More than best friends.

hey everyone im feeling realllly crappy atm and its really late at night and i need someone to talk to, i would ring up my best friend but shes away on holiday right now.

basically its the classic scenario of a guy and girl being best friends but it turning into more.

im the girl in this btw, this is a reallly long story so please bare with me, basically im really good friends with this guy we are at the same uni same course and live very close to eachother, in the past few weeks we became very close emotionally and a bit more recently physically too, not kissing but intimate and even slept over eachothers a couple of times and it was just cuddles in bed but thats pretty close for just friends.

i started to realise that i quite like him, but i didnt say anything because i was worried he didnt like me, hes the kind of guy who thinks every next girl is hot and also we talk about who we have crushes on and so its a bit weird so i just left it, our group of friends thought we were together but we said to eachother as long as we know the truth it doesnt matter what other people think, my best friend though said i act like his wife because im so submissive to him which is true tbh.

me and this guy share a mutual good friend (my best friend) she told me that they talked one nght and he asked her if i had any feelings and she said no i didnt because thats what i told her, even though i did but i was just surpressing them, he said good because he didnt have feelings for me either, but after that convo we got even close and more 'couply' and my feelings for him grew, we got more physically and emotionally close and again he spent the night at mine and it wasnt sexual but i felt affection towards him.

today he went out clubbing, i didnt go but we all met up at a friends house before hand and he was being a bit off with me, maybe because someone asked him if we are together, anyway he went out and when he came back i found out he had pulled two girls, and for some reason it made me really upset, even though i have no right to be upset, and i became really moody and quiet and made it obvious i was upset becacuse i wasnt able to hide it, i think he aslo may have felt awkward because he didnt say anything to me and couldnt make eye contact with me, we arent together or anything, but i just started crying in my room when we came back and feel like he used me just as a sex toy and also i dont want to lose our brilliant friendship. basically the main thing is, should i tell him how i feel? or just try and move on? i feel like i need to talk to him but dont know what to say and im really sacred of losing out friendship.

thanks for reading, this is soo long sorry.

xxx

Reply 1

FreeBird

I dont know to be honest, seems like a bit of a toughie.
You could tell him how you feel, and then it can either go one of two ways - he likes you back and something happens, or he gets a bit freaked out and will probably become distant.
But also, if you dont say anything, he's not going to know and he'll continue seeing these other girls (well he is single), and its going to continue to upset you and will probably affect your friendship in the end as well.

Maybe you could just ride it out? Try not to think about him in that way too much, (tho tbh i dont know how you feel about him so i cant know how easy or hard that would be to do). And maybe just go with the flow and if something happens - awesome. But then he could like you and didnt want to tell you coz your friends already told him you dont think of him that way...

bit of a catch 22 situation

It probably all comes down to whether you treasure your friendship more than a possibly relationship? Coz if your friendship really is that much more important, then its probably best not to say anything, you never know, you could meet someone soon that pushes thoughts of him that way clean from your mind. Then maybe he'll get a bit jealous :P

Thats a thought actually, you could maybe try and make him a bit jealous? just to see how he acts, if its similar to how you were when you heard about his antics then thats probably a good sign. tho thats prob not good advice, but would be something i would do lol

Not sure if this was any help sorry, i was just kind of think out loud lol

Reply 2

Profesh

Lying is stupid.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

thanks for ure reply free bird it does help as it gives me lots of options to think through, basically i realised that i do have feelings for him as why else would i be upset about him pulling other girls, but i dont know how to deal with it, its tough because we are best friends and see eachother all the time so i cant just phase him out my life and hope the feelings fade.

profresh so u think i should just go and tell him everything?

xx

Reply 4

7melanie7

just tell him...if your friendship takes a hit its his fault not yours

Reply 5

matt@internet

Tell him.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

if i tell him, and he doesnt feel the same way, wont that throw our friendship completely out the window?

Reply 7

SmilerNuts

Anonymous

if i tell him, and he doesnt feel the same way, wont that throw our friendship completely out the window?

Not necessarily. You know him better than we do, how do you think he would react if he didn't like you? Some people can deal with it easily and not let it get it in the way, some will find it hard and make the friendship more distant for a while, and in a few, it'll make them realise they do have feelings for you that they were just trying to supress.
Personally I'd take a chance on it.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

I'm over it now - well, most of it anyway. However, I have told my best friend i liked her a couple of times, plus let her know I was completely mad for her once and we're still as strong as ever!! OK that might be because she sympathises with me being a sexually-frustrated disabled virgin. But tell, IME rejection feels **** at the time but if you are genuine best friends, it only makes you stronger!

Reply 9

Ollie87

I was in same situation. I met the girl first few days of uni, became best mates with her instantly. had amazing first term, then i started to fall for her. i didnt tell her for the whole of first year and hoped the feelings would go away over summer. they didn't, and i was living with her in second year. half way through it got really bad so i told her. from there, it all went to **** really. after living on the same corridor in halls we moved into the same house and ended up next to each other on the same floor. after i told her about it she coped pretty well with it outwardly but the friendship went to ****. she became distant and began puhsing me away.

we're living together again this year and our friendship hasn't been the same since. last night we had our first proper talk since i told her i liked her in second year and although it's taken a year, it feels like we've moved on a bit. she knows how i feel and her finally admitting she knows i like her helped.

Basically be careful because there's so much at stake. you can't help how you feel but things may get ****ed up because of it. if i were you i'd tell him and see what happens, but only because i couldn't spend the whole of uni pretending. be advised though that no matter how strong you think the friendship is, something like this may well destroy it.