Newbie Songwriter - Feedback needed

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Hazzaj500
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#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
Hi so I've really got into songwriting over the past few weeks, bad time with exam I KNOW. haha anyway im trying to go for kind of an indie/pop rock mix, haven't recorded anything yet but here are some lyrics of a song i wrote at 2am. All feedback is greatly appreciated. If it helps i admire Noel.G's and Morrissey's lyrics


The Life that’s at your fingertips



From the moment you were born

Your destiny was sewn

It can never truly be torn


You don’t know what you are

Or what you will be

But soon enough you’ll come to see


Whether its singing or dancing

Or football or acting

One day you’lll find it out


That here’s a light that shines inside you

But it will never come on out

Until you show the world

What you’re really on about


As the journey of life

It’s personal to you

Let your own light shine through

Today not tomorrow

As all you’ll feel is sorrow

As you never reached your peak of..

Kilimanjaro






Some find their lover

Others are their own brother

Life is such a lonely path

But humanity works together


There’s exceptions

Those who cut life short

Who don’t believe in success?

For that they have no perception

No love, no acception

No acquiesce


But my friend

Fight until the end

For what you believe

Is your destiny

Before you no longer breathe

Oh oh oh


There’s a light that shines inside you

But it will never come on out

Until you show the world

What you’re really on about


As the journey of life

It’s personal to you

Let your own light shine through

Today not tomorrow

As all you’ll feel is sorrow

As you never reached your peak of..

Kilimanjaro
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Kandiman
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#2
Report 4 years ago
#2
Okay... Don't take this the wrong way... But it's good in a super-generic way. Like, if someone said "write something optimistic to inspire people. You have five minutes" this is probably what I'd expect.

The problem is that it's not subtle in any way, shape or form. There's no nuance, no symbolism, no... art to it.

Let's take a great song like... "Faith" by George Michael. The song is literally about a guy going through a relationship with someone. He sees them, fancies them, convinced himself they're too good for him and then has to remind himself to believe a little more. Then they hook up and stuff starts going wrong, so he needs "Faith" that it'll all be cool. And it is. "You gotta have faith."

If you wrote a song about that in five minutes, it wouldn't be Faith. Song writing is the art of setting poetry to music. And poetry is about subtlety and imagery.
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Shawn6
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#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Kandiman)
Okay... Don't take this the wrong way... But it's good in a super-generic way. Like, if someone said "write something optimistic to inspire people. You have five minutes" this is probably what I'd expect.

The problem is that it's not subtle in any way, shape or form. There's no nuance, no symbolism, no... art to it.

Let's take a great song like... "Faith" by George Michael. The song is literally about a guy going through a relationship with someone. He sees them, fancies them, convinced himself they're too good for him and then has to remind himself to believe a little more. Then they hook up and stuff starts going wrong, so he needs "Faith" that it'll all be cool. And it is. "You gotta have faith."

If you wrote a song about that in five minutes, it wouldn't be Faith. Song writing is the art of setting poetry to music. And poetry is about subtlety and imagery.
OMG my mind is blown lol
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