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Anxiety Watch

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    I have become incredibly anxious over the past few days/weeks due to a number of different factors which I'll explain below and I would like advice on what I can do to help. GP isn't an option I will entertain.

    Firstly, I have just become involved in a new relationship with a beautiful girl who is literally everything I have ever wanted in a partner. She earns more than me and has a far better career, with natural progression. I fear that I will not be enough for her and she will lose interest in me once she senses that I do not currently have the finances to keep up with her. (She wants to go on a few holidays a year, alongside events and social things.)

    Secondly, whilst my own career isn't poor. I have a salaried job, it's currently mind numbing and I'm forever anxious that I will for some reason lose it. There's no factors as to why, I just have this feeling. I am an ambition man, and I turned down a promotion to London for this girl (I haven't told her this) and other factors too, that would have set me on a path of wealth and progression, but I wouldn't have been happy. Since then, I have been unable to even get an interview for a promotion in the region I live in. [This also fits in with the first point]. In my job, to get a promotion you have to apply for it, write some statements and then hope that it gets sifted, although a great number of these jobs are already hand picked for someone and the whole process is a show.

    Thirdly, monetarily, I am living on the edge of my budget each month, with absolutely no savings. I pay rent, for a car and then I also pay for memberships such as to the gym. From there, I have money to spend socially, but I find myself nervously checking my balance towards the end of the month.

    Fourthly, I only moved to the region myself 2 years ago, and as such my only friends here are work colleagues. These colleagues, whilst I am friends with them, are not especially social and therefore I spend most of my time sitting in my house watching rubbish programs and awaiting a message from said new girlfriend. I have friends around the country, but that involves specifically driving for hours to see them, and is also costly. My girlfriend meanwhile, went to uni here and then stayed to work in her profession, and therefore has quite literally several hundred friends from her social groups, that she is always messaging or talking to in some form.

    All of this is leading me to some bouts of anxiety - the kind where there are knots in your stomach and you almost feel unwell. The only time I do not feel this, is with my girlfriend, she makes me feel happy and loved.
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    Hello there!

    I think it's really brilliant that you've identified this within yourself. Before approaching the other topics you've outlined, I'd like to enquire why you are not willing to attend the GP?

    It does appear that you're having anxious thoughts, and there are a number of options to definitely explore
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by .S.K.T.)
    Hello there!

    I think it's really brilliant that you've identified this within yourself. Before approaching the other topics you've outlined, I'd like to enquire why you are not willing to attend the GP?

    It does appear that you're having anxious thoughts, and there are a number of options to definitely explore
    I do not wish to attend a GP as I feel I can counter this by myself, and I do not like going to the Drs. Also, the partner I am seeing is a Doctor and therefore I wish to avoid interaction with doctors as much as possible. Another effect is due to said anxiety, I have been taking Sildenafil tablets with my partner, which she is unaware of, and I know certain anxiety tablets will not help. I do not wish to be taking medication regardless and believe that once my insecurities regarding this girl have passed I will steady and be happy once more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I do not wish to attend a GP as I feel I can counter this by myself, and I do not like going to the Drs. Also, the partner I am seeing is a Doctor and therefore I wish to avoid interaction with doctors as much as possible. Another effect is due to said anxiety, I have been taking Sildenafil tablets with my partner, which she is unaware of, and I know certain anxiety tablets will not help. I do not wish to be taking medication regardless and believe that once my insecurities regarding this girl have passed I will steady and be happy once more.
    I think its great you can tackle this by yourself. However, I urge you to see the Doctor as an option if things do not improve - irrespective of your partner, doctor's must maintain confidentiality. It is an entirely private one, between yourself and the doctor and would remain as such.

    It may be conceivable that the underlying anxiety is the reason for the need of sildenafil, and hopefully once under control that will return to normal. Thus, I think it's a priority for these insecurities / anxious thoughts to be tackled head on.

    Here's some things I think may be of benefit:

    1. It's important you attempt to regulate your thoughts. Assess what the thoughts are and if they are anxious. If they are anxious thoughts, attempt not to follow those thoughts - call them out for what they are. If possible, counter it with a positive.

    2. Mindfulness exercises. These are good for when things get a bit much. I recommend you youtube them, if not yoga can be of help

    3. Fundamentally, you're going to have to tackle these insecurities and finding belief in yourself and self worth too. You cannot judge your worth on the number of friends you have, the amount of money you make or the job you have. I think finding happiness in the life you have presently is important, and once happy, often the other things will fall into place.

    4. Write your thoughts down and keep a diary. Challenge those thoughts and counter them by using logic - this also will allow you to monitor your progress

    Finally, I think it may be best to talk to your partner. It appears you both are very close and understands you. I feel a positive conversation with her would absolutely ease some of your concerns
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by .S.K.T.)
    I think its great you can tackle this by yourself. However, I urge you to see the Doctor as an option if things do not improve - irrespective of your partner, doctor's must maintain confidentiality. It is an entirely private one, between yourself and the doctor and would remain as such.

    It may be conceivable that the underlying anxiety is the reason for the need of sildenafil, and hopefully once under control that will return to normal. Thus, I think it's a priority for these insecurities / anxious thoughts to be tackled head on.

    Here's some things I think may be of benefit:

    1. It's important you attempt to regulate your thoughts. Assess what the thoughts are and if they are anxious. If they are anxious thoughts, attempt not to follow those thoughts - call them out for what they are. If possible, counter it with a positive.

    2. Mindfulness exercises. These are good for when things get a bit much. I recommend you youtube them, if not yoga can be of help

    3. Fundamentally, you're going to have to tackle these insecurities and finding belief in yourself and self worth too. You cannot judge your worth on the number of friends you have, the amount of money you make or the job you have. I think finding happiness in the life you have presently is important, and once happy, often the other things will fall into place.

    4. Write your thoughts down and keep a diary. Challenge those thoughts and counter them by using logic - this also will allow you to monitor your progress

    Finally, I think it may be best to talk to your partner. It appears you both are very close and understands you. I feel a positive conversation with her would absolutely ease some of your concerns
    If I absolutely must see a doctor I will, although I think almost all my issues will be resolved through either more time with my partner, enough to settle and be comfortable with her, or I can achieve one of the promotions I mentioned. This will lift me dramatically.

    I am very close with my partner, we have shared a lot and I believe we have very strong feelings for one an other, but I do not wish to begin to state all these problems to her and appear weak and unable to lead a potential family. She's a very smart woman and would like a man to match. We have also only been together as a couple for a few weeks and therefore I think it is a lot to put on her already in the relationship.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If I absolutely must see a doctor I will, although I think almost all my issues will be resolved through either more time with my partner, enough to settle and be comfortable with her, or I can achieve one of the promotions I mentioned. This will lift me dramatically.

    I am very close with my partner, we have shared a lot and I believe we have very strong feelings for one an other, but I do not wish to begin to state all these problems to her and appear weak and unable to lead a potential family. She's a very smart woman and would like a man to match. We have also only been together as a couple for a few weeks and therefore I think it is a lot to put on her already in the relationship.
    I'm glad that you will consider seeing the doctor.

    I know this is very difficult, however, I think its important not to view yourself by what you've achieved. Regardless of your promotions, it sounds like you are an assure young professional - try and find the happiness in that.

    I understand that this is very early in your relationship, but I wouldn't view the solution as a relationship centred one. I think this is a case of finding happiness within yourself, for you. Now that may entail aspects of relationships etc.. but my advice would be happy and health even if you were single.

    I would urge you not to create precedent of not telling her how you feel. Suffering from anxiety or any mental health condition does not infer weakness and not make you any less of a "man" - In fact, often these things come about from being so strong for so long. These are common things, affecting a overwhelming amount of people. Additionally, I'm sure if you new partner had a condition like this, you wouldn't view her as weak either?
    Now, I don't know your life or your ambitions and aspirations - but families often become dysfunctional if they cannot talk openly about things.

    Begin as you mean to and treat yourself kindly.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by .S.K.T.)
    I'm glad that you will consider seeing the doctor.

    I know this is very difficult, however, I think its important not to view yourself by what you've achieved. Regardless of your promotions, it sounds like you are an assure young professional - try and find the happiness in that.

    I understand that this is very early in your relationship, but I wouldn't view the solution as a relationship centred one. I think this is a case of finding happiness within yourself, for you. Now that may entail aspects of relationships etc.. but my advice would be happy and health even if you were single.

    I would urge you not to create precedent of not telling her how you feel. Suffering from anxiety or any mental health condition does not infer weakness and not make you any less of a "man" - In fact, often these things come about from being so strong for so long. These are common things, affecting a overwhelming amount of people. Additionally, I'm sure if you new partner had a condition like this, you wouldn't view her as weak either?
    Now, I don't know your life or your ambitions and aspirations - but families often become dysfunctional if they cannot talk openly about things.

    Begin as you mean to and treat yourself kindly.
    I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me by the way, thank you!

    I believe I have things to pique her interest, without sounding arrogant I am intelligent and attractive, just my finances and career are faltering.

    I think I will sit with her and explain where I'm at, but only if I still feel this way by the time she returns from her holiday.

    I would not, I would support her through anything. I believe we have a fantastic connection, I can easily see myself being with her indefinitely. And she has told her family and so many of her friends about me and her father even remarked to her that when she told them about me it was the happiest he'd seen her in a long time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I really appreciate you taking the time to respond to me by the way, thank you!

    I believe I have things to pique her interest, without sounding arrogant I am intelligent and attractive, just my finances and career are faltering.

    I think I will sit with her and explain where I'm at, but only if I still feel this way by the time she returns from her holiday.

    I would not, I would support her through anything. I believe we have a fantastic connection, I can easily see myself being with her indefinitely. And she has told her family and so many of her friends about me and her father even remarked to her that when she told them about me it was the happiest he'd seen her in a long time.
    I think that sounds like a really solid plan. Starting tomorrow, start trying to address the thoughts with the things outlined above. Also! Exercise is a great anxiety killer, so invest once that if you're not already.

    It sounds remarkably positive with you and your partner, I really wish you all the very best. If any of that crippling self down comes along, just remember how those facts! - and shoot down those nasty thoughts! Don't even tolerate one anxious thought, it amazing what one negative thought can do.

    Wish you all the best bud. Shoot me a msssage if you need some advice
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    If I absolutely must see a doctor I will, although I think almost all my issues will be resolved through either more time with my partner, enough to settle and be comfortable with her, or I can achieve one of the promotions I mentioned. This will lift me dramatically.

    I am very close with my partner, we have shared a lot and I believe we have very strong feelings for one an other, but I do not wish to begin to state all these problems to her and appear weak and unable to lead a potential family. She's a very smart woman and would like a man to match. We have also only been together as a couple for a few weeks and therefore I think it is a lot to put on her already in the relationship.
    I genuinely think that you should see a doctor, I've gone nearly 5 years without getting help and I've been really stupid in not seeing someone about it. I really recommend going to a doctor because you may be given help coping with or managing the anxiety. And it will probably help for you to talk to someone because at least you can get it off your chest.

    I do get why you don't want to go to a doctor, I haven't gone for my own reasons, but I still think you should go. (I know I'm being very hypocritical right now but still.)
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by .S.K.T.)
    I think that sounds like a really solid plan. Starting tomorrow, start trying to address the thoughts with the things outlined above. Also! Exercise is a great anxiety killer, so invest once that if you're not already.

    It sounds remarkably positive with you and your partner, I really wish you all the very best. If any of that crippling self down comes along, just remember how those facts! - and shoot down those nasty thoughts! Don't even tolerate one anxious thought, it amazing what one negative thought can do.

    Wish you all the best bud. Shoot me a msssage if you need some advice
    I think it'll perhaps take a few days to overcome the initial anxiety, which I believe crashed home when my partner went on this holiday and I instantly began to wonder whether she might work the things I mentioned out herself, but alas I have no control there. I have a few applications for promotions ongoing, I will continue to monitor those.

    Thank you, I think I'm onto a winner with her and I really hope we can keep the attraction going. You're quite correct though, I should remember those facts about her as they're a sure fire way of saying that she is definitely attracted to me and wants to continue our relationship. I know, I have an incredibly active mind in all things I do, which of course is no help in circumstances like this!

    Absolutely I will do sir, thank you for helping out a stranger on the Internet.
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    (Original post by Ellie419)
    I genuinely think that you should see a doctor, I've gone nearly 5 years without getting help and I've been really stupid in not seeing someone about it. I really recommend going to a doctor because you may be given help coping with or managing the anxiety. And it will probably help for you to talk to someone because at least you can get it off your chest.

    I do get why you don't want to go to a doctor, I haven't gone for my own reasons, but I still think you should go. (I know I'm being very hypocritical right now but still.)
    I don't think I'm quite at a severe episode, I think a lot of things have combined at the same time to create one huge wave of anxiety and once one of them shifts it'll be fine.
    Ie. Once I'm no longer stressing about the longevity and seriousness of my new relationship that'll be a load off, as will getting one of these jobs I've applied for, which will in fact wipe almost all of my issues in one swoop.

    I appreciate your comments though, if it continues beyond said events I will definitely consider seeking help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I don't think I'm quite at a severe episode, I think a lot of things have combined at the same time to create one huge wave of anxiety and once one of them shifts it'll be fine.
    Ie. Once I'm no longer stressing about the longevity and seriousness of my new relationship that'll be a load off, as will getting one of these jobs I've applied for, which will in fact wipe almost all of my issues in one swoop.

    I appreciate your comments though, if it continues beyond said events I will definitely consider seeking help.
    I get that, I just think you need someone who you can talk to to get it off your chest because it really helps. I was going through a very bad patch with my anxiety in january where I would have panic attacks everyday and the thing that helped me most was being able to talk to someone about all the things that were causing the increased anxiety. For me it was better talking to someone that I didn't know very well because I felt like I wouldn't be judged in the same way. But I had access to that sort of support because I'm at school, I'm not sure what support may be available to you because it also varies by region. Anxiety uk has a good website and has a helpline and live chat sessions which could be good if you want to talk to someone.
 
 
 
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Updated: June 19, 2017
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