This discussion is now closed.
Check out other Related discussions
- Creepy Guest
- He wants me to stay over at his during the summer ðŸ˜ðŸ‘€
- Love or Self Preservation? Should I Stay for His Surgery?
- Relationships
- How to break up with long term bf after his mum has died
- Bf staying 3 months avoiding it
- Am I overthinking this or do I make a valid point?
- I like my teacher
- Getting back with ex after a month.
- my older brother hates me
- My boyfriend
- Confused
- Confusion
- feeling unwell before a 15 hour art exam
- Concerned about new boyfriend
- My ex left me on read
- Should I stay or leave?
- he writes poems about pastrami i'm so in love it hurts
- Advice please!
- Should I stay with him!!
Should I stay with him?
Please keep anon.
Ok, well this is a bit complicated.
Basically, there's this guy (as usual), that I was good friends with, and we got on really well and he told me he liked me, so we decided we should make a go of us, and go out. But this was 2 weeks before we broke up for summer, so we decided to hold off until we go back and see whether we still felt the same and to make a go of it then. Well over summer we text pretty much every day a lot, talked all the time etc. so when we finally got back to uni, we became close again and he asked me out, and now we're going out. Its been a month now.
The thing is, I'm starting to realise I dont think I'm that into him as I used to be, or thought I was. I dont fancy him. Recently whenever we've been alone I've not been in the mood to do anything, well besides cuddling - which we both love. And I'm realising that me not being that into him is most probably the cause. I find myself rolling my eyes a lot when i talk to him online. And the tiniest things are annoying the hell out of me about him.
He is really nice though, and i really like him as a person (cliché), but he's very clingy, he's told me about his past gf's messing him around, and he's very into me, tells me all the time, and whenever I have a word with him about something he's doing (like nagging to come over all the time), he'll just say sorry a lot and I end up feeling like I've trodden on a puppy or something. Also, he's putting a lot of pressure on the relationship, I mean im a pretty independant person, I dont mind being on my own sometimes, I'd like him to go out with his friends when he wanted to, and not have to spend all the time with him, and also coz this is still a relatively new one i expect it to be pretty laid back, but hes always wanting to come and stay over, he's on about meeting parents and stuff already, talking about the future and stuff, and I just dont like stuff like that.
Also, I know that if i really was crazy about him, like he feels about me, then I wouldnt feel like this, and I know from experience.
So basically, my problem is not knowing what to do about it. Is a month a long enough time to know whether i want to be with someone or not, or should I stick it out longer? Also, I'm 20 and I havent slept with anyone, but i want to pretty soon, and I think he's an alright person to lose it to, as he really does like me a lot, and I dont think I'd regret it, but that'd just be using him. And also, I dont really want to break up with him coz of the things he told me about his exes and that he likes me so much. I think if he'd just back off a bit I may like him more? Or am I hoping too much? I'd like this relationship to work, but I'm just not happy in it at the moment, and he has no clue
Sorry it's so long, I have mentioned it to a friend but she's as stumped as me
Ok, well this is a bit complicated.
Basically, there's this guy (as usual), that I was good friends with, and we got on really well and he told me he liked me, so we decided we should make a go of us, and go out. But this was 2 weeks before we broke up for summer, so we decided to hold off until we go back and see whether we still felt the same and to make a go of it then. Well over summer we text pretty much every day a lot, talked all the time etc. so when we finally got back to uni, we became close again and he asked me out, and now we're going out. Its been a month now.
The thing is, I'm starting to realise I dont think I'm that into him as I used to be, or thought I was. I dont fancy him. Recently whenever we've been alone I've not been in the mood to do anything, well besides cuddling - which we both love. And I'm realising that me not being that into him is most probably the cause. I find myself rolling my eyes a lot when i talk to him online. And the tiniest things are annoying the hell out of me about him.
He is really nice though, and i really like him as a person (cliché), but he's very clingy, he's told me about his past gf's messing him around, and he's very into me, tells me all the time, and whenever I have a word with him about something he's doing (like nagging to come over all the time), he'll just say sorry a lot and I end up feeling like I've trodden on a puppy or something. Also, he's putting a lot of pressure on the relationship, I mean im a pretty independant person, I dont mind being on my own sometimes, I'd like him to go out with his friends when he wanted to, and not have to spend all the time with him, and also coz this is still a relatively new one i expect it to be pretty laid back, but hes always wanting to come and stay over, he's on about meeting parents and stuff already, talking about the future and stuff, and I just dont like stuff like that.
Also, I know that if i really was crazy about him, like he feels about me, then I wouldnt feel like this, and I know from experience.
So basically, my problem is not knowing what to do about it. Is a month a long enough time to know whether i want to be with someone or not, or should I stick it out longer? Also, I'm 20 and I havent slept with anyone, but i want to pretty soon, and I think he's an alright person to lose it to, as he really does like me a lot, and I dont think I'd regret it, but that'd just be using him. And also, I dont really want to break up with him coz of the things he told me about his exes and that he likes me so much. I think if he'd just back off a bit I may like him more? Or am I hoping too much? I'd like this relationship to work, but I'm just not happy in it at the moment, and he has no clue
Sorry it's so long, I have mentioned it to a friend but she's as stumped as me
I'm afraid you're going to have to put the puppy down. I know it's hard, looking into its big wet eyes before you do, but you need to end it before it gets too serious (or rather, he gets even more serious..).
I know it's hard; it's the hardest thing in the world to ditch someone who you know really really likes you. In the past I've had to deal with it by breakup and then avoidance to make him get the picture fully. Not the most mature way, but sometimes 'staying friends' really isn't an option if he's in your friend zone but he's still got you in the girlfriend zone. It sucks to lose a friendship too, but life is hard sometimes.
If you feel you want to give him a chance, then you need to tell him to slow it WAY down. At the moment he's hurtling down the motorway at 80mph, what with all this talk of meeting parents etc.. sounds like you need to be crawling past a school at 20 this early in a relationship. Tell him you don't like to plan things. He might well be a bit over-excited and clingy at first; generally the first few months of a relationship are the most passionate, everything's new and exciting.. if you're really into the other person that is. Trouble is, he's probably been anticipating the whole thing over the entire summer, and now he can be around you again it's like the water built up behind the dam has broken it. And if he's as into you as it seems, I wouldn't expect anything less.
As for sleeping with him, I'd urge you not to. A similar thing happened to me, then a year later I met the love of my life and I deeply regretted not saving myself. But life does go on, and it ultimately is your own decision
I know it's hard; it's the hardest thing in the world to ditch someone who you know really really likes you. In the past I've had to deal with it by breakup and then avoidance to make him get the picture fully. Not the most mature way, but sometimes 'staying friends' really isn't an option if he's in your friend zone but he's still got you in the girlfriend zone. It sucks to lose a friendship too, but life is hard sometimes.
If you feel you want to give him a chance, then you need to tell him to slow it WAY down. At the moment he's hurtling down the motorway at 80mph, what with all this talk of meeting parents etc.. sounds like you need to be crawling past a school at 20 this early in a relationship. Tell him you don't like to plan things. He might well be a bit over-excited and clingy at first; generally the first few months of a relationship are the most passionate, everything's new and exciting.. if you're really into the other person that is. Trouble is, he's probably been anticipating the whole thing over the entire summer, and now he can be around you again it's like the water built up behind the dam has broken it. And if he's as into you as it seems, I wouldn't expect anything less.
As for sleeping with him, I'd urge you not to. A similar thing happened to me, then a year later I met the love of my life and I deeply regretted not saving myself. But life does go on, and it ultimately is your own decision
I agree with Anon 2. Theres a possibility of you trying it for a while longer to see if things can work out, because it does sound like his behaviour is irritating you a lot. Thats the problem with a lot of nice guys, they have some past issues (like the gf stuff you mentioned) which make them more clingy (they have experienced being hurt and do not wish to inflict it on others, for one). It's as if he is trying his best to stop you from being unfaithful, even though that would 99% never happen (i'm assuming), by planning further ahead (meeting parents etc). The key to a good relationship though is communication, have you voiced any of these concerns to himself? If you'd like to try and give this another chance, then by all means sit down and tell him you need a bit more personal space, and how you would prefer things (without sounding mean).
It's going to kill the guy if you dump him, I have to admit that, especially if he's the nice loving kind of guy. It is important to remember, though, that if you choose to do this, then the guy will respect you for not causing more unnecessary pain to him - thats why you shouldn't string him along and eventually 'cheat' on him. It is certainly possible (and quite likely) to remain friends if you dump him now...
As for the sex, well....
I guess it COULD be a good sentiment, as if to say 'i find you attractive and your a close friend but we are too different to be partners'
or it could piss him off.
mind you not many guys would turn down an offer of sex
It's going to kill the guy if you dump him, I have to admit that, especially if he's the nice loving kind of guy. It is important to remember, though, that if you choose to do this, then the guy will respect you for not causing more unnecessary pain to him - thats why you shouldn't string him along and eventually 'cheat' on him. It is certainly possible (and quite likely) to remain friends if you dump him now...
As for the sex, well....
I guess it COULD be a good sentiment, as if to say 'i find you attractive and your a close friend but we are too different to be partners'
or it could piss him off.
mind you not many guys would turn down an offer of sex
Talk to him first, tell him he is being clingy and tell him there is no rush to discuss the future as you are both so young, it is a turn off in a relationship.
If he continues to be clingy and possessive then you do need to consider ending it, as much it will kill him, you don't need a clingy guy.
Oh and Jolae maybe some guys wouldn't turn down the sex but I would.
Back to the OP do not have sex with him if you are going to finish it afterwards, that is the worst thing you could do.
If he continues to be clingy and possessive then you do need to consider ending it, as much it will kill him, you don't need a clingy guy.
Oh and Jolae maybe some guys wouldn't turn down the sex but I would.
Back to the OP do not have sex with him if you are going to finish it afterwards, that is the worst thing you could do.
Rock Fan
Oh and Jolae maybe some guys wouldn't turn down the sex but I would
Oh and Jolae maybe some guys wouldn't turn down the sex but I would
As would I.
Didn't you just love what i put though?
'many guys' - not implying every guy
More so the ones who do not think that sex is 'special'and the way i considered an alternative reaction to this offer in this particular context.
Heck, i mentioned the alternative because there are numerous interpretations of this issue - as you've shown.
jeesus
Id say stick it out a few more weeks, I mean you must have liked eachother to stay in touch over the summer right? Dont be too harsh on him because that might make it worse with his clingyness, just explain that your a independent person and how he's acting is a little bit too much for you, and maybe you should cool things off a little before you start falling out over it? Theres no reason to break up just because he's clingy, he's just obviously a bit insecure, and thats something that can be fixed hopefully!
God, i know exactly how your feeling. I'm in the same position right this moment. I've been dating this guy for 10 months though and now i'm sort of stuck with him.
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
Cowlina
God, i know exactly how your feeling. I'm in the same position right this moment. I've been dating this guy for 10 months though and now i'm sort of stuck with him.
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
You can't just stay with this guy for the sake of not being single, that's even more cruel on him.
Cowlina
God, i know exactly how your feeling. I'm in the same position right this moment. I've been dating this guy for 10 months though and now i'm sort of stuck with him.
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
He can be really soppy and cries a bit and makes me feel really guilty. I get the millions of apologies too and its really annoying! He's really lovely but every little thing he does thats slightly irritating sends me off on one yelling at him. I feel mean to stay with him but i think i'm too into the idea of being in a relationship. I don't want to be single!!!
Gosh...love and its evil ways!!
I agree with people above...tell him exactly what you just told us. Set an amount of time like a week and say, if i'm still feeling like this in a week i think we'll have to talk about breaking up. Give him a chance at least. At least you have someone to rely on.
Don't have sex with him though...big big mistake. I know its cheesy...but do wait until you find someone you actually really like and feel passionate enough towards to do it with.
good luck!
You;re ..giving conflictive.. mixed out messages
to this! Cowlina Related discussions
- Creepy Guest
- He wants me to stay over at his during the summer ðŸ˜ðŸ‘€
- Love or Self Preservation? Should I Stay for His Surgery?
- Relationships
- How to break up with long term bf after his mum has died
- Bf staying 3 months avoiding it
- Am I overthinking this or do I make a valid point?
- I like my teacher
- Getting back with ex after a month.
- my older brother hates me
- My boyfriend
- Confused
- Confusion
- feeling unwell before a 15 hour art exam
- Concerned about new boyfriend
- My ex left me on read
- Should I stay or leave?
- he writes poems about pastrami i'm so in love it hurts
- Advice please!
- Should I stay with him!!
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 month ago
Engineering vs. Medicine: Stuck Between Dreams and ExpectationsLast reply 1 month ago
heyyy , im new heree and im willing to have some friends xxxLast reply 1 month ago
Im 16 and never had a gf and it doesnt feel ok.
