What if your partners...

Hid certain things?

Me & my boyfriend have a serious relationship and we love each other very much, however I have doubts about trusting him, and if I will be able to again...
He can be really secretive at times about stuff that doesnt even bother me, he sometimes gets text messages off girls he used to like, which I'm not bothered about, but he goes really off and secretive when he receives them, once he waited until I had turned around to text one of the girls back. In the end I confronted him about it and he said he was scared of telling me in case I freaked out and he said he'd be more honest about things in future.
On sunday he came round to mine and my sister was on his phone using his calculator and a message came through, she passed it 2 him and apologized because she clicked on it by accident (its one of them samsung touch screen things) anyway afterwards she told me the message was off a random girl saying "wouldnt your gf be annoyed if she knew you were texting me" anyways I asked him about it and he lied to my face at first, when i got him to confess he said he met this girl in work the night before and spoke to her for fifteen mins. I asked him why he didnt tell me and he said he was scared, this to me seems like he had something to hide. I asked what she was like and stuff about her and he said he didnt know much. Is it me or is that weird? I weren't happy. He says he doesnt like her, he just thought they could be "friends". Its made me abit paranoid, im not sure whether to trust him or not now, and if he could lie about that and keep it a secret, what else could he lie about?

what do you think people?

xxxx

Reply 1

SilverWings

14

You're a bunny boiler.

Reply 2

matt@internet

12

Well it seems a lot of women get really jealous and stuff, according to some of the threads on :tsr2:

, and forbid their b/f's from being friends with other girls, or call up the girls in question and tell them to stay away, so maybe he was worried that's how you'd be?

Reply 3

TOD100

Hail Hitler!

Reply 4

ßlαcksωαn

17

I dunno if you're overeacting or not or whatever.
But if I was you I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust or who hid stuff from me, or had secrect love affair sms's. With no trust there is not a strong-lasting relationship love.

Reply 5

silverbolt

19

blackswan

I dunno if you're overeacting or not or whatever.
But if I was you I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't trust or who hid stuff from me, or had secrect love affair sms's. With no trust there is not a strong-lasting relationship love.

A few texts hardly constitute a secret love affair though i agree it could be determined as such.

OP if hes had a bad experiance with an overly jealous paranoid insecure partner before it could be this reason why hes so secretive about this.

Reply 6

Tufts

17

Sarah-Lou

once he waited until I had turned around to text one of the girls back.

That's dodgy. And this dude lies. Guys how can you possibly think it is okay to lie to your partner and hide your interactions with the opposite sex. If they were innocent interactions he would have nothing to hide.

Reply 7

Riim

Tufts

That's dodgy. And this dude lies. Guys how can you possibly think it is okay to lie to your partner and hide your interactions with the opposite sex. If they were innocent interactions he would have nothing to hide.

Exactly. Seriously if he was as scared as he claims he would have been a 100 times more careful when texting them.

Reply 8

Sarah-Lou

OP

I know his last gf cheated on him, but thats all I know. And no I'm not a bunny boiler.

Reply 9

A Y A Z

11

TOD100

Hail Hitler!

Why thank you.

Reply 10

randomgirl

14

She isn't a bunnyboiler IMO.

I wouldn't exactly be happy if my boyfriend was secretly texting girls the second I turn my back. Surely if the OP's boyfriend had nothing to hide he'd just do it in front of her and wouldn't "be scared"?

I think you should talk to your boyfriend. There is no point in being in a relationship with him if you cannot fully trust him.

Reply 11

A Y A Z

11

Sarah-Lou

I know his last gf cheated on him, but thats all I know. And no I'm not a bunny boiler.

Answer these two questions and you will know what to do:

1. Why is he doing this? If he were honest with me, wouldn't he feel comfortable with me reading his texts if nothing were the matter? If hes got nothing to hide, why apologize or feel scared? And if hes told me he won't do it, why do it again and break my trust?

2. Do I love him enough to ignore all this and give him a chance, even if I may end up getting hurt later?

Reply 12

A Y A Z

11

Tufts

That's dodgy. And this dude lies. Guys how can you possibly think it is okay to lie to your partner and hide your interactions with the opposite sex. If they were innocent interactions he would have nothing to hide.

Reply 13

Tufts

17

A Y Z

Reply 14

Meep!

9

I don't think she's a bunny boiler. I think it's downright wrong to text girls he 'used to fancy' behind her back, and then lie about it. Why is he so cagey about it? There's something wrong about hat in my opinion.

Reply 15

randdom

20

I would suggest that you talk to him. Make it clear that him texting other girls doesn't bother you and that you would rather than he just did it and didn't try to hide it because it is this hiding it that makes you worried that something is going on.

If he continues to hide it then i would get slightly concerned and question what is going on. But talk to him first communication is important in any relationship.

Reply 16

73337

18

We do not know him well enough to have an opinion. You've got to ask yourself OP why you're asking a bunch of strangers on the internet about this. How the hell are we meant to know him or his motives?

Reply 17

username47781

20

Well maybe it's totally innocent but i'd be a little suspicious the fact that he's lying and hiding it. If he had nothing to hide then surely he wouldn't care if you saw.

At the same time though if he wasn't lying would you be jealous then if he texted another girl.

Bottom line is, if there is no trust in this relationship then it will not work.