annoying girl, angry other friends = me stuck

****Mods please keep anon, as I am worried students who are from my uni might come here and it would be very obvious who I am talking about and if you dont wantto publish this then delete and notify me via pm thanks :smile:

*****

I have a problem, so I feel like I am stuck in the middle, theres a lot of nice people (so far) that I have met *touch wood* after years and years full of battle with depression and sucidal problems but since I started uni, I have seem to think less of depression and have been quite happy, and I have spent more time out of the house where my depression initially began, furthur on I have met lots of people and have made lots of friends. Sometimes I can feel odd but thats my depression wanting to attack me however I have a problem theres this one girl that is obsessed with Angelina Jolie, when I mean obsessed she is very very obsessed. She models like her, esp in her Tomb Raider movie, and talks about her 24/7 has lots of "myspace" accounts made esp of Lara Croft/ Angelina websites etc, buys all her clothes, well clothes like her and just wants to be her, and is showing everyone, I personally dont mind however it gets annoying because shes on about it 24/7,I have told her calmly to "stop it" and have also hinted it out, been blunt...it seems nothing gets in her head.
Also a lot of people are talking about her behind her back how "stupid" she is, I feel bad for her, because she is really passionate about it, and as I was bullied or was the talk of the classes I felt quite upset + depressed and I wouldnt want that to happen to her, I also notice that she gives Hugs to every person that she meets, which I dont mind again, she hugs me and kisses my cheeks I dont mind, I like affection but people seem to tell her to ge t lost or tell her harsh things, and I feel bad for her, I tell the people to not be cruel and they do stop, but she always hangs around with me which is fine again, the problem is when I am studying she is talking constantly when I want to get on with my work, I shouted at her today for talking so much! she went quiet and then started again...its driving me mad, because I have exams and I really need help and want to concentrate but she is constantly chit chatting and theres no way to stop her, I dont want to avoid her, but I tell her I need to study, she just doesnt get it in her head, and because everyone neglects her, she hangs around with me, and none of my friends like her.
I feel bad for her and I dont want to be a nasty person or anything I just am confused and I want to study but she can be a distraction :redface:

but I dont want to hurt her, and I just dont know....

im so confused :confused:

how to tackle her .... any thoughts? help?
sorry this is long but I just need to get it out of my system btw I am a female 18 years old.

Reply 1

Seoid

It sounds to me like the girl might have some sort of mental problem or learning disability. Her behaviour isn't normal - talking obsessively about one thing, not picking up on social cues - so maybe she needs a bit of help, that is, more help than you can give her. Don't feel obligated to be friends with her. It's great that you're so concerned about her and that you don't want her to be bullied but you're not obliged to neglect your own work for her sake. Maybe you could try having a serious talk to her, but I'm not sure that'll work. You're in a very tough position, and I think you should always stick up for her, but if being friends with her is very difficult then you should try to tone down your association with her - friendship is a two-way thing. The only reason I say this is because I had a bit of a thing for lame ducks when I was younger and it really brought me nothing but grief - I realised in the long run that I could only do so much to help people and if it didn't work then I had to leave it to them to sort themselves out.

Reply 2

Rei

14

You sound like a good lad, i know you wanna help her but there's only so much you can do. As Seoid said, have a serious chat with her (maybe include the fact that other people are getting pissed off) and just see if she stops/calms down a little. If she doesn't, well then distance yourself and just let her do her own thing. :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

[QUOTE="Seoid"]

It sounds to me like the girl might have some sort of mental problem or learning disability. Her behaviour isn't normal - talking obsessively about one thing, not picking up on social cues - so maybe she needs a bit of help, that is, more help than you can give her. Don't feel obligated to be friends with her. It's great that you're so concerned about her and that you don't want her to be bullied but you're not obliged to neglect your own work for her sake. Maybe you could try having a serious talk to her, but I'm not sure that'll work. You're in a very tough position, and I think you should always stick up for her, but if being friends with her is very difficult then you should try to tone down your association with her - friendship is a two-way thing. The only reason I say this is because I had a bit of a thing for lame ducks when I was younger and it really brought me nothing but grief - I realised in the long run that I could only do so much to help people and if it didn't work then I had to leave it to them to sort themselves out.

hi

thanks for replying , i dont know maybe she needs help seriously.I did forget to mention she keeps talking about how she feels she doesnt fit in at uni, but she feels shes not ready for it, and how she wants to quit, I told her and adviced her to not quit and keep on going and if she wished to take a gap year as a break thing she can, as it might help her to less rush things , and she went on and on and on about how she wanted to quit , and I tried to motivate her quitting isnt the best option always, if she is finding it hard to concentrate , there are ways to tackle these things for example I volunteered to help her with studying only and I strictly told her u cannot go on the tomb raider links and I want u to concentrate as our exams are comming, and she put her head down for 10 mins and she was off again about tomb raider and my space comments , and it just really bugged the hell out of me, and then she started going on her pictures saying "oh look what this guy said about me" "oh look what so and so said about it" i was like yes your beautiful can we study now?
I told her in our break we can look at it , i missed all my lectures today so I can do some independant studying and she comes and sits next to me and bugs me all day , and now I just finished studying on my own caught up sort of , but im reallly angry and annoyed really. I wish to study solid on Monday and if she gets over the limit I would need to seriously talk to her which I have done before but perhaps be a tiny bit more firm....today also she kept going to the toilet but she blatantly lied to me about it as she was going to talk to her tutor about her problems and I asked her if everythings ok and shes like oh i saw my tutor and i was talking about quitting ...
its just madness.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Rei

You sound like a good lad, i know you wanna help her but there's only so much you can do. As Seoid said, have a serious chat with her (maybe include the fact that other people are getting pissed off) and just see if she stops/calms down a little. If she doesn't, well then distance yourself and just let her do her own thing. :smile:

lol im a female !!! i mentioned it as well lol :p:

but i forgive u :biggrin:

people obviously make it obvious to her face and she doesnt get the message she needs to be told... im such a cow i really wouldnt wanna get rid of her because everyone leaves her out as it is,...but i guess ill get on her nerves and drill it in her head and possibly talk about it 24/7 hey u get on peoples nerves stop it ...

Reply 5

matt@internet

12

Wow! Yes, that is indeed the answer! Become a right BITCH!
Hmm, this will take me a while to plan out I suspect.
Let's see. Yes, I think I can understand your frustration about her annoying you when you're trying to study. That's one thing I agree with, you have to be firm with her. Maybe even lie.
I suggest, if you want to use Monday as solid study day well...well, well, well. If she asks you what you're up to on Mondays' tell her that you are going to be studying all day. Now if you want to help her with her studies, then tell her honestly when and where, and tell her to remember her stuff for studying. Maybe try and get there before her.
Now when she turns up, tell her that you can't talk as, I dunno, maybe a librarian already asked you to be quiet as you were talking too someone you happened to bump into. Oh yeah, hopefully I shouldn't have to tell you but make sure you're in the quiet section of the library, not the group section. And bring your mp3 player. As long as it's on low volume, that way you can study, and then you can help when she needs it, otherwise, you're listening to music.
Now if you don't want to help her, this is the lying, easier path, simply tell her that you're going to be in the library/your room all day, but instead stay in your room/go to the library. Make sure your mobile is switched off so you won't be disturbed. Then, when you talk to her later, simply say you changed your mind about where to study.
With regards to not being a bitch, don't get her nerves and constantly drop hints that she annoys the hell out of everyone. That's..just..horrible.
How close are you with this girl? You see what you could do is ask her out for coffee, tea, whatever’s your poison, and say to her that you want to discuss something with her. Now simply say to her that you'd like her to listen, and not speak until your done. Then proceed to say to her...whatever it is you need to say. Such as, you're more than willing to help her with studying, but she cannot talk as you find it hard to study when talking to people.
Also, try to tell her in a kind way that, while it's brilliant that she has something that interests her and that she's passionate about (re: Lara Croft) the fact that she talks about her constantly gets on peoples nerves. Ask her what other interests she has, such as the course that she's doing, and suggest that she talks about a wider range of subjects. Maybe she's into art, literature, philosophy, electronics, gush gooey romance films. Ask her about her other interests. If you find that you share some interests talk about them. If she is interested and knows about something that you're interested in but know little about, ask her too teach you a little bit about them.
With regards to interests don't lie! It's always plain when someone’s faking interest in something you're talking about and makes you very uncomfortable.

Right, I'm now going to get off my high horse. If there's anything else you'd like help with, don't hesitate to ask, unless you need help being a bitch, in which case you're on your own.

Reply 6

Fleece

15

Just a thought re: the disclaimer at the top. Surely it's obvious who you're talking about anyway? How many people have such a specific obsession?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

hey thanks for replying :smile:

I dont mind her talking alot but its just when im studying I want her to hush or help me resolve some questions etc... I really like her, shes a lovely, bubbly person and is fun to be around with, but is just the studying.
I will have a talk with her on Monday though if she is acting overly crazy like friday. The place I like to study is our like social area, it might be noisy, but I always have my mp3 player, and i blast it and i tell her im listening to music i cant here u , but it becomes annoying when she is constantly poking u!
If she doesnt do anything on Monday ill forget the talk however i will firmly talk to her , yes I also will go early on Monday so i can avoid her and catch up on some work. I am also using the weekend to study so that should calm me a little.

lol at your library section ...its a good idea, but i know thats the only place shell shut up lol but i dont enjoy studying there and i also need a pc and in the quiet area there isnt a pc.

I am not tight with this girl, but I am equally close to everyone, so i give time to everyone...but shes fun to be with I also like your suggestion of me not concentrating when people talk to me , i will let her know politely, if she comes and sits next to me...and ill find out what else she likes.

No i wont ask for help being a bitch, lol i hate being bitchy its not me at all.

But thanks for your help its much appreciated... :smile:

matt@internet

Wow! Yes, that is indeed the answer! Become a right BITCH!
Hmm, this will take me a while to plan out I suspect.
Let's see. Yes, I think I can understand your frustration about her annoying you when you're trying to study. That's one thing I agree with, you have to be firm with her. Maybe even lie.
I suggest, if you want to use Monday as solid study day well...well, well, well. If she asks you what you're up to on Mondays' tell her that you are going to be studying all day. Now if you want to help her with her studies, then tell her honestly when and where, and tell her to remember her stuff for studying. Maybe try and get there before her.
Now when she turns up, tell her that you can't talk as, I dunno, maybe a librarian already asked you to be quiet as you were talking too someone you happened to bump into. Oh yeah, hopefully I shouldn't have to tell you but make sure you're in the quiet section of the library, not the group section. And bring your mp3 player. As long as it's on low volume, that way you can study, and then you can help when she needs it, otherwise, you're listening to music.
Now if you don't want to help her, this is the lying, easier path, simply tell her that you're going to be in the library/your room all day, but instead stay in your room/go to the library. Make sure your mobile is switched off so you won't be disturbed. Then, when you talk to her later, simply say you changed your mind about where to study.
With regards to not being a bitch, don't get her nerves and constantly drop hints that she annoys the hell out of everyone. That's..just..horrible.
How close are you with this girl? You see what you could do is ask her out for coffee, tea, whatever’s your poison, and say to her that you want to discuss something with her. Now simply say to her that you'd like her to listen, and not speak until your done. Then proceed to say to her...whatever it is you need to say. Such as, you're more than willing to help her with studying, but she cannot talk as you find it hard to study when talking to people.
Also, try to tell her in a kind way that, while it's brilliant that she has something that interests her and that she's passionate about (re: Lara Croft) the fact that she talks about her constantly gets on peoples nerves. Ask her what other interests she has, such as the course that she's doing, and suggest that she talks about a wider range of subjects. Maybe she's into art, literature, philosophy, electronics, gush gooey romance films. Ask her about her other interests. If you find that you share some interests talk about them. If she is interested and knows about something that you're interested in but know little about, ask her too teach you a little bit about them.
With regards to interests don't lie! It's always plain when someone’s faking interest in something you're talking about and makes you very uncomfortable.

Right, I'm now going to get off my high horse. If there's anything else you'd like help with, don't hesitate to ask, unless you need help being a bitch, in which case you're on your own.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Fleece

Just a thought re: the disclaimer at the top. Surely it's obvious who you're talking about anyway? How many people have such a specific obsession?

yes true perhaps, however if I was to post this as non anon it would make it moreee obvious who im talking about because i have mentioned what uni and what course i am doing so if someone from my uni or course was to pondle around would know its me talking about it if that makes sense. It just would be more obvious.

Reply 9

Rei

14

Anonymous

lol im a female !!! i mentioned it as well lol :p:

but i forgive u :biggrin:

people obviously make it obvious to her face and she doesnt get the message she needs to be told... im such a cow i really wouldnt wanna get rid of her because everyone leaves her out as it is,...but i guess ill get on her nerves and drill it in her head and possibly talk about it 24/7 hey u get on peoples nerves stop it ...

s***.. so sorry :p:

;spank;

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

hi thanks guys and rei no problem :hugs:

i got an update, she was being quite a bug today, so i explained to her in the nicest form of manner what people found quite rude /annoying and as a good friend i would like to be there for her.
She made a huge! scene a reallly massive scene! Im upset because she tried to get this girl against me! And the other girl did turn against me for a while.But all was settled later...
These are the words I said as I approached her, well thats all I can remember...

"Hi there, sorry to bug you but I would like to talk to you about something that I have been concerned about and I feel that you might benefit, please dont take this the wrong way,I just rathar say things to your face rathar than behind your back, Your a lovely person I really like you and couple of people have mentioned you being to huggy huggy/cling clingy, and I thought the best way to tell you is alone in a mature convo. I am sorry if I have hurt you but I felt it would be better if you knew and be aware of your surroundings"...

and something along the lines, she started to shouting making a scene "WELL YOU HURT ME NOW" and she goes off in a mood , and then she goes "I GLAD YOU TOLD ME" and started being quite rude and childish, I just ignored her I was suprised by her reaction and how immature she acted trying to get this other nice friend of mine against me which she did, but both of the calmed down later, but the girl shes friend with is friends with me , clearly sided with her. I just hate sides...I dont know I just tried to be nice, and mature and she was childish I just didnt want her to expereince bulllying.
Also alot of people said that she was being quite stupid and dumb and she shouldnt baost about herself all the time because its really immature.
And later on both girls were ok with me, but my instincts tell me to leave the to it.
:frown: