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Think I may have blown it with this girl I really like and now I'm miserable :(
Hi everyone.
Basically I'm posting on here because I really didn't know where else to post and it's something that's really plaguing me at the moment.
Basically there's this girl I really like here at university. I met her through an out of university club/society and we've been out a few times but not just the two of us but in and amongst friends. I have grown quite fond of her and I know she feels the same way. The huge problem is that she has a boyfriend back in her home country with whom she has been with for a year and a half.
When we went out for the first time she told one of my friends that she really liked me but felt I was trying to get too close to her which on reflection maybe I stupidly did. When I heard this I got really upset and kind of drank a bit too much that night. Basically at the end of the night she and other friends went home but she didn't even say goodbye or goodnight or anything.
The following week my society was arranging a party and I invited her and couple of other friends to come along. I didn't receive a reply until the afternoon before the party when she said she really wanted to come. At this stage I had decided I was't going to go due to wanting to study but I decided to go. We had a great time and danced a lot together and even had some nice photos together and we oth had a great time.
Since then I have tried phoning her and texting her but she won't reply. I tried phoning her the other day just to talk to her because I was feeling a bit down about something and just wanted someone to chat to. She picked up the phone and then put it down on me before I could even say hello. I texted her afterwards just to say hi and stuff but otherwise I hav received no reply.
Now I am left totally confused. One minute this girl really likes me and suggests there may be something more, the next minute she's avoiding me like the plague. IT's making me really sad and upset as I really liek this girl even though she has a boyfriend back in her home country. She is here on a foreign exchange for 6 months and I guess I am hoping something could happen between us during that time. However even if nothing romantic happened I wouldn't mind being just friends with her. However I feel that my inadvertent eagerness may have scuppered any chances of a friendship.
I really don't know what to do. I will bump into her again next week otherwise 'till then I'm left wondering where I stand. I'm scared to talk to her about this incase it makes her even more worried or eager to avoid me.
How should I handle this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Basically I'm posting on here because I really didn't know where else to post and it's something that's really plaguing me at the moment.
Basically there's this girl I really like here at university. I met her through an out of university club/society and we've been out a few times but not just the two of us but in and amongst friends. I have grown quite fond of her and I know she feels the same way. The huge problem is that she has a boyfriend back in her home country with whom she has been with for a year and a half.
When we went out for the first time she told one of my friends that she really liked me but felt I was trying to get too close to her which on reflection maybe I stupidly did. When I heard this I got really upset and kind of drank a bit too much that night. Basically at the end of the night she and other friends went home but she didn't even say goodbye or goodnight or anything.
The following week my society was arranging a party and I invited her and couple of other friends to come along. I didn't receive a reply until the afternoon before the party when she said she really wanted to come. At this stage I had decided I was't going to go due to wanting to study but I decided to go. We had a great time and danced a lot together and even had some nice photos together and we oth had a great time.
Since then I have tried phoning her and texting her but she won't reply. I tried phoning her the other day just to talk to her because I was feeling a bit down about something and just wanted someone to chat to. She picked up the phone and then put it down on me before I could even say hello. I texted her afterwards just to say hi and stuff but otherwise I hav received no reply.
Now I am left totally confused. One minute this girl really likes me and suggests there may be something more, the next minute she's avoiding me like the plague. IT's making me really sad and upset as I really liek this girl even though she has a boyfriend back in her home country. She is here on a foreign exchange for 6 months and I guess I am hoping something could happen between us during that time. However even if nothing romantic happened I wouldn't mind being just friends with her. However I feel that my inadvertent eagerness may have scuppered any chances of a friendship.
I really don't know what to do. I will bump into her again next week otherwise 'till then I'm left wondering where I stand. I'm scared to talk to her about this incase it makes her even more worried or eager to avoid me.
How should I handle this situation? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Scroll to see replies
Reply 1
12
Maybe she feels the same about you but loves her boyfriend and is trying to avoid you to assuage her guilt about feeling that way. Whatever the reason, if she doesn't want to talk to you then just let her slide on. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that!
Reply 2
qubog
Maybe she feels the same about you but loves her boyfriend and is trying to avoid you to assuage her guilt about feeling that way. Whatever the reason, if she doesn't want to talk to you then just let her slide on. Plenty more fish in the sea and all that!
Well I decided not to pursue her for anything romantic but I thought there was no harm in wanting to be friends. I guess I won't be able to gauge where things stand until I see her again next week but it still leaves me rather disappointed and miserable
Reply 3
Yes it is fine to be friends, but you are right you can't pursue anymore than just friends. There are plenty of other girls out there and in time you will be over this girl.
Reply 4
Well like I said I really don't know where we stand at the moment. I keep getting mixed signals.
Reply 5
Doesn't sound like she is giving you mixed signals from what you have described. It seems you are simply getting too close to her. I would say back off from her, she did make it clear she had a boyfriend.
Reply 6
Yeah her country is far away (not in Europe).
Reply 7
Rock Fan
Doesn't sound like she is giving you mixed signals from what you have described. It seems you are simply getting too close to her. I would say back off from her, she did make it clear she had a boyfriend.
Well have got quite close dancing and she phoned me to go out last Friday so that's what I mean by mixed signals. One minute she is being so friendly and open the next minute she is being so cold and unfriendly.
Makes me feel even more miserable at university.
Reply 8
12
I think that after the dancing and stuff she might have been feeling a bit guilty about her having a boyfriend, also, by your description it looks like your trying to phone and text here quite a lot which she might see as slightly over-bearing. I would just back off a bit and wait till you see her next then just see how she handles seeing you.
Reply 9
True.
I should have thought carefully before phoning her cosnidering the situation. Seeing as she is from a different culture it might be arkward for her for a guy to phone a girl. I wa sonly phoning and texting 'caus eI was a bit upset/miserable about something else and wanted someone to chat to but maybe she didn't see it that way.
I'm such an idiot
I should have thought carefully before phoning her cosnidering the situation. Seeing as she is from a different culture it might be arkward for her for a guy to phone a girl. I wa sonly phoning and texting 'caus eI was a bit upset/miserable about something else and wanted someone to chat to but maybe she didn't see it that way.
I'm such an idiot
Reply 10
12
nah dont worry about it, just back off a bit and if she still seems to be avoiding you try and get her to have a chat about it all and explain that you only ever wanted to be friends, i think thats a good plan anyway.
Reply 11
I'm just thinking if I chat to her about that or apologise for being so over-bearing it might be a sign of weakness and might give her an upper hand or something. Call me being stubborn or whatever I just don't want any girl to think she got the better of me and I feel by admitting to my true feelings that may well be the case?
Reply 12
You just need to try to get over her, as she already mentioned to you she has a boyfriend. She obviously loves her boyfriend alot. The only thing you can do is just to accept this, you were not going any were with this girl because of her boyfriend so you haven't lost anything. If you still want to know her you could just be friends.
Reply 13
Anonymous
I'm just thinking if I chat to her about that or apologise for being so over-bearing it might be a sign of weakness and might give her an upper hand or something. Call me being stubborn or whatever I just don't want any girl to think she got the better of me and I feel by admitting to my true feelings that may well be the case?
Don't admit your true feelings to her this will just make her have less contact with you. You just need to move on, other fish in the sea...
Reply 14
Maybe she does like you but it's complicated if she's got a bf. She'll feel guilty if she does get with you, even if she wants to. I hate it if a guy texts me and rings me a lot if im not interested, or if im confused about the situation and dont want to talk...so if i were you, give her some space. just be friendly when u see her next, maybe dont mention the situation, just leave the ball in her court and meanwhile, concentrate on other things.
Reply 15
Please keep me anonomous.
OP, i'm in exactly the same situation as you, you sound exactly like me!
Exactly same situation except she isn't an exchange student.
I do text alot and occasionally call her and get the same response your getting.
This situation sucks!
OP, i'm in exactly the same situation as you, you sound exactly like me!
Exactly same situation except she isn't an exchange student.
I do text alot and occasionally call her and get the same response your getting.
This situation sucks!
Reply 16
I really don't know.
One part of me accepts nothing will happen whilst the other part of me is really hoping beyond hope she will split with her boyfriend clearing the way for me. Although my friends have warned me to be wary of this kind of thing as it means that she is probably likely to do this kind of thing with me aswell.
I am wondering what to do when I next see her. Should I speak to her as if nothing has happened or should I clear the air?
It's my birthday soon and she said she would come out then and I hope this will still be the case regardless of the fact if there is/isn't going to be a romantic relationship. I don't know if I can ever change my feelings for her though.
One part of me accepts nothing will happen whilst the other part of me is really hoping beyond hope she will split with her boyfriend clearing the way for me. Although my friends have warned me to be wary of this kind of thing as it means that she is probably likely to do this kind of thing with me aswell.
I am wondering what to do when I next see her. Should I speak to her as if nothing has happened or should I clear the air?
It's my birthday soon and she said she would come out then and I hope this will still be the case regardless of the fact if there is/isn't going to be a romantic relationship. I don't know if I can ever change my feelings for her though.
Reply 17
laureleana
Maybe she does like you but it's complicated if she's got a bf. She'll feel guilty if she does get with you, even if she wants to. I hate it if a guy texts me and rings me a lot if im not interested, or if im confused about the situation and dont want to talk...so if i were you, give her some space. just be friendly when u see her next, maybe dont mention the situation, just leave the ball in her court and meanwhile, concentrate on other things.
I like this idea best of all. Thanks very much. I am trying so hard to focus on work and other things but it really is easier said than done
Reply 18
Anonymous
I really don't know.
One part of me accepts nothing will happen whilst the other part of me is really hoping beyond hope she will split with her boyfriend clearing the way for me. Although my friends have warned me to be wary of this kind of thing as it means that she is probably likely to do this kind of thing with me aswell.
I am wondering what to do when I next see her. Should I speak to her as if nothing has happened or should I clear the air?
It's my birthday soon and she said she would come out then and I hope this will still be the case regardless of the fact if there is/isn't going to be a romantic relationship. I don't know if I can ever change my feelings for her though.
One part of me accepts nothing will happen whilst the other part of me is really hoping beyond hope she will split with her boyfriend clearing the way for me. Although my friends have warned me to be wary of this kind of thing as it means that she is probably likely to do this kind of thing with me aswell.
I am wondering what to do when I next see her. Should I speak to her as if nothing has happened or should I clear the air?
It's my birthday soon and she said she would come out then and I hope this will still be the case regardless of the fact if there is/isn't going to be a romantic relationship. I don't know if I can ever change my feelings for her though.
You shouldn't expect her to leave her boyfriend for you, that sounds really selfish. If she ever found that out she wouldn't ever talk to you again. Don't expect this to happen. You need to face reality, and tell yourslef nothing ever will happen because it sounds like you will only ever have a friendship with this girl. Also you only really want her because you know you can't have her. Don't put her on a pedestal. Surely there's other girls that would really love the chance to go out with you.
You should just continue as nothing has happened.
You need to face the facts that there will won't be a romantic relationship for the both of you. You will be able to change your feelings for her soon, it just takes time. Let time work for you it always helps. I was like you, hoping and wishing a guy would come around into feeling the same way I wanted a relationship with him it never happend. I am only speaking from experience, you should try to heal your pain from now becuase trust me don't let this feeling last for months it will only hurt even more. I don't mean to be harsh but I am only speaking truthfully and realistically.
Reply 19
Maybe she realised she was getting too close to you, or maybe she was just simply being friendly and you are reading too much into it.
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