The Student Room Group

help! this guy is giving me mixed signals!!

Right, so there is this guy who volunteers with me, and i see him once a week. We are really good friends - at least i think so, cos we used to share all our secrets and stuff, and we confided in each other - i supported him when he broke up with his girlfriend.

However, in the past few months, he's changed his attitude to me - he doesn't talk to me about his personal stuff, or his girlfriends, and he's generally quite closed off when i ask him how he is.

Also, i think i fancy him - Ever since 6 months ago I can't stop thinking about him, he makes me smile/laugh and i really look forward to seeing him. The problem is i don't know whether he likes me or not, cos he is sending me really mixed signals. He's been teasing me a hell of a lot and i keep catching him staring at me frm the corner of my eye. He makes an effort to look good and he apologises when his hair sticks up! He makes an effort to be in the same room as me, and we have a lot of chats - but not as deep as they used to be. He also told me a monththat i looked really nice.
He told me that we shud go and play sum badminton (obvs being the shy person i am i stupidly turned him down BUT he kept reminding me that i owed him a game of badminton, so i gave in, telling him that he just had to tell me the place and the date. He hasn't got back to me on that topic at the moment - this was about a month ago!) AND he offers to do the hoovering etc. cos he knows how much i loathe it, since i have had to do it for, like, forever!
But then he also talks about how i should get a boyfriend???! Is he just a good friend or does he fancy me too? am i reading too much into this? i know
I sound like i am obsessed with him, but he is driving me crazy, and i hate the fact that i keep thinking of him, cos i know i shudn't be, because he already has a girlfriend.

As well as this, he broke up wid his other girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and didn't tell me, and then he got another girlfriend the following week!!!!(this is really important to me, as we are really close, and i kind of expect him to tell me, because we are such good friends)

I am sooooo confused, because i don't know whether he fancies me or not, or whether i am scaring him off?( i do tell him how over-protective my parents are, which is probably not such a good idea)
Also, i don't know whether we are really good friends or not??!

please give me some advice!!!

Reply 1

Aleesha_J
Right, so there is this guy who volunteers with me, and i see him once a week. We are really good friends - at least i think so, cos we used to share all our secrets and stuff, and we confided in each other - i supported him when he broke up with his girlfriend.

However, in the past few months, he's changed his attitude to me - he doesn't talk to me about his personal stuff, or his girlfriends, and he's generally quite closed off when i ask him how he is.

Also, i think i fancy him - Ever since 6 months ago I can't stop thinking about him, he makes me smile/laugh and i really look forward to seeing him. The problem is i don't know whether he likes me or not, cos he is sending me really mixed signals. He's been teasing me a hell of a lot and i keep catching him staring at me frm the corner of my eye. He makes an effort to look good and he apologises when his hair sticks up! He makes an effort to be in the same room as me, and we have a lot of chats - but not as deep as they used to be. He also told me a monththat i looked really nice.
He told me that we shud go and play sum badminton (obvs being the shy person i am i stupidly turned him down BUT he kept reminding me that i owed him a game of badminton, so i gave in, telling him that he just had to tell me the place and the date. He hasn't got back to me on that topic at the moment - this was about a month ago!) AND he offers to do the hoovering etc. cos he knows how much i loathe it, since i have had to do it for, like, forever!
But then he also talks about how i should get a boyfriend???! Is he just a good friend or does he fancy me too? am i reading too much into this? i know
I sound like i am obsessed with him, but he is driving me crazy, and i hate the fact that i keep thinking of him, cos i know i shudn't be, because he already has a girlfriend.

As well as this, he broke up wid his other girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and didn't tell me, and then he got another girlfriend the following week!!!!(this is really important to me, as we are really close, and i kind of expect him to tell me, because we are such good friends)

I am sooooo confused, because i don't know whether he fancies me or not, or whether i am scaring him off?( i do tell him how over-protective my parents are, which is probably not such a good idea)
Also, i don't know whether we are really good friends or not??!

please give me some advice!!!


He means him.

Reply 2

Aleesha_J
Right, so there is this guy who volunteers with me, and i see him once a week. We are really good friends - at least i think so, cos we used to share all our secrets and stuff, and we confided in each other - i supported him when he broke up with his girlfriend.

However, in the past few months, he's changed his attitude to me - he doesn't talk to me about his personal stuff, or his girlfriends, and he's generally quite closed off when i ask him how he is.

Also, i think i fancy him - Ever since 6 months ago I can't stop thinking about him, he makes me smile/laugh and i really look forward to seeing him. The problem is i don't know whether he likes me or not, cos he is sending me really mixed signals. He's been teasing me a hell of a lot and i keep catching him staring at me frm the corner of my eye. He makes an effort to look good and he apologises when his hair sticks up! He makes an effort to be in the same room as me, and we have a lot of chats - but not as deep as they used to be. He also told me a monththat i looked really nice.
He told me that we shud go and play sum badminton (obvs being the shy person i am i stupidly turned him down BUT he kept reminding me that i owed him a game of badminton, so i gave in, telling him that he just had to tell me the place and the date. He hasn't got back to me on that topic at the moment - this was about a month ago!) AND he offers to do the hoovering etc. cos he knows how much i loathe it, since i have had to do it for, like, forever!
But then he also talks about how i should get a boyfriend???! Is he just a good friend or does he fancy me too? am i reading too much into this? i know
I sound like i am obsessed with him, but he is driving me crazy, and i hate the fact that i keep thinking of him, cos i know i shudn't be, because he already has a girlfriend.

As well as this, he broke up wid his other girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and didn't tell me, and then he got another girlfriend the following week!!!!(this is really important to me, as we are really close, and i kind of expect him to tell me, because we are such good friends)

I am sooooo confused, because i don't know whether he fancies me or not, or whether i am scaring him off?( i do tell him how over-protective my parents are, which is probably not such a good idea)
Also, i don't know whether we are really good friends or not??!

please give me some advice!!!


He's just your friend. You think he's sending you 'signals' because you fancy him (and to be honest, you want him to do that).
If you still think you stand a chance, tell him that you like him. Like him as more than a friend. Wait for his reaction.

Reply 3

but won't asking him whether he likes me ruin our friendship??? I mean, what if he says no - how do i save myself from embarrassment???

Reply 4

Aleesha_J
but won't asking him whether he likes me ruin our friendship??? I mean, what if he says no - how do i save myself from embarrassment???


Won't NOT asking him torment you forever? 'Oh what could have been....'. You WANT this. If you never try, you'll never know.

Go for it! If he's your friend, he'll understand!

Reply 5

Aleesha_J
Right, so there is this guy who volunteers with me, and i see him once a week. We are really good friends - at least i think so, cos we used to share all our secrets and stuff, and we confided in each other - i supported him when he broke up with his girlfriend.

However, in the past few months, he's changed his attitude to me - he doesn't talk to me about his personal stuff, or his girlfriends, and he's generally quite closed off when i ask him how he is.

Also, i think i fancy him - Ever since 6 months ago I can't stop thinking about him, he makes me smile/laugh and i really look forward to seeing him. The problem is i don't know whether he likes me or not, cos he is sending me really mixed signals. He's been teasing me a hell of a lot and i keep catching him staring at me frm the corner of my eye. He makes an effort to look good and he apologises when his hair sticks up! He makes an effort to be in the same room as me, and we have a lot of chats - but not as deep as they used to be. He also told me a monththat i looked really nice.
He told me that we shud go and play sum badminton (obvs being the shy person i am i stupidly turned him down BUT he kept reminding me that i owed him a game of badminton, so i gave in, telling him that he just had to tell me the place and the date. He hasn't got back to me on that topic at the moment - this was about a month ago!) AND he offers to do the hoovering etc. cos he knows how much i loathe it, since i have had to do it for, like, forever!
But then he also talks about how i should get a boyfriend???! Is he just a good friend or does he fancy me too? am i reading too much into this? i know
I sound like i am obsessed with him, but he is driving me crazy, and i hate the fact that i keep thinking of him, cos i know i shudn't be, because he already has a girlfriend.

As well as this, he broke up wid his other girlfriend 2 weeks ago, and didn't tell me, and then he got another girlfriend the following week!!!!(this is really important to me, as we are really close, and i kind of expect him to tell me, because we are such good friends)

I am sooooo confused, because i don't know whether he fancies me or not, or whether i am scaring him off?( i do tell him how over-protective my parents are, which is probably not such a good idea)
Also, i don't know whether we are really good friends or not??!

please give me some advice!!!

He's probably just not sure. I've been in a similar situation with a girl; I like her and think I fancy her, but there's not that raw desire to be with her, kiss her, have sex with her. There are sparks of it, but then there's a lot of time when I see her more as a friend. So... if you want him, work for him a bit.

Reply 6

What you are presenting here is quite a mixed picture. Its possible that he could be interested but then if he has a girlfriend now might not be the best time to do something about it. I would leave it and keep your eye out for signs that he might be interested. And pursue that game of badminton. If you really don't feel like you can leave it then you have to tell him, if he doesn't like you back it doesn't have to cause problems.

Reply 7

Have you ever considered the possibility that he's just a little down atm? I mean, come on -- he's just broke up with his gf.

Reply 8

no, i don't think he is down at the moment - i saw him really down wen he broke up wid his other gf - and he still chatted to me normally

Reply 9

Aleesha_J
no, i don't think he is down at the moment - i saw him really down wen he broke up wid his other gf - and he still chatted to me normally


Lesson number one -- appearances can be deceiving.

Reply 10

yes, appearances can be deceiving, but he has another gf at the moment - why wud he be upset??

Reply 11

Aleesha_J
yes, appearances can be deceiving, but he has another gf at the moment - why wud he be upset??


Then two things strike me:

1) Why do you want to be with someone who is jumping from one girl to the next so quickly?

2) Maybe the fact he's got a new gf is the very reason you're getting different signals.

Reply 12

Aleesha_J
but won't asking him whether he likes me ruin our friendship??? I mean, what if he says no - how do i save myself from embarrassment???
You shrug it off. Lifes short, take every chance. If you tell him and he doesn't like you like that you simply shrug and say "fair enough".
No reason why you should feel embrassed to admit you like him. If he's a friend then he won't make you feel uncomfortable about it.