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I don't think I can get over him.
Since May ish, for a couple of months, I had a very on-off (Mostly off) fling with a guy I really liked. He didn't want a relationship, he just wanted to sleep around (He has since admitted this to me).
I fell pregnant, and had an abortion back in August. He promised to be there for me, and basically wasn't. After a lot of hate towards him, and a lot of guilt (I think?) on his part, he agreed to meet me, and we talked for 3 hours. I let him know how depressed I'd been, how much I'd needed him and he wasn't there, and just... Talked about stuff.
Since then, we've met up a few times, and feelings have come back. I really, REALLY like him. I think he's making up for the past 3 months by being quite caring and quite nice. He lets me talk about the abortion, and listens, and its what I need.
We've had the conversation that basically went that I couldn't sleep with him, unless we were together. It was friends, or a relationship. No inbetween.
We had a cuddle last week that ended in a kiss, and then I saw him again the next day where nothing happened (The kiss was a mistake, we were supposed to be staying away from each other in that way). Then I saw him Monday and he told me he didn't like me enough for us to go out. "Stuff" nearly happened, but then I broke down crying. It was my fault things nearly happened, he was resisting a little.
ANyway. He stayed the night, when I asked him too, in an innocent way. But now I think I'm too dependant on him especially when I know he doesn't want me.
I cannot CANNOT leave him alone. I have this major emotional link/dependancy on him now, and it hurts. We're still going to see each other, do friend stuff.
I don't know how to move out of this little rut, and what to do now? Anyone have any advice they can offer?
I fell pregnant, and had an abortion back in August. He promised to be there for me, and basically wasn't. After a lot of hate towards him, and a lot of guilt (I think?) on his part, he agreed to meet me, and we talked for 3 hours. I let him know how depressed I'd been, how much I'd needed him and he wasn't there, and just... Talked about stuff.
Since then, we've met up a few times, and feelings have come back. I really, REALLY like him. I think he's making up for the past 3 months by being quite caring and quite nice. He lets me talk about the abortion, and listens, and its what I need.
We've had the conversation that basically went that I couldn't sleep with him, unless we were together. It was friends, or a relationship. No inbetween.
We had a cuddle last week that ended in a kiss, and then I saw him again the next day where nothing happened (The kiss was a mistake, we were supposed to be staying away from each other in that way). Then I saw him Monday and he told me he didn't like me enough for us to go out. "Stuff" nearly happened, but then I broke down crying. It was my fault things nearly happened, he was resisting a little.
ANyway. He stayed the night, when I asked him too, in an innocent way. But now I think I'm too dependant on him especially when I know he doesn't want me.
I cannot CANNOT leave him alone. I have this major emotional link/dependancy on him now, and it hurts. We're still going to see each other, do friend stuff.
I don't know how to move out of this little rut, and what to do now? Anyone have any advice they can offer?
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Reply 1
To be honest he sounds like a manipulative git, the only way you are going to get over him is maybe not contact or meet with him for a while. In time you will get over him.
Reply 2
I am also currently in the process of getting over someone. Everything I see reminds me of him. There are old emails and text messages I can't bring myself to erase and all my friends are sick of me moaning on and on about him.
We had a long distance thing and after we broke up, I still went to see him. Just like your situation, I couldn't leave him alone and I couldn't help myself from wanting to hold his hand or things like that.
But I've been back for around 3 weeks now and I haven't talked to him. Not because I dislike him or am bitter but rather I realise that I simply just had to leave it. It is so immensely difficult and I understand it must be even harder for you because of the abortion.
Just to throw my 2 cents in, I don't think he treated you particularly well in that regard, his intentions do not seem to have been honourable at all. As much as you may want him, you have to mitigate your damages. He didn't handle the situation suitably at all and I don't think he's done enough to make it up to you. He should have given you more emotional support even if he doesn't love you. That was not a decent thing to do. You can do better.
It was so hard to not contact my ex, I wanted to know what's going on in his life because he is still a good friend and was even before we got together. But sometimes you just have to be tough on yourself. If you know that something is the right thing to do, however difficult you have to come through for yourself. By no means blame yourself for anything that happened. Acknowledge the situation for what it is, which I think you have. You know what you have to do. Surround yourself with supportive friends, don't let him be the only thing that occupies your mind, you are far better than that.
I don't know if that helps, I hope it does.
We had a long distance thing and after we broke up, I still went to see him. Just like your situation, I couldn't leave him alone and I couldn't help myself from wanting to hold his hand or things like that.
But I've been back for around 3 weeks now and I haven't talked to him. Not because I dislike him or am bitter but rather I realise that I simply just had to leave it. It is so immensely difficult and I understand it must be even harder for you because of the abortion.
Just to throw my 2 cents in, I don't think he treated you particularly well in that regard, his intentions do not seem to have been honourable at all. As much as you may want him, you have to mitigate your damages. He didn't handle the situation suitably at all and I don't think he's done enough to make it up to you. He should have given you more emotional support even if he doesn't love you. That was not a decent thing to do. You can do better.
It was so hard to not contact my ex, I wanted to know what's going on in his life because he is still a good friend and was even before we got together. But sometimes you just have to be tough on yourself. If you know that something is the right thing to do, however difficult you have to come through for yourself. By no means blame yourself for anything that happened. Acknowledge the situation for what it is, which I think you have. You know what you have to do. Surround yourself with supportive friends, don't let him be the only thing that occupies your mind, you are far better than that.
I don't know if that helps, I hope it does.
Reply 3
He's making up with the emotional support now though. I don't think he's a manipulative git anymore... 3 months ago, yes. But I really honestly believe he's grown up. He keeps telling me that things can't happen, that he can't mess me up again. I can't have no contact with him though :-( He's the only link to the pregnancy, which I don't want to forget. And I don't want to forget him, at all. I reallllllllllly want to be friends with him, I just don't know how :-(
Reply 4
I say run hun, and dont look back. Believe me I've been on this road before and it never ever ends. And i understand how it hurts, i was hooked on my ex too, it was like drug, and i'm still having withdrawal symptoms.
The easiest way in my opinion, is to let go slowly, it will take time tho, but if you cut him completely outta your life, you'll end up missing him and clinging onto him. So try ease him out, and you'll find yourslef not thinkin about him as much you used to...until one day he might be gone. x
The easiest way in my opinion, is to let go slowly, it will take time tho, but if you cut him completely outta your life, you'll end up missing him and clinging onto him. So try ease him out, and you'll find yourslef not thinkin about him as much you used to...until one day he might be gone. x
Reply 5
But he doesn't see you the same way sadly, it seems you want more but he doesn't I am afraid. I think you are too dependant on him
Reply 6
Rock Fan
To be honest he sounds like a manipulative git, the only way you are going to get over him is maybe not contact or meet with him for a while. In time you will get over him.
Cudnt have put it better
Reply 7
Rock Fan
But he doesn't see you the same way sadly, it seems you want more but he doesn't I am afraid. I think you are too dependant on him
Thats exactly how it is. I know thats how it is. But I don't know how to break it. He knows I'm too fragile to tell me to get lost right now, so he won't. And this is no good for me. The logical part of me is telling me that he's no good for me anything and to just forget it. My emotional side is repeatedly telling me how much I like him and how happy I am when I'm around him :-(
Reply 8
I really don't think you can automatically start being friends in the aftermath of a relationship, because the romantic feelings are still lingering. It's such a delicate circumstance. I suppose for your sake that you're not just being friends with him and hanging around until he realises he wants a relationship with you.
You won't forget the pregnancy, ever, that sort of thing I imagine would stay with you forever. I don't know from personal experience you must still be hurt emotionally by it, I just don't think having a constant reminder of it around you will do you much good, it would just keep you grieving for a longer period.
It is inevitably about what you want at the end of the day. If you want to be friends with him, be friends with him but don't have unrealistic expectations. I know he's supportive now, and perhaps the things that have happened this summer will have matured him, you can only trust your own judgement in that matter. But I would suggest that you try and maintain a life outside of this. You can't depend on him 100%.
You won't forget the pregnancy, ever, that sort of thing I imagine would stay with you forever. I don't know from personal experience you must still be hurt emotionally by it, I just don't think having a constant reminder of it around you will do you much good, it would just keep you grieving for a longer period.
It is inevitably about what you want at the end of the day. If you want to be friends with him, be friends with him but don't have unrealistic expectations. I know he's supportive now, and perhaps the things that have happened this summer will have matured him, you can only trust your own judgement in that matter. But I would suggest that you try and maintain a life outside of this. You can't depend on him 100%.
Reply 9
Anonymous
Thats exactly how it is. I know thats how it is. But I don't know how to break it. He knows I'm too fragile to tell me to get lost right now, so he won't. And this is no good for me. The logical part of me is telling me that he's no good for me anything and to just forget it. My emotional side is repeatedly telling me how much I like him and how happy I am when I'm around him :-(
All he will do is ruin your self-esteem even more, he knows how vulnerable you are and all he will do is keep exploiting that by using you.
Reply 10
He could easily have exploited me and used me by now, but he hasn't. He's told me he doesn't want a relationship with me, he doesn't like me enough that he thinks he can make it work, and doesn't want to hurt me.
I have an inability to cry about the events of summer. I just can't do it. I have only ever properly cried infront of about 4/5 people in my entire life; he's now one of those people. I kind of feel like I need to go through with seeing him, to get this out of my system. But it hurts knowing he's never going to want me!!
I have an inability to cry about the events of summer. I just can't do it. I have only ever properly cried infront of about 4/5 people in my entire life; he's now one of those people. I kind of feel like I need to go through with seeing him, to get this out of my system. But it hurts knowing he's never going to want me!!
Ohh I know it hurts. 
But you can do this. It'll be hard but you'll have to cut him out of your life. Maybe every time you want to see him, you could call a close friend instead?
You just have to get away from him. You won't be able to do a thing until you do. And it might take a long time, but it'll get better. You can do this.
But you can do this. It'll be hard but you'll have to cut him out of your life. Maybe every time you want to see him, you could call a close friend instead?You just have to get away from him. You won't be able to do a thing until you do. And it might take a long time, but it'll get better. You can do this.
Reply 12
I want to get over him without cutting him out though. I want to be able to learn to see him as just a friend, but thats where I struggle! I don't think I'm seperating the feelings I have about my pregnancy, from the feelings I have for him. They're one big giant ball of MESS
Reply 13
not seeing him again for a while? Being around with him is not gunna make you get over him... even if "not in that way"
You have to stay away for a while. Perhaps it's possible to learn to see someone as a friend and still see them regularly, but it's pretty damn hard.
Your feelings are in a mess. Of course they would be. But they're not going to sort out while you see him all the time.
You have to cut him off, and it's going to be hard, and you know that. That's why you can't make yourself do it. But believe me, it is so much easier in the long run if you don't see them. Are you going on holiday anytime soon?
Your feelings are in a mess. Of course they would be. But they're not going to sort out while you see him all the time.
You have to cut him off, and it's going to be hard, and you know that. That's why you can't make yourself do it. But believe me, it is so much easier in the long run if you don't see them. Are you going on holiday anytime soon?
Reply 15
Bit of a late reply to this, but we've had some pretty "intense" times over the past week. He stayed over one night when drunk, but nothing happened. Then it did. I stayed over his tuesday and nothing happened.. Then it did. I can't break this, but I absolutely cannot stop seeing him. He makes me forget everything, and is the only one who can make me feel a bit more human after what I did.
We had a nice chat tonight, well, an informative one. He said he was really close to making us proper, "official". But then decided it just wouldn't work. He could give me no answer other than if he didn't think it would work, then it wouldn't, because he couldn't make it. Or some crap like that.
We get on so well, spend hours in each others company. He makes me happy, and I'm the one he turns to lately when everyone else annoys him (it does feel like i'm the only one whos not annoying him currently). I know it could work with him, but he won't even try. And I don't know if thats because when/if it didn't work out, he thinks it'd completely crush me and doesn't want to risk it?
I needed a bit of an outlet. I hope someone can help me :-( I want him so badly!
We had a nice chat tonight, well, an informative one. He said he was really close to making us proper, "official". But then decided it just wouldn't work. He could give me no answer other than if he didn't think it would work, then it wouldn't, because he couldn't make it. Or some crap like that.
We get on so well, spend hours in each others company. He makes me happy, and I'm the one he turns to lately when everyone else annoys him (it does feel like i'm the only one whos not annoying him currently). I know it could work with him, but he won't even try. And I don't know if thats because when/if it didn't work out, he thinks it'd completely crush me and doesn't want to risk it?
I needed a bit of an outlet. I hope someone can help me :-( I want him so badly!
Reply 16
For goddness sake you have to stop seeing him, he's just walking all over you, we told you what would happen, he is just going to make you feel worse. You might think it's making you happy but really you are in denial love.
He doesn't want to make it official because all he wants is sex.
He doesn't want to make it official because all he wants is sex.
Reply 17
Anonymous
Bit of a late reply to this, but we've had some pretty "intense" times over the past week. He stayed over one night when drunk, but nothing happened. Then it did. I stayed over his tuesday and nothing happened.. Then it did. I can't break this, but I absolutely cannot stop seeing him. He makes me forget everything, and is the only one who can make me feel a bit more human after what I did.
We had a nice chat tonight, well, an informative one. He said he was really close to making us proper, "official". But then decided it just wouldn't work. He could give me no answer other than if he didn't think it would work, then it wouldn't, because he couldn't make it. Or some crap like that.
We get on so well, spend hours in each others company. He makes me happy, and I'm the one he turns to lately when everyone else annoys him (it does feel like i'm the only one whos not annoying him currently). I know it could work with him, but he won't even try. And I don't know if thats because when/if it didn't work out, he thinks it'd completely crush me and doesn't want to risk it?
I needed a bit of an outlet. I hope someone can help me :-( I want him so badly!
We had a nice chat tonight, well, an informative one. He said he was really close to making us proper, "official". But then decided it just wouldn't work. He could give me no answer other than if he didn't think it would work, then it wouldn't, because he couldn't make it. Or some crap like that.
We get on so well, spend hours in each others company. He makes me happy, and I'm the one he turns to lately when everyone else annoys him (it does feel like i'm the only one whos not annoying him currently). I know it could work with him, but he won't even try. And I don't know if thats because when/if it didn't work out, he thinks it'd completely crush me and doesn't want to risk it?
I needed a bit of an outlet. I hope someone can help me :-( I want him so badly!
Its not your fault. He is just one of those amazingly attractive people and has messed with your feelings. Dont be ashamed of anything you did, the abortion was better for your life, his life, your first child and the world in general. You certainly did the right thing. And just try not to see him anymore, cry about it, do whatever you have to, but no contact. Throw his number off your phone and email off your contacts, and do stuff which is fun, but where you wont meet him.
Reply 18
I'll keep this short.
Dump him.
Dump him.
Reply 19
I realised yesterday how I couldn't keep seeing him. He tries to help me and cheer me up with affection, such as holding my hand when we went for a walk. But definately does not want a relationship. So I sent him a text this morning saying I couldn't have contact for a while. I've deleted his number, his facebook, I even deleted and blocked him on msn.
I feel guilty now though. He's done nothing but try and help me, and all I'm doing is shutting him out entirely because I'm not getting my own way. I also know I'm going to miss him so much :-( Is this really going to be the only realy way that'll work?
I feel guilty now though. He's done nothing but try and help me, and all I'm doing is shutting him out entirely because I'm not getting my own way. I also know I'm going to miss him so much :-( Is this really going to be the only realy way that'll work?
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