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I'm seriously struggling with college &such..
Hi,
Basically, I'm finding life really hard to cope with at the moment. I suppose before I explain the problem I should provide you with a (very) brief history of me.
I've been depressed since aged 12. Parents split at 10, and I've been on medication for depression since 12. I have very little contact with my father now. I've had diabetes since aged 12, and an eating disorder since perhaps 12/13. The eating disorder was initially bulimia, progressed to anorexia, and then 'boomeranged' between the two. I'd currently call it more anorexia using/manipulating insulin to control weight/my body. I guess it's a little screwed, but when you live for so long like this, it's difficult to see a way out. I struggled throughout high school with this and as a result I managed to miss a lot of high school due to hospitalisation etc.. all of year 9, most of year 11. However, (and I am so proud of myself for this) I managed to get GCSE's.. mostly A's and B's, one A*, one C, one D. This was after being told I'd probably get 2 gcse's at most.
Anyway, back to the present. I started college (alongside a handful of my best friends) and for the first week or two, absolutely loved it. I was answering all the questions in class, understanding everything we spoke about, taking tests/doing essays and getting A's etc etc.. and then I became sick with a chest infection. Under advice from the doctor, I took 2-3 days off. Feeling better, I went back into college, and found the day extremely hard. This happened for a few more days where I'd go in and after 1-2 lessons I'd sign out and come home. I can't explain why... I didn't feel ill, just under immense pressure and tired. I took more and more days off, staying in bed and feeling like the world was caving in and that I'd never catch up.. I began feeling like before. Tutors at college commented to my form tutor about my absences.
The week before half term I started off okay.. I managed Monday and Tuesday and the rest, I couldn't even manage to get out of bed. I've been set essays for half term (ie Philosophy) and I don't even know what I'm talking about. I have a maths retake exam on the 9th November and I haven't even picked up any practise papers/revision books. My friends continiously ask where I am and why I'm ill, and I don't know what to say. I'm scared that my tutors just think I'm lazy.. and I'm not, I'm extremely hardworking, as my GCSE results prove. I don't know how to get out of this horrible world I seem to have slipped into. I think I've just needed to vent, and I'd really appreciate some advice of how to get back to being succsessful at college and feeling happy again, because right now I just feel as if I want to drop out, just to feel some freedom again. I feel like a caged bird, and I hate this. Thankyou.
Basically, I'm finding life really hard to cope with at the moment. I suppose before I explain the problem I should provide you with a (very) brief history of me.
I've been depressed since aged 12. Parents split at 10, and I've been on medication for depression since 12. I have very little contact with my father now. I've had diabetes since aged 12, and an eating disorder since perhaps 12/13. The eating disorder was initially bulimia, progressed to anorexia, and then 'boomeranged' between the two. I'd currently call it more anorexia using/manipulating insulin to control weight/my body. I guess it's a little screwed, but when you live for so long like this, it's difficult to see a way out. I struggled throughout high school with this and as a result I managed to miss a lot of high school due to hospitalisation etc.. all of year 9, most of year 11. However, (and I am so proud of myself for this) I managed to get GCSE's.. mostly A's and B's, one A*, one C, one D. This was after being told I'd probably get 2 gcse's at most.
Anyway, back to the present. I started college (alongside a handful of my best friends) and for the first week or two, absolutely loved it. I was answering all the questions in class, understanding everything we spoke about, taking tests/doing essays and getting A's etc etc.. and then I became sick with a chest infection. Under advice from the doctor, I took 2-3 days off. Feeling better, I went back into college, and found the day extremely hard. This happened for a few more days where I'd go in and after 1-2 lessons I'd sign out and come home. I can't explain why... I didn't feel ill, just under immense pressure and tired. I took more and more days off, staying in bed and feeling like the world was caving in and that I'd never catch up.. I began feeling like before. Tutors at college commented to my form tutor about my absences.
The week before half term I started off okay.. I managed Monday and Tuesday and the rest, I couldn't even manage to get out of bed. I've been set essays for half term (ie Philosophy) and I don't even know what I'm talking about. I have a maths retake exam on the 9th November and I haven't even picked up any practise papers/revision books. My friends continiously ask where I am and why I'm ill, and I don't know what to say. I'm scared that my tutors just think I'm lazy.. and I'm not, I'm extremely hardworking, as my GCSE results prove. I don't know how to get out of this horrible world I seem to have slipped into. I think I've just needed to vent, and I'd really appreciate some advice of how to get back to being succsessful at college and feeling happy again, because right now I just feel as if I want to drop out, just to feel some freedom again. I feel like a caged bird, and I hate this. Thankyou.
Reply 1
Anybody?
Reply 2
I'm sorry you feel so unhappy at the moment.. 
Right now it seems like you can't cope with everything, and the more time you have off and the further behind you get the worse it all seems.
I would advise you to at least have a go at the work you have been set for half term.. show you are trying and have put in some effort. Your tutors will appreciate this even if what you turn in isn’t brilliant.
I would also suggest that when you go back after half term, make an appointment to speak with a college counsellor or your form tutor, it's their jobs to make sure that your time at college is enjoyable and productive. They should be able to help you work out a way to catch up and deal with the stress and anxiety you are feeling about college.
As for the eating disorder, it seems to be a form of control.. something you know you can take full control over when everything else seems too difficult and stressful to deal with. But you need to get it sorted and admitting that you have this problem is the best start.. I would advise you to talk to a close friend or family member.. explain how you're feeling and how upset and worried you are.. and then go and see your GP.. (take someone with you) you need to get professional help with this problem, it's not something to be explained away by anyone on here.
Good luck with everything, I hope you start feeling better soon.
Right now it seems like you can't cope with everything, and the more time you have off and the further behind you get the worse it all seems.
I would advise you to at least have a go at the work you have been set for half term.. show you are trying and have put in some effort. Your tutors will appreciate this even if what you turn in isn’t brilliant.
I would also suggest that when you go back after half term, make an appointment to speak with a college counsellor or your form tutor, it's their jobs to make sure that your time at college is enjoyable and productive. They should be able to help you work out a way to catch up and deal with the stress and anxiety you are feeling about college.
As for the eating disorder, it seems to be a form of control.. something you know you can take full control over when everything else seems too difficult and stressful to deal with. But you need to get it sorted and admitting that you have this problem is the best start.. I would advise you to talk to a close friend or family member.. explain how you're feeling and how upset and worried you are.. and then go and see your GP.. (take someone with you) you need to get professional help with this problem, it's not something to be explained away by anyone on here.
Good luck with everything, I hope you start feeling better soon.
First of all you should be really proud of getting the GCSE results you did with all that on your plate. That's really an achievement!
Do you think you will be able to cope with this year at college or has it slipped too much? If it is still salvagable have a word with your tutor or a teacher you feel you can talk to and explain that you are in a bit of a mess. They will hopefully be able to let you other teachers know there is a problem and then they will know you are not just being lazy.
If the year is beyond saving, I'd say forget about it. At the moment it seems like such a massive deal to not be doing things in the 'correct way' (i.e. GCSE's, AS, A Levels, maybe a degree...) but once you let go of that pressure upon yourself it is a lot easier to do things at your own pace.
If you are still struggling with your eating disorder, diabetes etc then take your time to get over them. Once you fel you are really strong enough to cope with college then would be a better time to start over. That way you can really make the best of your time and do what you are clearly capable of.
Do you think you will be able to cope with this year at college or has it slipped too much? If it is still salvagable have a word with your tutor or a teacher you feel you can talk to and explain that you are in a bit of a mess. They will hopefully be able to let you other teachers know there is a problem and then they will know you are not just being lazy.
If the year is beyond saving, I'd say forget about it. At the moment it seems like such a massive deal to not be doing things in the 'correct way' (i.e. GCSE's, AS, A Levels, maybe a degree...) but once you let go of that pressure upon yourself it is a lot easier to do things at your own pace.
If you are still struggling with your eating disorder, diabetes etc then take your time to get over them. Once you fel you are really strong enough to cope with college then would be a better time to start over. That way you can really make the best of your time and do what you are clearly capable of.
Take a day off to relax and just take a walk in the park or something. You're having a really hard time and you need space to be yourself. You diddn't really say if its the people getting you down or just the pace that things seem to be moving at. To me, it seems you've done increadably well under stresses and situations other people cannot even begin to fathom. If somw w*****S are getting on your back, just remember:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Reply 5
So maybe I should email what I've just said to my college counseller?
Reply 6
Wangers
Take a day off to relax and just take a walk in the park or something. You're having a really hard time and you need space to be yourself. You diddn't really say if its the people getting you down or just the pace that things seem to be moving at. To me, it seems you've done increadably well under stresses and situations other people cannot even begin to fathom. If somw w*****S are getting on your back, just remember:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Ohh, that's wonderful. Thankyou so much for posting that.
Reply 7
Anonymous
So maybe I should email what I've just said to my college counseller?
If thats the system at your college, the maybe but I imagine it would be best if you could make an appointment to go in and talk face to face with someone about everything.
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