Muslims Only: I'm not a virgin - can I still get married? Watch

sfaraj
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#61
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#61
as a muslim, honestly i would rather them explain the situation to me, if i found out they lied (trust me it will come out at one point) it would probably cause a bump in the relationship

but if there are women who marry converts, you could find someone too
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username2052983
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#62
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#62
(Original post by abc_123_)
Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to quote you x
I meant to quote the person who wrote the thread ... also, I'm sorry, I don't understand some of those words x
Oh no worries lol
Understand what words?
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cuttlebone
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#63
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#63
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I'm a Muslim guy and a couple years ago I made a stupid mistake and lost my virginity. Alhamdullilah, I am much more practicing now.

Obviously, most Muslim girls will find this off-putting since they would also prefer to marry someone who is chaste, which is obviously worrying

I've done some research online and found that I don't have to tell my potential wife about my circumstances. Or how they put, it's preferable that I don't "expose my sins".

So is that OK? Can I marry a Muslim girl and not tell her I already lost my virginity?
Honesty is always best. If you tell her that it is a source of shame for you (aka tha tyou regret it), and if she genuinely loves you, she'll be fine with it. If she's not fine with it, she can't love you that much in the first place.
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Lord Samosa
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#64
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Tbh in my experience, if you're honest about your past sins/mistakes and tell her, she'll probably respect you more for your honesty and the fact you regret it.

My advice is, just be honest, being honest and open is important in a marriage.
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Anonymous #8
#65
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#65
You can marry a women and not tell her, but honestly is also promoted in Islam, so it would be better if you told her. Also if she does find out, the consequences are likely to be much worse than if you told her before. So it would be best if you told her your situation and just explained yourself, if she is the one it would not make a difference and Allah does everything for a good reason, so instead of worrying what might happen if you tell think of the benefits - you said your practising now so that is a clear benefit and if you are practising and have repented than Allah will make sure everything works out.
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Anonymous #7
#66
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#66
(Original post by Fermion.)
Nah, im expecting the guy to ask me about my sex life and who ive been involved with during the marriage. Its not exposing sins lol its just knowing who you are with. Like I said I dont care if he is a virgin or not but eventually I will ask who he has been involved with..
You don't have a right to ask him and he shouldn't tell you. It'll cause fitnah and if you don't care if he's a virgin then you shouldn't ask him. There is no reason to ask him. It's not 'knowing who you are with', your sins don't define you. That's haram.
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username1842595
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#67
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#67
(Original post by Anonymous)
You don't have a right to ask him and he shouldn't tell you. It'll cause fitnah and if you don't care if he's a virgin then you shouldn't ask him. There is no reason to ask him. It's not 'knowing who you are with', your sins don't define you. That's haram.
Sorry but I dont want an STD, I have every right to ask what I'm getting sexually involved with... I dont know what world you live in if you think your husband/wife wont ask about your sex life? I understand that islamically you are not obliged to tell your wife/husband anything but if I ask him to get tested and he has an STD he will have to tell me. He cant just say its between him and Allah.

EDIT: What about women who are virgins and only desire a virgin man?
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username1894983
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#68
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#68
(Original post by Fermion.)
Sorry but I dont want an STD ahaha I have every right to ask what I'm getting sexually involved with...
Both parties should do a STD check up before marriage.
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Anonymous #7
#69
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#69
(Original post by Fermion.)
Sorry but I dont want an STD, I have every right to ask what I'm getting sexually involved with... I dont know what world you live in if you think your husband/wife wont ask about your sex life? I understand that islamically you are not obliged to tell your wife/husband anything but if I ask him to get tested and he has an STD he will have to tell me. He cant just say its between him and Allah.

EDIT: What about women who are virgins and only desire a virgin man?
If either has any illness or defects which can play a part in the relationship then you'll have to disclose it to the opposite party before marriage anyway. STDs don't always come from zina and either way that is such a small percentage chance of happening. He will say its between him and Allah and you should not pry into his sins as that's nothing to do with you, his past and details don't make a difference now.

I don't intend on giving my partner a reason to ask.

What do you mean? I've spoke about that on my first post where I responded to the OP.
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Anonymous #9
#70
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#70
My muslim female friend isn't a virgin and she won't tell her future husband of her "impurity", for she'd be branded a sinner. Given a choice, she wouldn't marry another Muslim man, if it wasn't for her parents forcing her.

Muslim culture is so outdated.
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saythatagain?!?
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#71
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#71
as a Muslim girl myself i wouldn't want to marry someone who has lost it only because i myself haven't so a option could be marrying someone who is similar to you. furthermore yes it is true that you do not need to tell your wife that your not a virgin and her not knowing wont even affect her. the thing is it would affect you because you have this wife who you share everything with but you cannot share that and i scary.

the way i see it personally if you are the best person you can be now praying, fasting being kind and considerate then i think its fine. also you may meet someone who you feel comfortable telling and to be honest if a girl sees what you have to offer now she can put that aside trust me its all about what you have now
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Anonymous #1
#72
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#72
(Original post by Anonymous)
As muslims we have the ability to specify whether or not we want our partner to be a virgin, and this is a right upon us. If we meet a potential and they specify what they want or require in a husband(or wife) and they mention that they require their spouse to be a virgin then you can't accept it and imply that you are a virgin. Therefore if you know her requirements you can just say that you are not suited for each other and therefore you can't get married.
You don't, and shouldn't, tell her that you are not a virgin because you have sinned; there is no need to expose your sins.

Although it is a major sin so as long as you repent inshallah you've been forgiven, you are back on track now alhamdilillah.




If you are married and they didn't care about you being a virgin why should they ask you? They shouldn't ask you. They're asking about it and trying to expose your sins and they shouldn't do this. They shouldn't as it doesn't matter and it's non of their business. If they state they want a virgin before marriage then you can deny the marriage and if they don't (be it from a past marriage or sin) then they have no reason to ask.
It's between you and Allah.
You could respond likewise if anyone asked you about a past sin and avoid the question and remind them not to ask.

And they should know not to expose your sins.




This is sad and wrong. You should aim to marry a partner who is pious and great with regards to religion. Their religion is the main reason for marrying them, most important and so you shouldn't expect bad of them. Committing zina is a major sin, just like you wouldn't normalise a murderer or idol worshipper you shouldn't normalise this sin in this situation. There are plenty of people who aren't engaging in zina.
You are right, their past is past and if they have repented and now pious then that's great.
Thanks for the reply.

I'm not getting married or anything so I wouldn't know but if she doesn't say she wants a virgin but assumes I am, due to my circumstance being that common?
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saythatagain?!?
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#73
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#73
(Original post by Anonymous)
My muslim female friend isn't a virgin and she won't tell her future husband of her "impurity", for she'd be branded a sinner. Given a choice, she wouldn't marry another Muslim man, if it wasn't for her parents forcing her.

Muslim culture is so outdated.
love Muslim is not a culture it is a follower of Islam ( a religion)
it may be in your opinion but it saves us from all this heart break, this being shamed when you naked selfie gets leaked, drugs, alcohol and the list goes on. its just that people who are not Muslim like to judge a lot and think the worst. honey there 1.8 billion Muslims there wouldn't be if Islam was sooooo bad as everyone makes it out to be. you all need to get out of your bubble and understand that respect, honesty and love is what true happiness is and that is Islam sorry that you had to hear that x
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Anonymous #5
#74
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#74
(I have studied the principles of Fiqh and Hadith just to reassure you) Brother listen, lets establish some facts. When Allah forgives a sin, it is as if the sin has not been committed, that's the beauty of it. Also, yes, you should not expose your sin when Allah has placed a hijab (a barrier) over it. Allah has concealed it out of his mercy and the only time a sin should be exposed is when one wants to warn others away from it. You seem guilty and repentant therefore it is safe to say you very likely have been forgiven. That is the end of that, it is as if you did not commit the sin. Scholars have said that when asked about a sin (which no one should really do unless there is a necessity) one should not lie, rather they should mislead and say statements such as "Alhamdulilah, Allah has protected me from that sin (from doing it again)", that is the best approach. Also, here is the ruling stating lying is strictly forbidden in any case, except 3:


Ahmad (17) narrated that Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) said: O people, beware of lying, for lying is contrary to faith.
[Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani. See ad-Da‘eefah, 5/414]

It is narrated in a saheeh report from Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: The Muslim could develop all sorts of characteristics except treachery and lying.

And it is narrated in a saheeh report from Ibn Mas‘ood (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: Lying is never appropriate in earnest or in jest. Then he recited the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “Fear Allah, and be with those who are true (in words and deeds).” [at-Tawbah 9:119].

Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 8/403 Muslim (2605) narrated from Umm Kalthoom bint ‘Uqbah that she heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “He is not a liar who reconciles between people, saying good things and conveying good things.”

Ibn Shihaab – one of the narrators of the hadeeth – said: I did not hear of any concession being granted concerning anything that people call lies except in three cases: War, reconciling among people, and what a man says to his wife or a woman says to her husband.

Imam Ahmad (26731) narrated that Umm Kalthoom bint ‘Uqbah said: I never heard the Messenger of Allah grant a concession allowing any kind of lying except in three cases: a man who says something intending thereby to bring about reconciliation (between two people who have enmity towards each other); a man who says something at the time of war (to protect Muslims); and a man talking to his wife or a woman talking to her husband (for example when a wife asks a husband if she looks beautiful and at that moment he does not think so, lying at that moment and saying she does is better for the couple and maintains the love).

So in conclusion, no, do not expose the sin, it is not who you are and does not represent you and you have sincerely repented so it is as if it has not happened. Also, it is not deceit or anything, it is something where there is no necessity to mention and thus does not need to be. Finally, a practising sister who truly understands the the Deen, the Quran and the Sunnah will not let this concern her especially if you are repentant and regretful for the sin.

Hope this helps brother and may Allah bless you and aid you in finding a righteous spouse and may He bless your marriage In'Sha'Allah and grant you Jannah. Ameen.
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username2052983
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#75
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#75
(Original post by abc_123_)
Zina x
It means adultrey

(Original post by Anonymous)
My muslim female friend isn't a virgin and she won't tell her future husband of her "impurity", for she'd be branded a sinner. Given a choice, she wouldn't marry another Muslim man, if it wasn't for her parents forcing her.

Muslim culture is so outdated.
Muslim isn't a culture darling x
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Coolerthanapples
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#76
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#76
(Original post by BintM)
If Allah can forgive why can't we? But each to their own.
One of the biggest sins in Islam.
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username2052983
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#77
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#77
(Original post by Coolerthanapples)
One of the biggest sins in Islam.
Allah forgives all sins. Yes its one of the biggest sins but when one repents sincerely theres nothing stopping him from beng forgiven
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Coolerthanapples
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#78
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(Original post by BintM)
Allah forgives all sins. Yes its one of the biggest sins but when one repents sincerely theres nothing stopping him from beng forgiven
Just because you forgive them doesn't mean you marry them.
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august11
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#79
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#79
Lying in a relationship is never a good thing. Shows you don't really appreciate your future wife, to be honest. She's not a thing or a possession, she's someone you profess to love. If you love her, you should feel you want to tell the truth.
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username2052983
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#80
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#80
(Original post by Coolerthanapples)
Just because you forgive them doesn't mean you marry them.
People change. You cant hold a sin against someone forever. So are you saying people who have commited zina cant get married?
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