Should I ask or refrain?

24F and 25M I have been with my girlfriend for 2 weeks. In person it's the definition of the perfect relationship. Via text it's still great - when she replies. She has a tendency to read my message, and not reply for hours, despite me seeing her online multiple times in between, not only on whatsapp, but on Facebook messenger, instagram etc. I'm seeing her tomorrow, the last time before she goes on holiday with some friends. I want to ask her why this happens, in a genuine what is the reason for it way.

I was planning on saying "I've noticed you read my message, but don't reply for ages but every time I go on Facebook you're online at various stages, how come? Like is it because I text you too much, you don't like texting me particularly, you're not that into me or you don't want to come across too keen?"

Obviously I'm worried about saying the wrong thing just before she's away for ages, but I do want to know the answer. She is aware that I was cheated on in my last relationship so I could mention I'm asking because I don't want to repeat the same mistakes. Or should I leave it until she's back? It does bug me and if it's because I'm doing something wrong I'd rather know sooner.

**tl;dr**: should I ask her why she doesn't reply, despite this being the last time I see her before her going on holiday and how can I?

Reply 1

_gcx

Study Forum Helper

Original post by Anonymous

I wouldn't. I would see that message to be quite clingy, though I understand your urge to ask as your trust has been abused in the past.

There are many, many, reasons why she may not reply right away. It's not like she ignores your messages completely, so I don't really see a reason to be worried.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by _gcx

Yeah I'm thinking more that I'll let it go for now and see if it improves in future. I believe we'll be together long term, so ideally I'll either not become bothered by if, safe in the knowledge that she is definitely my girl for keeps, or I can raise it knowing that it'll be received properly and not seem clingy.

Reply 3

shawn_o1

If you're having really good f2f interactions you wouldn't feel the need to query about your other half's messaging. You'd only use messaging services to arrange meetings.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Bump on this. I'm seeing her later today and it's still eating away at me, she's done it again this morning, being online ridiculously early in the morning and seeing my snapchat from last night but nothing back.

Reply 5

NotOnYourNelly

You're not working this like you'll be together long term.

It's just her way, but it's eating you up.

Looks like you text too much, it's the first thing you stated too.

Don't text her for 24 hours..................... can you?! 🙄

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Izbizelsbels

From the things we've talked about and the way we act in person, this definitely has long term potential.
I have asked her once before, via Snapchat of all places, if I text too much and she replied "don't be silly I enjoy chatting with you"

I tried to ignore her for a while before, not replying to her from the night before until after lunch time and it had no impact whatsoever.

Don't get wrong, there's times when we get a conversation started and there's 10 mins at most between messages, but they're not that common.

Reply 7

Integer

Just casually ask her why does she take so long to reply

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by Integer

Just casually ask her why does she take so long to reply

Ideally yes, I would do tbis, but I want a specific answer and want to explain that I've seen her online numerous times before I get a responses, rather than seeming like I'm just crying out for attention. It's more about why she chooses to read it and not reply that the length of time itself.

Reply 9

Tiger Rag

You sound clingy. I've sometimes looked at messages and decided to reply later because they require a bit of thought.

Reply 10

Lindylooloo

Original post by Anonymous

Speak to her about it in person.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Tiger Rag

You sound clingy. I've sometimes looked at messages and decided to reply later because they require a bit of thought.

They aren't especially thought provoking. Usually a couple of sentences about random things, perhaps some of it talking about the next time we'll meet and what we can do etc.
Again, I'm not bothered by a longer response time, more the fact it gets read, she's online another 5 separate times in the next couple of hours and then I get a response. They're not short and sweet replies I'll give her that, usually similar length to mine.