tigerbites82)
hJust a little background first - My mother has been emotionally, physically and verbally abusive me whole life. She hit and smacked me often as a child, she even still does now. She's always called me fat, ugly, lazy, a ***** etc. She's also always told me that I will always be what she calls a 'second tier friend', meaning that no one will every truly want to be my friend and that I will never had a meaningful friendship. She also uses the fact that I have mental heath issues against me, gaslighting me and telling me that it's all delusions in my head. Shes got all out family friends convinced that she's oh so considerate so there's no one I can really turn to. Just earlier today she hit me and was grabbing onto my feet and legs as I tried to get up the stairs and then locked me and her in a room so I couldn't get out. I managed to push her out the way after I while and I ran onto the street and stayed with a neighbour for a few mins - they wanted to call the police but I went back home and she just acted like nothing had happened.

I've suffered from depression since I was 10 years old and I've always taken medication for it and I've even had to take 2 years out of formal education due to my mental health. I haven't spoken to my dad for over a year and haven't seen him in person for 2. He went to prison about a year ago for cheating his tennants and fraud. He got out a while ago but we haven't had any contact and we have never been close.

My mum doesn't talk about her childhood much but she and my grandma and uncle and aunt are not close. My uncle won't even add her on facebook. She came from a very abusive home as my (now dead) Grandfather physically and sexually abused his children and attempted to kill my Grandma.

Basically what I'm asking is has anyone else cut their family out of their life/ stopped talking to them when they started uni? I'm worried about the financials as I have very little money and the only financial support I will be getting from my family is the paying of my phone bill. I'm scared I wont be able to afford my phone.

Thank you so much
xxxx

O
Hi, Im sorry to hear how unhappy you were I would recommend, looking into student loans and talking to your university to see what support they could offer
good luck xx
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foood
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(Original post by Tigerbites82)
hJust a little background first - My mother has been emotionally, physically and verbally abusive me whole life. She hit and smacked me often as a child, she even still does now. She's always called me fat, ugly, lazy, a ***** etc. She's also always told me that I will always be what she calls a 'second tier friend', meaning that no one will every truly want to be my friend and that I will never had a meaningful friendship. She also uses the fact that I have mental heath issues against me, gaslighting me and telling me that it's all delusions in my head. Shes got all out family friends convinced that she's oh so considerate so there's no one I can really turn to. Just earlier today she hit me and was grabbing onto my feet and legs as I tried to get up the stairs and then locked me and her in a room so I couldn't get out. I managed to push her out the way after I while and I ran onto the street and stayed with a neighbour for a few mins - they wanted to call the police but I went back home and she just acted like nothing had happened.

I've suffered from depression since I was 10 years old and I've always taken medication for it and I've even had to take 2 years out of formal education due to my mental health. I haven't spoken to my dad for over a year and haven't seen him in person for 2. He went to prison about a year ago for cheating his tennants and fraud. He got out a while ago but we haven't had any contact and we have never been close.

My mum doesn't talk about her childhood much but she and my grandma and uncle and aunt are not close. My uncle won't even add her on facebook. She came from a very abusive home as my (now dead) Grandfather physically and sexually abused his children and attempted to kill my Grandma.

Basically what I'm asking is has anyone else cut their family out of their life/ stopped talking to them when they started uni? I'm worried about the financials as I have very little money and the only financial support I will be getting from my family is the paying of my phone bill. I'm scared I wont be able to afford my phone.

Thank you so much
xxxx

O
Hey so i just read this and I'm sorry for what you have to go through. I would suggest you speak to someone about this situation, whether its a close relative, a friend, or a teacher that you trust, especially since you're a victim of depression and abuse. Also, you could get in contact which helplines that will also advise you about financial support etc.
PS: this may sound daft but have u ever wondered why your mom may act the way she does? Is it because she has problems in her own life? Maybe try talking to her, but then again you know your situation best.
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Sternumator
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I didn't talk to mine for months because of grievances I had with my childhood but we talk again now.

Uni will give you a chance to step away and look at your childhood from a different perspective. You are emotional and angry now. Moving out let me think about my childhood and my parents behaviour in a calm way.

It may change your relationship with her. You can have a relationship on your terms and she her when you want. There are daily pressures of living together so moving out can help. You can meet for just a coffee if that is all you want to do. You don't have to cut her out completely.

I used to be really angry with my parents about my childhood but I am not anymore. What is done is done and they are who they are. I'll never forget but I talk to them.

You may decide that you don't want a relationship with your parents at all but I think that has to come after a period of calm reflection. A heat of the moment "I'm never talking to you again" is just emotion coming out and is unlikely to last.
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