Do you judge a person instinctively or on deeper substance?

Do you choose to like or dislike someone based on a more instinctive, thing, perhaps initial demeanour, or do you look further, try to talk and know people more deeply and judge on the substance of their thoughts?

When instinctive liking/disliking correlates with non-instinctive agreement/disagreement there's no problem, but it can get more complex.

There are instances when someone I instinctively like comes out with views I don't like, and vice-versa.

Presents me with a dilemma, whether to trust more primal emotions, instinct, or whether to rely on the intellect.

Serious philosophical problem this, how to live one's life?!

If we rely purely on primal emotion then we are reduced to unthinking animals, but if we don't trust it at all, we are slightly soulless, passionless automatants.

Thoughts?

Reply 1

naivesincerity

OP

2

Ok this thread got moved so I'm boosting it, hope that's not rude.

Reply 2

naivesincerity

OP

2

Very commendable of you I think.

Reply 3

cpj1987

15

I don't judge people on first glance by what they're wearing for example - but obviously I'm aware of body-language as soon as I see someone; I think that's the bit you can't control.

If someone's walking along, looking at the floor, trying to rush and avoid eye-contact, it's natural to assume they're shy.

If a man is walking down the road looking overly-confident and seeming threatening in some way, I make a snap judgement about him maybe being arrogant or cocky.

I'm the type of person that ignores these initial judgements when I see someone, but it a situation where I'm meeting someone, rather than just seeing them walk past me, I'm very good at reading people almost instantly; and I can tell someone's personality very quickly - whereas it takes a lot of people I know weeks or months to know what someone's like.

Reply 4

Kittennffc

15

I thought I was quite a good judge of character but think I might be a little bit too judgmental. A new guy has started at work and I thought he was a little bit cocky, and after a few things he said I thought I didn't really like him. Turns out he's actually a pretty decent guy (this is on meeting him for a second time). Just shows that first impressions aren't always the right ones.

Reply 5

naivesincerity

OP

2

cpj1987

I'm very good at reading people almost instantly; and I can tell someone's personality very quickly -

Yes, but do you like them based solely on that or can it be on their views on certain issues?
Not trivial issues like what music someone likes (which some people may even judge on!) but serious issues. Because some issues are so emotive and contentious, that a difference of opinion with someone can mean you have to dislike them even if you thought they were OK instinctively, and vice versa.
I guess thats the phenomenon I was alluding to in my OP.

Reply 6

cpj1987

15

naivesincerity

Yes, but do you like them based solely on that or can it be on their views on certain issues?
Not trivial issues like what music someone likes (which some people may even judge on!) but serious issues. Because some issues are so emotive and contentious, that a difference of opinion with someone can mean you have to dislike them even if you thought they were OK instinctively, and vice versa.
I guess thats the phenomenon I was alluding to in my OP.

I don't think I'd ever judge someone on their opinions no...I can't think of a time I have in the past, because I believe everyone's entitled to different opinions.

However, if someone puts across their opinions in a bad way, that might affect my view of them.

The TSR reaction to my course is a good example - there are loads of people who call it a 'Mickey Mouse' course. This, in itself, I have no problem with, because I'm aware it's an opinion they're entitled to. However, I can get annoyed if people call me a slacker, tell me I'm lazy or stupid, or assume that I'm wasting my time. The same applies offline - my judgements aren't opinion-based, but personality based.

Reply 7

Ron Stoppable

14

naivesincerity

Do you choose to like or dislike someone based on a more instinctive, thing, perhaps initial demeanour, or do you look further, try to talk and know people more deeply and judge on the substance of their thoughts?

A: Actions all the way.

With new people, words can sometimes give a clue to imminent actions but, as lots of people simply don't follow-through, reading into them yields little benefit.
With friends and acquaintances, you can develop a clear picture of their character (and so their likely actions in certain situations) over time.

Reply 8

Bgriffin

9

Time for my two cents.

This girl - my ex to be exact, we are friends..yes. She is the most important person in the world to me, quite literally. I'm the happiest when i'm with her and the saddest when i'm not.
On the surface she is the exact opposite of me. I dont go partying, i dont get drunk and i havent been in lots of relationships. Yet we get along really really well and i think thats because i see the deeper side to her and she to me.

On the surface strangers would wonder why the heck we were friends but theres just something between us.

Reply 9

louisedotcom

13

If Im honest I usually judge people very quickly based on instincts.

I know its not typically seen as the thing to do, and in theory you should get to know someone properly etc etc, but in all fairness im very nearly always right when I go with my instinct. I cant actually think of an occassion when ive got it wrong, but there is more than likely to be atleast one time.

So yeah most of the time I go with my gut.

Reply 10

naivesincerity

OP

2

Instinct is not entirely comfortable. I've known someone who partook in thuggish violence who I couldn't help feeling was really good-hearted, other people who'd do nothing of the sort who I felt were utter creeps. That said, perhaps mental crimes are greater than physical sometimes.

Reply 11

Glutamic Acid

17

I wouldn't judge someone on instinct. I don't believe it's the right thing to do, and I don't trust my instinct anyway.

Reply 12

Kater Murr

20

I would say that, being the kind of person I am:

1. If I instinctively like someone, yet have an opposing view, I think I would not be able to stop myself liking them, and would probably excuse it.
2. If I instintively dislike someone, and have an opposing view, obviously the dislike is there.
3. If I instinctively dislike someone and yet they seem like a really nice person in real life, I'd still dislike them but I wouldn't show it - because I'd know I was being pretty unfair anyway.

So, really, instinct is what actually decides whether I like a person or not but I guess I wouldn't openly show dislike to someone unless they were a real bastard and I disliked them.

But then again, you've got to really talk about what instinct is based on. I mean - it's fair enough to say it's just instinct, but it's more than that - is it gestures and body language? How friendly they are to you on first meeting? Whether they laugh at your jokes? Little things they say?

I hate to admit it, but people are petty, me included.

Reply 13

.Theory

12

Sadly, I usually judge (everybody does to some extent), but when I can, I'll give a chance to see if I was wrong. Sucks that I'm usually right.

Reply 14

naivesincerity

OP

2

BornUnderPunches

I would say that, being the kind of person I am:

1. If I instinctively like someone, yet have an opposing view, I think I would not be able to stop myself liking them, and would probably excuse it.
2. If I instintively dislike someone, and have an opposing view, obviously the dislike is there.
3. If I instinctively dislike someone and yet they seem like a really nice person in real life, I'd still dislike them but I wouldn't show it - because I'd know I was being pretty unfair anyway.

So, really, instinct is what actually decides whether I like a person or not but I guess I wouldn't openly show dislike to someone unless they were a real bastard and I disliked them.

But then again, you've got to really talk about what instinct is based on. I mean - it's fair enough to say it's just instinct, but it's more than that - is it gestures and body language? How friendly they are to you on first meeting? Whether they laugh at your jokes? Little things they say?

I hate to admit it, but people are petty, me included.

What an intellectually rigorous post, punches. Commendable. :wink:

Reply 15

Kater Murr

20

naivesincerity

What an intellectually rigorous post, punches. Commendable. :wink:

Cheers

Reply 16

Ziggy_Stardust

I find that often when I meet people I judge them quite harshly (and often unfairly, most probably), but when I've known them for a while I tend to warm up to most people, or at least be able to pick out some things I do quite like about them.

When people I'm quite close to have strong opinions that are different from mine regarding things I'm passionate about then I feel a bit huffy with them for a short while, but I think that's natural. Plus, they probably think my opinion is complete twaddle and I'd hate to think of the people I like dismissing me just because my thoughts are different to theirs.

Reply 17

Unregistered

When I first meet someone, I get an immediate feeling as how I feel about them, and inevitably what I feel turns out to be true. BUT, I emphasise that I do try to give someone a fair chance and reserve judgement until I know someone better.

Reply 18

naivesincerity

OP

2

Argh this is really getting to me, can't sleep. Can't make my mind up. i'm thinking of examples, and I think life would be so much easier just to go by instinct and not fuss over morals but then I have this more high minded part of me telling me that I should be more principled, there's an internal conflict.

Reply 19

Fladder

Instantly, mostly on looks, because I'm a shallow bastard.

Do you judge a person instinctively or on deeper substance?

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