Scared of being seen as boring

This is something I often find with people I meet and want to stay in touch with. Basically we get on really well, but I find it hard to progress things and keep in touch (like they'll give me their MSN but when I talk to them online and we're having a great conversation I say I have to go and I'll block them/appear offline.) I think it's something to do with wanting to go before the conversation dries up and they start to think I'm boring :s-smilie:

But I've met this guy, we like each other and I want to have a relationship with him. I'm just scared he'll get bored of me when we start going out. He lives quite far away so this is something I'll need to work at if we're going to stay together and I don't want to let myself ruin it. I don't really know what I'm asking here - does anyone else find themselves acting like this? How do you get round it? Anyone got any advice? :redface:

Reply 1

naivesincerity

You can't make him think you're more interesting, just be confident in yourself and you'll find the right person. Relationships can't be 100% entertainment.

Reply 2

The Hitchhiker

Take a calm evening in and watch the film good will hunting if you ever have a chance. It deals with similar themes of being scared to let yourself go to someone.

Reply 3

Quinion

Well if you're scared this guy will get bored of you and use that as a reason not to go for it, then you won't have much hope for any other potential relationship that might catch your eye surely? If your fears are proven accurate then OK, it's a set-back, but at least you've given it a good shot as opposed to just wondering forever if you're going to come across as boring.

And it doesn't sound like you should *actually* fear that anyway - MSN conversations do often dry up, it happens to everyone. In person things are usually different. So all you really need is to overcome the urge to run away when things are at the peak - if this guy (as well as anyone else you talk to online) knows that you're interesting to talk to they won't think less of you for being unable to sustain it.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Rather than trying to converse and worrying about being boring just ask him out straight and proper

Reply 5

falls_whisper

Rofl! I do exactly the same thing :smile:

Nothing to be proud of but at least we're not alone now.

I think it is like you say, wanting the other person to have a good impression of you and not let any further conversations possibly ruin it. Kinda ridiculous if you really think about it but it's hard to stop.

I must admit though, it's partly also because I found the conversations rather dull as well :frown:

As for advice, I think just make yourself talk to him even if you don't want to, or nothing will ever happen. And as someone said before, face-to-face conversations are usually much easier to have ^_^

Reply 6

HacklyFracture

Some of the most interesting people I know how the most boring MSN conversations. They consist of "Hi, how are you?"
"Good, you?"
"Same. ermm..."

So if your having a 'great conversation' with people on MSN I'd guess you didn't have to worry much about being boring :smile:

.

All you can do is just talk to him. I find myself in exactly the same position as you sometimes with my friends and I find the best thing to do is to not think too much about what you're saying and try not to worry about being boring (I know, I know it's nearly impossible!). You'll probably find you have stuff to talk about especially if you like him and have things in common.

Reply 7

Dionysus

Let him do the talking, make him be the one who has to appear interesting.

Reply 8

qubog

Yep, I agree with Dionysus. Theres going to be two people taking part in the conversation and he'll be just as worried about thinking of something to say as you

Reply 9

idiot

This "block them/appear offline thing" is going to bite you on the arse hard eventually, unless you have a super-accurate mental model of who's on whose contact list and which people are most likely to talk to each other. Otherwise, you'll hide from one person, another will still be able to see you, and by some awful twist of fate those two will talk right then and there, the issue will come up in conversation, and they'll figure out that you've blocked them.