Bit upset at the mo.

Hi everyone.

I don't really know what to do at the mo. Me and my bf have been together for 2 years now and we're both each others first loves. Never been with anyone else etc. We split up for a couple of weeks in August because things had changed, we were arguing over silly little things. It completely destroyed me and I missed him desperately. Thankfully he realised he made a huge mistake and we got back together.

We are much stronger now undoubtedly however lately i've been a bit down as i'm worried i'm missing out on something else. I hate feeling like this and I really don't wanna break up with him. I love him so much, and we get on so well. He makes me very happy and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him.

It's just when we go out or something, I dunno, I think i'm missing out or something. I'm hoping it's just a phase i'm going through but i'm scared it's not. I couldn't break up with him because I know i'd miss him way too much and I would just end up getting back with him. I'm thinking about maybe trying a trial seperation for a week or something. Like no contact at all. But again I know i'd be miserable. I'm only really happy when i'm with him.

Plus the fact I wouldn't be going out anywhere because I don't seem to have any friends anymore. And the friends I do have don't like going out in the evenings whereas I do.

Has anyone else felt like this during a long-term relationship? Is it normal to feel like this and most importantly, will it go away?

I'd love for us to be able to say we're gonna go off for a bit and see other people just to get it out of my system or something then we can come back together again and live the rest of our lives out. That's what I want in the end. But I know I wouldn't want him with anyone else. It would kill me.

Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Or anything you think we could do together or something would help.

Thanks x

Reply 1

Donald Duck

Tbh, if he makes you happy if he is with you and unhappy if he isn't, just stick it out. Maybe go out a few times to experience the feel, but dont let anything happen, but so that you have at least had the 'going out' feeling again.

Reply 2

-Cailin-dana-

two years is a loong time to be with someone but if you did it in the first place it shows how much you really do love him! i think its just a phase of missing the single life but if he means that much to you its not worth it. maybe you should ask him if he feels the same?

Reply 3

Saffie

if it's any consolation, i don't really think you're missing out in terms of pulling/ sleeping with other people.

I think sex improves quite a lot with experience (and age, basically)
So if you feel like this when you're thirty.. yes you probably are missing out. But if you're 20ish, I don't think you are.

Reply 4

amie

My ex boyfriend and I went through phases of this. We told each other we could see other people and it was a disaster, although it did make me realise that yes, we were missing out on things. Not pulling or sleeping around but just finding out who I was separately, without him. When we did break up, it hit me how much of myself was defined by him and how much he'd changed me (both for the better and for the worse) so it was like learning to be my own person all over again And meeting loads of new guys without feeling guilty if I felt something for them, and being able to go out and do what I wanted without knowing in the back of my mind I had to go and see him or whatever.

Don't get me wrong, we weren't in a bad relationship at all. We'd been together for 4 or 5 years at this point and I couldn't ever imagine breaking up with him, until one day I just did it. During our whole 'seeing other people' phase I'd met a guy I really really liked, although nothing had happened, and it threw me.

To be honest, I've never been happier than now. I've been with that guy I really liked for a year (one year yesterday, actually!) and I know I made the right decision.

So my advice is, if you do feel like a trial separation would be a good idea then do it. But be prepared for an unexpected outcome; you might experience new things that totally change your outlook, which'll either make or break your relationship. But either way, its probably not a bad thing.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Thanks for your replies. We spent yesterday together and it was brilliant. When we're together its fine. I love him to bits. I know i'd be miserable without him. I really would love to be with him for a long long time. Another thing that worries me though is that i'm worried that we will split up eventually because barely anyone has 1 partner in their life and barely anyone stays with their first loves. So I get worried that because it doesnt really happen, it wont happen with us so I guess i'm sorta waiting for the inevitable.

I dunno.

He loves me to bits and I don't think he wants to lose me at all. He says he made that mistake once and he said he wont be doing that again and that he's starting to think about our future long term like moving in together etc. And whenever we talk about marriage or kids jokingly or whatever, he always makes it clear that i'll be his wife etc.

I think we'll just have to see how things go. Hopefully we'll be together a long time. I just hope these feelings pass cos I don't like them at all. Whenever I hear of people breaking up or getting divorced etc, I get worried thinking thats gonna happen to us. There's no one else out there thats like him. I got upset Saturday night and we had a chat and he said I need to talk to him more so we can sort things out and I know he's worried that i'm unhappy.

Anyway thanks again for your replies. x

Reply 6

g46RferyDF235bTGg

Definately talking to him is a good idea. It is normal to think like this, especially if your young, my first boyfriend and I were together for over 2 years and although I still loved him I ended it because I wanted to be single and learn to be independent by myself, thats a decision I don't regret because we spent a lot of time working on our relationship but I think it gets to the point where you don't want to have to work at something anymore, where you just give up and realise that its not meant to be. But it seems like its different in your case if you still feel happy with him. Just be sure though that you do want to be with him and its not just that your scared of what will happen if you break up. Sometimes love isn't enough and it takes more than that to keep a relationship working well. I would suggest maybe taking a break but thats never as easy as it sounds. Remember that if you do break up, whether it be now or in the future, of course it will hurt like mad and you'll find it scary and daunting but you will get through it and so will he, the first times always the worst.

Also, you say you don't really have friends anymore, that tends to happen to people when they get into a serious relationship and I think you need to address that and maybe join some clubs or find another way to meet new people or to see the friends you do have, because friends are so important and if you had friends around you perhaps you would feel differently about being single.

I hope things do sort themselves out for you and your boyfriend, this could be a phase that you can work through together by talking to each other and may well make you stronger but if not then I hope you feel strong enough to take the next step.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Hey guys.

I think it's cos I just wanna have that feeling of meeting someone new again and it all being new and exciting you know? But after that, I wanna be with my bf really. I don't really wanna sleep with anyone else even though at the mo I think because i'm down, our sex life to me seems boring.

I think I might suggest not seeing or speaking to each other for a week to see how we get on. However I really don't think i'll be able to last with that. I'd miss him way too much.

I just don't like feeling like this. Sometimes i'm fine with him and couldn't imagine being without him, but other times I think differently and I hate it.