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Fed up of uni.....I have no friends!
Please keep anon or delete. Thank you.
Sorry, this is another of those "I started uni 4 weeks ago and.... threads".
Basically, I am struggling like mad to make friends.
Example: I go to the canteen. I get my food. I panic about where to sit. I find some freshers and go sit with them. They are all talking amongst themselves about their course/what they did last night. I wait for them to say something, heck, anything to me. It doesn't happen. I'm too scared to say anything to them because I think they will think I am butting in and that they might just think "wtf? why is this person talking to us, they don't even know us." So I sit in silence, eat my food and leave ASAP.
I'm too scared to go the bar at night - no way can I cope walking into a crowded bar with tons of people staring at me for being alone.
There is a Halloween Party tonight. Great opportunity to make friends I think to myself. BUT I AM TOO SCARED TO GO!
I panic about looking like a loner and coming across all desperate. So I sit here in my room by myself.
The thing is, I am socially anxious and shy at the best of times, but this has been made so much worse by my uni arrangements. For example, my accommodation layout does not promote friendship-making! We basically have single en-suite rooms on corridors - and my corridor is full of third years. I want to cry when I read about people saying "oh my whole floor goes out each night" because that is what I am so jealous about. Secondly, I am doing a course which is a very small subject here. At my accomm, there is just one other person. Thus, when everyone else sits in subject groups at dinner and discusses work I have nowhere to go and have no joint-interest which seems to aid so much in making initial conversation and, later, friendship.
Any advice for me? The stupid thing is that I know damn well I won't make friends sitting in my room, but I just cannot bare the thought of going out by myself when everyone else is in a group. Please tell me it might get better?
I miss my old friends and family so much right now. It's depressing - every day I check my diary and see how many weeks are left until I get to go home. Uni shouldn't be like that, I want to be having fun like everyone else seems to be.
Sorry, this is another of those "I started uni 4 weeks ago and.... threads".
Basically, I am struggling like mad to make friends.
Example: I go to the canteen. I get my food. I panic about where to sit. I find some freshers and go sit with them. They are all talking amongst themselves about their course/what they did last night. I wait for them to say something, heck, anything to me. It doesn't happen. I'm too scared to say anything to them because I think they will think I am butting in and that they might just think "wtf? why is this person talking to us, they don't even know us." So I sit in silence, eat my food and leave ASAP.
I'm too scared to go the bar at night - no way can I cope walking into a crowded bar with tons of people staring at me for being alone.
There is a Halloween Party tonight. Great opportunity to make friends I think to myself. BUT I AM TOO SCARED TO GO!
I panic about looking like a loner and coming across all desperate. So I sit here in my room by myself.The thing is, I am socially anxious and shy at the best of times, but this has been made so much worse by my uni arrangements. For example, my accommodation layout does not promote friendship-making! We basically have single en-suite rooms on corridors - and my corridor is full of third years. I want to cry when I read about people saying "oh my whole floor goes out each night" because that is what I am so jealous about. Secondly, I am doing a course which is a very small subject here. At my accomm, there is just one other person. Thus, when everyone else sits in subject groups at dinner and discusses work I have nowhere to go and have no joint-interest which seems to aid so much in making initial conversation and, later, friendship.
Any advice for me? The stupid thing is that I know damn well I won't make friends sitting in my room, but I just cannot bare the thought of going out by myself when everyone else is in a group. Please tell me it might get better?
I miss my old friends and family so much right now. It's depressing - every day I check my diary and see how many weeks are left until I get to go home. Uni shouldn't be like that, I want to be having fun like everyone else seems to be.
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Reply 1
Well if it makes you feel any better, i'm the same.
There was a halloween party in our hall tonight. I heard my flatmates in the kitchen, so \I went in hoping they would say 'oh, come on to the party with us etc'. So I went in, said 'hi' but the invitation never came. I kept going in/out of the kitchen a few times for no reason, just washed up some cups for an excuse to go in. Even went to one of the girls rooms to ask if you needed to dress up, cos i was thinking of going.
Eventually I went out to go when I heard them all in the corridoor, but still, no conversation whatsoever.
Ended up sitting on my own with some punch in the common room, and getting drunk just sat on my own.... Real fun.
So after half-an-hour of drinking punch on my own, here I am all tipsy and on the internet. Real cool, eh?
I don't usually drink, I only decided to go because I'm really p***ed off at the stupid maths module I have to do in my course, so was feeling like needing a drink lol. *sigh*
There was a halloween party in our hall tonight. I heard my flatmates in the kitchen, so \I went in hoping they would say 'oh, come on to the party with us etc'. So I went in, said 'hi' but the invitation never came. I kept going in/out of the kitchen a few times for no reason, just washed up some cups for an excuse to go in. Even went to one of the girls rooms to ask if you needed to dress up, cos i was thinking of going.
Eventually I went out to go when I heard them all in the corridoor, but still, no conversation whatsoever.
Ended up sitting on my own with some punch in the common room, and getting drunk just sat on my own.... Real fun.
So after half-an-hour of drinking punch on my own, here I am all tipsy and on the internet. Real cool, eh?
I don't usually drink, I only decided to go because I'm really p***ed off at the stupid maths module I have to do in my course, so was feeling like needing a drink lol. *sigh*
Reply 3
join a club.
Reply 4
JPearce
join a club.
I hate sports. Don't play a musical instrument. Not confident enough for debating. Any ideas?
Yeah join a soc, smaller environment so it's easiert to make friends.
I'm no uni student but last year cause I was new to my 6th form, i didn't have many friends since everyone else knew eachother since year 7
So I joined the debate club and made friends with some of the guys there, then slowly got introduced to their group of friends and fitted in. Then I found it easier to make my own mates, since I wasn't a loner.
Hope that helped
EDIT: I see you just said you're not confident enough for debating. Why don't you join a languages soc, or common interest one like computing or summat
I'm no uni student but last year cause I was new to my 6th form, i didn't have many friends since everyone else knew eachother since year 7
So I joined the debate club and made friends with some of the guys there, then slowly got introduced to their group of friends and fitted in. Then I found it easier to make my own mates, since I wasn't a loner.
Hope that helped
EDIT: I see you just said you're not confident enough for debating. Why don't you join a languages soc, or common interest one like computing or summat
Reply 6
I know this is going to sound like the most cliche answer in history but honestly I swear to you that going to a society or joining some volunteer project will really help. You will have a purpose for being there and everyone is eager to make friends and enjoy a shared interest. The domino effect of friendship also comes into play as really you only need a few friends to develop a friendship network as people know people and therefore you can get to know their friends too and hopefully make extra mates that way.
The main thing is to not allow yourself to get bogged down in the lonliness you feel. I can guarantee that anyone who has moved to uni has felt lonely at some point, even if it was only for a short period. Not clicking with the people you meet during your first few weeks at uni does not spell disaster for your entire uni career. Be open to meet new people, join societies and just get yourself out there.
The main thing is to not allow yourself to get bogged down in the lonliness you feel. I can guarantee that anyone who has moved to uni has felt lonely at some point, even if it was only for a short period. Not clicking with the people you meet during your first few weeks at uni does not spell disaster for your entire uni career. Be open to meet new people, join societies and just get yourself out there.
Reply 7
Anonymous
I hate sports. Don't play a musical instrument. Not confident enough for debating. Any ideas?
Knock down a girl with your car and pretend you want to make it up to her by dinners etc. It always work... assuming she's still alive and uncrippled.
Reply 8
I'm trying to keep to myself at uni to be honest. Not because I'm socially incapable, but I want to do well and get a good degree. Plus I had the whole 'living in halls student experience' from college, so I've been there done it and got the tshirt and now its time to get my head down and make something of myself.
Maybe you should look on the bright side that you have more time to get stuff done?
Why don't you apply for some volunteer work somewhere? Meet some people outside of uni.
Or join a society that interests you, and you'll be sure to meet some like minded people.
Just be yourself.
Maybe you should look on the bright side that you have more time to get stuff done?
Why don't you apply for some volunteer work somewhere? Meet some people outside of uni.
Or join a society that interests you, and you'll be sure to meet some like minded people.
Just be yourself.
don't be so sad about this~~~u r in uni now, which means u r a adult, don't be upsad because you r not going toa club or bar etc.it's just a tiny thing~~.make your real friends outside the club and bar frist...and i'm sure u can make friends outside where your live or even outside your uni~
Reply 10
devilsthorn
Knock down a girl with your car and pretend you want to make it up to her by dinners etc. It always work... assuming she's still alive and uncrippled.
ha ha I don't have any points left cos I had to neg rep some *******er in another thread, but if i did you'd be getting a positive
Don't worry. If I were you I would just talk with whoever I'd want to talk with. I know it's easy said than done, but I'm exactly like you deep inside, though I don't tend to show how scared I am. The only way I can do is act like I'm confident, but some circumstances will be annoying.
You could join some sort of activity or club : debating, sports, writers club, activists, etc. You could also try to befriend, with people that you have to be around with, for example, peer groups, freshmen, people in your class or people that share the room with you.
Just try and be confident. Don't plan ahead it'll just make you crazy.
You could join some sort of activity or club : debating, sports, writers club, activists, etc. You could also try to befriend, with people that you have to be around with, for example, peer groups, freshmen, people in your class or people that share the room with you.
Just try and be confident. Don't plan ahead it'll just make you crazy.
Reply 13
aw i know how you feel. I'm 20 and in my first year so the majority of people are a bit younger and more keen cos it's the first time they can get into a club or whatever and all they want to do is party. I've been through that phase so don't really care if i'm not out every night of the week.
I know its hard to jst strike up a conversation with somenoe but what everyoe ese has said about joining a club or taking up a sport will help.
I hang with the older students, just because i seem to click with them more, theres about 5 of us who hang out after lectures and stuff. Its so easy to meet people you just have to ignore the fear and talk...
I wish you luck, and it will get easier, 1st year can be a bit of a drag for some people... if anything i think it all gets a bit hyped up lol, 2nd year is always awesome, and trust me it WILL get better!
I know its hard to jst strike up a conversation with somenoe but what everyoe ese has said about joining a club or taking up a sport will help.
I hang with the older students, just because i seem to click with them more, theres about 5 of us who hang out after lectures and stuff. Its so easy to meet people you just have to ignore the fear and talk...
I wish you luck, and it will get easier, 1st year can be a bit of a drag for some people... if anything i think it all gets a bit hyped up lol, 2nd year is always awesome, and trust me it WILL get better!
After my stupid post about halloween (they ARE in 
), my only serious advice is to pounce on the people who are still sat alone in lectures because it's then pretty obvious that they're in the same situation as you and would be grateful for someone talking to them in lectures and afterwards too.
), my only serious advice is to pounce on the people who are still sat alone in lectures because it's then pretty obvious that they're in the same situation as you and would be grateful for someone talking to them in lectures and afterwards too.Reply 16
JUST GO! Nobodies going to bother with you if you don't bother with them. Life is what you make of it, and if you don't make any effort your going to end up like this every night. I've only just realised this the hard way after 5 years of attention seeking "people don't want to know me" (although I've had enough friends/gfs) rhetoric. If you want friendships/relationships, you have to play your part in making them/maintaining them.
Drink before you go out. A few beers before you go out takes that edge off without turning you into a scary drunk. At least it will take away that surface paranoia of "everyone's looking at me and I'm alone". Do you look at people standing alone somewhere and think "Ha, what a loner?". I doubt it. You probably don't think anything at all to be honest. Be humble and realised that people don't really people notice you conciously, UNTIL you make them. 99% of people LIKE making new friends. If they knock you back, so ****ing what? There's 6 billion people on this planet.
It's the harsh advice that us reserved types usually scoff at, and think "BAH, You don't understand I can't do that!)". However, that's just avoiding the problem once again. It has to be faced sometime. It's still the first term, and it's good to get your foot in the door now. It's surely going to get to the point where going out and making a fool of yourself (which won't happen anyway) would be better than sitting in moping?
I know all too well how hard it is. I mean the majority of people out there tend to have fairly similar taste (popular/dance music, binge drinking, C4 TV) and personally I can't stand all that! I had to break the cycle and talk to A LOT of incompatible people until I found my like minded friends. They are there somewhere.
PS. Facebook is useful. It's not 1997 anymore, no-one will think your a geek if your send a message to someone saying hi. It has the added bonus of being able to see everyone's vague interests right there (groups help you figure someone out too) and if you message the right person then you've started your network of friends rolling. I'm not saying browse for hours, that's a bit weird. However, jump on now and again and click about.
Drink before you go out. A few beers before you go out takes that edge off without turning you into a scary drunk. At least it will take away that surface paranoia of "everyone's looking at me and I'm alone". Do you look at people standing alone somewhere and think "Ha, what a loner?". I doubt it. You probably don't think anything at all to be honest. Be humble and realised that people don't really people notice you conciously, UNTIL you make them. 99% of people LIKE making new friends. If they knock you back, so ****ing what? There's 6 billion people on this planet.
It's the harsh advice that us reserved types usually scoff at, and think "BAH, You don't understand I can't do that!)". However, that's just avoiding the problem once again. It has to be faced sometime. It's still the first term, and it's good to get your foot in the door now. It's surely going to get to the point where going out and making a fool of yourself (which won't happen anyway) would be better than sitting in moping?
I know all too well how hard it is. I mean the majority of people out there tend to have fairly similar taste (popular/dance music, binge drinking, C4 TV) and personally I can't stand all that! I had to break the cycle and talk to A LOT of incompatible people until I found my like minded friends. They are there somewhere
.PS. Facebook is useful. It's not 1997 anymore, no-one will think your a geek if your send a message to someone saying hi. It has the added bonus of being able to see everyone's vague interests right there (groups help you figure someone out too) and if you message the right person then you've started your network of friends rolling. I'm not saying browse for hours, that's a bit weird. However, jump on now and again and click about
.
Reply 18
"...everybody is friendly, but nobody is friends..."
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