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Can I still be friends with her??

Hello all. First, a bit of back story : I am a 23 yr old male and somehow, despite 3 years of uni and being evidently clever, handsome and charming*, I have failed to ever have a girlfriend or get laid, and this has given me a bit of a complex. I have only had one minor sexual experience, this - bizarrely - was with a bloke when we were both, shall we say, under the influence of things we should not have been ....
I have recently met up with a girl to whom I have been chatting online for nearly a year. I always liked her pics, but IRL she is stunning and I am smitten - which doesn't happen very often. I have told her this, and also (I hope) tried to show her by always making an effort to have nice days out with her, introduce her to London (where she's just moved from up north) etc. She finds this a source of amusement, as she is convinced i am gay/bisexual and says she would never go out with a guy who has shown gay leanings (she knows abt the incident, sadly, cos i told her b4 i met her - when she was just an internet friend in whom I could confide). At first I found this mildly amusing, but lately it has grown more and more irritating and hurtful. She won't take my feelings seriously and I feel patronised. We get on well generally, and she definitely wants to be friends, but I am worried that this will not work out because of all the complications. It's horrid to think that my failure to get a girl for all these years so far, and in the future, might be down to worries about my sexuality.....

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Reply 1

FreeBird

Well, the fact that you like her this much shows your most definitely not gay, maybe bi at the most. Does she know you were under the influence during this 'incident'? coz if she does, im afraid shes being a bit narrow minded, i find it perfectly believable for a guy to want to do things with another especially when drunk or high or whatever, afterall, girls do it dont they? And they put it down to 'experimenting' (i havent personally gone further than kissing other females btw)

I think you should probably just try and make her believe that youre being genuine when you say you like her. And tell her that her not believing you is upsetting you. If shes a true friend she should respect your feelings enough to not want to hurt you more.

This night of tomfoolery has definitely not ruined your chances of getting a girl :smile:

Reply 2

Robob

You sound camp.

Reply 3

HereFishyFishy

Robob

You sound camp.

ffs

Reply 4

mollymustard

I'm sure your past will not affect your future love life. Honestly, whats done is done and you're clearly not gay if you are having feelings for this girl.
To be honest, if she humours what you say, try not to let it get to you.
Its a shame she seems so heartless when you are only paying her a great compliment.
Although you've never had a girlfriend at university, you shouldn't let it get your confidence down. There are probably loads of people in the same situation as you.

Reply 5

andymt

Robob

You sound camp.

Reply 6

Dionysus

She's starting the chase I think. She wants you but doesn't want to seem too easy. You've got to go for it until you get her or until it becomes really obvious that it's a no-hoper.

Reply 7

Robob

Laces

ffs

He does though.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

How can I sound camp posting on a chatboard ffs? And yes I am camp and this doesn't help, but can't just change my whole personality, control all my mannerisms/change my music taste etc to order. Plenty of camp men are straight and married, likewise plenty of non camp men are gay. Get out of the 1960s.

Reply 9

SilverWings

I agree with Dionysus.

Up the flirting and down the "let's have a nice day out where I show you around London" stuff, because I bet you camp it right up!! There's nothing wrong with being camp and straight, except when you want to pull a girl that thinks you're gay.

A little less limp-wrist and a bit more ROAR, mate.

Reply 10

cyberpariah

Roar????

Reply 11

splunket

I love the way people think that one or 2 incidents can pin down your sexuality for life. People change you know. Even if they don't sexuality isnt really just a black and white thing now is it? Anyway, to the thread starter, I wouldn't get a complex about anything, if you don't want to be gay, then chances are your not. Does the thought of pumping your manrod into another male get you going? If yes then you are gay or bisexual. I reckon everyones a bit bi anyway. They just dont know it yet.

Also this girl sounds like an idiot if she doesn't want to know about any guy who is not interested in women only. Or its just an excuse cos she likes you as nothin more than a friend.

Rape her and ask her if she liked it a bit. Girls love surprises.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Thanks, this is all good - but to get back to my original Q: I feel it has got to the stage where this is eroding our friendship, too. her failure to confront the issue, her giggling/changing of the subject/labelling me gay when it comes up, bothers me. It makes her seem.. duistant somehow. Like she doesn't really know me and doesn't want to? So i worry that we can't be good friends either...

Reply 13

cyberpariah

Now she's deactivated her facebook!! That might help me obsess less I suppose....

Reply 14

cyberpariah

And another cos I am supserstitious abt having the 13th then not the 14th post... damn I've de-anoned myself, not that it matters....

Reply 15

Dream_Catcher

I think this girl is being a little too harsh, let her know how you feel and if she can't understand your pain. I wouldn't bother with her, she's just much trouble.

Btw: what happened with the guy?

Reply 16

Juwel

She could be deflecting, unwilling to confront your interest in her head on. You helped her out a bit by telling her about the incident, it has to be said, but full marks for honesty. Anyway, as has been said by at least two esteemed forummers, get out of the damn FRIENDZONE and actually flirt with her like a man.

Reply 17

cyberpariah

For the 4th day in a row she's failed to pick up her phone and has deactivated her FB and now isn't turning up on MSN - so basically she seems to be making herself uncomfortable. i have a CD I made her but forgot to give her, it's oainful to look at.... the little cover and everything... my phone is full of pics of her.... it hurts. The fact that I am attracted to her aggrevates the situ, but tbh i think i would be annoyed with any friend behaving like this. She does it to other ppl, but i need more then fairweather friendship and it doesn't look like she can provide this. Can sexual attraction and great platonic friendship ever live side by side? I used to think so, but I am beginning to wonder :frown: