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2nd and 3rd year uni students..advice!
Hey, I'm a fresher and loving uni at the moment. I've met some really great friends and am loving pretty much everything. Thing is, someone told me the other day that apparently the first term is the best and after that the 'bitchiness' starts and everyone falls out. Is this true? Will these people I love so much right now eventually turn into enemies? I basically just want to know what to expect and whether uni really does go downhill from here. Also, how can I prevent this? Sorry if that is a silly question.
What I found, was that in the first semester; everyone was friends with everyone - but it was all very much an 'acquaintances' type thing.
After Christmas, at my uni, everyone became closer to certain people - groups formed more, but this was a positive thing all in all, as it led to real friendships.
At that point, of course there's bound to be some people who drift apart from one another, but the benefits of the closer friendships, for me at least, outweighed this.
I'd really consider the changes to improve uni, not make it worse - but I guess it depends from person to person.
After Christmas, at my uni, everyone became closer to certain people - groups formed more, but this was a positive thing all in all, as it led to real friendships.
At that point, of course there's bound to be some people who drift apart from one another, but the benefits of the closer friendships, for me at least, outweighed this.
I'd really consider the changes to improve uni, not make it worse - but I guess it depends from person to person.
When I arrived at uni it was great as most people made an effort to get on with one another and there was this great emphasis on making friends and meeting new people. I noticed that this did slowly become less apparent, particularly when the issue of next year's accommodation came up and everyone had to make firm choices about who they wanted to live with the following year. I think the realisation that you can't remain living with loads of people was quite distressing for a lot of the people I knew and accommodation choices inevitably led to factions developing and some unhappiness.
I noticed that the honeymoon period only lasted for a short while with my
coursemates also, as people settled within groups and were no longer prepared to make such an effort with people they didn't know as well.
Ultimately, uni life is relatively brief and most people want to spend their time with people that they really like, so in the first term of the first year there is a desperate scramble to meet people and make friends then once people are secure and have established a social network then obviously things change and they no longer have the social hunger that is sometimes painfully evident during the fresher's period. This doesn't mean that things neccessarily get worse, it just simply means that things get more real and there is a greater acceptance that not everyboday can like everybody allowing real friendships to deepen.
I noticed that the honeymoon period only lasted for a short while with my
coursemates also, as people settled within groups and were no longer prepared to make such an effort with people they didn't know as well.
Ultimately, uni life is relatively brief and most people want to spend their time with people that they really like, so in the first term of the first year there is a desperate scramble to meet people and make friends then once people are secure and have established a social network then obviously things change and they no longer have the social hunger that is sometimes painfully evident during the fresher's period. This doesn't mean that things neccessarily get worse, it just simply means that things get more real and there is a greater acceptance that not everyboday can like everybody allowing real friendships to deepen.
In the first few weeks, things are pretty weird, and everyone will be friendly because everyone is in the same boat of being alone in a strange city. But after a while people start to decide which of their new 'friends' they actually like... I still say hello to the people I met in fresher's week if I see them, but mostly people have gravitated into groups with similar interests and stuff. I think the second year is actually better so far, because I'm meeting more people through societies and things, and it's all a bit less hectic and scary and more sober.
I agree with what envious said about it being difficult when you get to the point of having to decide who to live with in your 2nd year - the guys who I mostly hung out with in my first term all have a house together now on the other side of Oxford to where I am, because one of them said his girlfriend wouldn't like him living with a girl, and various other minor things nobody could agree on. Though, I'm kind of glad I'm not there after hearing they had to get professional cleaners in at the start of term because the place was such a hovel
.
Of course, there's always the desperate option of befriending next year's freshers whilst they are lonely and vulnerable
I agree with what envious said about it being difficult when you get to the point of having to decide who to live with in your 2nd year - the guys who I mostly hung out with in my first term all have a house together now on the other side of Oxford to where I am, because one of them said his girlfriend wouldn't like him living with a girl, and various other minor things nobody could agree on. Though, I'm kind of glad I'm not there after hearing they had to get professional cleaners in at the start of term because the place was such a hovel
.Of course, there's always the desperate option of befriending next year's freshers whilst they are lonely and vulnerable
envious
When I arrived at uni it was great as most people made an effort to get on with one another and there was this great emphasis on making friends and meeting new people. I noticed that this did slowly become less apparent, particularly when the issue of next year's accommodation came up and everyone had to make firm choices about who they wanted to live with the following year. I think the realisation that you can't remain living with loads of people was quite distressing for a lot of the people I knew and accommodation choices inevitably led to factions developing and some unhappiness.
I noticed that the honeymoon period only lasted for a short while with my
coursemates also, as people settled within groups and were no longer prepared to make such an effort with people they didn't know as well.
Ultimately, uni life is relatively brief and most people want to spend their time with people that they really like, so in the first term of the first year there is a desperate scramble to meet people and make friends then once people are secure and have established a social network then obviously things change and they no longer have the social hunger that is sometimes painfully evident during the fresher's period. This doesn't mean that things neccessarily get worse, it just simply means that things get more real and there is a greater acceptance that not everyboday can like everybody allowing real friendships to deepen.
I noticed that the honeymoon period only lasted for a short while with my
coursemates also, as people settled within groups and were no longer prepared to make such an effort with people they didn't know as well.
Ultimately, uni life is relatively brief and most people want to spend their time with people that they really like, so in the first term of the first year there is a desperate scramble to meet people and make friends then once people are secure and have established a social network then obviously things change and they no longer have the social hunger that is sometimes painfully evident during the fresher's period. This doesn't mean that things neccessarily get worse, it just simply means that things get more real and there is a greater acceptance that not everyboday can like everybody allowing real friendships to deepen.
You said it in a much better way than I managed to. +rep on the way.
I suppose bitchiness could arise, but not unless your friends with people like that.. in the first few weeks everyone's pretty fake and will be nice to anyone just so its another friend. But after a couple of months friendship groups do tend to form and then u tend to find out what people are really like, so unless you've made friends with people like that then you dont have anything to worry about
I think there's some truth in it.
After the first term people have formed expectations and made judgements and you're much more likely to get tension.
People start stressing that others are better friends than you, leaving you out, working harder, after the same people or whatever..
But in my experience, because you still don't know each other that well, you don't actually talk through the problems, you just sort of ignore them.. hmm!
After the first term people have formed expectations and made judgements and you're much more likely to get tension.
People start stressing that others are better friends than you, leaving you out, working harder, after the same people or whatever..
But in my experience, because you still don't know each other that well, you don't actually talk through the problems, you just sort of ignore them.. hmm!
StarryEyedSurprise
Are people expected to live in a house with other students after the 1st year? I'm starting to feel worried...
It'll depend on where you are and what's available. Mostly, yes, you move into a house with other people.
Here, we're lucky to have a lot of private halls. I chose to move into private halls with complete strangers again!
StarryEyedSurprise
Are people expected to live in a house with other students after the 1st year? I'm starting to feel worried...
Depends entirely on where you are, though it's quite a regular practice with many unis (like mine, Warwick).
Anyway, from experience I would say groups do tend to form a bit more in the 2nd and 3rd terms, though this can be largely due to the above housing issues where they apply. To be honest it may well be happening to you right now without you realising it, that sort of happened with what is now our 2nd year house.
And yes, there can be a bit of bitching if you don't happen to get on with certain people you're living with. But that doesn't mean at all that it will dominate your social life for the rest of halls and uni and make you miserable, far from it. In fact you'll probably be happier for it; in some ways I do miss the atmosphere of my halls because it was so much fun, but I'm also glad that I'm now exclusively living with my closest friends from it and don't have to feel awkward around certain people that I didn't talk to that much (and when I do see them on nights out it's a very positive experience as we can catch up in short bursts).
first semester of year 1 is really fake.
i found it difficult to meet people i really liked, except those on my course.
second semester of year 1 is when i found out the people who actually are your friends.
it makes you feel more satisfied.
i found it difficult to meet people i really liked, except those on my course.
second semester of year 1 is when i found out the people who actually are your friends.
it makes you feel more satisfied.
Yeah, that happened to me. Well a little bit.
After xmas, our group of 6 started forming off into groups of 2's and yeah bitchiness did occure quite a lot. It's quite hard to describe without sounding horrible but I know when I started last year I was friends with people just because I wanted some friends and not be alone but then after xmas we all sorta formed groups.
We had to get our house in January, so we all went together and I have to be honest if I was picking now I'd only live with 1 of them.
After xmas, our group of 6 started forming off into groups of 2's and yeah bitchiness did occure quite a lot. It's quite hard to describe without sounding horrible but I know when I started last year I was friends with people just because I wanted some friends and not be alone but then after xmas we all sorta formed groups.
We had to get our house in January, so we all went together and I have to be honest if I was picking now I'd only live with 1 of them.
It's pretty much inevitable that some of the people you made "friends" with in the first few weeks / months of Uni will, eventually, get right on your tits. Some of them you'll speak to less and less until they're just a passing aquaintance. Others... you'll be stuck with. Forever. Unless you're harsh enough to just tell them to leave you the **** alone.
Like others have said, half the people you make friends with, it's just because of proximity (living in halls) and having something in common (being new at Uni). Once the "being new" bond is gone, you start to figure out who you would really be friends with otherwise.
Like others have said, half the people you make friends with, it's just because of proximity (living in halls) and having something in common (being new at Uni). Once the "being new" bond is gone, you start to figure out who you would really be friends with otherwise.
In my first semester, everyone on my floor went out together, with the occasional couple of people from the floors below and above too. That would be about 10 people. But in the second semester everyone started going into different groups to go out.
I suppose I was lucky because I'm good friends with different groups, so rarely get stuck in at a weekend. However, this year I have continued living in Halls (I say halls, but they're more like professional rooms with a mixture of students and workers) but I moved up to new floor to be with two lads who I'd consider my better mates now. However, my best mate from last year is still in his old room and I sometimes go out with him and the freshers, but its not really the same friendships as last year as I dont really need to make the effort to get to know them - as I have my own friends.
The people who moved into thier houses I've sort of grown apart from them the last few weeks. Not seen a few of them for ages, and if I do, its only on a night out where we all meet up at the bar. Suits me though, as they were all Indie kids, whilst the group of lads I go out with now are more into my sort of music, and are a better laugh on a night out.
I do remember though, after Christmas in the first year, everyone started to get on each others tits a bit, and a few arguments happened. I got into a fist fight with my best mate, and although it was forgotton about the next day it did happen - mainly cause the fakeness had gone.
Still mate with all of them though, apart from one or two, who blank me now over something that I never said, or did, but they'll never believe me, but who cares. I cant be mates with everyone and the guy in question is a terrible mard arse and totally different to me.
I suppose I was lucky because I'm good friends with different groups, so rarely get stuck in at a weekend. However, this year I have continued living in Halls (I say halls, but they're more like professional rooms with a mixture of students and workers) but I moved up to new floor to be with two lads who I'd consider my better mates now. However, my best mate from last year is still in his old room and I sometimes go out with him and the freshers, but its not really the same friendships as last year as I dont really need to make the effort to get to know them - as I have my own friends.
The people who moved into thier houses I've sort of grown apart from them the last few weeks. Not seen a few of them for ages, and if I do, its only on a night out where we all meet up at the bar. Suits me though, as they were all Indie kids, whilst the group of lads I go out with now are more into my sort of music, and are a better laugh on a night out.
I do remember though, after Christmas in the first year, everyone started to get on each others tits a bit, and a few arguments happened. I got into a fist fight with my best mate, and although it was forgotton about the next day it did happen - mainly cause the fakeness had gone.
Still mate with all of them though, apart from one or two, who blank me now over something that I never said, or did, but they'll never believe me, but who cares. I cant be mates with everyone and the guy in question is a terrible mard arse and totally different to me.
just take each day as it comes
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