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annoying dad
I have this annoying "thing" and I'm not asking for advice or anything and I'm not even asking a question.. but I suppose I'm just ranting for anyone who's willing to listen to my story.
In my culture if there's an only son in the family, he lives with his parents so he and his wife can look after his parents. I am such a person. Tbh, I really don't mind and I actually look forward to all that (just hope I find a good enough wife lol!). The problem is, there are some habits of my dad that really drive me round the bend and sometimes I think whether I'd even be able to live for so long with him. He is such a convincing liar and he can never communicate properly. Also, he can shout at someone and make you feel *this* small.
Just today, I was at the shop (we have a business) and in his absence, our worker sold something for £5 when it was £7.50, so he shouted at her like it was the end of the world. Another incident - A few weeks ago, I lost my phone. I asked my whole family. I tried to think when I had it last and realised I was in a room with teenagers. Naturally, you would think it's one of them - I realised it must be this certain boy who's got a track record of stealing phones so I interrogated him, but he just denied obviously. Anyway, it turned out that my dad had it cos I left it in our shop and he took it to "teach me a lesson" for not leaving things around. I caught him red-handed putting it in a drawer in my room (to make me think I put it there by mistake). Just to mention another incident (last one!), my dad must have scratched our car somewhere so he tried to blame me (cos I drive it too) by acting all surprised in front of my mum - "oh, he must have done it the idiot". When I talked to my mum about it, she said "don't worry, I know he's lying, I'm used to it all".
My mum got mentally depressed about a month ago and had to go to hospital for a whole month and had to even go through ECT (electro-compulsive therapy) She's fine now thank god. Although she doesn't say anything, I know it's mostly cos of my dad. He's definitely not the most "supportive" husband.
Lately, I've just been thinking a lot about my future (not financially, because realistically, even if I fail somehow in my studies, we sill have our business lol) but more about how I'm gonna live with my parents and wife altogether. I think the most important thing is to look after my mum and make sure there's unity in the whole family. I just want his annoying habits to stop. I really want to let it all out to him, but in our culture, that would be like swearing at your dad lol.
In my culture if there's an only son in the family, he lives with his parents so he and his wife can look after his parents. I am such a person. Tbh, I really don't mind and I actually look forward to all that (just hope I find a good enough wife lol!). The problem is, there are some habits of my dad that really drive me round the bend and sometimes I think whether I'd even be able to live for so long with him. He is such a convincing liar and he can never communicate properly. Also, he can shout at someone and make you feel *this* small.
Just today, I was at the shop (we have a business) and in his absence, our worker sold something for £5 when it was £7.50, so he shouted at her like it was the end of the world. Another incident - A few weeks ago, I lost my phone. I asked my whole family. I tried to think when I had it last and realised I was in a room with teenagers. Naturally, you would think it's one of them - I realised it must be this certain boy who's got a track record of stealing phones so I interrogated him, but he just denied obviously. Anyway, it turned out that my dad had it cos I left it in our shop and he took it to "teach me a lesson" for not leaving things around. I caught him red-handed putting it in a drawer in my room (to make me think I put it there by mistake). Just to mention another incident (last one!), my dad must have scratched our car somewhere so he tried to blame me (cos I drive it too) by acting all surprised in front of my mum - "oh, he must have done it the idiot". When I talked to my mum about it, she said "don't worry, I know he's lying, I'm used to it all".
My mum got mentally depressed about a month ago and had to go to hospital for a whole month and had to even go through ECT (electro-compulsive therapy) She's fine now thank god. Although she doesn't say anything, I know it's mostly cos of my dad. He's definitely not the most "supportive" husband.
Lately, I've just been thinking a lot about my future (not financially, because realistically, even if I fail somehow in my studies, we sill have our business lol) but more about how I'm gonna live with my parents and wife altogether. I think the most important thing is to look after my mum and make sure there's unity in the whole family. I just want his annoying habits to stop. I really want to let it all out to him, but in our culture, that would be like swearing at your dad lol.
Reply 1
Your dad is acting like a control freak and being a bully. You are in a very difficult situation because he is your family and like you say, at some stage you believe will have to live with him.
Firstly is there someone you respect within your culture that you could talk to about your dad? The you could work out how to tackle the problem with someone else.
Your mum is going through a rough time too, she is very lucky to have such a lovely supportive son. Don't forget if you are happy, it is like a chain reaction, your children will be happy, your wife will be happy, your mum will be happy and hopefully your dad too one day! You shouldn't have to suffer because of the behaviour of one person.
Could you approach your dad and tell him how you feel?
Firstly is there someone you respect within your culture that you could talk to about your dad? The you could work out how to tackle the problem with someone else.
Your mum is going through a rough time too, she is very lucky to have such a lovely supportive son. Don't forget if you are happy, it is like a chain reaction, your children will be happy, your wife will be happy, your mum will be happy and hopefully your dad too one day! You shouldn't have to suffer because of the behaviour of one person.
Could you approach your dad and tell him how you feel?
Reply 2
Anonymous
He is such a convincing liar and he can never communicate properly. Also, he can shout at someone and make you feel *this* small.
he took it to "teach me a lesson" for not leaving things around. I caught him red-handed putting it in a drawer in my room (to make me think I put it there by mistake). Just to mention another incident (last one!), my dad must have scratched our car somewhere so he tried to blame me (cos I drive it too) by acting all surprised in front of my mum - "oh, he must have done it the idiot".
My mum got mentally depressed about a month ago and had to go to hospital for a whole month and had to even go through ECT (electro-compulsive therapy) it's mostly cos of my dad.
he took it to "teach me a lesson" for not leaving things around. I caught him red-handed putting it in a drawer in my room (to make me think I put it there by mistake). Just to mention another incident (last one!), my dad must have scratched our car somewhere so he tried to blame me (cos I drive it too) by acting all surprised in front of my mum - "oh, he must have done it the idiot".
My mum got mentally depressed about a month ago and had to go to hospital for a whole month and had to even go through ECT (electro-compulsive therapy) it's mostly cos of my dad.
Your wife will divorce you if you live with that psychopath.
Reply 4
Yeah good idea. If you talk to your mum, it may help you both.
Ermmm, well i'm afraid there's pretty much nothing you can do.. just pray n hope. Maybe it's time for you to step up and talk to your dad one on one.. tell him that you can't take it anymore and for your mothers sake.. (the mother bit could help) he should change!.. also yeah, as sarforaz said, your mum can also help by indirectly telling him to loosen up.. 
hope that helps..
hope that helps..Reply 6
Ahh the classic asian syndrome...(lol- not laughing at you or the situation but just lol) I'm assuming your asian...if not then fine. Although im not a boy ive just learnt too deal with crap that they throw at you...lmao thinking back to when i wanted to buy my laptop. i wanted a sony vaio for £1000 FROM MY OWN MONEY WHICH I HAD WORKED VERY HARD FOR. he thought it was too much so found the same, one brand new for half the price. he brought it said he was gonna pay for it...i was like fine as i didnt want it coz it didnt have a reciept, no warranty etc (asian style lol) then exactly 2 weeks later he told me 2 write a cheque out for him.WHYYYYYYYY? exactly the same with driving lessons....(LMAO)
anyways sorry for the rant got a bit carried away, but there all the same :| theyll never learn.
try keeping sane though...
anyways sorry for the rant got a bit carried away, but there all the same :| theyll never learn.
try keeping sane though...
Reply 8
Let me guess....Asian? and.... maybe Indian?
Yeah I know the whole "I took it to teach you a lesson" Really, I can relate to you.
I don't know how old you are but it seems like you're still studying so you can't be too old. If you're not, I'd suggest not thinking about marriage and all that happens after it for now. Just go with the flow and cross the bridge when you get to it.
As for your mother, I'm sorry. I think she needs your help and understanding.
Hope things work out for you
Oh and next time your dad leave things lying around.... take it and say the same thing he said to you (If you have the guts)!
Yeah I know the whole "I took it to teach you a lesson" Really, I can relate to you.
I don't know how old you are but it seems like you're still studying so you can't be too old. If you're not, I'd suggest not thinking about marriage and all that happens after it for now. Just go with the flow and cross the bridge when you get to it.
As for your mother, I'm sorry. I think she needs your help and understanding.
Hope things work out for you
Oh and next time your dad leave things lying around.... take it and say the same thing he said to you (If you have the guts)!
Reply 9
I wouldn't consider swearing at my dad to be a big deal but hey - that's cultural differences for you.
Can't you sit down and have a frank - but polite chat with him? Since you're going to be taking care of him, you should be able to discuss these sorts of things.
Can't you sit down and have a frank - but polite chat with him? Since you're going to be taking care of him, you should be able to discuss these sorts of things.
Reply 10
^^swearing at your parents is a little disrespectful in my opinion
OP you just gotta build up a tolerance ur mum needs u more ignore your dad hes just acting like a typical asian father!!
OP you just gotta build up a tolerance ur mum needs u more ignore your dad hes just acting like a typical asian father!!
Reply 11
Find a wife and life happily by yourselves! Visit your mother and father but don't make your wife live with them - intruding parents ruin a marriage and it may end in divorce. Your dad sounds a lot like my Grandmother in Houston - she is one raging psychopath - she screams shrilly in public for no good reason and shouted at my little brother for washing his hands in the kitchen sink.
that sounds like a diluted version my dad. then my parents divorced.
i don't know what to tell you. i was very argumentative with my dad and during the last years i confronted him a lot whenever he did something ridiculously control freaky but in my experience that just made things worse...
but then your other choice is just to 'live with it'.
if i could do it again, i'd redo the confronting personally lol.
i don't know what to tell you. i was very argumentative with my dad and during the last years i confronted him a lot whenever he did something ridiculously control freaky but in my experience that just made things worse...
but then your other choice is just to 'live with it'.
if i could do it again, i'd redo the confronting personally lol.
Reply 13
You should tell him how you feel or else how will he know?
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