I've lost all my confidence!

Please keep anon as there are people from my college on here, and i'd hate for them to find out.

Well, where to start? I'm male, 17, and I go to college. I used to be incredibly confident, and comfortable standing up and talking in front of a lot of people. In year 11, I mixed with the wrong people, f##ked up my GCSEs, and when I started sixth form I stopped going out with them, concentrated on my work, and I havent been out with any friends since April. :eek:

Recently, I had to stand up in front of about 20 people and give a speech. I thought I was gonna be fine,but I was so nervous and rushed through it and hurried to sit down. i've NEVER done it before. I've always been self-assured but not anymore. For the past year I havent gone out, have stopped talking to a lot of people (most unintentionally), and I try and avoid the common room most days, because I get so anxious and worried that people think I'm boring and they dont want to talk to me (I get some dirty looks off of people when I do talk :confused:

).

Recently my friends have been saying that I'm boring, and that I'm dead. I've gotten very self-conscious over the past 2 weeks (have no idea why) and am just hating myself. When I walk down the street to college I'm always wondering how I look when I walk, if someone in a car is staring (buses are the worst for me), if someone in a car will shout something at me, if someone I know will come past me etc. And I don't go out because I'm so self conscious. I only like going out at night because it's dark. And I rarely do that anyway. I'm self conscious about my short height, the way I walk, what clothes I have etc. And I think it's because I've never held any importance on such things until last year because I lost a lot of weight.

Erm, what I'm trying to say is, I dont have any confidence. My friends think I'm boring. I dont have any hobbies. I dont do anything except sleep and the occasional bit of work. I've stupidly lost a lot of friends. I hate how short and skinny I am. I blend in with lower school and a couple of kids follow me and take the piss out of me because they're taller than me. And i'm just not comfortable with anything anymore.

I want to be more fun. I want to know how to for a start. I hate being so self conscious, and I want my confidence back. I used to be loud, outspoken, quick witted, but recently I've just lost it all.

I've got a party coming up in a few weeks. it's the first time I'll be back out with people who I used to go out with. I havent been to a party in over a year. I dont know how to dance and I'm already getting anxious about dancing there and mixing in with people. ARGH. please anyone, give me some advice!

Reply 1

SilverWings

14

Don't dance, have a few drinks, you'll be fine.

Parties are really easy.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

The thing is, I've been to these parties before. It's not a house party, it's been booked to take place in a hall. Everyone dances! I'm thinking i'll go for an hour and then quickly disappear when everyone starts dancing lol.

Reply 3

Juwel

18

No good friend calls you dead. They can do one.

Reply 4

Lizsco3

1

I feel like that sometimes, as I have been in a similar situation as you. I didn't care so much about my grades as I do now, and so I messed up my GCSEs as well, and spent most of weekends with the wrong crowd. Now I spend more time doing work, and luckily, still have a lot of NICE friends, although I don't go out as much as I'd like to.

I think you need to try and find a balance between socializing and work. Right now, work on your social life. Aim to go out with friends at least once or twice a week. There's nothing wrong with your confidence..it's still in you somewhere, waiting to come out. And you CAN make friends...you had loads before.

So when you're at the party, remember how you felt before in your more confident days and that you still have that confidence. Be friendly, smile a lot, and think about the situation there and then. Not about what you look like, or your height. There will be people there who are all shapes and sizes. Have a few drinks, and relax. It will be fine.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Juwel

No good friend calls you dead. They can do one.

I think they're trying to help, sort of. They're all very lively, and I've just been very quiet these days. Hopefully I can sort myself out.

and thanks for the advice Lizsco3, I think I need a balance too. Ive cut off a lot of people but I didnt mean to, just got obsessed with my work.

The walking thing, any ideas on how to overcome this? I walk on a busy road and when there's traffic I always fidget and I'm sure people in their cars can tell I'm self conscious. I hate it. :mad:

both this and confidence around my friends and other people are doing my head. I want to be normal again, and not different around different people. dont know whats wrong with me!!

Reply 6

Juwel

18

If they were trying to help they would actually talk to you, ask why you're so quiet these days. Not just stigmatise you. And what's so wrong with being quiet? Why is there more merit in being "lively" and chatty than with only saying something when you have something to say? The truth is probably that you're more interesting than you think, and that your friends don't help by telling you otherwise. They should, if not ask why their friend is within himself recently, at least engage you in their conversations.

Reply 7

mollymustard

14

Anonymous

The thing is, I've been to these parties before. It's not a house party, it's been booked to take place in a hall. Everyone dances! I'm thinking i'll go for an hour and then quickly disappear when everyone starts dancing lol.

Honestly, most people are a bit self concious dancing. I know I'm completely paranoid!!
The thing is even if you are a TERRIBLE dancer, no one would comment because they are all too busy being drunk and dancing themselves. People probably wont even notice that you are dancing, but they might notice if you suddenly went missing! Infact you would probably be drawing more attention to yourself.

As for people saying you are boring all the time, just dont listen to it. I'm sure you are not boring at all. And lets face it half the people who say you are boring are probably not very exciting themselves if you think about it.

Good Luck with your party :smile:

Reply 8

Lizsco3

1

There's nothing wrong with you! And with the whole busy road thing, just don't walk on busy ones? Or if you are, look at someone else and think about them as much as possible. The key is to not think about yourself, like what you're wearing, what you look like, etc. Look around and think about stuff surrounding you. Then you won't be thinking about you and being all self conscious.

I've lost all my confidence!

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