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I don't think I'm what I should be...
Erm, this is a really difficult thing to say, and I've never spoken to anyone about this before.
So...I'm a girl, but sometimes I just really wish I was a boy. And not in a "oh, guys have it so much easier" kind of way. I feel like I was born in the wrong skin.
I don't really look very boyish in the way I dress, wear my hair or make up, but it's something that I feel a lot.
And I haven't always felt this way, and it's not so serious that I would, you know, have major surgery or anything, I just sometimes think that I would be so much happier as someone else.
Er...I don't think this is really coming our right. It's such a complicated feeling though. I'm not a tomboy or a lesbian, and no one would guess. Perhaps it's because all of the people that I admire and wish to emulate are male.
It's just so...argh.
Can anyone, like, say anything to help me get whatever I'm thinking sort of, straightened out?
So...I'm a girl, but sometimes I just really wish I was a boy. And not in a "oh, guys have it so much easier" kind of way. I feel like I was born in the wrong skin.
I don't really look very boyish in the way I dress, wear my hair or make up, but it's something that I feel a lot.
And I haven't always felt this way, and it's not so serious that I would, you know, have major surgery or anything, I just sometimes think that I would be so much happier as someone else.
Er...I don't think this is really coming our right. It's such a complicated feeling though. I'm not a tomboy or a lesbian, and no one would guess. Perhaps it's because all of the people that I admire and wish to emulate are male.
It's just so...argh.
Can anyone, like, say anything to help me get whatever I'm thinking sort of, straightened out?
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
Maybe it would be wise to talk to somebody about this in person. I mean professionally- there are some good counsellers out there. Perhaps at your uni/college (if applicable etc).
It may be that you have transvestite tendecies, as oppossed to being a lesbian or in need of gender re-asignment.
Most people at some stage wish they would be much happier as someone else (whether they be more attractive, smarter, taller or the opposite sex- for whatever reason, not necessarily anything sexual at all). This feeling is usually a symptom of depression and/or 'teenage angst' due to the bodies rapidly changing biochemistry.
How old are you btw?
If this feeling is relatively new it's most probably a phase (not to diminish your experience). Is it that you fantisise you are male? Or do you feel more comfortable with males/'male activities'.
It may be that you have transvestite tendecies, as oppossed to being a lesbian or in need of gender re-asignment.
Most people at some stage wish they would be much happier as someone else (whether they be more attractive, smarter, taller or the opposite sex- for whatever reason, not necessarily anything sexual at all). This feeling is usually a symptom of depression and/or 'teenage angst' due to the bodies rapidly changing biochemistry.
How old are you btw?
If this feeling is relatively new it's most probably a phase (not to diminish your experience). Is it that you fantisise you are male? Or do you feel more comfortable with males/'male activities'.
Reply 2
I think you should talk to someone professional about this.
Reply 3
Don't change sex lol. You'll have so many problems down the line.
Don't keep dwelling on it, just think of it as a phase. You'll get over it.
Don't keep dwelling on it, just think of it as a phase. You'll get over it.
Reply 4
And you're anon because you don't want to be negged for downplaying something quite important.
Reply 5
Stealth-Mode
It may be that you have transvestite tendecies, as oppossed to being a lesbian or in need of gender re-asignment.
Though if you feel either of these is true, please try not to convince yourself otherwise and hope it'll go away. I agree with others; a counsellor of some sort might help you get sorted out in your head whether it is a phase or whether it's a genuine life choice you want to make. In the end, if it makes you happy then go for it, but it's obviously not the sort of choice you make uninformed and on a whim, so do talk to someone who knows what they're on about.
Reply 6
Maybe you admire men because you see them as being not just physically but meotionally stronger than women ? theres nothign wrong with that at all.
Reply 7
Thank you all for your help.
I think that maybe it is true that most of the traits that I admire are typically male.
I'm going to concentrate on trying to incorporate the things I want to be into myself now, rather than changing or wishing that I was actually male.
I know that I've never really liked myself, and perhaps this is just another manifestation of how much I wish I was different to the person that I am.
And since someone asked, I'm 18, which seems a little old for teenage angst, but I bottled so much up when I was younger that I think I'm only feeling it now. And I've been a little down since coming to uni.
I think that maybe it is true that most of the traits that I admire are typically male.
I'm going to concentrate on trying to incorporate the things I want to be into myself now, rather than changing or wishing that I was actually male.
I know that I've never really liked myself, and perhaps this is just another manifestation of how much I wish I was different to the person that I am.
And since someone asked, I'm 18, which seems a little old for teenage angst, but I bottled so much up when I was younger that I think I'm only feeling it now. And I've been a little down since coming to uni.
Reply 8
Anonymous
Erm, this is a really difficult thing to say, and I've never spoken to anyone about this before.
So...I'm a girl, but sometimes I just really wish I was a boy. And not in a "oh, guys have it so much easier" kind of way. I feel like I was born in the wrong skin.
I don't really look very boyish in the way I dress, wear my hair or make up, but it's something that I feel a lot.
And I haven't always felt this way, and it's not so serious that I would, you know, have major surgery or anything, I just sometimes think that I would be so much happier as someone else.
Er...I don't think this is really coming our right. It's such a complicated feeling though. I'm not a tomboy or a lesbian, and no one would guess. Perhaps it's because all of the people that I admire and wish to emulate are male.
It's just so...argh.
Can anyone, like, say anything to help me get whatever I'm thinking sort of, straightened out?
So...I'm a girl, but sometimes I just really wish I was a boy. And not in a "oh, guys have it so much easier" kind of way. I feel like I was born in the wrong skin.
I don't really look very boyish in the way I dress, wear my hair or make up, but it's something that I feel a lot.
And I haven't always felt this way, and it's not so serious that I would, you know, have major surgery or anything, I just sometimes think that I would be so much happier as someone else.
Er...I don't think this is really coming our right. It's such a complicated feeling though. I'm not a tomboy or a lesbian, and no one would guess. Perhaps it's because all of the people that I admire and wish to emulate are male.
It's just so...argh.
Can anyone, like, say anything to help me get whatever I'm thinking sort of, straightened out?
I'm kind of in a similar situation as you.
I'm a girl, but I've never acted like a proper girl.
Maybe it's because my first best friend (when we were aged 4-5) was a boy and when I went to primary school I was in a gang of boys for half the time there.
But then I went to an all-girls secondary school - and I never felt so out of place in my life!
I mean yeah, OK, there are such things as tomboys, but I literally WANT to be a guy....I just don't know why.
For example, I walk into Topshop or somewhere and I glance at the girl's section and I just want to puke. I just hate it.
I look at the boy's section and there are so many items of clothing that I want. I seem obsessed with boy's t-shirts and jeans and I have always worn mainly boy's clothes. I do not give girls' clothes a second look, unless it is a decent t-shirt.
Though when I wear my boy's clothes, I don't actually want to be manly and look like a lesbian, and so I'm kinda stuck.
I just want to be a guy so I can wear 'nice' clothes comfortably. Sounds vain doesn't it?
But I'm not vain...I don't care about personal appearance; I just like wearing what I like. I also hate girls...like, not each girl specifically, but the idea of being a girl (make-up, manners, dress sense) just annoys me and I just cringe at the thought of it.
I walk like a man (well, not extremely manly, lol), dress like a man, talk and swear like a man, have never worn make-up in my life and am generally so like a guy sometimes, that I wonder if I was born the wrong gender!
I suppose my feelings are just superficial, but some days I really do wish I was born a guy.
If I could wave a magic wand, I think I'd transform myself into a gay guy - I'm not a lesbian, and I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Argh. Sigh.
....Sorry for hijacking your thread Anon#1....I just saw you were in a similar situation and wanted to rant.
Reply 9
20
Anonymous
I'm kind of in a similar situation as you.
I'm a girl, but I've never acted like a proper girl.
Maybe it's because my first best friend (when we were aged 4-5) was a boy and when I went to primary school I was in a gang of boys for half the time there.
But then I went to an all-girls secondary school - and I never felt so out of place in my life!
I mean yeah, OK, there are such things as tomboys, but I literally WANT to be a guy....I just don't know why.
For example, I walk into Topshop or somewhere and I glance at the girl's section and I just want to puke. I just hate it.
I look at the boy's section and there are so many items of clothing that I want. I seem obsessed with boy's t-shirts and jeans and I have always worn mainly boy's clothes. I do not give girls' clothes a second look, unless it is a decent t-shirt.
Though when I wear my boy's clothes, I don't actually want to be manly and look like a lesbian, and so I'm kinda stuck.
I just want to be a guy so I can wear 'nice' clothes comfortably. Sounds vain doesn't it? But I'm not vain...I don't care about personal appearance; I just like wearing what I like.
I also hate girls...like, not each girl specifically, but the idea of being a girl (make-up, manners, dress sense) just annoys me and I just cringe at the thought of it.
I walk like a man (well, not extremely manly, lol), dress like a man, talk and swear like a man, have never worn make-up in my life and am generally so like a guy sometimes, that I wonder if I was born the wrong gender!
I suppose my feelings are just superficial, but some days I really do wish I was born a guy.
If I could wave a magic wand, I think I'd transform myself into a gay guy - I'm not a lesbian, and I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Argh. Sigh.
....Sorry for hijacking your thread Anon#1....I just saw you were in a similar situation and wanted to rant.
I'm a girl, but I've never acted like a proper girl.
Maybe it's because my first best friend (when we were aged 4-5) was a boy and when I went to primary school I was in a gang of boys for half the time there.
But then I went to an all-girls secondary school - and I never felt so out of place in my life!
I mean yeah, OK, there are such things as tomboys, but I literally WANT to be a guy....I just don't know why.
For example, I walk into Topshop or somewhere and I glance at the girl's section and I just want to puke. I just hate it.
I look at the boy's section and there are so many items of clothing that I want. I seem obsessed with boy's t-shirts and jeans and I have always worn mainly boy's clothes. I do not give girls' clothes a second look, unless it is a decent t-shirt.
Though when I wear my boy's clothes, I don't actually want to be manly and look like a lesbian, and so I'm kinda stuck.
I just want to be a guy so I can wear 'nice' clothes comfortably. Sounds vain doesn't it?
But I'm not vain...I don't care about personal appearance; I just like wearing what I like. I also hate girls...like, not each girl specifically, but the idea of being a girl (make-up, manners, dress sense) just annoys me and I just cringe at the thought of it.
I walk like a man (well, not extremely manly, lol), dress like a man, talk and swear like a man, have never worn make-up in my life and am generally so like a guy sometimes, that I wonder if I was born the wrong gender!
I suppose my feelings are just superficial, but some days I really do wish I was born a guy.
If I could wave a magic wand, I think I'd transform myself into a gay guy - I'm not a lesbian, and I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Argh. Sigh.
....Sorry for hijacking your thread Anon#1....I just saw you were in a similar situation and wanted to rant.
You're a tomboy.
Reply 10
Sometimes I feel like i'm black.
Reply 11
16
Profesh
You're a tomboy.
..only if she identifies as female while having masculine behaviour.
I can certainly empathise with how you feel, since I was born physically male but am now a female (and always was, really, on the inside). Gender identity and masculinity/femininity are actually not that closely linked - your mind will tell you what your gender identity is, but for most people who do not have gender issues or know people who do tend not to know what gender really is, because they are able to take it for granted.
My advice to you would be to experiment - in real life or even in your head - imagine if everyone saw you as male and not female, would that make you feel better or more comfortable? If you can't really picture it, you can always try - if it is a strong enough part of you, you will have the drive to try it. Try to make it clear what it's about - is it about just masculine behaviours that attracts you or actually being a man? These are questions that may take a long time to answer, but you can get there. If you were to take the most extreme option of gender reassignment, do not be put off by ignorant fools who think it's something only 'freaks' do, where there is a great chance of regret. In fact due to the NHS psychiatric assessments less than 1% of people who have a sex change actually regret it. In any case, don't put yourself down for not being quite sure of yourself - it's quite normal. My biggest advice would be to think it through, but not TOO much - if you have friends to confide in, do so, and explore how you want to be. Remember too that you don't have to fit in either "man" or "woman" rigidly if you don't feel that either quite fits you.
The final thing that can make your decision can be your suffering - which is something that can be quite clear. You may have masculine tendencies but be ok with being seen as a masculine woman or being physically female, or the drive may be so much that you cannot bear living that way anymore, or cannot bear being so confused anymore that something has to change.
If you want to know more, just PM me, and don't be deterred by idiots who cannot think outside their own perception of reality, as seen by many posters on threads about transgendered people in the past.
As a final thought, and the most important - do what you WANT and NEED to do, and what feels right to you, not what one 'should' do, when it comes to your identity.
Reply 12
12
Maybe you just admire masculine qualities and would like to display them in yourself? I certainly don't feel feminine sometimes because I am generally strong-willed and fiercely ambitious. I surprised the guys that I live with at first when I proved myself to be more than a match for them in a host of ways. I'm sure most men would rather have a simpering doormat of a girlfriend who will make them feel superior and I think this is where the confusion lies for some people.
Be yourself and who cares what other people think! If you want gender reassignment then speak to your doctor who will refer you to a host of psychologists etc. to see if you are suitable and help you to work through these issues
Be yourself and who cares what other people think! If you want gender reassignment then speak to your doctor who will refer you to a host of psychologists etc. to see if you are suitable and help you to work through these issues
Reply 13
yes it is cool being male, i can see why you admire us so much 
Reply 14
14
OP: I admire you for posting this thread. I'm sure it was not easy, yet you were strong.
Reply 15
Anonymous
I'm kind of in a similar situation as you.
I'm a girl, but I've never acted like a proper girl.
Maybe it's because my first best friend (when we were aged 4-5) was a boy and when I went to primary school I was in a gang of boys for half the time there.
But then I went to an all-girls secondary school - and I never felt so out of place in my life!
I mean yeah, OK, there are such things as tomboys, but I literally WANT to be a guy....I just don't know why.
For example, I walk into Topshop or somewhere and I glance at the girl's section and I just want to puke. I just hate it.
I look at the boy's section and there are so many items of clothing that I want. I seem obsessed with boy's t-shirts and jeans and I have always worn mainly boy's clothes. I do not give girls' clothes a second look, unless it is a decent t-shirt.
Though when I wear my boy's clothes, I don't actually want to be manly and look like a lesbian, and so I'm kinda stuck.
I just want to be a guy so I can wear 'nice' clothes comfortably. Sounds vain doesn't it? But I'm not vain...I don't care about personal appearance; I just like wearing what I like.
I also hate girls...like, not each girl specifically, but the idea of being a girl (make-up, manners, dress sense) just annoys me and I just cringe at the thought of it.
I walk like a man (well, not extremely manly, lol), dress like a man, talk and swear like a man, have never worn make-up in my life and am generally so like a guy sometimes, that I wonder if I was born the wrong gender!
I suppose my feelings are just superficial, but some days I really do wish I was born a guy.
If I could wave a magic wand, I think I'd transform myself into a gay guy - I'm not a lesbian, and I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Argh. Sigh.
....Sorry for hijacking your thread Anon#1....I just saw you were in a similar situation and wanted to rant.
I'm a girl, but I've never acted like a proper girl.
Maybe it's because my first best friend (when we were aged 4-5) was a boy and when I went to primary school I was in a gang of boys for half the time there.
But then I went to an all-girls secondary school - and I never felt so out of place in my life!
I mean yeah, OK, there are such things as tomboys, but I literally WANT to be a guy....I just don't know why.
For example, I walk into Topshop or somewhere and I glance at the girl's section and I just want to puke. I just hate it.
I look at the boy's section and there are so many items of clothing that I want. I seem obsessed with boy's t-shirts and jeans and I have always worn mainly boy's clothes. I do not give girls' clothes a second look, unless it is a decent t-shirt.
Though when I wear my boy's clothes, I don't actually want to be manly and look like a lesbian, and so I'm kinda stuck.
I just want to be a guy so I can wear 'nice' clothes comfortably. Sounds vain doesn't it?
But I'm not vain...I don't care about personal appearance; I just like wearing what I like. I also hate girls...like, not each girl specifically, but the idea of being a girl (make-up, manners, dress sense) just annoys me and I just cringe at the thought of it.
I walk like a man (well, not extremely manly, lol), dress like a man, talk and swear like a man, have never worn make-up in my life and am generally so like a guy sometimes, that I wonder if I was born the wrong gender!
I suppose my feelings are just superficial, but some days I really do wish I was born a guy.
If I could wave a magic wand, I think I'd transform myself into a gay guy - I'm not a lesbian, and I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Argh. Sigh.
....Sorry for hijacking your thread Anon#1....I just saw you were in a similar situation and wanted to rant.
for the most part (accept for the acting guyish part, most of the time...)I just don't get on with girls at all. I feel like I ought to be acting manly when I hang out with girls and normally I just feel androgynous. Absolutely hate make-up and girly clothes, and until recently I didn't even understand how to use things like hair-clips and I'm still "practicing" (I'm almost 21...). My boyfriend makes me feel feminine though (but maybe that's because he is very very much a guy).
Reply 16
19
DanGrover
Sometimes I feel like i'm black.
Is that supposed to suggest what I think it's supposed to suggest?
Reply 17
16
Libertinus Septentrionalis
Is that supposed to suggest what I think it's supposed to suggest?
He's most likely foolishly saying that feeling like a different gender is as stupid as feeling "black" which is wholly ignorant since race is an entirely different issue, biologically and socially.
I find men attractive (so I know that my 'girlness' is still there!).
Finding men attractive isn't necessarily to do with womanhood - lesbian women are women and gay men are very much men.
Reply 18
19
Anonymous
Well, I'm male... and I'd have loved the idea of going to an all-girls secondary school.
Reply 19
17
Boys do have more comfortable clothes than girls, it's very unfair and what do you expect if you're looking at top-shop women's clothes? ergh I wouldn't wear them if you paid me (depending of course on the price and time period...).
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