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Boyfriend trouble..

Hey, just want some advice.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years, and as far as I knew happy. Until last week when he said, he didn't know what he felt anymore, but we decided to work on things because 3 years is a long time. He's starting a new job on monday and said he was just so stressed with everything he didn't know what to do anymore.
Now today, we'd arranged to meet up for a little bit before his work leaving do and so I go round to his house, and he seems happy to see me. We go upstairs and start having a chat, then he gets a text and takes his phone out and I see it says a friend's name who is erm currently in police custody... so i said how can so and so be texting you when he's locked up? and he said oh he's been let out, then he suddenly rushes off to the toilet. I forget about this, and we carry on chatting when he comes back, then the same happens again, gets a text from friend and rushes off to toilet. So by now I'm thinking what the hell? So i confront him and say who is it because I know it isn't your friend. Then he admits it's a girl from his work (which he is just leaving) who works in the canteen and says he hasn't been texting her a lot, but I previously remember being out with him on wednesday and this name texting him a lot before.
Now tonight he is off out with all the people from his work, having previously told me this girl who had been texting him wasn't going, then it came out she is, and to be honest I am completely and utterly paranoid now because our relationship isn't in the best state. I know I shouldn't be paranoid, as I should trust him, but that fact that he didn't invite me to his leaving do, but yet his friends are going, is driving me insane. It all seems to be adding up in my head and pointing to the conclusion something must be going on.
Should I feel like this? I don't know whether I am overreacting or I'm right to be feeling like this. Please don't tell me I should dump him or things like that as we are really trying to make our relationship work.

Reply 1

Meep!

9

I think it's a bit wierd that he not only lied to you as to who it was, but also went away in order to text her back. I think you need to have a sertious chat with him, I'd be paranoid in your situation too.

EDIT: He invited his friends but not you?! WTF?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Well the friend he invited is in the army, and has come back for the weekend so I can understand the fact he wanted to see him... but I don't know any of the people at his work so I wasn't expecting to go to be honest as it would have been awkward but now I'm just so mixed up... I tried to talk to him about it before I left but he just kept getting cross with me, and saying I was scaring him because I was so obsessed with what he was doing. He couldn't understand why I was paranoid.

Reply 3

Meep!

9

Anonymous

I tried to talk to him about it before I left but he just kept getting cross with me, and saying I was scaring him because I was so obsessed with what he was doing. He couldn't understand why I was paranoid.

Well, from what you described, he wasn't acting innocently, he shouldn't be getting cross with you, he should be explaining why he lied and tried to hide the fact that this girl was texting him.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

I think the only reason he hid it was in the past.. I was jealous of a girl who dropped him when he starting going out with me, then suddenly decided she wanted to go out partying with him a year and a half later. I can't really win, I don't want to text him and push him away because he said I pester him with texts.. when I send two a day at most, one to say good morning and goodnight. I think I'm just going to have to leave it until he wants to speak to me about it :s-smilie:

Reply 5

Bramble

If it were me in your situation I would be very suspicious indeed. He's lied to you twice, about who he was texting and about whether this other girl would be there or not. I smell a rat.

Reply 6

Dream_Catcher

1

Your best just leaving it. As you said it is a leaving party therefore pretty soon you should be rid of her unless he wants more from her.... If you make her a issue she'll become an issue....

Good luck and hopefully in a few weeks time all will be well.

Reply 7

Bramble

Anonymous

I think the only reason he hid it was in the past.. I was jealous of a girl who dropped him when he starting going out with me, then suddenly decided she wanted to go out partying with him a year and a half later. I can't really win, I don't want to text him and push him away because he said I pester him with texts.. when I send two a day at most, one to say good morning and goodnight. I think I'm just going to have to leave it until he wants to speak to me about it :s-smilie:

Two texts a day is not pestering. This may sound harsh but it sounds like he's fed up with you and is just too lazy to break up with you. Why should you leave it till later untill HE wants to speak about it? You are part of this relationship as much as he is.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

hellosailor

Two texts a day is not pestering. This may sound harsh but it sounds like he's fed up with you and is just too lazy to break up with you. Why should you leave it till later untill HE wants to speak about it? You are part of this relationship as much as he is.

Yeah, you're right I shouldn't wait, but I know if I text him now.. I'll ruin his leaving do, and just upset him more for bringing it back up. Sometimes granted I do send more texts than 2, but I don't think I'm being obsessive by wanting to know how my boyfriends day went and if he fancies meeting up in the evening. I really don't know what to do because it has been a really really good relationship up until this point and I don't want to throw 3 years away if he is just confused... if he is cheating then yes it is a different matter.. i just really hope not.

Reply 9

Hylean

15

Anonymous

Well the friend he invited is in the army, and has come back for the weekend so I can understand the fact he wanted to see him... but I don't know any of the people at his work so I wasn't expecting to go to be honest as it would have been awkward but now I'm just so mixed up... I tried to talk to him about it before I left but he just kept getting cross with me, and saying I was scaring him because I was so obsessed with what he was doing. He couldn't understand why I was paranoid.

he was getting cross at you for mentioning it because it reminded him he was doing something he knows is wrong. he was really angry at himself.

**** the ****, next time you have a chance, swipe his phone and have a look at those messages she's been sending. if you don't want to be sneaky, sit the man down and force him to talk to you about it all.

sounds like he just wants his cake and be able to eat it too.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

From the texts I've seen, they have been conversational at most, not intimate or flirty. If I get caught looking at his phone, it'll start a huge argument as he's always been a very private person about his phone, learnt this as i'm a naturally nosey person and at the beginning of the relationship i used to like flicking through his phone just coz i liked looking at other people's things. I really hope he isn't cheating as it's completely out of the blue, we had been happy as far as I knew and he'd always been there to support me. I can't understand why he has suddenly changed so much in a week. I just hope leaving it for a few weeks it will make him want to speak to me about things as hopefully not having contact with me will worry him.

Boyfriend trouble..

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