Big decision

I have posted a few times about having problems at my dad's house, specifically with my stepmum

I am supposed to go every other weekend but I just don't think I can handle it anymore, I dread it all week, have a terrible time when I'm there and then mope when I come back. I miss out on doing school work because my stepmum doesn't allow me enough time to work (I am 17 but she seems to think I have to do exactly what she says, when she says it). In the past going there has made me ill (depressed)

As well as that I would like to work a few hours on a Saturday at home (my dad lives over 2 hours away). I don't have much money but I'm not allowed a job after school as it would affect my school work

Basically I am faced with a big decision, do I get a job and stop seeing my dad so much or do I sacrifice having a job and sometimes my health in order to keep seeing my dad who I do love?

My whole family (including my dad's sister) and friends are encouraging me to stop going so much because they are very worried about me after an incident the last time I visited my dad (my stepmum tried to crash the car)

Sorry about the long post but what do I do? :frown:

Reply 1

Ink

12

Is there any way you can arrange to see your dad without your stepmom present? If you only see him on some weekends, maybe you can arrange to have an outing with him for a day instead, or have dinner together but not stay around him and his wife for prolonged periods?

If that's not an option, you should probably just get a job, because it doesn't sound safe for you to be spending weekends at your dad's house. However, working one day of the week won't give you *that* much money so I wouldn't let it be the biggest factor in your decision.

Reply 2

I_am_the_mob

OP

1

I know one day won't give me much money but it will go on top of the money I already have (about 40 pound a month off mum)

I don't feel safe at my dad's

It's too far away to meet in an evening but we could arrange to meet now and again on odd weekends but it wouldn't be much :frown:

Reply 3

Ironic_

I had a similar situation when I was younger... my mum married my stepdad, he had absolutely no idea how to treat a child (I was 7 then) and actually came off as quite abusive. My mum didn't even try to stick up for me, so I stopped going up there because no amount of distress was worth it to get to see my mum. Things have improved now that i'm older and he has no right to tell me what to do though, but that's no comfort for you. I think you need to ask your dad for his help, because if your stepmum is purposefully trying to injure you then he needs to intervene and sort this out. I asked my mum to help me deal with my stepdad plenty of times and she wasn't strong enough to speak up, but surely your dad can intervene here.

Best of luck with this, I know it's not exactly the same situation but I know how difficult it can be with a step-parent who you don't get on with.

Reply 4

UPsilamba

12

You've also got school holidays you could spend with him. And you could always have a Saturday day job, then go over after work and spend the night and Sunday with him.

It doesn't sound like you're happy with the current circumstances. I'd suggest trying to change them. You are 17, and you're going to be seeing less of your parents soon anyway, when you move out/go to uni, so maybe you should do what's best for you now, which sounds like not continuing the pattern.

Reply 5

Angelil

19

You could meet halfway for an evening maybe?

I really feel sorry for you, it sounds like a tough situation :frown:

It might be an idea to go less often - from what I remember of your previous threads, your stepmum's a bit of a nutcase, yes? It's clearly not doing you any good to keep going there, as much as you love your dad.

Reply 6

I_am_the_mob

OP

1

Angelil

You could meet halfway for an evening maybe?

I really feel sorry for you, it sounds like a tough situation :frown:

It might be an idea to go less often - from what I remember of your previous threads, your stepmum's a bit of a nutcase, yes? It's clearly not doing you any good to keep going there, as much as you love your dad.

Yes she does actually have mental health problems so I can't exactly blame her. I get very little help from my dad as if he sticks up for me she threatens to leave him. It would make very little sense going up for the evening. Leaving at four on a friday I arrive in the house at around quarter to 8. Meeting halfway seems the best answer, I am sure my mum would take me. I really feel like I can't go there anymore. I feel cut off from the people I love, I'm not allowed to text and my stepmum goes nuts if I phone my mum or nan

Reply 7

Ironic_

I'm so sorry your dad isn't being much help to you, like I said i've been through this (going to my mum and expecting support but getting none) so I know how upsetting it is. Does he know about her trying to crash the car? That should be something he should address really, I mean if she tries to do it again she could at worst kill or seriously injure you, herself, anyone else in the car and other motorists. Then it becomes more than just about you and her, it's about other people using the road and their safety. Is she getting therapy of any kind?

Oh and for what it's worth, a more direct answer to your question, your health is #1 priority. If she's trying to injure you, you need to stay the hell away from there.

Reply 8

I_am_the_mob

OP

1

He was IN the car. All he said was "sorry about that" the next day

Reply 9

Ironic_

That's terrible from my point of view, someone should talk to him. She tries to crash a car, which could have (not sure how serious this was, but worst case scenario) put your lives and the lives of other motorists at risk, and he's not dealt with it? That's just not right. Is there any way an older family member from your dad's side can be persuaded to have a word with him? He does need to take at least some responsibility here for all this, he shouldn't be leaving you feeling so stressed and worried.

Reply 10

I_am_the_mob

OP

1

Basically what happened is she repeatedly brought the car to a dead stop on a motorway sliproad (with cars behind us who had to swerve)

They did then get out at a petrol station and have an argument about it but I doubt that made a difference as stuff like this has happened before

I talk to my Aunty (Dad's senior by about 20 years) but she feels she can't interfere.

Big decision

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