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Fear of relaxing and letting my mind go
Ok here goes , might be a slightly obscure one this, hope it makes sense.
Basically I'm quite a tense person, feel I have to be in mental control a lot, am quite intense about what I believe about certain issues and what other people say about them. I strive hard for getting the best out of myself in such things. the trouble is once you've got into pushing your mind and analysing things, it becomes addictive and you can't say anything without thinking carefully about it's rigour or whether it's stupid. Because I hold myself to high standards in my views about things, what I think and say, I can never allow myself to relax, that includes any mental relaxation, drinking, clubbing etc-always on edge. I just fear losing mental control if I lead a more relaxed, go with the flow lifestyle, and feel I might become a shadow of what I was, just saying things that the 'old version ' of me would never say, thinking those things were stupid. I fear becoming more vacuous.
Is this fear irrational, should I trust myself to relax more, or am I right to push my mind hard and to try and preserve it(even though that doesn't allow me much fun)?
Basically I'm quite a tense person, feel I have to be in mental control a lot, am quite intense about what I believe about certain issues and what other people say about them. I strive hard for getting the best out of myself in such things. the trouble is once you've got into pushing your mind and analysing things, it becomes addictive and you can't say anything without thinking carefully about it's rigour or whether it's stupid. Because I hold myself to high standards in my views about things, what I think and say, I can never allow myself to relax, that includes any mental relaxation, drinking, clubbing etc-always on edge. I just fear losing mental control if I lead a more relaxed, go with the flow lifestyle, and feel I might become a shadow of what I was, just saying things that the 'old version ' of me would never say, thinking those things were stupid. I fear becoming more vacuous.
Is this fear irrational, should I trust myself to relax more, or am I right to push my mind hard and to try and preserve it(even though that doesn't allow me much fun)?
Everybody needs a little down time..
Yeah, it's good to push yourself, but not all the time... there needs to be some kind of balance between really in control, and just letting things happen. It's just the same as everything else, harder to do than to say, but it is possible.
You only live in this world once - enjoy it.
Yeah, it's good to push yourself, but not all the time... there needs to be some kind of balance between really in control, and just letting things happen. It's just the same as everything else, harder to do than to say, but it is possible.
You only live in this world once - enjoy it.
^ Thats true, but you dont want to burn out.
My friend was at university for 5 years and pushed herself really hard. It came to her finals, she sat at the desk in the exam. Threw the paper up in the air and walked out, she had reached a point where she couldnt cope/didnt care. Pushing your mind hard is good, but you need relaxation time too, I find exercise helps.
x
My friend was at university for 5 years and pushed herself really hard. It came to her finals, she sat at the desk in the exam. Threw the paper up in the air and walked out, she had reached a point where she couldnt cope/didnt care. Pushing your mind hard is good, but you need relaxation time too, I find exercise helps.
x
Ok, I know this might not sound like the most sensible suggestion. But I seems like it would be a good idea for you to learn how to relax, and allow yourself to not be so in control of yourself otherwise you'll exhaust yourself... I find that alcohol is a very good relaxant and takes away some control (I'd advise with friends and just take a weekend off, go clubbing/ dancing, just go and let go of your mind and control every once in a while. Its important to have silly time! We need it to grow as people!
I used to be a control freak as well, never ave into peer pressure or did anything that other teens did, because I wanted to be in total mind control.. i then decided I was fed up of being the responsible/ controlled person and learnt to indulge (not excessively though), I feel i've grown alot as a person!
have fun, go back to doing the things you loved as a child, re find that inner child: paint, dance and sing (but do not take any thing seriously) give yourself a bit of time every week/ day to be like this, it really will benefit you!
I used to be a control freak as well, never ave into peer pressure or did anything that other teens did, because I wanted to be in total mind control.. i then decided I was fed up of being the responsible/ controlled person and learnt to indulge (not excessively though), I feel i've grown alot as a person!
have fun, go back to doing the things you loved as a child, re find that inner child: paint, dance and sing (but do not take any thing seriously) give yourself a bit of time every week/ day to be like this, it really will benefit you!
The question is - what is it that you're afraid of, really, if you're honest? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself, or of others thinking badly of you, or of letting yourself down? Why do you have such high standards and why are you sticking to those standards - is it for your own benefit or the benefit of others? Do you really want to lose control or do you just feel like you should? You need to work out what's best for you, what you really want. Letting go can be good and it can really relax you, but if it genuinely makes you feel afraid then maybe you need to take it slowly - don't push yourself into letting go because you probably won't enjoy it. You need to come to terms with what might happen if you do let go and be ok with that before you try it. Maybe you're just an in-control person, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. But if you feel like you're missing out on life because of your need for control then it might be a good idea to coax yourself into a more relaxed frame of mind.
Thanks.
Seoid
The question is - what is it that you're afraid of, really, if you're honest? Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself, or of others thinking badly of you, or of letting yourself down? Why do you have such high standards and why are you sticking to those standards - is it for your own benefit or the benefit of others? Do you really want to lose control or do you just feel like you should?
Letting myself down. It's for my own benefit really. I want to lose control just to relax really.
Most of the time, I am the same as you, my mind is always working, always analysing, always controlling. My advice would be to experiment, find out what it is that makes you forget. It might be alcohol (doesn't work very well for me, don't like the sensation of not being in control of my actions), it might be exercise, on my case, it is comedy. Just go out and try different things.
I have a similar fear: I'm a perfectionistic workaholic, I worry a lot about what other people think of me, and I'm afraid that if I go easier on myself I will become stupid and self-indulgent. I don't like drinking (too worried about doing something stupid) but I find exercising or doing something creative are a good way of relaxing, as well as being more productive than drinking.
naivesincerity
Letting myself down. It's for my own benefit really. I want to lose control just to relax really.
Sometimes people just want to be shallow or silly or playful..
So surely your current traits are letting you down, and you'd do well to chill..
I just think my problem is that other people have a strong sense of dignity that they can relax OK, but if I relax the slightest bit I'm convinced I'll say and do ridiculous things.
naivesincerity
I just think my problem is that other people have a strong sense of dignity that they can relax OK, but if I relax the slightest bit I'm convinced I'll say and do ridiculous things.
Have you ever said or done ridiculous things?
Sometimes the fear of being silly and frivolous is worse than the actuality.
Maybe yoga? Set aside part of the day for *you* time.
Intellectual burn-out can be very real problem for high achievers, especially when they are adhering to self imposed goals.
I'm not an especially high achiever. Sometimes I think I would say stupid things and act like an arse, maybe I'm too strict with myself though. I just fear I might be ruled by my emotions and start talking rubbish.
I also fear doing really naff and tasteless things, jokes I would make, clothes I would wear etc.
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