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Threesome?

Catchy title, huh? And kind of relevant to my problem (though not in that way!)

So, there's this girl...! I find her pretty attractive. She has apparently liked me for a long long time according to her friend (like, a year). All good so far! But... she used to date a guy she is currently living with (and with whom I'm pretty good mates). They broke up (I think he didn't want anything long-term and monogamous). But they are always together. And apparently still hook up now and then and occasionally sleep together.

I am sure she likes me - we were at a party last night and she kept touching me, grabbing my arm, there was interest flying about all over the place. So yeah, I think she's awesome, she likes me, but I'm sure there is still a lot of lingering feeling between the two of them (and I really like them both platonically too).

Question is... is it worth the hassle?

How should I proceed if at all?

Thoughts and opinions please!

PS. Anon for reasons of anonymity. Thanks!

Reply 1

Vampyrcorn

14

So there's a single girl who you like?

Don't let her ex stop you, she's not going to be hung up on him forever.

And if you really are looking for a threesome then having her ex in the picture could be an advantage. :biggrin:

Reply 2

FreeBird

nasty claw of a title there mister! lol but it does the trick :P

bit of a toughie. personally i think if theyre just '**** buddies' and he definitely doesnt want more than that then with you making a move shouldnt be in the wrong. She obviously likes you a lot so she's gaining, your friend is losing a '**** buddy' but if he didnt want it to go any further then he doesnt really have 'dibs' on her, if you see what i mean?

maybe talk to the friend first, tell him you really like her, and that youre gonna make a move, then judge what you should do on his reactions

good luck :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

a what?

Male-Male-Female threesome.

Aka a Devil's Threesome.

As opposed to the cool kind (FFM).

And no: this thread is not about a threesome as such, it was purely an attention-grabbing title so you'd all offer your wonderful and diverse views on the matter.

Reply 4

FreeBird

Anonymous

And no: this thread is not about a threesome as such, it was purely an attention-grabbing title so you'd all offer your wonderful and diverse views on the matter.

Ahh sneaky!!

Ive never heard of that theory thing, why is an MMF worse than a FFM? or is this just from a guys point of view - meaning two girls after one guy - yay, but another guy going for one girl - bad.

ive already told you what i think you should do. you obviously like her a lot - i say go for it, but check with your mate first.

Reply 5

smoosabitmega

1

If you hooked up with her would you be able to cope with her perhaps hooking up with her ex intermittently?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

FreeBird

bit of a toughie. personally i think if theyre just '**** buddies' and he definitely doesnt want more than that then with you making a move shouldnt be in the wrong.

I know what you mean, but it's beyond "just f-buddies". They are SO close. They hang out all the time; I rarely see her without him. They act couply etc. It's just weird frankly!

Reply 7

9mm

12

At first I thought you were a girl lol (not that it makes much difference).

Ok say they were actually hump buddies, and despite this you'd like to make a move and possibly form a relationship with her. Would you then accept the fact that they're hump buddies (I wouldn't) or would you make sure it stops, in which that case you'd probably have to notify the guy before you make the move as someone already suggested. I mean they broke up, so you're free to use the keys.

edit: just read that part about them being 'very close' ...I'm not sure, but you could try to see what happens. Maybe she just wants another hump buddy? Who knows...Best would be to go for it and see what happens.

Reply 8

JC.

19

Give it a go and see what happens.

The only way you're going to find out if the pair of you are compatable is by spending some time with her on your own.

Dates do not involve 3 people. As you are matey with the ex you can tell him to do one and he *shouldnt* care. :smile:

Reply 9

Sticky

FreeBird

nasty claw of a title there mister! lol but it does the trick :P

bit of a toughie. personally i think if theyre just '**** buddies' and he definitely doesnt want more than that then with you making a move shouldnt be in the wrong. She obviously likes you a lot so she's gaining, your friend is losing a '**** buddy' but if he didnt want it to go any further then he doesnt really have 'dibs' on her, if you see what i mean?

maybe talk to the friend first, tell him you really like her, and that youre gonna make a move, then judge what you should do on his reactions

good luck :smile:

Hmm "he shouldn't be able to claim dibs" and all these "rules" that make sense in theory... not sure I'd rely on them as it's always messier in reality. People behave according to their feelings and emotions (especially proud guys), not logical rules.

Even if a guy is just sleeping with a girl in a no strings attached agreeement, trust me, he will get upset if he loses her. Even if he were the most shallow guy on the planet and had no emotional attachment to her (which I very much doubt considering they have history), he'd still have his pride.

All these types of arrangements are too messy anyway and lead to this kind of screwed up situation.

Would such a girl instantly stop any kind of connection with this guy, as soon as there's a tiny little chance of a potential serious relationship happening? How soon can you know that this is serious? Most people start off in a casual manner, taking things easily and THAT's the whole problem with such casual sex arrangements: sure in "theory" you're single but then again, you're never 100% available. Most girls I know take safe choices: they don't just jump out of a relationship/arrangement as soon as there's the hint of something "better" potentially materialising. For a while, even if you make it "official" very quickly, you'll still be in the early stages where nothing is serious.

And personally my pride would stop me from waiting for a friend to stop shagging a girl so I can go out with her. To me, that's really lowering myself.

I'd say the only solution is to confront her directly about him and her so you know where you stand, and this after clearly showing your intention (i.e. you want to go out with her).

Then again, maybe this is one of those common situations where you just want a "piece of the action" that your friend is getting, hence those girls who end up "making the rounds" among friends in an implicit agreement between them.

But it rather sounds like you like her a bit more than that. Again, you're a man: do you want sloppy seconds? how can you be comfortable with the idea that your friend might currently be sleeping with this girl? Make your move but really you have to make it clear that you need to know what's happening between them.

If it sounds like there are doubts about whether all emotional and physical attachments are totally gone, then tell her she needs to make up her mind about what she wants.

If you don't, you could potentially get totally walked over, made a fool of, and feel like **** basically.

Reply 10

Lilith666

Anonymous

Catchy title, huh? And kind of relevant to my problem (though not in that way!)

So, there's this girl...! I find her pretty attractive. She has apparently liked me for a long long time according to her friend (like, a year). All good so far! But... she used to date a guy she is currently living with (and with whom I'm pretty good mates). They broke up (I think he didn't want anything long-term and monogamous). But they are always together. And apparently still hook up now and then and occasionally sleep together.

I am sure she likes me - we were at a party last night and she kept touching me, grabbing my arm, there was interest flying about all over the place. So yeah, I think she's awesome, she likes me, but I'm sure there is still a lot of lingering feeling between the two of them (and I really like them both platonically too).

Question is... is it worth the hassle?

How should I proceed if at all?

Thoughts and opinions please!

PS. Anon for reasons of anonymity. Thanks!

Not worth the hassle, move on.

Reply 11

h82think

14

You should not judge her for sleeping with her ex now and again, for not having sex for over a year is a really long time (almost enough to be classified as a Nun).

I suggest you go for it!

Reply 12

Jadie.Babie

Maybe if she got with you she would stop 'seeing' her ex.
I think you should go for it, don't let her 'ex' get in the way.