Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Boyfriend trouble... Watch

Announcements
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hello..

    I've seen a lot of questions on here with both sex's asking questions about there relationship. I hope you don't mind if I add to the list 😬

    So I've been with my boyfriend for 16 months now, he's 25 and I'm 20. Since we've started going out (Feb 2016) we've only had one birthday, valentines & christmas together. His birthday came first (sept) which is enough time together to get to know each other's likes and dislikes. He was on a boys holiday during his birthday weekend but we celebrated it a couple days later. Being the romantic type of girl I am, I booked a hotel room, decorated it with balloons, bought him his favourite brandy, paid for a expensive meal out and got him a lot of nice presents which came to a lot of money in total. More to the point I put effort in!

    My birthday then came (Nov) and I had planned on going out for my birthday with friends and family. (He knew this for a while) Baring in mind he has met a large number of friends and family unlimited amount of times he didn't want to come as none of his friends were able to come. I didn't really mind aslong as he made it up to me.

    Long story short... he didn't plan anything or go out anywhere with me for my birthday or buy me anything for my birthday... I don't mean to sound like a gold digger or expect to much. But I mean he didn't even get me a card or atleast send me a happy birthday cute paragraph or something! No effort what so ever!!!! I felt like a D***

    I know money can be tight both ends but I knew what stuff he was spending his money on and it was on a load of rubbish which he didn't need or drank his money away on nights out.
    I adventurely got over the matter, with him saying when the money's there we will do something nice together which I bared in mind.

    Since then Christmas came, I didn't know whether or not to get him anything baring in mind my birthday but I thought to just forget what had happened in the past and maybe he then realised how upset I got. Nope the same thing happened! I bought him multiple gifts again and got nothing in return- only a card with some cheap sentences in it.

    I felt like an idiot once again and had friends and family asking questions too. Like what did he get you ect after asking what I got him. Valentines was better, I got some flowers a card and he cooked dinner which I adored but I still heavily have a grudge up against him for previous events.


    Am I in the wrong any how?
    Should I feel a way about it?
    What can I do for him to realise how upset and silly i feel?
    Am I being silly?
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I am no expert on these kind of things, but I would be pretty annoyed too if that happened to me.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Anyone who does this is quite clearly no commited to the relationship. And its never a good thing to be with someone who is not willing to put that extra effort in for their partner, regardless of whether money is tight. Plenty of things can be done with little to no money. It seems to me that he is lacking in respect for youand lacking enthusiasm in your relationship.
    Id bring it up with him in a discussion. And as bad as it sounds, think about finding someone else
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by rose201)
    Hello..

    I've seen a lot of questions on here with both sex's asking questions about there relationship. I hope you don't mind if I add to the list 😬

    So I've been with my boyfriend for 16 months now, he's 25 and I'm 20. Since we've started going out (Feb 2016) we've only had one birthday, valentines & christmas together. His birthday came first (sept) which is enough time together to get to know each other's likes and dislikes. He was on a boys holiday during his birthday weekend but we celebrated it a couple days later. Being the romantic type of girl I am, I booked a hotel room, decorated it with balloons, bought him his favourite brandy, paid for a expensive meal out and got him a lot of nice presents which came to a lot of money in total. More to the point I put effort in!

    My birthday then came (Nov) and I had planned on going out for my birthday with friends and family. (He knew this for a while) Baring in mind he has met a large number of friends and family unlimited amount of times he didn't want to come as none of his friends were able to come. I didn't really mind aslong as he made it up to me.

    Long story short... he didn't plan anything or go out anywhere with me for my birthday or buy me anything for my birthday... I don't mean to sound like a gold digger or expect to much. But I mean he didn't even get me a card or atleast send me a happy birthday cute paragraph or something! No effort what so ever!!!! I felt like a D***

    I know money can be tight both ends but I knew what stuff he was spending his money on and it was on a load of rubbish which he didn't need or drank his money away on nights out.
    I adventurely got over the matter, with him saying when the money's there we will do something nice together which I bared in mind.

    Since then Christmas came, I didn't know whether or not to get him anything baring in mind my birthday but I thought to just forget what had happened in the past and maybe he then realised how upset I got. Nope the same thing happened! I bought him multiple gifts again and got nothing in return- only a card with some cheap sentences in it.

    I felt like an idiot once again and had friends and family asking questions too. Like what did he get you ect after asking what I got him. Valentines was better, I got some flowers a card and he cooked dinner which I adored but I still heavily have a grudge up against him for previous events.


    Am I in the wrong any how?
    Should I feel a way about it?
    What can I do for him to realise how upset and silly i feel?
    Am I being silly?
    Nope you are fine. You are finding he isnt as into you as you would like and he has a thoughtless/lazy/ selfish aspect to his character. he let you down multiple times. its in his nature because its not important to him, even if he has little money then he could have been thoughtful and saved up etc.

    I think you should have called it quits as its not going anywhere, but up to you if you carry on. Stop making so much effort and especially stop spending money on him. If you want to be treated better then find someone who understands and is more thoughtful about your well-being and appreciates you more. He's comfy and why wouldnt he be?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by 999tigger)
    Nope you are fine. You are finding he isnt as into you as you would like and he has a thoughtless/lazy/ selfish aspect to his character. he let you down multiple times. its in his nature because its not important to him, even if he has little money then he could have been thoughtful and saved up etc.

    I think you should have called it quits as its not going anywhere, but up to you if you carry on. Stop making so much effort and especially stop spending money on him. If you want to be treated better then find someone who understands and is more thoughtful about your well-being and appreciates you more. He's comfy and why wouldnt he be?


    Thank you for your quick reply.
    I completely understand where your coming from and I do think your correct in a lot of ways with your response. It's just we are so close in other ways such as we've gone on plenty of holidays together, had some life changing experiences with each other and this is the only thing that does bug me! I know it's not always about gifts and valuables but I love celebrating events such as birthdays and Christmas and it's just what I expect!

    We are very close as a couple with telling each other stuff and I do look at him as my Bestfriend, and I know he's the same. But he is not a romantic type of guy! Is there anyways I can make him be?
    • TSR Support Team
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Tbh, whenever I buy stuff for others, or gifts etc. I never expect anything in return. That's not the point of why I do it. Although that's probably because I really don't like attention and feel awkward receiving presents...
    • Very Important Poster
    Offline

    19
    (Original post by rose201)
    Thank you for your quick reply.
    I completely understand where your coming from and I do think your correct in a lot of ways with your response. It's just we are so close in other ways such as we've gone on plenty of holidays together, had some life changing experiences with each other and this is the only thing that does bug me! I know it's not always about gifts and valuables but I love celebrating events such as birthdays and Christmas and it's just what I expect!

    We are very close as a couple with telling each other stuff and I do look at him as my Bestfriend, and I know he's the same. But he is not a romantic type of guy! Is there anyways I can make him be?
    Then you need to talk to each other and compromise. Dont nag and you cant force, but you can remind him you appreciate it a lot when he shows you he cares or he happens to be thoughtful. At the same time reign in your effort and £££. Its hard to tell exactly where you are, but try and be honest with yourself .
    Online

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Well, you said on Valentines he cooked dinner and actually made some sort of effort so he is improving?

    I feel he's trying harder and harder but if that was just a fluke, you should have a serious talk.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    It might be simply that he doesn't value all the occasions as much as you do. Always remember tho, for a good relationship you need communication so just talk to him about it.

    There are also different ways people show and understand love. For some, making sure to spend time together as much as you can is considered love, for others it's the effort they put into gifts and stuff like that. So it can easily be that for him, love has nothing to do with putting in the effort to get you a nice gift and he may not even think that it's something that bothers you because you don't tell him.

    So end note is, just talk. That's where most relationships fail, people don't communicate with each other about the little things that are important to them and it just builds up over time. In the end, what could've been fixed with a short conversation ends up being something that ends the whole relationship.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    I know exactly how you feel and it's not very nice.

    I agree with all the other comments about communication ^

    But even after you've told him how you felt, and he still doesnt change then I think you are better off without him because you shouldnt be feeling like that and well, when you're in a relationship with someone, I don't think it's healthy to be holding grudges against your partner in case it starts affecting you in all aspects of your relationship.

    Good luck though
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    like most women you are being entirely hysterical.
    Offline

    17
    ReputationRep:
    Talk to him about it honestly and find a compromise. Some people just don't care much about birthdays and it's not celebrated in a big way in their family so they take that norm into their relationship. If he cares about you he should be prepared to make some effort but maybe you also need to reduce your expectations a little and perhaps think about doing a bit less for his birthday/Xmas so you don't feel it's so unfair.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: June 19, 2017
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    How are your GCSEs going so far?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.