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Asperger's Syndrome
My younger brother, who is 12, has a text book case of Asperger's, no doubt about it. Everyone can see it, including family and teachers who have urged for him to be tested. The only one that refuses to acknowledge his condition is my mother. This is so unfair to my brother that it makes me sick. He has asked my mother what's wrong with him, why is he not able to make friends. He even asked her if there was some kind of pill he could take that would make everyone like him so he could have someone to talk to at school. Her response? She gave him a vitamin. Just thinking about him asking her that breaks my heart and makes me want to cry. He wants to be able to interact with people normally, but he doesn't know how and anytime someone tries to help him he becomes aggressive. He needs to have help, but my mother doesn't want to accept that he is anything less than perfect. I'm scared that soon it will be too late to help him. I'm terrified of when he has to go to high school; he has already failed a grade twice.
I wish I could help him, but I think the only one that can really give him what he needs is a professional. I don't think his case would be nearly as bad if my mother would put her foot down and stop ignoring everything he does. How can I convince her to get him help before it's too late?
I wish I could help him, but I think the only one that can really give him what he needs is a professional. I don't think his case would be nearly as bad if my mother would put her foot down and stop ignoring everything he does. How can I convince her to get him help before it's too late?
This is not to do with AS, but it may help.
I thought my sister had depression, and everyone thought so to, except my mother. So I decided to rebel to get attention, so that I had a reason to ask for a family therapy session. It was only at the family therapy session where my mother thought the problem was about me, where she saw it was actually my sister who had the problem.
Now to AS. Where do you live? If near London, get an appointment at The Anna Freud Centre ( http://www.annafreudcentre.org/ ). They do not charge, but do ask for a donation from those who can afford (my family is not that well off so we didn't pay). We never knew my brother had AS, but they pointed it out straight away and gave him an appointment to meet other AS people, as people with AS need different kinds of therapy (due to the lack of emotional communication). They also provided one to one therapy for other family members who were affected by my brothers AS.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask
I thought my sister had depression, and everyone thought so to, except my mother. So I decided to rebel to get attention, so that I had a reason to ask for a family therapy session. It was only at the family therapy session where my mother thought the problem was about me, where she saw it was actually my sister who had the problem.
Now to AS. Where do you live? If near London, get an appointment at The Anna Freud Centre ( http://www.annafreudcentre.org/ ). They do not charge, but do ask for a donation from those who can afford (my family is not that well off so we didn't pay). We never knew my brother had AS, but they pointed it out straight away and gave him an appointment to meet other AS people, as people with AS need different kinds of therapy (due to the lack of emotional communication). They also provided one to one therapy for other family members who were affected by my brothers AS.
If you have any other questions, feel free to ask
Reply 4
I was in the same situation myself a couple of years back. I have asperger syndrome and the only one who refuses to accept it is my mother. Only good thing for me is that I lived with my grandparents anyway and they were able to help me get the diagnosis regardless of her heckling. So i'd reccommend trying to get a close relative with some sense in him/her to have a firm talking to your mum, which if your mum is as stubborn and as downright blind as mine is will do no good, but at least you've tried.
If your mother is afraid of him not being "perfect" then you should tell her that he'll be closer to her idea of "perfect" if she gets him help. And there's no reason why he can't succeed academically. My school had no idea I had aspergers, had absolutely no clue what to do with me, and as a result I learned nothing there. But when I got to college and had my diagnosis, there was so much support available for me, as a result I got an A in every exam I took there and am now at university. Where would I be if someone in my family hadn't been brave enough to admit I wasn't perfect? Nowhere. Maybe try that angle with your mother, although I know from my experience that every time someone would talk to her about it, she'd shut down totally and just not take anything in. If not, go to your dad or someone close to the family with influence.
If your mother is afraid of him not being "perfect" then you should tell her that he'll be closer to her idea of "perfect" if she gets him help. And there's no reason why he can't succeed academically. My school had no idea I had aspergers, had absolutely no clue what to do with me, and as a result I learned nothing there. But when I got to college and had my diagnosis, there was so much support available for me, as a result I got an A in every exam I took there and am now at university. Where would I be if someone in my family hadn't been brave enough to admit I wasn't perfect? Nowhere. Maybe try that angle with your mother, although I know from my experience that every time someone would talk to her about it, she'd shut down totally and just not take anything in. If not, go to your dad or someone close to the family with influence.
Reply 5
OP: when you say has a textbook case of AS care to elaborate on what other symptoms he has?
Reply 6
This is a very interesting thread.
I am convinced my brother-in-law has Asperger's Syndrome. He is a 44 year old man and has never been diagnosed with anything, yet there is something 'different' about him. If I explain a few of his symptoms then maybe someone on here would be able to say if they think it's AS too.
* He likes to be social and will attend every social event going but he has very poor social and communication skills. For example, he will talk for ages about something, but doesn't/can't take the hint if someone is interested in what he's saying. Like he can't pick up on the body language.
* He is clever in very complex topics like computers, the weather, and music, but lacks really basic common sense.
* He can't hold down a relationship for more than a week or so.
* At school he was always in trouble, and didn't have great concentration skills. He is currently enrolled on a computer course, but gets frustrated easily and can't seem to concentrate on completing it.
Are these symptoms of AS?? Do you think I am right in thinking he has AS? His mum has never picked up that something could be 'different' about him, and as a consequence, he has never received help of any kind.
Look forward to hearing any replies.
I am convinced my brother-in-law has Asperger's Syndrome. He is a 44 year old man and has never been diagnosed with anything, yet there is something 'different' about him. If I explain a few of his symptoms then maybe someone on here would be able to say if they think it's AS too.
* He likes to be social and will attend every social event going but he has very poor social and communication skills. For example, he will talk for ages about something, but doesn't/can't take the hint if someone is interested in what he's saying. Like he can't pick up on the body language.
* He is clever in very complex topics like computers, the weather, and music, but lacks really basic common sense.
* He can't hold down a relationship for more than a week or so.
* At school he was always in trouble, and didn't have great concentration skills. He is currently enrolled on a computer course, but gets frustrated easily and can't seem to concentrate on completing it.
Are these symptoms of AS?? Do you think I am right in thinking he has AS? His mum has never picked up that something could be 'different' about him, and as a consequence, he has never received help of any kind.
Look forward to hearing any replies.
Reply 8
Hi laser, thanks for the reply, I think you are right.... it's more a mild version rather than a full diagnosis. I have met people with AS, and even though my brother-in-law shows the same signs, it's not that extreme.
Another characteristic of his is that his home has no structure/organisation.... he doesn't clean anything, everything is filthy.
Another characteristic of his is that his home has no structure/organisation.... he doesn't clean anything, everything is filthy.
Reply 9
Laser, if you don't mind me asking, what characteristics of AS do you have, or how do you think differently?
In a way your lucky the school is so supportive (suggesting testing etc) my little brother has AS and his primary school always denied anything was wrong even when we had an official diagnosis. Now he's at sixth form and the skool is so much better and help him alot. Why don't you take ur brother to the Dr's yourself and explain the problems with your mum not tryin to help. The Dr can't tell anyone without your consent but might be able to point you in the right directions. PM me if u wanna talk xx
MrsTimms
Laser, if you don't mind me asking, what characteristics of AS do you have, or how do you think differently?
Basically the same as you described, although I do tend to do well academically and never really got into trouble at school (at least with the teachers, I was bullied a lot in primary and secondary school).
However, I can't stand things being disorganised or particularly dirty (although I'm not a clean freak).
As for the "thinking differently" thing, that's more from what I've read more than my personal experience. General consensus is that people with AS (I hate the word aspie, although that's just me) have their brains "wired differently", so the thought processes tend to be different - more logical, perhaps.
MrsTimms
This is a very interesting thread.
I am convinced my brother-in-law has Asperger's Syndrome. He is a 44 year old man and has never been diagnosed with anything, yet there is something 'different' about him. If I explain a few of his symptoms then maybe someone on here would be able to say if they think it's AS too.
* He likes to be social and will attend every social event going but he has very poor social and communication skills. For example, he will talk for ages about something, but doesn't/can't take the hint if someone is interested in what he's saying. Like he can't pick up on the body language.
* He is clever in very complex topics like computers, the weather, and music, but lacks really basic common sense.
* He can't hold down a relationship for more than a week or so.
* At school he was always in trouble, and didn't have great concentration skills. He is currently enrolled on a computer course, but gets frustrated easily and can't seem to concentrate on completing it.
Are these symptoms of AS?? Do you think I am right in thinking he has AS? His mum has never picked up that something could be 'different' about him, and as a consequence, he has never received help of any kind.
Look forward to hearing any replies.
I am convinced my brother-in-law has Asperger's Syndrome. He is a 44 year old man and has never been diagnosed with anything, yet there is something 'different' about him. If I explain a few of his symptoms then maybe someone on here would be able to say if they think it's AS too.
* He likes to be social and will attend every social event going but he has very poor social and communication skills. For example, he will talk for ages about something, but doesn't/can't take the hint if someone is interested in what he's saying. Like he can't pick up on the body language.
* He is clever in very complex topics like computers, the weather, and music, but lacks really basic common sense.
* He can't hold down a relationship for more than a week or so.
* At school he was always in trouble, and didn't have great concentration skills. He is currently enrolled on a computer course, but gets frustrated easily and can't seem to concentrate on completing it.
Are these symptoms of AS?? Do you think I am right in thinking he has AS? His mum has never picked up that something could be 'different' about him, and as a consequence, he has never received help of any kind.
Look forward to hearing any replies.
Hmmm?
To the OP, you seem sensible enough to realise and accept that there is something wrong with your brother even if your mum isn't able to accept it right now, just talk to people about it. Talk to the school, talk to your doctors and let people take notice. I'm sure that if he does have aspergers your mum will realise in time that in many ways it isn't a bad thing.
Reply 13
Abeille
Hmmm?
Brother-in-law = sister's husband, brother of sister's husband, brother of brother's wife, or brother of one's own husband (the poster's name is MRS Timms).
Reply 14
Yes, he is the brother of my husband
Reply 16
Abeille, you have confused me now!!!
Reply 18
OP here.
My brother has almost all of the symptoms: a fixation on one particular subject (in his case, weather. He can literally tell you how the weather was on October 21st of 1973), mood swings, extreme aggression when frustrated (which he gets very easily), and bad social skills. I can tell that he wants to interact with people, but when he's actually faced with the situation he freezes up. He is also terrified of loud noises and water. He is very smart though in one subject, while terrible at all the rest; I think this is because he is not able to concentrate and has no reading comprehension skills.
I wish that I could take him to the doctor's myself, but I am currently in a different state (Virginia; I am in the US). When I go back to my home state of Louisiana I think that I will arrange to do this. My grandmother, at any rate, is on my side. She keeps trying to push my mom to get him tested. Hopefully it will all work out.
Thank you all for your great advice!
My brother has almost all of the symptoms: a fixation on one particular subject (in his case, weather. He can literally tell you how the weather was on October 21st of 1973), mood swings, extreme aggression when frustrated (which he gets very easily), and bad social skills. I can tell that he wants to interact with people, but when he's actually faced with the situation he freezes up. He is also terrified of loud noises and water. He is very smart though in one subject, while terrible at all the rest; I think this is because he is not able to concentrate and has no reading comprehension skills.
I wish that I could take him to the doctor's myself, but I am currently in a different state (Virginia; I am in the US). When I go back to my home state of Louisiana I think that I will arrange to do this. My grandmother, at any rate, is on my side. She keeps trying to push my mom to get him tested. Hopefully it will all work out.
Thank you all for your great advice!
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