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Sharing a room - some things just aren't acceptable right?

I'm 24 and live where I work. The building I live in has 2 man rooms, most people have their own but I now have to share. I've been away for a while but every time I've come back to my room, my roomate's stuff is usually all over my bed - wet towels included. The room smells; rotten banana skin last time I was in there. Also we're expected to leave our rooms immaculately tidy when we leave for work and you risk getting in trouble if you don't. She doesn't do this. I was known as Monica at Uni so as you can guess, I'm a neat freak. I'm having some mental health issues at the moment which I'm being treated for but 9 times out of 10 at the end of the day I just end up going back to my room and cry - I am not going to be able to do this and living in a cramped, smelly, messy room where my personal space is not treated as sacred is going to make me worse. Lastly, at weekends she'll stay out late drinking, and then lie in with a hangover until lunchtime. I don't drink and like to get up for breakfast at 0830 when it's served and then read a book/use the computer until lunch.

Now I know that compromises have to be made but a smelly messy room just isn't one of them as far as I'm concerned - especially as it's a requirement of the job that our rooms are clean and tidy. Can anyone think of a way of broaching this subject without offending her or pissing her off? I don't know her very well so it's tricky to figure it out.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

OP

Oh, and I'm female btw

Reply 2

SepticLovebite

1

Have you tried talking to this girl? Maybe she doesn't realise how offended you are.

If she does and you have tried, then report her. Make it known that you are not responsible for the messes she makes and you have tried reasoning with her. Ask t be moved or her to be moved if the situation does not improve.

If you like a bit of revenge, dump everything smelly and yucky she leaves between her sheets.

Reply 3

Gymnosopher

If it's that bad surely you can ask to be moved? Especially with your mental health treatment, whoever allots the rooms should respect that..

Reply 4

Angelil

19

If it's a requirement that the rooms are kept in a presentable state then why aren't your employers/whoever's in charge of the rooms doing anything about it?

Personally I'd make them your first port of call and get them to do a 'surprise' room inspection...

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for your replies - at least I know i'm not reacting to nothing. In the past when I've broached this subject with roomates/housemates I've been accused of being unreasonable and they've refused to budge. I don't want to give too much away about my job and living situation but if I ask to move I'll be considered a nuisance and told no. I don't think there's really much of a solution to the problem other than talking to her - I just don't know how she'll react, and if it's the same or worse than in the past, then it'll just make me feel worse and I'll be the one with my stomach in a knot all the time.

Lol, revenge may not be a policy but there may be something in it. If my actions prompt her to ask what the problem is and I tell her I can't be accused of nagging etc because I didn't bring it up. I guess I could do stuff like dumping her stuff on the floor by her bed if it happens again. Plus cleaning all the time, leaving a window and the curtains open when she's left them closed might be a hint. If it sparks her to have a go at me at least that's the subject broached.

Reply 6

Angelil

19

So once you've done that, what's wrong with talking to the officials that provide/maintain the rooms?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Angelil

If it's a requirement that the rooms are kept in a presentable state then why aren't your employers/whoever's in charge of the rooms doing anything about it?

Personally I'd make them your first port of call and get them to do a 'surprise' room inspection...

Rooms are inspected once a month - which in my opinion isn't enough - I'm in the military if you haven't already guessed. We have prior notice when this is going to happen. If she doesn't react to my 'obsessive cleaning' etc, I could always go to my boss under the guise of asking for advice in dealing with the situation - which wouldn't be untruthful!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Angelil

So once you've done that, what's wrong with talking to the officials that provide/maintain the rooms?

True, very true. But I know it wouldn't go down well as I'd technically be 'telling tales'. I need to deal with this at the room level. It's just never worked for me in the past. My previous roomate landed me with punishments for her mess and wouldn't accept that it was her fault when I told her it had really, really bothered me.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

SamOW

Especially with your mental health treatment, whoever allots the rooms should respect that..

You make an excellent point, however, that would involve telling him. As he's a colleague and not a boss I don't want to. I'm just goint to have to put up with the allocation. I'll see if she changes knowing I'm there permanently, if not I'll try actions, if not I'll broach it one filthy habit at a time!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the advice everyone, at least I know I'm not being unreasonable and I've managed to come up with some kind of solution.

Reply 11

HereFishyFishy

13

Good.

But I'd still slap her ass with that wet towel, for good measure.

Reply 12

MrsTimms

I think your room mate is rude, dumping damp things on your bed - that's your space! She can't take over with all her clutter!!!! How big is the room? Could you not devise zones in the room?

She sounds a bit disrespectful, or just a bit naive and doesn't realise what she's doing... how old is she?

Reply 13

username47781

20

I think you need to tell someone about this.

Reply 14

Nalced

14

I would like make stick rules with her.

I would first, ask her at least try to keep the room clean and stuff. And nothing on my bed. If i came back the next day with her stuff on my side of the room.
Then let her know that your (very angry) and very not happy.

Don't get into a fight with her. BUt if she still proves unmovable, then ask to change rooms.

Reply 15

nougat

The fact that you keep making references to similar things happening in the past with other roommates/housemates suggests that maybe your standards are a bit unreasonable. She shouldn't leave wet towels on your bed, but just pick them up and put them hers, she'll get the hint. There's gotta be a bit of compromise; there's nothing really wrong with her sleeping in if she wants to, she has as much right to that as you do to getting up and reading or whatever.

Reply 16

20083

2

Anonymous

I'm 24 and live where I work. The building I live in has 2 man rooms, most people have their own but I now have to share. I've been away for a while but every time I've come back to my room, my roomate's stuff is usually all over my bed - wet towels included. The room smells; rotten banana skin last time I was in there. Also we're expected to leave our rooms immaculately tidy when we leave for work and you risk getting in trouble if you don't. She doesn't do this. I was known as Monica at Uni so as you can guess, I'm a neat freak. I'm having some mental health issues at the moment which I'm being treated for but 9 times out of 10 at the end of the day I just end up going back to my room and cry - I am not going to be able to do this and living in a cramped, smelly, messy room where my personal space is not treated as sacred is going to make me worse. Lastly, at weekends she'll stay out late drinking, and then lie in with a hangover until lunchtime. I don't drink and like to get up for breakfast at 0830 when it's served and then read a book/use the computer until lunch.

Now I know that compromises have to be made but a smelly messy room just isn't one of them as far as I'm concerned - especially as it's a requirement of the job that our rooms are clean and tidy. Can anyone think of a way of broaching this subject without offending her or pissing her off? I don't know her very well so it's tricky to figure it out.

Just talk to her. I agree with you being annoyed at the mess part, but in no situation should anyone dictate someone else's life (ie: bedtime, get up time, how much to drink, etc.) when in their own room.

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

nougat

The fact that you keep making references to similar things happening in the past with other roommates/housemates suggests that maybe your standards are a bit unreasonable. She shouldn't leave wet towels on your bed, but just pick them up and put them hers, she'll get the hint. There's gotta be a bit of compromise; there's nothing really wrong with her sleeping in if she wants to, she has as much right to that as you do to getting up and reading or whatever.

You've definitely got a point there. I'm going to try and deal with the midday hangovers. They're just annoying as I can't do anything in the mornings - it's just as antisocial as me wanting to get up at the crack of dawn, granted. But I compromise by getting up just in time for breakfast - which I feel I'm entitled to do. Stuff on my side of the room is unnacteptable and I won't let that happen. But it's other things. Wet clothes on the radiator which my bed is right up against - we have a drying room in the block, plus it's un hygenic. The room smells now, a lot, it's disgusting. I just feel I have a right to live in a clean hygenic room. I know my standards are much higher than other peoples and she can have her side as messy as she wants - I don't share it with her. However I do share the air in the room and it's gross!!!!

I don't know who's right, probably neither of us is.

Sharing a room - some things just aren't acceptable right?

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